HELP! HELP! HELP! - I am at a loss here

boyohboyohboy wrote: Caleb again is in trouble at school...he has a first grade teacher that when you talk when she is talking she gives you a warning, the second time you get your name on the board, and you lose one recess, the second time you get a check mark by your name and you lose your second recess....
well caleb has been on the board and lost all his recess since the first day of school.
we have ground him to his room for 3 days straight from school to his room, only out for meals...that didnt work.
took away all electronics.
I have nothing left...
He cant stop talking.
we asked him what is it that you have to say that is so important you cant wait till recess? and he said that he is just asking them what they are going to do at recess.
we called the teacher and asked her to please send a note home each time his name is on the board and we sign it and send it back..but nothing is helping..

anyone have an idea how to get this kid to stop talking in class???

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I'm not sure this is good advice, because maybe its rewarding the bad behavior in some ways. But what about keeping a chart for the week. If his name goes on the board, he gets a mark on the chart. Two marks, a toy goes away. Three marks, no TV and dinner for the night. Etc etc. No marks, he gets to go somewhere special like Chuck E Cheese or something of his choice.

See I used to be a cryer in class. I was so afraid to raise my hand if I didn't understand something and needed help, so I would start bawling instead. It became a huge problem because it became habit after awhile. So I remember my mom keeping track of how many "tear free" days I had and when I had a week or so of good days, then I got something. Stickers for my sticker book, a trip to the toy store or special lunch place. I definitely remember it working on me! I was probably 5 or 6, maybe even 7.

mom21kid2dogs replied: Honestly, besides backing up a teacher verbally at home, I don't think I would chose to fight this battle at home. It's way too much time between the event and the discipline to make any real dent in his behavior. If it were my child, I'd ask, in writing, for a meeting between myself, the teacher and the building principal (minimally~maybe even include the district behavior specialist or school counsoler) and address it in a formal setting. Obviously, if this happens everyday for weeks on end, the stragegy needs changed to change the behavior. Perhaps you could suggest a positive reward as opposed to a negative consequence that is much more immediate than a loss of recess. Quiet Caleb get to sit close to the teacher at circle time, perhaps. Quiet Caleb get to be first in the rest room break line, gets a star on his name plate, etc. There is about a billion other ways to address this issue than loss of recess. Quite frankly, the running around at recess would likely help curb the running of the mouth in the classroom.

Was this an issue in Kindy for him? If so, what was done at that level? Would he do better in a different first grade classroom?

AlexsPajamaMama replied: I think Cheryl has great suggestions.
I hope for every ones sake this gets taken care of soon!

stella6979 replied: Not sure if this will help and it's also kind of rewarding him, but I actually just read a Bernstein bears book about bad habits and what they did was give Sister bear a jar full of pennies and each time she did this bad habit, they would take a penny out of the jar and if she made it through the day without doing the bad habit they would put another in. Sounds kind of lame, but maybe if he starts out with something he won't want it to see it dwindle away? And instead of pennies maybe you could use something more along his level...like quarters? I'm sure that's not the best advice, but it's all I got. I hope things start getting better for you guys.

boyohboyohboy replied: we started this chore board about a week ago. it has about 5 chores he needs to do and one of them is listen in school, at the end of each day we give him a magnet on it if he completes it..and for every magnet at the end of the week he gets a quarter..if he has an empty space he loses that quarter, but still gets the ones he earned..and at the bottom of the board are four 30 mins increments of time that are WII time. if he gets a note from school he loses 30 mins of play time..so he hasnt been able to play because he loses it..

so I do think we have tried rewarding him for behavior and its not working..unfortunetly I think we spoiled him with "things" and he has so much there isnt one thing that is his favorite so he doesnt mind losing it.
He doesnt have a tv or anything in his room to take away.

we were never told this was a problem in kindy, we got his end of the year report card and on it, was a little blurb about him not listening in class, but it was never mentioned before hand, and not this time really either it was the last day of school.
so this year the teacher started having issues and we only found out because a girl I watch told me caleb was on the wall at recess not playing. thats now I even found out. we called the teacher and asked a note to be send home daily if he cont. to talk in class...well its been daily.

her response was it takes kids 6 weeks to adjust to school. so I am assuming she wants to wait. why she hasnt moved him away from the boys he sits near is beyond me, altough I think he would talk to anyone.

I am just at such a loss. punishment doesnt seem to work, but it does in other instances..I hated secluding him in his room, that seemed to bother him because he felt excluded from the family..but when he is gone all day in school, I dont want him in his room at night, know what I mean? I did it for three days and I felt like he was gone to much.

my dh thinks this is just a boy issue, that boys cant sit in class this long they are to physical, and i agree is taking away recess where he can run off some of this energy the right thing to do..he is very energetic.

I know we will be contacting the teacher again. But I feel like we need to address the disrespectfulness at home with him also.
caleb has no self dicipline. we considered tia kwan do, to help but havent been able to find a class.

cameragirl21 replied: I know this will sound bizarre but try giving him daily fish oil capsules. Try several a day and taper off as his behavior improves. But don't buy cheap ones at Target or any place like that, go to a real vitamin store and buy authentic ones. You should see a definite improvement within a couple of weeks.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: At Maddie's school they do the "take away" punishment. They start each day with 3 fishies. If they have all 3 fishies from each day, at the end of the week they get to pay a visit to the treasure box. Or they can choose to save them for one month for a bigger prize. I find that marks are more negative, but that's just me. It could totally be the teacher he has this year, too. All teachers are not created equal and some are more tolerant than others. I would give him a little more time to adjust, like she suggested and just go from there. If she chooses to call a conference concerning his behavior, then you will know you have a problem to address. In the meantime, I would just continue praising his good behavior and not be so hard on him. Find a punishment that fits his age. IMO, grounding him to his room and taking everything away is a bit much for talking in class. Especially since he is only in his first few weeks of first grade. It's okay to consistently remind him not to talk in class, but too harsh a punishment will only make him act out more and begin to dread going to school. If the punishment isn't working, I would guess that he doesn't understand why he is being punished. It's going to take him awhile to mature and I bet the teacher is well aware of that. The boys in Maddie's class in first grade could not be still. By the end of the year they were a bit better and now, in 3rd grade they do really well. Boys will be boys.

He will be fine, though hun. I wouldn't stress over it too much. If you start to notice his grades slipping, just ask that he be seated away from the kids he likes talking to the most. Usually teachers have a desk at the front of the room, kind of isolated from other students where they put their "talkers."

jacobsmama replied: As I was reading all the replies I was thinking to myself, exactly what you said the teacher said.

It takes 6 weeks for the kids to adjust.

She is probably right. I would let her handle this at school. Dont focus on it at home unless he is doing it at home ya know? So if at home he is talking over you, or talking out when he is not suppose to be then you worry about it and punish him.

if he is not doing it at home then let her handle it. If after the 6 weeks it is an issue and she needs your guidance for the next step I bet she will send home a note saying we need to do this or that. Maybe she hasn't sent you a note yet because it is pretty normal at this stage. I bet he isn't the only kid who has missed out on recess.

Hang in there!

P.S.
Jacob is only in PreK so my advice may not be worth alot as I haven't experienced it first hand.

boyohboyohboy replied: I guess I really dont consider him to be having behavior problems if that makes sense because this is the only place and time he is doing it..and he isnt throwing fits he is just talking to friends about things that interest him and cant seem to understand that when a thought comes into his head that he has to just keep it there until a more apprpriate time to talk.
he just thinks oh, I forgot to tell them this, and just does, whether someone else is talking or not..once asked to stop he does so immediately but then is caught doing it again later.
honestly there are no other offenses. and he loves school and so far has been a straight A student.
which is part of the problem also..he seems to already know what she is teaching and he gets his work done fast and he gets bored.

maybe you are right maybe we should let her handle it and then in 6 weeks revisit the ideas.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
This is irritating...you should be informed of when he has these issues right away. Perhaps you can request a take home log...where the teacher write in a journal of how his day was and you send it back telling how his night was. ???

I wonder if this teacher and Caleb just don't mix. Not every child is the right match for each teacher, KWIM? If it persists, can you request to have him with another teacher?

Tanner has this issue sometimes at school as well. They have the same take away system as well. He is a BIG talker (got it from mom), and the thing is...he never gets away with it because he has a loud voice (again...from mom ). The teacher does something about it, but the kids are given warnings as well before things are taken away. She is realistic is understanding that kids talk and that kids aren't perfect and that at this age they are still adjusting to "real school".

I'm curious to know why this teacher hasn't moved him if it is a persistant problem. Also, I would like to be a fly on the wall to see if she is having realistic expectations of a 1st grader.

boyohboyohboy replied:
thank you ! I was starting to feel a little on the defensive side for caleb lately. he is still coming home with daily notes, and I wonder if he is getting like one warning and then its a note..if she is just now set on making him be absolutely quiet..and I have been thinking more and more about how active he is, and now all of a sudden at the end of summer to start school and be expected to sit for long periods of time and take away recess where he can burn off this energy but isnt because he is punished, well he cant be quiet..he is probably going nuts...
we all know how we are if we go to seminars for work and sit there 8 hours.

we have tapered off at home. I make him repeat any work he brings home that is less then an A+. so we are using that time for school work practice.

I just got a call from the school telling me he was in the nurses office he was hit by a girl..so now i am wondering if there a bully..this behavior came on so suddenly and is out of character for him.

the teacher wont talk to us until her 6 week waiting period is over but i also agree why not move him to a new seat and see if it helps.
this is a tiny school only one first grade teacher...23 kids in his class.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: If you don't get the results you want from the teacher, then go over her head and speak with the principal. I regret not doing this sooner with Maddie. She had a horrible first grade year. What is it with first grade? It seems so hard these days.

I know how it is to feel your hands are tied behind your back when it comes to your kids education. Be proactive, though. You know your child better than anyone and if you feel something isn't right, then something isn't right.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I agree. Go over her head if you aren't seeing results from her.

And what is with her not talking to you until after 6 weeks???? Any teacher who is working with the parents on a behavior issue should be open to talking whenever the parent feels like they need to talk.

Stacy, the more you explain the situation, the less I am liking the teacher.

One more thing...do you perhaps think that having him do the work over is making it worse? Not that I'm saying it's a bad idea, but perhaps it's telling him that it needs to be perfect, which might be sending the wrong message? KWIM?

boyohboyohboy replied:
you might be right, I never thought of it that way, I was trying to find a more constructive way to use his time then put him in his room.
I was just as miserable as he was with that idea.

I hate this school. his kindy teacher was young and just put them in front of a tv.
he hasnt had to sit this long ever in his life. I do think he talks to much and is being disrespectful in doing so...but it seems that putting him on the wall in front of everyone seems wrong to make such a spectical of him.
and not only that, but he says she screams at them.
she is an older experienced teacher.

its almost impossible to see the principle. he is over the 10 other schools and i was told before they dont know where he will be when.

I am not even sure at this point what to ask of her.
I dont want to make her defensive by asking her if she is screaming at him..or asking her if her tactics might be old school..

I dont understand why he cant just stop himself from talking..
he said he is trying and feels he is doing better because he isnt in trouble till the end of the day now...

julesmom replied: She sounds like an old hag! I have 2 boys, ages 10 and 8, along with a 6yr old princess.

I think it is wrong for her to not see you until the 6 week period is over. WTH does she think she is? That would infuriate me. We just had open house for my 5th grader. The teacher said if there is any problem or concern, she is more then happy to see us right away. All the teachers we've had have been this way. Well, my oldest did have an old hag in 1st grade who didn't want the kids to breath. I had him moved out of her class. But, that is not an option for you.

You'd think the teacher would be happy a parent is willing to meet and discuss and find a solution to a child's unwanted behaviour. How about if you were a mom who thought it was all the teacher and your child never did anything wrong? She is lucky you acknowledge there could be a problem and are willing to work with her, not against her.

You said he might be bored and that could be a valid reason for him being the way he is at school. That is another reason the teacher should meet with you. You could suggest she give him some 'busy work' while he is waiting for the other kids to finish their work.

I'd let him come home and run around as much as he wants. Can you imagine how much pent up energy he has? Tell him he can talk or yell as much as he wants at home, but he has to learn to try and keep quiet at school.

Sorry, but this teacher infuriates me. Can you talk to some other parents of kid's in this class and find out their experience with her?

Boo&BugsMom replied: There is one principal for 10 different schools???

Stacy, have you considered homeschooling??? I'm being serious here.

My2Beauties replied:
You know I was much like this in Kindy and 1st grade, I would get straight A's but bad remarks in conduct.Thank God my 1st grade teacher realized that I was bored with the work, I was getting it done so fast. They tested me that year for Advanced and I passed the test with flying colors, so from then on I was placed in Advanced Courses, the conduct got better after that, I had more work to do and was more focused because the work was more challenging.

boyohboyohboy replied:
my husband has wanted me to home school all along, but I just dont feel like I am smart enough or have the patience. I am really not a good teacher, lately I dont even feel like a good mom, I muddle thru..


today it seems that each day it gets worse..my straight A kid came home with C"s and D's.
on work he knew a long time ago....
I think I am going to have to ask for a meeting this week. I cant see letting it go any further..

but let me ask this, do you think she is going to come off with something like ADD because he wont still and do what she wants?

julesmom replied:
If she does, ask her where she got her PHD.

Teachers have no right to tell you your child has ADD or ADHD. They can suggest testing to see if anything is going on, but they can't outright say ADD or ADHD.

At least that is what I know from my experience in my district.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Stacy, I know of a GREAT homeschooling forum I can direct you to for help to get started out if you so chose to go that route. Perhaps this is a calling to you? You have to give yourself more credit. Remember, Caleb wasn't always like this when he was home with YOU.

Personally, I think a lot of kids get mislabeled, but that is a whole other discussion. And like Jules said, a teacher can not try to diagnose, only refer to a doctor.

I know for myself, I feel I am not the homeschooling type, but if I were in this situation with Tanner...I would be homeschooling in a heartbeat. But that is just me. You're in my prayers dear. KUP!

Nina J replied: I would be wanting to know what is going on in the classroom.

Do you know the teacher well? Not all teachers are good. When I was 10, I had an awful teacher. So bad I changed schools. Times have changed now, if what happened to me happened now I think the teacher would be fired. Basically, she had it in for me since the start of the school year. I was yelled at for everything; my mother was constantly ringing the school about this teacher, but all of the other teacher banded together and denied she was bullying me. It was a small school. Eventually, I was so scared of this teacher I would just cry at school. One day she told me I had to stay inside for recess; she held me up against the wall and screamed at me. I cried hysterically. My mother went in to the school the next morning and had a meeting with the Principal and teacher, both denied anything. My mother told them I would no longer be returning to that school. She enrolled me at another school in a near by town. I remember a lot of kids were transferred from my old school to the new one, and eventually the old school's numbers were so low they closed. The school had a bad rep, parents would rather have there kids travel by bus for 50 minutes than send them to a school that was walking distance away.

Anyway, I am not saying Caleb's teacher is anything like mine was, but it is worth looking in to. Perhaps meeting with the teacher and going through some different ways to try and curb talking,rather than missing recess. If he is missing recess, he s missing the chance to talk to his friends. So of course he will just talk in class. He needs reces to bond with the other children. I would go over with the teacher some different dicipline actions, and ask her to please give them a trial.

Homeschooling would be good..I would like to but I am not up to it.