HUGE VENT (very long) - We May Loose Our Students

Kirstenmumof3 wrote: I don't know what to think anymore! I'm just so frustrated right now! We might loose our students and it's my fault!

Background: DH and have been bording Native Students for the past 3 1/2 years. They come from the reservations around Thunder Bay.

So here's what's going on: We have 4 students living with us, 1 (A) went missing this weekend. He stole some Playstation games and DVD's from the other students living with us. He just came home yesterday. Missing Persons report was put out on him and everything. Monday he came home, made himself a large frozen pizza in the oven, took off again and left the oven on. Today I came home, to find that (A) didn't go to school, decided to make himself some Kraft Dinner, left a HUGE mess on the stove and counter. So I went downstairs, made him give me his house key and told him to get upstairs and clean up his mess.

On Thursdays DH and I recieve parental respite through the Children's Aid Society (CAS). They are Volunteers and they range in age from 19-23. Very sweet girls and they are so good with the kids. They only come for 2 hours and we mostly use this time to go grocery shopping. It's supposed to be our Date Night, where we can go out and enjoy ourselves without the kids. Well last Thursday evening one of our Students (J) came upstairs while the volunteers were here. He told them that he was high, made some pretty inappropriate comments towards them and proceeded to tell them about his girlfriend and how all she wants is sex. This was in front of Emily, Spencer and Claudia. Then he sat down in the dining room and wouldn't go downstairs to were his room was. The volunteers were very uncomfortable. When we got home that evening, they didn't say anything to us. Mainly because the kids were still around. So they talked to our CAS worker on Tuesday and basically said they are not comfortable watching the kids in our home anymore if this student is around. So I had to contact the students counsellor at the Highschool.

I completely understand how the volunteers feel and came up with this solution: Since March Break is next week and the students are leaving to go back to there communities, I told the counsellor that this student could stay until they leave, but that after the March Break he was not to return to our home. DH's parents our away right now so we arranged for the volunteers to watch the kids at there house. No problem. I called one of the volunteers, to let her know what was going on and she had no problem watching the kids at my inlaws. She told me that she would speak to the other girl and they would meet us at my inlaws on Thursday. So everything was fine, WRONG! Yesterday at 4:55 I recieved a message from one of the volunteers saying that they were cancelling this week because of what happened last week, the other volunteer didn't think they were watching the kids this week. She had made other plans. Okay no problem, so we had to take the kids shopping with us, no big deal.

So Here's Why we are Loosing the Students: Today I finally talked to the counsellor who is the counsellor of both (A) and (J). I let the counsellor know that I had taken (A's) key away, telling her that I can't have him using the stove when we are not home and that I'm worried that he will steal from us if he is left home alone. I let her know that he wasn't at school today. She told me that he has been suspended (NEWS TO US). She was not impressed that I took his house key away. So now on to (J), he has denied everything that has happened with the volunteers. She is pissed that CAS is involved. CAS is involved because of my mental health. We are and have been on voluntary status with CAS since September. I can ask them not to be involved, but I am choosing to have them stay involved. When things were really bad with my illness, we had girls and this same counsellor moved them out of our house and replaced them with boys. Apparently to alleviate some of the stress on me and this way DH would be dealing with the students more. They can pull these kids out of our house at anytime. And it's all because of me. We have a perfect record, none of the students have ever complained about us, but they can take them out of here because of the stigma attached to being mentally ill.

When is this ever going to go away? When will this not hang over my head anymore. DH is worried that they will remove the students. I don't know what we are going to do financially if they do this. I've asked the volunteers to write a letter explaining what happened last week and I've asked our CAS worker to fax her report to my DH. I plan to bring all of this to the Counsellor as soon as I get all of this. I'm going to talk to my Psychologist and see if he would be willing to talk to the counsellor if it comes down to that. I just don't know what to do! I'm so angry, sad, confused and hurt right now! I'm so sorry this got so long, I just needed to get it all out! Thanks for listening!

akbutterfly83 replied: I really don't know what to say.....

I just hope everything works out and you start getting better......



My thoughts and prayrs go out to you and your family........

mckayleesmom replied: Is there anything else you can do financially? Work from home...something. These students sound like they put alot of stress on you guys. I know you have had problems before with them switching what sex you could have...etc....Sounds like a hassle.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: It's actually been months since we've had a problem with the students. It hasn't been since my purse was stolen during the Canadian Thanksgiving Weekend. The boys we had after all of that happened were so wonderful and the ones we had until (A) and (J) arrived never caused us any problems. (A) has been trouble right from the start, we found out about a week after he moved in with us that he stole from his previous boarding home. So we locked all of our valuables up. (J) we haven't had a problem with, until now. So while yes we have had a lot of rotten kids, who have put a lot of stress on us, we also have had some really good ones. It balances out in the end. There isn't a way we can pay off our bills without these students. I'm not exactly thrilled that they are living with us, but we don't really have any other choices. If they remove the students, I honestly don't know what we are going to do. I'm sorry I posted this!

~Roo'sMama~ replied: I'm sorry ~ I hope it gets worked out for you. I don't really understand the whole situation but it seems really unfair that they would just pull them out - it sounds like they aren't believing your side of the story. Can't they just send you new students next year if these one's are giving you trouble?
Don't beat yourself up or say it's your fault! It sounds to me like they are being totally unfair.

mckayleesmom replied: Well..that sucks...hopefully they will let you keep the students but replace them with good ones. I would let the agency that selects the students know that from now on you want references and number of previous people they stayed with...that way you can call and get some backround behavior information on them...Can you do that?

Kirstenmumof3 replied:

We can't do this either. They want each student to be treated equally so they often don't tell us anything about why they are being moved from there previous boarding homes. It was only by coincedence that we found out about the student stealing. My friend is also a counsellor for the school, so she told us to lock all of our valuables away.

It's all so complicated! If things don't go well with the counsellor of these 2 students, DH and I are asking to speak to the Counsellor supervisor. This isn't the first time we have had problems with this counsellor.

Mommy2Be replied: Aww sweetie I am so sorry I don't really know what to say but want to offer you big hugs . I really hope everything works out.

~Roo'sMama~ replied:
And they think you're not good Boarding Parents because the students are causing problems? I think that going to the counselor supervisor is a good idea. You shouldn't be punished for their actions....something you can't even control.

coasterqueen replied: It seems so unfair that they would take the students when it clearly isn't your fault. I'm so sorry this is happening. I wish I had some advice for you but I don't. I'm sure it will all work out, though.

Josie83 replied: How annoying! I don't have advice for you either but I hope it works out for you xx

Kirstenmumof3 replied: Thanks everyone! I just wish this week would be over! I want my house back! These 2 students are really pissing me off. Saturday morning (J) came home, saying that he had been jumped and was taken to the hospital. He did have an armband from the ER, but we're not exactly sure of all the details of why he was there in the first place. (J) is refusing to say anything. He wanted to go out yesterday, so DH told him that we were waiting to hear back from his counsellor. Well this wasn't good enough for (J) and he called his counsellor himself. She was pissed of with us, because she wasn't on call this weekend. To FRIGGIN' bad, we didn't call her. DH just left her a message on her voicemail when he called. So she said that (J) could go out, but that he had to be home by 6:00. Well lastnight both (A) and (J) went out. (J) came home drunk! At 10:30 the mobile unit called to tell DH that they were bringing him home. DH told them to take him to the Police Station and let him sober up there. But the on-call counsellor called and begged DH to allow him to come up. So DH gave in and told them that if we had any problems with him, he was calling the cops himself. (A) didn't get home until 12:50 am. He snuck out, told my DH that he was going out for a cigarette and never came back. Tomorrow we talk to the counsellor of the 2 students. I'll let you all know how it goes.