Had a hard weekend

~Roo'sMama~ wrote: We were at my sister's house for my dad's birthday on Saturday. My sister is 26 weeks pg - one week less than I would be if I hadn't miscarried - and it's usually a little hard to see her but not too bad. But she just recently had a couple ultrasounds and the u/s pics were all over her fridge and it hurt so much to look at them. I'm happy for my sis and I don't think she was being insensitive by having the pictures there, but it was still so hard. I had to go outside after looking at them because I was crying so hard, and the rest of the night I just tried to avoid looking at the fridge because I'd start crying again when I glanced at them.

I don't know why seeing those pictures hurts more than seeing my sister's pg belly. Maybe because it hurts so much that I don't have anything like that to remind me of my angel baby. All I have is the pregnancy tests I took and a flower that a friend gave me after I lost the baby.

Another thing that hurts is, even though I was obviously having a hard time, neither of my sisters or my mom came to me at all over the course of the night to ask if I was ok. In fact none of them have asked me about my m/c since I got pg again. They seem to think that I am completely "over it" and not still hurting. I feel like they just want to forget about my angel baby and pretend it never happened.

moped replied: Sara, I think the reason they don't ask is because that is a pretty tugh thing to ask someone about. I had a mc before Jack and there has never been another word spoken about it - people think it is a bit touchy to mention. And they also may be thinking tha tyou are PG again, and going to have a happy healthy little baby soon.............which is wonderful.

I know a mc can be hard, but there was a reason for it.

I know that nothing i am saying is going to make you feel better, but maybe you can focus on your new pregnancy. This is a very exciting time for you and your sister.

~Roo'sMama~ replied:
Oh I know, I am focusing on my pg, and I'm happy and excited about this new baby. I'm not dwelling on my m/c or anything. But I do still think about it, and I'll always be sad when I do think about it. And whenever something like this comes up it just brings back the memories of everything that happened - it really wasn't all that long ago, only four months ago last week.

Being pg again is wonderful and has helped me heal faster I think, but it still doesn't erase my other baby's existence and the fact that I lost it, and that's what I wish my family would realize. I know it's a hard thing to bring up, but they're my mom and sisters, and we're close enough that they should be able to talk about these things with me, so it hurts that they don't.

boyohboyohboy replied: Sara, I think you totally responded in a normal way, and your family probably just doesnt know what to say.
I am adding you to my daily pray list, and hope you have a healthy baby. I also added your angel baby.

I am sorry you had a tough time

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Sara I'm so sorry. I have a friend who lost her baby when she was 18 weeks along and no one even CALLED HER or said anything to console her. How awful is that?? It was the 2 year anniversary a couple of weeks ago and we went out and had a great time together with our children. She bought a ring that day, too. I've got to remember never to forget the date (as any good friend should do)

I can't believe your family didn't even acknowledge the fact that you were hurting. That would be hard.

A&A'smommy replied: I'm sorry Sara!!! I wish I could say something that would make you feel better!!

5littleladies replied: I already talked to you but I wanted to give you

Halo42101 replied: Sara, I know how you feel, sweetie and I am so sorry. I only have a few u/s pictures of our Angel baby to cherish but everyone seems to think I am over it too and some have even told me to move on. Well, I have not forgot after all I have been through with my health since loosing the baby. So to remember our Angel by on our due date cominging up soon, Theron & I agreed to have a balloon release with yellow balloons (unisex) with those closest to us. We are going to a pretty place to release the balloons near by next weekend. Then, when we come home, I will put a pin wheel in our yard to remember our baby by also and we'll have refreshments after with everyone. I hope you don't mind that I shared this with you but I thought maybe something like this would help you cope in the future too. God bless & be with you, Sara.

mummy2girls replied: (((HUGS))) Sara! What you felt is completely normal. i myself have never had a m/c ..both my losses was still and neonatal death. But when i saw anyone with a pregnany belly or i see an u/s that my sil showed me just a couple months after i lost Jordan i cried so hard.

Maby your family didnt say anything because they were afraid how you would react. My family tiptoed around the subject because they didnt want to upset me but what upset me was them not saying anything. it made me think they forgot about them.

I do alot of things to help me get through things like that! Such as plant a plant of some sort, write in a journal.... its a way to get your feelings out because if you bottle them it does more damage then you think. Just remeber your baby in heaven is with all the angels lost and playing together. And im sure your angel is playing with jens angel right now.

i think once you hold that new bundle of joy in your arms you will feel somewhat better. I did with Jenna... and because i talk about her brother to her she knows looking at pics who jordan is. i havent showed her pics of joshua. I think it would be too hard...
((HUGS)))

~Roo'sMama~ replied: Thanks everyone. I suppose my family is maybe afraid to bring it up to me, and I also think that my mom might be afraid of making my sister feel bad and maybe that's another reason she didn't say anything to me that day. Who knows. I often feel like I need to talk about my m/c and don't feel like I can because I don't want to put a damper on my sister's joy. It would be nice to be able to talk this stuff out with them, but I have Dh and Jennifer, and this board to go to when I need to talk.

I'm still feeling really emotional about it ~ I'm sure that my pregnancy hormones are playing a part too. Just thinking about those ultrasound pictures makes me get teary. I know it will be ten times worse when her baby is actually born, and that makes me sad. I want to be only happy when my new niece or nephew gets here. But my angel baby's due date is just 8 days before her due date so I know it will be a hard time.

coasterqueen replied: I'm sorry it was such a hard visit for you.

I sorta know how your family feels. When I was pg with Megan a girlfriend of mine lost her baby when she was 8 months pg and had to give birth to the baby on Christmas Day. It was awful. Afterwards she had a very hard time being around me because I was still pg. I didn't go to the funeral because it was suggested it would be too rough on her. That was very hard for me not to be there for her, really hard, but I understood. It was months that went by before our group of friends (all long distance friends) got together again, right before Megan was born and they were all throwing me a little mini shower. My girlfriend was there. It was uncomfortable for me because I didn't know what to say, how to say what I should say, etc, so I didn't. I felt so bad, but I just didn't know what to say.

So it could be very well that they just didn't know how to say what they KNEW they should say. KWIM. Sometimes not saying anything at all seems like the best route to go when you fear you could cause someone more pain and grief. I know you want them to talk to you about it and feel they should since you are all so close, and family at that, but you also have to see it from their side...they just aren't sure what the best is to support you and what to say.

Bamamom replied: Just wanted to send you I will be praying for you, your little angel and the new life growing daily inside of you.

~Roo'sMama~ replied:
Hmm, yeah I understand what you're saying Karen. It's probably either something like that. I still wish they knew that it would be better if they did say something though.

coasterqueen replied:
I know what you mean. Honestly hun I think you might have to just come right out and tell them. I know that's not what you want to do, or maybe you already have, but I know with my girlfriend I waited til she made the first move. Sounds awful but I feared so badly hurting her being pg then holding my little baby in her arms that I just didn't know how to say what I felt inside. Once she made the 1st move we were able to talk and I openly apologized to her and told her why I did what I did. We got past it.

~Roo'sMama~ replied:
Sorry Karen I thought I'd replied to this but I didn't.

I tried not long after my miscarriage to just bring the subject up with them - a couple times at least - when I've felt like I needed to talk. They pretty much would just say "Oh" or something like that and move on. It just seems like they don't want to talk about it. I haven't tried talking to them and saying I'd like for them to be able to talk about it with me. I don't know what they would say, or what I would say for that matter.