HELP FAST - CALEB

boyohboyohboy wrote: ok so I just got a call from the school..you know whats been going on with caleb and this horrible first grade teacher..caleb is 6..
she just called me and said to me, that caleb was at the pencil sharpener with the two boys he is always getting into trouble with and the two of them were doing their teenage mutant ninja turtle crap and caleb said to the boy, I HAVE A KNIFE.
caleb does not own a knife, he was playing in that stupid fantasy game that his brain is stuck in as a boy...same as the other boy..
the teacher wants to suspend caleb!!

help what do i do.
i do feel like this teacher is now focusing on him and she hates him.
do i call the principle?
i asked to meet with this teacher already and she told me no not till 6 weeks were up..

cameragirl21 replied: well, in light of all the crazy crap that goes on in schools these days, I can see where teachers are overly cautious. BUT I think her first step should have been to ask Caleb if he really has a knife and if not, then ask him why he'd say he does. At his age, kids are pretty straight forward about things. I also think it's gotten to where teachers can no longer distinguish between genuine threats or danger and child's play. I mean, when I was little, the boys played with GI Joe and that too could be seen as violent if you want to see it that way, kwim?
Personally, if I were in your place and felt like the teacher has it in for my kid, and trust your mothers'/women's intuition on this one, then I'd speak to the principal and ask to have him switched to a different class, assuming there is more than one first grade there. Sounds like it also might do him good to be separated from those 2 boys, also.

boyohboyohboy replied: I totally agree that it was so wrong of caleb to say what he said.
but that being said, when I am around other boys at the bus stop and places we go with kids calebs age he is no different then they are. we dont let him watch violent things. the worst thing he watches is teenage mutant ninja turtles..but my husband feels he needs to learn how to handle shows like this...i disagree.
caleb has a huge imagination and this is all he wants to play.
and these other two boys are nice boys, they are twins, and all they do is see caleb and want to play pokemon and tmnt, and transformers, and battleing issues, they are always losing recess the three of them for talking when the teacher is talking..i think that is fine..
but lately it feels like she is just harrassing him, he bumped his pencil box and it dropped to the floor and she put him on the wall..he is so clumbsy!
I just feel like she knew the two boys shouldnt be together, she should have seperated them after the first week.
but she chose not to, she also chose not to meet with us to discuss caleb...
I think its so unfair to only punish one child. after all if caleb said he had a knife then i am 100% sure being in this situation before..that the other child one up'ed him a weapon..thats what boys do. it wasnt real.

i agree now a days these threats have to be taken seriously but he wasnt threatening anyone they were playing together..

I am trying to reach the prinicple now, but she is an old school teacher what are my chances here? should i just ask to have him moved. it would be to a new school as this one only has one first grade teacher

danahas4monkeys replied: I personally would march myself down to the school and demand to speak to the principal and then demand an immediate meeting with the teacher and principal together. Hope you get it straightened out!

Crystalina replied:

Are you for real? This woman does sound like she's targeting him. I mean really! He's in 2nd grade for God's sake. Boys play like that and, like you said, the other boys were doing it also.

I would get in touch with pricipal asap and request (to the principal) that you want a meeting with the teacher at the same time. Get them both together and figure this out. Why would she not want to talk with you until 6 weeks were up? She should have an open-door policy for any parent at any time.

cameragirl21 replied: Stacy, it seems like you've been having more than your fair share of problems with this teacher and this class. If there is another option for another school, I'd move him. If he is always in trouble now, it's going to ruin his self esteem and make him hate school and education and he's way too young to feel like that imo.

grandma replied:
ITA, but you might want to call and make an appointment first.
I really feel sorry for these kids that are too young to grasp the seriousness of "play talking." The world has come to a sad place!

boyohboyohboy replied: caleb is only in first grade

he does talk to much and he has gotten himself a bad rep. for that..not a good straight kid in her eyes.

but i am so worried if she gets her way then he will have this on his permant record.

and can i get him moved if she suspends him?

Crystalina replied:

It seems to me that the teacher needs to learn how to handle the boys in her class. I'm sure those 3 are not the only ones acting like boys. The problem seems to lie in the twins being together in the first place. Usually twins are seperated in school for this reason. I know my sister's boys were going to be seperated this year in kindergarten and she requested they stay together just for this first year to make it easier on them but she has every intention of letting them be seperated after kindergarten.

cameragirl21 replied: talk to the principal and see if you can convince her not to suspend him, this is stupid, he didn't threaten anyone. And if she won't listen to you then complain to the school board, heck, I'd go all the way to the media if I had to. I have a tremendous respect for teachers but I do think they have their favorites and their least favorites and while we all have our preferences, if you're a teacher you should at least try to be fair to everyone.
Also, it's her job to separate these 3 boys if they are always in trouble together. Sounds like she doesn't want to work too hard, jmo of course.

Boo&BugsMom replied: Stacy, I think the teacher is being very unrealistic and unreasonable. Yes, Caleb should not have said that, but how much 'zero tolerance' is really realistic when it comes to things like that? First, I think Caleb needs to stay away from those two boys. I find it odd that he was such a good kid then all of a sudden he turned into something else after starting at this new school. Second, this teacher needs to get a grip. She also needs to do her job by working with the parents. Third, I would be marching myself right down to the school and ask to speak with the principal immediately. I would also be bringing up the whole "6 weeks" situation and how she has refused to speak to you about some issues you've been having. This teacher sounds like she burnt out and needs to retire. Honestly, I can see the reason why people get so bent out of shape when it comes to stopping violence, but for crying out loud this is just over the top.

Stacy, I don't know if this is realistic, but you know I mentioned the homeschooling thing to you before. What if you keep Caleb home for a few weeks to see how he'd do? Test run it. Maybe even a little longer? Remember, you can always take him back if it doesn't work. Maybe it's a sign? If you can't do that, I would start looking at the possibility of switching schools if that's at all possible.

ETA: and even though Jennifer and I don't always agree on issues, I totally agree with her on this one. If something doesn't get done about this it will spiral out of control and only ruin his love of learning and his self-esteem. He is being targeted, and that is not ok!

Crystalina replied:
I would darn sure try. I seriously can't believe she's talking suspension (in second grade!!) for what he did. I think moving him to another class would do him good. Just say it obviously isn't working out where he is and he needs another start. Then explain to him that he's getting a fresh start and he needs to watch what he says in school because not everyone watches the TMNT and "gets it".

Boo&BugsMom replied:
1st grade.
Which makes it even worse, because it's their first year of "real school". I mean, K is too, but it's just not the same as 1st.

This is just ridiculous all around. The teacher sounds lazy, IMO. A good teacher would be talking to the parents, working with the families, and sure as heck would be separated the 3 boys by now.

boyohboyohboy replied: I am waiting for my dh to get here so I can leave for the school.
I think I just need you to tell me if I am protecting him in a situation that I shouldnt. am I preventing the teacher from doing her job? my dh is saying i should let him get puniched..
but i am afraid he is going to start to hate school

lisar replied: If it were me, I would be marching my behind up to that school and demanding to speak with the principal and the teacher. No teacher says wait 6 weeks to meet. Thats crap. And personally I would tell her that. I would also demand that his class be changed to another teacher cause to me it sounds like maybe she is picking on him. For gods sake he is in the 1st grade. I have a knife means look this paper is going to be my pretend knife. Now lets play fight. He is 6. Thats all crazy to me.

Let us know how it all works out

lisar replied:
No your not protecting him. I dont think so anyways. He is 6. Just let him know that he cant say knife or gun at school. KWIM? And for the teacher, well I would just tell her where to shove it where the sun dont shine.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
The punishment should fit the crime. IMO, being suspended in this situation is not realistic. Where is the warning in all of this? There has to be some middle ground. She can't just pull out the big guns right away. Now, had he actually had a knife or threatend someone...then THAT would be call for suspension. That would fit the crime, but in this situation it doesn't, IMO. What will she do if he says it again...call the cops? Honestly! I am behind you 100% Stacy. I think this teacher is not doing her job the way she should.

cameragirl21 replied: Stacy, is it possible for you to put him in some kind of Christian school, like at whatever denomination you are a part of? I know it's expensive but I bet if you found a school you liked they would likely have some scholarship programs.
The reason I mention this is that in my experience, parochial schools have smaller classes, teachers that are more in tune with each kid and a principal that typically knows each kid personally. Obviously some schools are bigger than others but even in the huge Catholic schools I've visited, I noticed that the priest can point out any kid from a huge crowd and tell me their name and the last time he spoke to their mother.
I just think you and Caleb may get more attention there and have fewer problems. One thing you could do is ask the pastor at your church if he can recommend a school in the area based on your situation.

boyohboyohboy replied: I am feeling like he is probably so scared right now.

also right now I am thinking that caleb is not aware of things like columbine and that kids can stab and shot other kids that is not something caleb is aware of or even might be able to comprehend.. we dont let him watch the news and things like this.
he is so niave.

but is that so bad?
now we do have to discuss this with him and tell him about these bad things that happen in life.

Crystalina replied:
I don't think you're protecting him. Now if he had a habit of going to school and saying he has a knife and has been warned on more then one ocassion and continued to do it I would say he needs to be punished but not the way this happened. If he would have been playing at the pencil sharpener with these boys and said he had a sword instead I wonder if she would have made a big deal out of it? And not only that. She saw that he had a pencil in his hand and not a knife for crying out loud. I think a warning and her setting aside a few minutes to explain to him (or the entire class for that matter) that they shouldn't joke about things like that would have been more appropriate. It really seems as though she just doesn't want to deal with the situation so it's easier to suspend him.

Crystalina replied:
And at his age why should he know these things? My kids don't know about them either. That's why I say explain it to him and that some people get freaked out by that d/t all the bad kids that have done things like bring real knives to school. You don't really have to get into all the masacres but you can tell him that joking like that makes people nervous and that's not something you joke around about at school. There is a time and a place and school is not the place.

mckayleesmom replied: man...that lady is a little over the top....I agree that she should have put a stop to that kind of talk, but simply setting the boys down and telling them that there are certain things they don't say they have at school would have worked.


Russell would be suspended for sure if he had her...Yesterday he was shooting me with his "shoot gun"......which in all actuality was a empty tp holder....

boyohboyohboy replied:
I am working on just this thing right now

cameragirl21 replied:
good, I really hope it all works out for you and Caleb.

lisar replied:
I wouldnt tell him about those things either. If you do theres a chance that he might be scared to go to school. KWIM? Be careful on the subject with him

boyohboyohboy replied:
i want to go get him right now but pete thinks this might teach caleb that every time he is in trouble we are going to save him.
i keep thinking of this mean teacher pointing at him making him feel horrible right now. and i also dont want him to think i am really mad at him. i am disappointed but he doesnt deserve to be beat down for it.

cameragirl21 replied:
idk, I think dads are more about tough love and may see what a mom does as "smothering" or babying but the truth is, I don't get the impression that Caleb meant anything other than childs's play and I'm sure he's pretty confused about what the fuss is all about and why he's in trouble.
I've come to realize that all the punishment in the world, however fitting it may be will not really do much good if they don't undertand what they did wrong.
I also think that he's only 6 and doesn't yet have a concept of you or his dad bailing him out when he's in trouble, kwim?
I think sadly we live in a world where it becomes harder and harder for kids to just be kids. You're way more patient than I am, I'd have taken the other 2 children in tow, gone to the school, interrupted that class and would have had a conversation with the teacher using choice words so that by the time I'm done talking to her, she'd regret the day she was born.

Boo&BugsMom replied: Stacy, does he understand that school rules may be different than house rules? Tanner is allowed to play fight and things at home. To an extent, that is. We have had talks about how we don't do that in school though.

Tanner doesn't know anything about all the school violence that has gone on in the past either, but I am upfront about telling him that there are bad people out there. Not everyone is nice, and not everyone is safe.

I hope you can get him into a better school. I'll pray for you! Your little guy deserves a lot better than what he's getting.

boyohboyohboy replied:
jennie thats a really good idea about school rules and house rules, we always let him play what ever with his mind here..
i am going to use that..
thanks for the prayers too.

Crystalina replied:

Tell your DH that you are not going to "save him" but rather get to the bottom of what's going on. I'm with you. I think if he is suspended for this he will surely be labeled by not only this teacher but others as well. They all talk. Then he will be in a viscious cycle and may even think that he has to "live up" to the bad boy thing. I know it's a far fetch seeing as how he's only in 1st grade but all those kids start somewhere. I would nip it in the bud fast and like yesterday.

:ETA:
Quoted wrong post.

msoulz replied:
I ABSOLUTELY AGREE! Something smells funny and I think you should find out what is going on.

Along with the point of explaining the different rules to him and how some folks could perceive his statement as a threat.

ETA he doesn't need to hear about Columbine at his age. He just needs to know that some people are scared by certain things and it's better to leave those behaviors/statements/whatever out of school.

boyohboyohboy replied: I still cant get the priniciple to return my call. he is over all the 10 elementary schools so he isnt in one office, he travels all day.
I left a message asking for meeting with him and the teacher asap.

lisar replied:
Is there a vice principal you could talk to?

Crystalina replied:
Well that doesn't sound right. I wonder why each school doesn't have it's own principal?

Crystalina replied: Either way, bug the heck out of him. At least he/she will realize that you're willing and wanting to deal with this.

boyohboyohboy replied: I still want to go and get caleb right now...but dh wont let me.

I am making my list of what to say to this principle..

and get this, when she called me she called me from her room, which is where her phone is and caleb was there talking to me IN FRONT OF THE REST OF THE CLASS!

julesmom replied: I'd go get him right now. Ignore your dh.
I had my ds moved out of a 1st grade class where the teacher was a nightmare. It took me 3mths. As a result of what went on during those 3mths, he's been diagnosed with anxiety. I wish I trusted my gut when I first met this teacher, before that year started, and had him moved. But I didn't. I waited and tried not to rush and be the annoying parent. You know how much I wish I had him moved before that year started?
He's had great teachers since then, but that time has really affected him.

You are not "saving" him. And if you are, WHO CARES? He's 6, it's not the end of the world if you go and get your baby. It's not like he's 16 and robbed a store and you are getting him off the hook.

This teacher is overreacting BIG TIME!

edited to add: Your dh doesn't want you to go get him, but he wants you to homeschool?

A&A'smommy replied:
OMG Stacy his teacher is nuts, does she have any kids of her own? either way she has no tolerence for little boys and that is a bit ridiculous!! If I were you I would go up there right now and get to the bottom of the issue!!

boyohboyohboy replied:
just to clarify, my husband wanted to me to homeschool for mainly religious reasons. we dont feel that the school system teachs at all what we believe and didnt want him exposed at such a young age to the alternatives to what we do believe.
he believes I can home school, but it is me that is afraid to start that process. I dont have patience for that type of thing. I am a nurse not a teacher.

We did leave him at school today, but we intend to make sure he knows that he is not in trouble with us, and that he wont be punished at school if we have our way. we are also going to try to explain in a real generic way about why it was so bad what he said.....

still waiting on the principle. i am sure he is wanting to get her take on it before speaking to me.

Calimama replied: I'd go put him in another school. All the problems you're having with that school are ridiculous.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I would too. Not just because of this teacher alone, but because of other things you have also mentioned. 1 principal for 10 schools??? Even in the smallest of districts here, each school still has their own principal. Perhaps that is why teachers like this remain at this school, because there is not enough authority to make sure the teachers are doing their job. Without the property administration, a school will not strive. I would be hesitant in allowing my child to attend a district that was this big of a headache.

Stacy, you have to give yourself more credit. I know SO many homeschooling moms who thought the same thing as you. Most of them never went to college for teaching, and some of them never even went to college at all. However, their children are some the most brightest, well-mannered, socialized, and smartest kids I have ever met. Most are soaring way past the kids in their grade level in the schools. You need to believe in yourself.

jem0622 replied: sadly...that is a suspend-able offense.

luvmykids replied: Wow

Before you go see the principal, read the handbook. Ours is very specific as to what warrants suspension. Colt got written up for ASSAULT last year (in Kindy) and although what he did warranted punishment, it did not fit the schools definition of assault nor did they follow protocol on their end. In the end I got his record changed but a big part of it was keeping calm and having the ammunition I did (no pun intended).

I do think we have to let our kids be punished when they do something wrong, but ITA that suspension for saying he has a knife is ridiculous. I could understand a talking to and a warning, even so far as separating the boys at recess for a few days, but suspension is totally out of line.

luvmykids replied:
I very much agree, I think it's totally appropriate at this age to tell them why some things aren't ok to say or even pretend, and they're perfectly capable of understanding that at six.

In light of this latest problem though, maybe he shouldn't watch some of the shows for awhile that he seems to like to reenact?

msoulz replied: Anything new Stacy?? What did Caleb say when he got home?

boyohboyohboy replied:
I absolutely disagree!
He didnt threaten anyone...
and its this line of thought that needs to be changed if this is what is going on in the schools.
There needs to be come common sense here.

Nina J replied: He's just a little boy, he doesn't deserve to be suspended. Maybe if he actually pulled a knife out, but he didn't. It was a game. I mean, my kids play murder in the dark, but as if any of them are going to murder each other.

Kids are kids, obviously Caleb has a vivid imagination. From what you've said, he doesn't see violent things so how could he try to copy them? Chances are, he might have seen a knife in a cartoon. I think a gentle explanation to let him know those kind of things aren't acceptable to say would suffice.

I don't think he should be suspended and I honestly think this teacher doesn't like Caleb. I think it would be a good idea if he could change schools. He deserves an environment he can thrive in, not one where every little thing he does is punished.

Good luck Stacy