Having kids at a baby shower?

coasterqueen wrote: Okay I wanted to start this post to get your views on this since you are my friends. I had a discussion about this with some other people and I just can't see the other side and I need help. I don't want this to be a debate but just a friendly discussion of opinions, PLEASE.

Okay...

I do not understand why people would NOT want to include inviting children to a baby shower. I need help understanding this. Why wouldn't you let children come? I mean you are celebrating a child's life, why not let other children do it too. I hear people say "well they'd get in the way, too much to entertain them, etc, etc". Does anyone feel this way? I really don't understand this view point. I had a ton of children at my baby shower for Kylie and never once did it bother me. We even included them in the games, etc. What about those mothers bf? Should they have to stay home because kids aren't included? IMO if I can't bring my child...I do not go and I do not send a gift...period.

Let me hear your views please. Le's all be nice too

MomToMany replied: There were lots of kids at the 1 baby shower I ever had. I don't see anything wrong with it. I think it would help them with the adjustment to a big brother/sister. Also, if they didn't go, there might be resentment. Baby showers are fun! Why wouldn't you want other children included in it? They would have a great time! So what if it's more work??

Also, why can't men go too? There's nothing wrong with it. It might go against their "macho" men attitudes, but I think they would secretly enjoy it!

ITA with you Karen. If my kids can't come, I wouldn't go or send a gift either.

Boys r us replied: I don't really understand that one either, unless the shower is being thrown by someone who doesn't have children, therefore doesn't quite understand the line she's crossing when making that statement or even that she's hurting someone's feelings at all.

Thankfully I've never been invited to a baby shower that excluded my kids.
When you think about it..it's almost like someone inviting my husband and I to their child's 3rd birthday party and saying..ohh by the way..no kid's invited, sorry!

ediep replied: I had my neices at my baby shower, but they were the only kids invited. I'm guessing that my mom and sisters didn't invite all kids because that would have been a lot more people, therefore more money. It also would have been very crowded with kids running around and such.

~Roo'sMama~ replied: I included kids in the list of names I gave my sister in law for the baby shower she's going to throw me, and I'm sure my sisters back home will invite kids. I think they add to the fun of it all.
Lol for my sister's baby shower a couple years ago, my 13 year old nephew was upset that his sisters got invited and he didn't! So I'm sure he'll be at both of mine!

FroggyJK replied: I see nothing wrong with having kids there, especially since you already have one. This is a special time for her too (for your whole family). I, personally, like it when everyone can be included in the celebrating.

I can see the other side too, if they are wanting to pamper you and make you feel special, some times the kids can distract from that. But in my opinion the decision should be left up to the Mommy and do what she is comfortable with. Since they shower is for you, they should have some respect for what you want it to be like.

chloe&tysmommy replied: funny you should bring this up...I have a baby shower to go to tomorrow and was debating whether to bring Chloe or not (my moms looking after Ty). They never actually said whether she was invited or not but I doubt it would be a problem if I took her. I think it should be the parents choice whether they want to bring along their kids or not...

I don't see why people wouldn't want kids at a shower...I had kids at mine
Just my

kimberley replied: ITA! and it is so funny how these same people change their tune once THEIR child is here in the flesh and they are invited to a baby free party . i always have had women, children and even MEN at my showers because it is a celebration of my baby's life and i want all to be there!!!

booey2 replied: I have kinda mixed feelings on this one. I know that when I bring Thomas who is now 3 anywhere it is often a very stressfull time for me so I tend to not really enjoy myself and not fun to be around. However I have no problem bringing Matthew (who is almost 7) because he can behave and entertain himself. My feeling is that if you are still nursing be it a newborn or 3 year old and you are comfortable bringing them then go ahead. I just can not seem to relax when I am worrying about what my pre-schooler is doing or getting into because he is no little .

I would not hold a shower and not invite the children I would leave it up to the parents discretion as to whether or not they want to bring them.

coasterqueen replied: Thanks everyone for your replies. And Terri, I agree sometimes it can be frustrating and hard to enjoy yourself when your child is everywhere, lol.

Anyways, I really just wanted to see what everyone else felt even if the opinion was different than mine.

I occassionaly post on the April 05 EC Ivillage board just to see what othes are doing like me etc. There was a post on there about this very same thing. I stated my opinion, even though there were 15 or so others who had one totally against mine. I seemed to have gotten SLAMMED on there and called childish because of my opinion and because I wouldn't go to a shower or send a gift to someone who would not allow my children to come. Oh well. This is why I should never go to other boards, but here . At least when you all give different opinions than mine we can talk about this in an adult manner.

I still feel the way I do and honestly have been to a ton of showers where everyone enjoyed themselves even with kids there. Now I can remember one time (so far) where Kylie stressed me out...she was all over the place, but I dealt with it and still had a good time and it didn't bother my very close friend...it was her shower and she had a great time too.

Again thanks and anyone else feel free to comment as well

coasterqueen replied:
You know it's funny you say that because that is what I'd say/think too but the woman who slammed me on another board and called me childish...was a mother expecting her 3rd child. Apparently I spend too much time thinking my child is the center of my universe as she so eloquently said.

Mommy2BAK replied: Haha, very funny that I came across this post. I was going to a baby shower last night and I wasn't sure if I should bring Blakely or not, I really wanted to since most of the people hadn't seen her yet, but John offered to stay home with her while I went. But afterwards I was sad I didn't take her b/c everyone kept asking to see pictures.

Maddie&EthansMom replied:
WHAT????

I have friends who send me invitations to those home parties and they always put "get a babysitter for the kids...blah blah blah" If they know me, they know I've NEVER gotten a babysitter for my kids and that my DH is not home at a decent time to watch them while I can go to one of their parties and spend money. I can understand them not wanting kids there for certain types of parties, but a BABY SHOWER??? I would never suggest leaving kids at home for that. As a matter of fact anytime I've had a party I put on the invitations "Bring your children, my children love having kids to play with." If I get an invitation like that in the mail I am sure to go just b/c it seems so inviting. I know how hard it is to leave your children and find a babysitter, etc. Especially for the moms who BF. It seems to me like more people would come if they knew their kids were welcome.

I have a serious problem with people who want me to leave my kids at home to attend their functions. I think I should be the one to decide whether or not I want my children there or if it is an inconvenience for me.

So, maybe my kids ARE the center of my universe and maybe I am a little self centered. I just won't attend THEIR parties or buy them a gift.

MomToMany replied:
ITA!!

jolene555 replied: i also have mixed feeling about this. i think a baby shower is supposed to be about the new mommy, and that having too many children running around takes the attention away. i also understand that if a child should be welcome at any adult gathering, it should be a baby shower.

i can, however, tell you what we did at my baby shower. we had the men watch them all. it was a sort of boot camp for poor barry. they were upstairs and we were downstairs - it worked out quite well. all mommies were at ease, being able to at least be in ear-shot of their little ones, and also knowing that there were some very capable daddies up there.

ediep replied: is the shower at someones home? If it is, then I wouldn't see a problem bringing a baby. but I have been to showers that are quite formal, like sit down dinners with 3 courses and hours of present opening, I know that Jason would have a horrible time and I don't think I would put him through that!

Alice replied:
And at those showers, they usually pay by the plate too, so a room full of kids would increase the cost.

But otherwise, I don't see why kids wouldn't be welcome.

MyBlueEyedBabies replied: I would say if you don't want to go to a party because your kids weren't invited then thats your perogative. I would never not go to a function just because it was adult only...If I couldn't find a babysitter, or one of the kids was sick, or there was some other problem like that then I wouldn't attend. There were a few kids at my baby shower that were good but I have also been to one that I can say was ruined by children that were there...At a baby shower it should be what the mom-to-be wants and people that can't be supportive of that shouldn't be there.

kit_kats_mom replied: Well, first off...I seriously hate IV now. jerks. want me to go flame them for you? do you do you hua hua hua? LOL

I guess the party thing really depends on the party. If the hostess was planning a tea party type thing or some other "theme" where there would be expensive china laying around etc, then sure, kids probably shouldn't be there since they wouldn't have a good time anyway. Ours was hosted at a friends house and she collected antiques. Her house was like a museum and a kid would have had to be in a straightjacket to not break something. KWIM? Oh, I guess if it was going to be a drinking fest or the hostess was a smoker or something, kids probalby shouldn't be invited either.

There weren't any kids at my baby shower but that's because I was the first person to have kids. We did have the men come though and it was fun.

If the shower doesn't involve booze, drugs, hot liquids, violence or china/antiques then I suppose having kids there would be fine. LOL

Really, I"m not against it at all but it does depend on the type of shower it is.

coasterqueen replied:
This isn't about any particular shower, this is just about baby showers in general. And I've been to one of those fancy showers like you are talking about and I still took Kylie . As a matter of fact there were a ton of kids there.

coasterqueen replied:
Thanks for offering to flame...but I do a pretty good job of it myself, I think.

Ok, seriously Cary, if there is booze, etc at a baby shower....I'd start wondering! LOL. I'd be really p'oed if people had booze at mine because I couldn't have any!

I think what really sparked me about the conv about the shower was that people were saying they wanted their shower to be about them and that with kids there everyone would be doting on the kids instead of them. To me that's really sad, lol. I mean if people don't want kids at their baby shower then I'm fine with that, I just won't go. I mean if I feel like I want a day away from my children and Dh is wanting to spend time alone with them fine, but I'm not going out of my way to find someone to watch my children...I just won't go.

Maddie&EthansMom replied:
Exactly how I feel. There are occasions where I will go without my kids to showers, etc. BUT, I want to be the one to decide. It just chaps me when people say "No kids allowed". I can see where some of you are coming from on this one, but I'm one that makes my children behave in certain situations. I think exposing them to situations like you are mentioning is healthy and a good opportunity for them to learn manners. Maddie has gone to fancy showers with me and behaved just fine. Were she to get up and run around we would excuse ourselves and join the party when she calmed down. I would never let her be a spectacle or divert attention from anyone. Just my It is rare that I'm able to attend any sort of shower, etc (if I can't bring my children) b/c of the hours Scotty works and I refuse to get a babysitter.

3_call_me_mama replied: I was invited to a real "fancy" shower for a friend (brunch by a culinary institute at the governer's mansion type thing) included in the invite was a very nice poem about the cleebration and a What to bring list?! The first thing listed was a gift (HELLO! But usually if you are attending a shower you bring a gift but i feel it is kind of rude to list it as a necessity to bring!) Photographs of your family with the new mom was also listed, and money for some baby pool as well. No where on the invite did it mention chidlren (bringing them or not) and the shower was for a second time mom (unusual in my opinion anyway, but whatever).

At the time Kathleen was only about 3 m onths old and was not taking any bottles without a fight and the shower was from 10 am -2 pm, and it was 45 minutes each way from my house. So i would have been away from her for approximately 6 hours. So i called to RSVP and asked if it was ok to bring her and was told... "well i guess you could but it's meant to be a day to not have to play mommy! and ____ (the new big sister) will be there and we don't want any attention taken from her and "the new mom". But do what you are comfortable with..... So basically in a round about way i was told not to bring her but could if i had to and still wanted to attend. (I was annoyed and decided not to go and jsut sent a gift to the girl via her husband (who works with my DH)

Maddie&EthansMom replied:
I gave my best friend a baby shower at the country club here in town. It was very elegant and fancy. We had a sit down meal, etc. We also had several kids/babies there. I just can't help but feel for people who don't have anyone to keep their children (like me). I understand when you want to attend a shower/function and join in on the festivities, but at the same time don't or can't be away from your children. I would never make anyone feel uninvited b/c of this. I can't believe that woman made you feel like you couldn't bring your 3 MONTH OLD!! How incredibly RUDE! I wouldn't have gone either!

A&A'smommy replied: my neice was at my baby shower and my younger cousin was at my wedding shower, I don't see anything wrong with having them there!

coasterqueen replied:
Ugh, I wouldn't have gone either, course I probably wouldn't have sent a gift either. Just plain rude. I guess I just see the meaning of a baby shower to be something so different than most people.

Kaitlin'smom replied: hummm well at the 2 I has we had what little kids there were in the family but at my sides all the kids went upstairs (they were board). and on DH side theres not many kids, so we really did not have many but they were welcome. I also attended one and did not take Kaitlin but it was not because she was not invited it was her nap time and no way was I gonna let her miss that she can get so cranky, they all asked about her and sad I did not bring her.

I will be giving one to my sister ina few months and plan on invited kids if they choose to bring them. Just have to decided where I want to have it. Acutally I want to invite the men as well.

TANNER'S MOM replied: I have had 3 baby showers, and in my case they were all family occasion. Now a wedding shower to me is different, more b/c some of the gifts are of a mature nature.

But I will decide to bring my child or not attend. And if my child picks that time of day to be a butt..then we will leave so not to make a scene..u know!

Boys r us replied: I guess baby showers are different different places..karen, here we have "booze" at our showers. But just white wine, champagne & Mimosas.
Well, the elegant showers anyhow..I've been to a few where it was just punch.
LOL..it just made me laugh when I read your reply about having to wonder if there were booze there!

ammommy replied: Ok, I've thought long and hard about answering this, but it keeps getting bumped so I'll take it as a sign

I really don't understand why people would be offended if the host/hostess requested no children. I'm reading these posts and people are saying that it should be up to the mother-to-be, but when the MTB says no kids or reluctantly agrees people are getting upset
" "well i guess you could but it's meant to be a day to not have to play mommy! and ____ (the new big sister) will be there and we don't want any attention taken from her and "the new mom". But do what you are comfortable with..... So basically in a round about way i was told not to bring her but could if i had to and still wanted to attend" how was that rude? Am I just reading it the way I would say it? If someone had asked me if they could bring their child and I really wasn't expecting the question, something like that could pop out of my mouth. That seems pretty diplomatic to me.

Would you really not send a gift or go to a shower of a close friend just because she wanted to have one last kid free event for a while? That I don't get.
I know that at my shower and my best friend's shower, kids would have spoiled the mood if they would have had to be supervised. It was definately a girls day out kind of shower with mimosas and pedicures. Hmmm....makes me wish another friend was preggo

Oh, well, different strokes for different folks, I guess. That's why I don't throw parties

kimberley replied:

for me, i would be offended if a close friend of mine didn't know me well enough, that she would make such a request! i don't go anywhere really without my kids (especially Jade). we don't use babysitters and the grandparents rarely come to sit for any length of time. a shower is a celebration of a child's birth... ergo a child friendly event imo. so, i wouldn't go, i wouldn't send a gift and i would be hurt and somewhat offended by her request. but that is just me.