He is NOT a bully - please!

mysweetpeasWil&Wes wrote: I had my playgroup families over for a Passover seder last night. I cooked a fabulous meal which was a lot of work and tried to juggle all the people in my house, keep them entertained, keep glasses full, kids fed and managed to keep Wesley on his feeding schedule too by sneaking off to nurse. So I don't need a pat on the back, but I also didn't need a very judgemental remark from a friend (mom) that I had invited for dinner. Wil had not napped yesterday, so when everyone arrived at around 6pm, he was bouncing off the walls. Also, since it was at our house, it's always difficult to "share" his toys, you kwim. So I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Wil was hitting a bit, so I tell him not to hit and go on with getting my work done. Well I guess to the other moms, I wasn't doing enough because one of the moms kept looking at me for an intervention and said "Wil is suuuuch a bully". PLEASE. I'm trying not to take it personally, but why do mothers have to judge each other so often??? I'm doing my best here. I let it go, but what I really wanted to say in return was "it's much easier to be judgemental when you have only ONE child to watch and you're not in the middle of cooking dinner and entertaining for 9 people, NOT including kids!!!" This mom is 8 months PG with her second boy and I really wanted to say "you just wait". But I didn't.

You know, I've learned to roll with the punches lately, but I'm sick and tired of trying to defend my kid and feel guilty for every little thing he does. He's such a sweet kid in my eyes and the bad behavior is just to get attention from others. There comes a time where I truly believe kids can work it out on their own. I know 3 years old is young, but I'm not going to run to my kids side and put him in time out everytime he sneaks a toy away from another kid or bonks them on the head with a ball. I've really grown into believing that you choose your battles. Hitting of course is a no-no in our house, but at the same time, I could turn around and judge this mom for having a wimpy kid that whines everytime Wil even looks at him the wrong way. But I won't go there.

Sorry, I needed to get that off my chest. It really bothered me you guys. I know she didn't mean any harm, but please, if I had a little more time on my hands, maybe I could intervene. I just hate labels such as "bully". Just lame IMO. I can't help but feeling like I'm a BAD MOM in their eyes.

moped replied: Oh Rae, don't let what others say get you down. You are the parent and you are the expert on Wil.

That wasn't vey nice playing on her part I would say -

You are doing a great job and you do deserve apat on the back!!!!!!!!!

Mommy2BAK replied: From what you said I don't feel like she was trying to judge you, perhaps she didn't feel comfortable getting onto Wil herself and thats why she was waiting for you to intervene. I don't think it was right for her to label him a "bully" although there are a few kids I would consider a bully but I most definately wouldn't say it to the child, or the parent. (And I do NOT think Wil was being a bully, I think Wil is a sweet kid who hadn't had a nap and is at the age where they don't understand sharing, ESPECIALLY when its their toys! )


Which by the way... KUDOS to you for being SUPERWOMAN at the party!!

luvmykids replied: I don't by any means think his behaviour justifies a comment like that. And I think she is terribly out of line, I'd never call a kid a name of any sort while a guest in their home

amynicole21 replied: I agree, you never call a kid a name - period. Especially in front of them, in front of their peers, and in HIS OWN HOME! Crazy. Yes, she'll see in a few years exactly what the deal is.

DansMom replied: Yeah, I'm surprised she couldn't read the situation, see what kind of pressure you were under and offer some help. She sounds immature.

So where was DH? He should have been helping with childcare and supervision

A&A'smommy replied: I actually had an experience like that here recentlly... And I was not amused (but that is a whole long story) I'm sorry she just HAD to make a comment she should have been more understanding, AND helpful!!!

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
DH was helping me cook and get things on the table but also keeping an eye on our kids too. Wil was actually sent to his room for time-out twice, so we weren't ignoring his behavior, just not trying to get in the middle every single time her boy made a complaint. Her kid is a total whiner!

Thanks for the honest responses. I'm over it now. There is always a mom in the group who isn't afraid to speak her mind, right? So that's her! We've been in playgroup for almost two years now and it really isn't anything new. She also thinks I'm crazy for putting Wil in speech therapy and preschool, saying he is too young and always points out to me that he talks fine. I just try to ignore it. She's just insecure IMO and tries to make others feel bad to make herself feel better!

coasterqueen replied: Yeah, she sounds like someone I'd just ignore Rae. The bully thing and then telling you Wil's too young for preschool? WTF? This woman has some DEFINITE security issues on her end and is just jealous IMO.

I'm glad you feel better about it now. Believe me Kylie has been a bully in the past on many occasions, they grow out of it. Just keep doing what you are doing and he'll be fine and that mother can go, well you know .

MommyToAshley replied:
I agree completely. I know how hard it is to entertain in your home... making sure everyone is taken care of along with your own kids. She could have been more understanding and offered some help instead of calling names.

lisar replied:
I agree.

Just wait till she has that other baby, she will see how it is.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Thanks ladies! I always know I can get honest opinions and support here.