Help!! - how do I get her on a schedule???

Jackie012007 wrote: Carly is all over the place as far as her sleeping and eating habits... it's really taking a toll on us. She sleeps pretty much all day, no matter what we do to try to wake her up... then she is up from like 7pm until 2 am and then wakes every hour or two after that. How the heck do you get a newborn on a schedule??? Any ideas or suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated... we are exhausted

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Good luck. With schedules... we never did really well. I mostly slept when the baby slept, that was my priority, not dishes, and laundry etc... when I was REALLY exhausted, dh would take the baby (and other kids for us...) out for a 20 minute drive or so so that I could get a power nap.

As far as once the baby has sort of her own schedule... like, pretty regular naps etc... then we'd just push back or bring forward her feedings and naps by 5 minutes at a time until they wre closer to what WE'd like them to be...

I don't know what your parenting style is, maybe you don't yet know yourself, but it really helped me to sleep next to the baby. Whatever works for you though... I put my baby in her carseat (only way thjey'd sleep for the first couple months), and one of those automatic swings as well. For our first, I went back to work after 2 1/2 months... so being up all day AND all night... not fun. We'd put our son in his swing, in front of baby einstein... and doze next to him in our bed...

Good luck. The first 3 months are either the easiest...or the hardest.

siblingtooolivia replied: I feel your pain but add reflux to the mix and you are in my world........

Kentuckychick replied: Unfortunately it's pretty impossible to get a baby on a schedule until they get a little bit older. If they're hungry they need to eat, if they're tired they're going to sleep and it just doesn't matter where or when it is (wouldn't that be nice if we could do that!) or what plans we adults have for them.

The best piece of advice (or as*vice as we sometimes call it ) that my best friend recieved was the whole "sleep when the baby sleeps" mantre. She said it was difficult, but she blacked out the windows in their bedroom and for the first 2 months ended up having her nighttime from about 6 am - 1 pm everday while the baby actually slept. Then as she began sleeping at night she backed up her bedtime slowly until she was back on normal schedule.

At 5 months now she sleeps through the night and is a pretty regularly scheduled baby. It'll get better... it just takes time.

BabyOwen427 replied: I am not sure why people think babies need a schedule when they are newborns. They need to be fed every couple of hours and with that diapered usually. So to expect them to sleep throught the night when they need nourishment is to ask them to starve for the night. They have not built up the body fat needed to not eat for extended peroids of time. Wait until they are about 12 lbs before trying to put them on a schedule. Until then sleep when you can and enjoy the time with your baby.
I realize I might sound a bit mean but your baby is your #1 priority. Nothing else should stand in the way of that right now.

Calimama replied: Bella used to be the same way, she would sleep all day and be up at night. Finally we started giving her a bath, making a warm bottle, and reading to her every night at the same time. Eventually she caught on that when the bath started, bedtime soon followed. It worked out well for us, now she's 5 months and sleeps from about 11pm to 10 am. Come 10:30 she can barely keep her eyes open and makes little to no fuss when we put her in bed. Your baby is younger than bella and still needs to eat through the night so scheduling right now probably wont work to well. It gets easier though.

redplaydoh replied: I say getting a bedtime routine going now is important even if your baby doesn't want to stick to it. We did the 4 B's (bath, book, boob, bed) and we also found it made it easier for us to co-sleep with them. That was what worked for us personally, co-sleeping isn't for everyone. But everyone is right, it is impossible to schedule a newborn, and the key is to sleep when the baby sleeps.
The routine worked great for us and we did it even though they didn't "sleep" at the beginning (they got quiet time), but those babies are smart and catch on quickly and the routine was already established.

Our Lil' Family replied: The way I'm reading your post is that she has her days and nights mixed up, not that you necessarily expect her to sleep through the night, just at night instead of the day...right?

For that I'd just suggest that you feed her every 2 hours during the day, pick a start time and end time and do anything possible to get her to take a whole bottle and then try to keep her up for a short while afterwards, even 5 minutes is good. Keep that up until your set end time, 7, 8, 9...whatever you choose. Then after (or before, your choice) that last feeding before night time give her a bath and be real calm and soothing. Then put her to bed. Just begin some sort of night time routine that includes bath, feeding and bed. It's rough, I know but eventually her internal clock will realize when it's night and when it's day.

Jackie012007 replied:
yes... she's mixed up on her days and nights. Sorry if it wasn't clear...

And for clarification, I don't intend to starve my baby while I get sleep... jeeze don't you think that was a little harsh?? All I was asking for was some help from people I thought might understand and have lots of experience because it seems like all my other friends who have babies talk about their schedule and I don't know much, I'm learning as I go and trying to get all the info I can... not to get treated like a crappy mother

mckayleesmom replied: When babies are newborn it is really hard to get use to them waking all the time. I lucked out with Mckaylee because she did the opposite of most babies....Slept mostly at night and was up during the day. It is really hard to get a newborn on a schedule....the best thing that worked for us was.....I slept when the baby slept.

I know it seems really hard.....but eventually the baby will start sleeping more and more......Just be consistant with what you are doing at night and eventually she will catch on.

mckayleesmom replied:
You are not a crappy mother....you are a new mother who needs advice. If you feel like something offended you...just let it roll off your shoulders...Im sure it wasn't meant like it was taken.

Most of us won't lie to you....the first 3 months are exhausting.....You are so tired that you just want to cry....and sometimes will... The best way to survive this period is to go with the babys schedule.....sleep when she does. Its really hard and most times impossible to get a newborn on a schedule....They are still learning how their world works too.

Do you have any family members nearby that could take her for a little bit or come sit at the house while you get some rest?

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: Oh, Jackie. I am sure no one meant to make you feel like a crappy mom. You aren't, you're stressed and tired. Logan also had days and nights messed up at first. Here's what I did, starting when he was about 3 weeks old.
First thing in the morning, get her up, feed her, play. Do anything you can to keep her up, if that means giving her a bath (Logan hated those) do it. If you want to read do that (I used to read Time magazine outloud I got to read something I wanted to and Logan got to hear my voice.) If you can keep her up for a while do it. And try to repeat that feed, play, sleep combination until it's close to bedtime. Then begin settling her down. Eventually, she'll realize that day is for play and night is for sleeping. Don't get too discouraged, being a mom isn't easy and babies don't come with owner's manuals.

Jackie012007 replied: thanks for the good advice. I'm just so overwhelmed! The bath thing is a good idea, she freaks out all during it but she's usually wide awake afterwards, so I'll start making that her morning thing.

I think I'd be okay if it wasn't for the c-section, man I didn't realize how hard it would be to recup from! It kinda seemed like the "easy way out" when I was planning on a vaginal birth... but heck no!

Calimama replied: I just wanted to add... I was in your place.. well minus the c-section, a few months ago. It's hard surviving day to day with little to no sleep, especially while trying to recover from major surgery and take care of a newborn. I hope you aren't still upset. I doubt it was anyones intentions to make you feel bad. You sound like a great mom! It'll get easier soon.

BabyOwen427 replied: I am sorry if what I said made you feel bad, I defantly don't think you are a bad mom in any way. I have been having a crabby week myself and I come off as harsh to people even on my good days. All I meant is that newborn's schedules are what they make them to be. They sleep a lot during the day and are awake during the night but if you think about it when they are in utero and you are moving around a lot during the day you rock them to sleep with your movements. Then when you went to bed at night she was able to make her own moves. I bet that when you were preggers she did most of her moving during the night, I know Owen did. So she is used to that schedule and it will take time to change that. What I would do is right now, write down the times when she sleeps and eats, make a chart or something. Once you get an idea of how much she sleeps and when slowly start migrating her times to more sleep at night.
I know how it is right after a c-section, I had one too and believe me I was a -itch with a capital B. Rely on the support you have and sleep when she does. I never meant to make you feel bad at all.

~Roo'sMama~ replied: Jackie I can't remember what part of the country you live in, so I don't know if it's cold where you are. But I remember reading that taking your baby out in the daylight even for a little while every day can help them figure out the whole day and night thing. Other than that, if she tends to take really long naps during the day and then want to be awake at night, I'd just try to keep her awake for as long as you can during the day before she takes another nap, and she'll eventually get it. When Andrew was a newborn I'd just try to entertain him as long as possible in between naps so that the majority of his sleeping time would be at night. We were night owls then though because of Dh's job so it didn't really bother us too much if he was awake until 2. The best advice as someone else already said is, sleep when the baby sleeps. Forget about anything else you need to get done - if she's taking a nap then you take one too. Being a new mom is exhausting and you do need sleep! It won't be too long before she'll stop mixing up her days and nights and start sleeping for longer periods at night.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: lol

I guess I read it wrong too, I didnt *get* that the baby was mixed up either.

Just keep backing up the time by 10 minutes or so until the schedule is where you're at...

An old wive's tale says that if you flip the baby over, it's supposed to set the schedule straight...

PS - for a newborn... "sleeping the night" is 5 straight hours.

Are you and dh taking turns during the night? It might help you to sleep separately for a while... when it's your turn, you sleep and dh takes her... into another room. and vice versa... then at least one of you is getting some sleep...

As for the bath - are you still doing the mitten baths, or a full bath? My kids hated being naked as babies... so what we'd do is we'd just unwrap the part we were cleaning, dry it, redress it, and wash the other part... otherwise, it was scream city.
Or, we'd turn the hair blower on warm, and one of us would blow the warm air on the baby while bathtime. Seems wierd, but it worked. We also had the water fairly warm, not just lukewarm.

moped replied: I don't really think you can put a new baby on a schedule, it will happen in due time! I know how hard the first while is - first couple of months......Jack would sleep about 6-7 hours at night but be up all day long...............never napped.

holley79 replied: I didn't even try sweetie. I'm sorry. I know it's exhausting but babies kind of do their own thing. Annika didn't really get a schedule till she was about 8 months old.

hoosier momma replied: TBH, it sounds like she has her nights and days mixed up. My son was this way for a little while. My only suggestion is to make sure your house is very bright with natural light during the day. For a few days I would sit right next to the window with my son to let him know it was daylight and I had to keep all of the curtains open during the day. After about a week, he got it straightened out. HTH and good luck.

luvmykids replied:
I did that with the twins....agree or disagree but the fact that there were two of them and DH worked out of town a "schedule" (and I use the term very, very loosely) of sorts was the only mode of survival for any of us

Anyway, while I was feeding one I would put the other in their carseat or bouncy seat or even on a blanket on the floor by a giant window. Eventually as they got bigger they enjoyed it more and more as they started looking out but in the beginning it was strictly for the purpose of exposure to light

Hang in there, I don't think any mom remembers much about the first month or two other than how tired they were, and when you're in the thick of it you honestly feel like you are going to die before you get enough sleep again in your life. It's tough, very tough, but it is only for a short time.

redplaydoh replied:

Very true, I remember being so exhausted with both of them I thought I'd die. With Bryan it was worse because when he was born Lucas was just 14 months old and no longer napping. I had to be awake during the day with him and be up with Bryan during the night. I think the first 3 months of Bryan's life I lived in a fog... it will get better.