Here we go again....

luvbug00 wrote: Mya came home from school yesterday, walks into my room and stomps up to me and says Tabithas pregnant again. *in the most livid voice i have ever heard out of her in my life* she then proceded to cry and spent the next 20 min screaming about how they can't afford it (which i didn't know mya even knew) she hates this woman and doesn't want to go over to her dads house with two screaming babies. I then proceed to call her dad to confirm who says it was an accident with the birth control ( he was totally tricked by the way) he apparently doesn't want it and i then speak to his mom who found out mya knew and his family whole side is angry and crying. Not one person but the wife is happy or wants this baby. She honestly with her bad heart wasn't even supposed to have the first one.

At any rate so now everyone is fighting, Mya hates her stepmom and I want to drop kick this woman. It's not my affair what they do or wither they can afford another kid ( which they most cirtenly can not) I'm livid and want to protect mya. I don't want her within 5 feet of this woman and Ive had it with her.

She doesn't think of anyone but herself ever and i'm about to be a loose cannon on thease people. NO ONE thought of any of the kids. Not her son, who will be angry i'm sure, the poor thing is neglected as is becase mya's dad doesn't like him and makes no secret about it.
Kaylinn ( don't know how to spell her name) isn't even one and has no voice
Mya is just livid and now anti thier family.

I'm in mother bear mode and heaven help this woman if she tries to contact me or gets near my kid. I'm gonna loose it on her.

mckayleesmom replied: I'm sorry, but I don't see how any of this is any of your business. Mya might be upset, but she needs to put her anger towards her dad then. This woman no matter how much you don't like her did NOT get pregnant on her own. You cannot "trick" a man into sleeping with you, I'm sure he was more then willing.


If you have a problem with this woman, then you need to discuss it with Brad. Obviously he doesn't have a problem with her if he is still with her, despite the things he says about her. Mya is a child and unless this woman is abusive, she should not be allowed to try to dictate who her father is with. If she is abusive or mean, then BRAD needs to be the one to take care of it.

And I hate to even say this, but you come off sounding like you are jealous of the relationship more then wanting to help Mya through the situation. I'm sure that if you changed your attitude towards it, Mya might also. Children tend to feed of their parents energy.

Our Lil' Family replied: I have to agree with Bri. They are a married couple, whether or not this pregnancy was planned is irrelevant. This is their business and if Mya is upset about it....well honestly there's nothing you or she can do about it. I don't think you have any reason to be "livid" and I don't understand why she is so upset...other than the fact that she doesn't want to be around a crying baby. I don't know many parents that consult their children about having another one....that's not their decision to make.

mckayleesmom replied: Also, you have to think about where you are getting your information from. Brad is obviously playing the fence on this one. You should have told him that it was none of your business weather it was an accident or not. How would you feel if you found out your husband was telling his ex that your baby was an accident? He obviously trusted her enough to sleep with her.

You are also letting your feelings be manipulated by a little girl who is probably jealous because daddy has more kids now. That has to be hard for a little girl to be her age and all the sudden not be an only child anymore. What you should be doing is reasuring her that her daddy still loves her and one day she will be glad that she has siblings to love and stand by her as well. You are fanning the flames and that is only going to make it worse. Do you want to deal with an angry child forever? It's time to start a united front of some sort to make Mya feel like she is loved by both her parents. By continuing to be "livid" about everything, you are only assuring Mya that all her insecurities are valid, weather you believe it or not you shouldn't confirm those feelings because then you are going to have a very sad little girl on your hands.

luvbug00 replied: First of all it's my busniess when it upsets my child.
Seound i am far from jelous. He cheats on this woman almost daily. He is deceptful and a lier. marriage vows mean nothing to him.
every child in that house is treated like poop!
When brad has visitation mya always wants to go to nana's house to get any attention and get away from this woman.
It's pretty bad when an 8 year old tells her dad that he has no business having any more kids.


I have told him (in privite on the phone like i always talk to him if mya is at my home) how mya has felt and she has felt this tward this woman from day one. Mya has told him and Mya is at the point again where she feels that he has chosen this woman over her.
I'm not ok with my kid feeling that.
I could give a poop wither they have 1 or 10 babies or wither they can afford them or wither they are in love or wither he sleeps arround and gives her every disease in the world. Not my problem.
My issue is my daughter is angry and hurt.
It is my job to protect mya from people who are going to hurt her, emotionally or physically and i don't care if i have to move heaven and earth to do it.
Also mya does not know my vocal opinions on this situation. i let her tell me the news asked her how she feels and then sent her off to do homework. I vocalize my true feelings in privte to her father, and my close friend. I'm not going to pretend i am thrilled and i'm going to support mya in how she feels and not try and convince her to be happy about this.

luvmykids replied: I understand where you're coming from, Nadia The protective instinct is a huge thing for moms. But I don't think you're doing her any good in the long run in this case....I think it's very normal for kids with step parents/families to feel a lot of what she is feeling right now. I know DH felt that way with his step mom and siblings when he was young, and his daughter Nikka (my step daughter) went through it when I had the twins.

I think you have good reasons for feeling the way you do about Brad, but regardless he IS still her dad, and good or not, that relationship is between him and Mya. I think some of her dislike towards Tab comes from wanting to be loyal to you and that is normal too, but I think if you could bring yourself to tell her you're ok with what Brad and Tabitha do and that you don't want Mya to dislike her for any reason that has to do with you it could go a long way.

I believe you when you say Brad is less than ideal as a dad, but that doesn't change the fact that he is whether she likes it or not....I know she is very smart but at that age she is still too young to get to decide if she has a relationship with him or not. JMHO, of course, but speaking from the experiences I've had with my parents (both divorced and remarried), DH's, and Nikka's, the best thing you can do for Mya is listen, tell her you understand and are there for her, but not encourage the situation.

mckayleesmom replied: Well if Brad treats her so bad, then tell him he can't take her to his house. Make him plan days with JUST Mya away from the rest of the kids. Either way, eventually there is going to have to be some common ground if he plans to be with this woman. Just remember that the information you might be getting might not be accurate, from Brad or Mya. Mya is very angry and Brad sounds like he couldn't tell the truth if it was right in his face. I know how Mya feels..I use to tell my dad that my stepdad was the meanest person on the planet, but I also knew my dad hated him and I liked that my dad fed on the information I gave him. Sometimes he was mean and strict, but alot of the times I made things up.

As for Brad telling you about his cheating and stuff...stop talking to him about things that have nothing to do with Mya. It's his marriage, let him screw it up.

There are things you can do to help the situation. If he plans to stay with her then you need to help your child feel comfortable. Have you talked to this woman? Maybe you can ask her to do things one on one with Mya in order to earn some trust with Mya. Perhaps you can do a project or something with Mya to get her ready and feel involved with the new baby.

If this woman isn't going anywhere soon, then getting Livid is just a waste of your time.

I grew up with divorced parents and my dad was very vocal on his dislike of my mom, My mother never said a mean thing about my dad, but it doesn't mean I didn't know she was holding her tongue.

Today they can get along great together and do family functions as a family. My mom can even spend the night at my Grandma's (my dads mom) where he lives when she is in town for family function things. They were not always like this, and still have their moments, but they work through them.

Maybe you guys need to call a family meeting. You, Brad and WOMAN...even if it kills you. You all need to sit down and talk and discuss how Mya is feeling, how it can be fixed and show her that you guys all love her. This isn't going to end just by getting angry. If it means getting together once a month with all the kids and doing something , picnic, zoo, etc...then grin and bear it. Have a Mya day. If she starts feeling like everyone else is in the situation is ok with it...she will be too eventually.

DVFlyer replied: I don't know the whole story so I'll shoot from the hip here... I'm assuming your ex has rights to see your child....

You can't control what other people do. Neither can your child... and she needs to understand that.

You need to take your emotion and feelings out of this and ask your child why it is that she is bothered by this.

Really LISTEN to her answers. The fact they can't afford another child and/ or she might have to be around two screaming babies are things that either don't affect your child or something she just has to deal with.

Now, if there was something like abuse, or drug use etc., then you would contact the courts and fight to remove his rights to see her or at least only allow him to see his child in a supervised setting.

boyohboyohboy replied: I think that this is really hard on you..
but I have to say that you do come across kinda jeolous, there are things you mention, like his cheating and whether or not he has more kids with another woman that are really not your business.
I wonder though if counceling for mya might be her best bet. I think maybe at some point a good councelor would bring you and her dad into the room and let mya express her feelings..
I am sure she knows you are in her corner and will do anything for her..but she is going to have to learn to deal with her dad for better or for worse until she is old enough to decide whether she wants to cut him out of her life. I think she is far to young and hurt right now to make a decision like that.
I also think maybe telling her she can confide in you about anything, you are there to listen but if she is angry with her dad about his wife, then that is something she should try to sit down and talk to him about..maybe even encourage her to write him a letter to tell him how she feels..
Its going to be hard having more step siblings in a family..but it sounds like its a reality now.
good luck.

mummy2girls replied: Nadia... Ok from experience and still goign through it...

At first when he met his GF Bea i was jealous. I didnt want to admit it and i refused to let myself believe it. But i was. This was before i met Marcus. Im not saying your jealous but I was when he was with Bea. Even though Aron was a cheater and cheats on every girl he is with and i was miserable with him and he was never good to me. He is a twit and everyone on here knows that...LOL. But i chose that no matter wehat I would not let jenna see it.

Jenna loved Bea so that is different than what your going through. But i didn't agree with things she did but i couldn't do anything about it because he chose to be with her. I complained for sure about it but i came to realize that you know what if aron wants her in his life and such then i just have to live with it. If i had ill feelings agaisn't her I would never let jenna see it or hear it.I also made sure she was out of ear shot if i had to talk to aron about her. I also left jenna with marcus or whoever was with me so i could leave the house and talk to him that way. Kids are smart they will pick up on your vibe your showing.

Yes you want to protect her and because she is mad and hurt your mommy instinct kick in... I did that many times and still do:( She needs to know that no matter how many kids daddy has that he will still love her! He needs to tell her that himself. because she wont believe it coming from a second person.

As for not liking the wife he has now... I liked bea at first but when i saw what she truely is like I started to not to like her. I was hearing things from her and form arons sister and so on instead of aron himself so i beileve them and was mad at aron. I come to learn that i cant go through believing what he said she said. I need to go straight to the person. So i did. and i do from now on. You see arons sister hated bea because of what happened between the 2 of them. Bea called arons sister a c*(&. and refused to let her see her own nephew. So she told me half truth stories that i believed and it caused a mess that it shouldnt of. Thats why you should never believe one person. go straight to the people you are having the issues with. Also as much as it will pain you you should have a sit down with brad and tabitha without mya around at first. throw everything on the table. even stories you have heard from other people and hash it out. Unfortunetly she will be a part of myas life and yours and you have to be at a civil relationship. Yes if your mad tell her and if your mad at brad tell him but always work through it. It took me a loooong time to accept this and i finally had a talk with bea alone and then with bea and aron. I threw everything and i mean everything on the table and i came to see that alot of people were lieing. And i am now at a civil relationship with bea. even now , even though they are not together again. Why? well one big reason is not because of bea and aron but because of the kids. bea and aron had a baby together who is jenna brother and i believe that no matter what the issue is with the adults the kids should not suffer. they have every right to be a part of each other lives. So i am civil to her so jenna can see chase. Even if it means me going over and hanging out for an hour so they can see each other. ill do it. Because of jenna. I have seen first hand what that can do with kids. my brother is punishing my mom for alot of things as a kid so he wont let her see her grandkids and it hurt the kids. they want to see grandma but cant. Jenna asks to see chase alot and i do call up aron to see if he can take her to see him or bring chase here. Im not saying be buddy buddy and hang out with her buit just be civil for mya and the kids:)

luvbug00 replied:

I called my lawyer today. he has not followed his court order and this is his last mess up. I'm giving him one more chance to talk to his daughter tomarrow ( i'm taking them to a museam) and if he messes that up by not trying to reassure her or forcing her to feel somthing she does not, He has a summons with his name on it.

DVFlyer replied: I don't know anything about him not following the last court order, but I see nothing here that would cause a judge to make any changes.

Unfortunately, I don't see any legal basis behind .

These situations are so sad because the kids suffer because (usually... not pointing fingers at you) the adults are the ones acting poorly.

boyohboyohboy replied: I have to play devils advocate, because I was once like mya..
what if you stop his visitation and she wonders as most little girls do(and big girls like me at 30somthing) why does my dad not want me? and "it must be he doesnt, as he doesnt come see me or he let the courts take me away". "why didnt he fight for me"?
and I can tell you as one having been in her shoes, it will affect every male relationship she has from now on..for ever..

just wanted to throw that in..
she might be mad at him right now, but in a while once this sinks in...she is going to wonder why her dad gave her up....


I am in no way saying he deserves her or her love..but you never removed her from him in the past..I am only saying this for her..not for him...

Kaitlin'smom replied: the susitation sucks all around. I have never been in myself but I have seen it and have seen 2 very different versions of nearly the same susitation as you describe. If you woudl like my prospective I would be happy to share what I saw worked and what is not working. I do know your only trying to do whats best for Mya and I applaud you for that. Just make sure you think about what you are doing and what might happen later.

Our Lil' Family replied: I can understand your desire to protect Mya but I really don't think that's what will end up happening in the long run. Mya is what about 8 or 9....she's angry because she is not her dad's only focus when they are together and that will only get worse when this new baby arrives. She has to know though that this is Brad's life and if/when she is with him, that's what comes with him....plain and simple. It's not only his life now, but hers too, these are her siblings! I do think they should have alone time, just as every parent should, single or married, with each child. But she's old enough to realize that this is how it is.

What I believe IS your job is to reassure her that you love her, you are here for her, Brad loves her and is there for her, no matter if he has 2 kids or 20....BUT this is life and it would probably not be much different if you were married having another child/ren.

mummy2girls replied:
i agree.. with every bone in my body i am not liking aron right now. He is getting better. he has stepped up as dad for sure. I did have to take jenna away from him but not completely. He could come to me and see her or i can meet him somewhere so he can see her but wasnt aloud to take her alone and that was because of drugs. he has been doing everything to fix that and such and im amazed in how he is doing it. he is being the kid of dad i have hoped he was when jenna was little. I did not want to completely take her away because of what is said above. I didnt want it coming back to me where she blames me for not seeing daddy. he is seeign her alone now but only a coupel hours at a time.

I also believe a daughter needs a dad in her life. Because if they dont they can run away with the first guy that says I love you to them. Thats why i bit my tongue so many times and let jenna develop a bond with her as she wants to. If she comes to me and says i dont want to be a part of daddys life. I will say ok honey but you tell me when you want to see him again if you do and i will make it happen. But i wouldnt completely take away the rights from him and prevent him from seeing mya because it will bite you in the bumb years down the road... if you dont want it to be alone visitations then agree to meet up with him at the park with her or wherever so they still can see each other

luvmykids replied:
I have to very strongly second this, having been there too. I didn't have siblings to deal with until much later but even NOW, at 37 years old, I have the same wonders and thoughts, because of what my mom thought was best for me at a time she didn't like my dad. I don't hold it against her, because I know she did what she thought was best at the time, but I certainly wonder how different things might have been otherwise. TBH though, once I was an adult, I was angry that regardless of what she thought at the time, she should have let me grow up and make the decision for myself. Would he have hurt me in the mean time? Probably. But I felt (and still do) she didn't have the right to decide what role my dad played in my life.
And it did and still does affect my relationships, in ways I really wish it didn't. Just something to think about.

Cece00 replied:
I agree 100%.

Personally I think Mya picks up on your feelings, JMO.

I really, really, really would get my child some counseling if I were you. She sounds like she needs it desperately.

And you need to find a way (perhaps you could also speak with a counselor...) about how to help her cope with the situation without transferring your own feelings to her, and without getting so angry about a situation that really is not any of your concern.

Her dad is an adult and is going to make his decisions, and the stepmom will too. They are the adults, Mya is a child. She needs to learn how to cope NOW with dealing with situations that are hard to deal with...a counselor can give her great tools.

Cece00 replied:
unfortunetly, life is not fair.

Mya is going to have to learn to deal with situations she doesnt like.

She sounds like she is being a little spoiled and unreasonable- she is a child and doesnt dictate things to adults.

Her dad needs to stand up to her, too.

And you need to help get her in control.

And I am going to say over and over and over again the child needs a counselor or child psych.

>>I'm not going to pretend i am thrilled and i'm going to support mya in how she feels and not try and convince her to be happy about this.

This is NOT the right thing to do. You need to help her find a way to come to terms with this and learn that this is the situation and thats that.

I cant remember where you live, but visitation would NEVER stop for this sort of BS around here. The judge would likely order the parents and child into...yep, counseling.

coasterqueen replied: I just want to offer because I have no clue what you and Mya are going through being that I've never gone through it myself. I know me, personally, would have a jealous rage that I couldn't control and my children would probably pick up on it but that's me.

Again, I hope whatever happens that you are all happy.