Having a really tough time.
loveydad wrote: My gf has been gone for most of the last couple months. She leaves the twins on and off as tehy are biologically hers. In the month and a half she's been here no more than a total of 5 days. Now she's left for good. She said she doesn't know if she's coming back or not. She's left teh twins. She's in California. I don't know what's going to happen, she said at this point I can keep the twins with me. Someone I talked to says tehy thought she's dating some guy in Cali...
arrggggh! I'm used to being a single daddy but this is totally ridiclous! I've got two more mouths to feed, plus Henry's kids! I'm going nuts!
Does anybody know if I can try to get ccustody fo the twins since shes being such a flake?
MommyToAshley replied: I am sorry you are going through this. I can only imagine how tough it must be. I don't have any advice on the custody, just wanted to offer an ear if you need it.
Jamison'smama replied: wow, that's a lot on your shoulders--just want to offer support. I have no idea if you can get custody but you should be able to get temporary custody at least--if she would agree to it--otherwise you could claim abandonment--I think it is time to contact an attorney for some advice.
MomToMany replied: Oh wow! That's just awful. I must say that she's not much of a mother. I would definitely file some sort of papers, but I don't know what you can do. Sorry I have no advice on that.
Unbelieveable that she's just up & leaving her babies behind! She doesn't deserve to get them back!
jolene555 replied: The laws regaurding custody differ from state to state. I think that it would be rather difficult to take custody away from a biological mother if you are not the biological anything.
Raising a child whom you are not the gaurdian of can get very difficult. Any doctor visits, hospitals, schools, summer camps, need those signatures. For those reasons you may be able to convince her to grant you gaurdienship, and then later on you can use that leverage to get full custody, and even adopt them.
Again, state laws are very diverse on this subject. Barry is in an interesting situation with his son, where the mother (his exgf) wanted to put him up for adoption, and instead Barry decided to take him. She gave birth and never saw Nathan or Barry again. She waived all rights to him. Now, even though Barry is Nathan's biological father, in order for her to not be able to regain her rights to Nathan, he has to go through the entire process of adopting his own son. You see, even though she gave up her rights, that is only affective for 1 year. Since we have not been financially able to start the adoption process, yet, she could show up any day and be granted partial custody. Gotta love the law.
~Roo'sMama~ replied: I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time!  It sounds to me like if she said that you could just keep the twins that she might be willing to give up her rights or at least grant you gaurdianship like jolene said. I hope it works out for you!
Josie83 replied: God that's so tough. I really don't know about looking about custody but you could probably get advice froma lawyer or something? I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this, you really are an amazing person. Know that we're always here to help you out where we can xx
amynicole21 replied: I'm so sorry to hear that... you have suddenly got a lot on your shoulders.  I would certainly contact a lawyer as soon as possible. Most lawyers will not let their client waive all parental rights, so you might be in for a lot of work. I would get started immediately and keep records of everything that is happening (ie. any phone calls she makes, dates she comes home or leaves again, anything that shows that she is an incompetent mother). I hope this is easily resolved, and please know that we are here for you.
gr33n3y3z replied: You need something in writing from her this way it may help you at a later date
Good luck with everything
Kirstenmumof3 replied: OMG I'm so sorry to hear this. If she does come back to get the twins you're going to be heartbroken. I don't know what I would do in that situation. Talk to a lawyer and see what they have to say.
Maddie&EthansMom replied: I just wanted to offer some ((((HUGS))) I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all of this. That is a big load to bear! I hope it all works out!
coasterqueen replied: I have no idea about the custody issue but I guess it doesn't hurt to try. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I can only imagine how tough this must be. and know that we are here for you.
loveydad replied: well it starts. the twins are screaming for their mother now. Henry's pissed at her. I'm really angry at her. She called me today and said that she's going to be back in a week to pic up her things. I asked if that meant the twins and she said no, I don't have any place to live with them right now, I'm living with a freind. I called a lawyer.
paradisemommy replied: omg..she has got some nerve. my heart just breaks for you and what you are going through. she doesn't deserve to ever see those kids again. i agree with amy - sit down and write a journal of the past month or so that you can remember of all the time she was gone and you watched the twins. document as much as you can to show what an irresponsible person she is and how she is such an unfit mother.
good luck to you and know we are here anytime you want to vent...
mama3x replied: I agree with Amy and Tammy - DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT. Report to someone, ANYONE, child services or whatever that she has abandoned her children. It drives me nuts when any parent does something so stupid an irresponsible. I am so sorry you are in such a horrible position. The kids I am sure are very confused at the very least. I am glad you have contacted an attorney. You don't want her to accuse you of being the one who did something wrong.
I will keep you and the kids in my thoughts. I do hope all turns out well in the end.
kimberley replied: i am sorry you are going through this. how very sad for you and the kids. i agree with the others about contacting a lawyer and documenting EVERYTHING. dates, times, names etc. p&pt coming your way. we are here to listen.
GavinsMommy replied: OMG! How can a mother just leave her babies like that? That is so awful! I don't know anything about her or your relationship but just from that...I would say something is mentally not right w/ her.
I would record all convos you have with her and document everything she says. I agree w/ asking her for guardianship and using doctor's visits and such as the excuse. Custody battles are ugly but if they see that she is not fit...then you have a good chance at custody of them. But to me it doesn't seem like you would have a problem.
Maybe...maybe you should just straight ask her for custody and see what she has to say while she is still caught up w/ this new guy. I would tell her you would love to keep the twins but that you want her to resign rights to them for their benefit, and if not...you at least want her to give you temporary custody so that you can get them medical treatment if need be. You never know what she will say. Sounds like she doesn't care too much about them.
Ask a lawyer...
jdkjd replied: I just saw this. I am so sorry you are going through this. Especially when you seem to be taking care of so many while no one is helping you.
Please contact a lawyer ASAP. You need to know what to do next-and with the responsibility of the little ones you need to get guardianship to be able to handle crises as they arise.
jcc64 replied: I'm so sorry for you and especially for those babies. I can't begin to process how a mother can come back for her "things" but leave her children behind. I think you have to have as rational a conversation as you possibly can about her intentions concerning the children's future before she disappears. As others have stated, medical care, school stuff, etc, will be extraordinarily complicated for you without some sort of official declaration of custody. If the kids get hurt and need to go to the hospital, for ex., the hospital will not release them to you w/o proof of custody.
I don't know your story or history with this woman. But if you're going to take on this monumental resposibility, things need to be spelled out clearly with mom. Visitation terms and financial responsibilites and such all need to be worked out. It's a whole lot on your plate, but make it all as official as possible, for your protection and obviously for the well being of the children. Best of luck.
misha8 replied: Hi Dad,
I read your posts and want you to know that you are doing a great thing taking care of the kids. So often you hear about the dead-beat dads etc. It is wonderful to see a man taking on so much. I am sorry about the situation and hope that things settle down for you and the kids.
Sending wishes for a wonderful holiday for you and your little ones!
loveydad replied: Well I had someone draw up a contract and she signed. its not that there's anything wrong with her. She just knows its best to give me the kids. Her life is too umpredictable. IT was really hard for her - I could tell. SHe was sobbing when she left the twins. But I don't think she'll be back...
Josie83 replied: At least you know where you stand now. be strong and use us whenever you need us! xx
A&A'smommy replied: OH no that is horrible! I'm sorry your going through this plus taking care of her kids, but it seems as though you love them as your own so do what you can and we will be here!
loveydad replied: :*(
|
