Guys, I'm having issues
MyBrownEyedBoy wrote: Hey, all. I have been a ghost around here lately. I know that, I'm sorry. I think it's time I talk about things a bit. So, bear with me, please. Or just click on the next thread. Either way. 
I've been feeling out of sorts lately. Like I don't really belong anywhere. Here at PC, work, even sometimes with my own family. My marriage is in a constant state of limbo. We just co-exist, I wouldn't even say co-habitate. My son is the only bright point. I swear it. I'm losing weight, but the only person I really want to notice, hasn't said a darn thing. I keep bluffing myself that I don't care, but that's a lie. I care lots more than I think I should.  I've not gotten so far under that I can't see the bright points, but they seem to be far fewer and farther apart than they used to be. Maybe I need to contact my doctor, but honestly, I wonder if it may be better for me to just cut ties with Aaron and move on. I deserve and want to be happy. God, how do you go about ending a 9 year relationship? And what will it do to my happy little man who loves his daddy? I am just feeling messed up right now.
Anyway, if you made it through my rant/rave/tirade/whatever, thanks. I do love you guys, I just feel out of sorts and outcast lately. In everything.
3xsthefun replied: 
I'm so sorry you are feeling down. I wish I had some words to make you feel better. But like always I never know what to say, and all I can do is offer hugs.
Just know one thing You do belong here!
PrairieMom replied: I am so sorry that you are having a rough time. I don't remember if you had tried counseling or not. I think that would be my first stop. Your son deserves to have a happy mother. He will mirror is family life growing up when he is older. You will be a better mother to him if you are happy.
jcc64 replied: I'm sorry you're feeling this way, Kelly. I honestly don't know enough about the conflicts in your marriage to comment intellingently on that situation. If you want to share, I'm here to listen.
I'm not sure why you're feeling like an outcast here at PC. You are a vital part of this community, and I value your presence here, as I'm sure others do as well. I hope you can see past the bad feelings you may be having and stick it out here. I've found PC to be a great support system, particularly when things are rough for me irl. Feel free to PM me anytime, and I hope things get better for you soon.
MyBrownEyedBoy replied:
Thanks, Tina. I really needed the hugs. I don't want to leave, that's not even in my head, just wanted to better explain why I haven't posted as much lately. But it's nice to know that you want me here.
luvmykids replied: Aw Kelly, we love you. I'm sorry things haven't gotten any better at home, I don't think there is ever an easy way to make decisions like the ones you're faced with. I think you ought to talk to your doctor, sometimes you just need help getting over the humps.
FWIW, I think you're beautiful inside and out, smart, witty, compassionate and kind and an awesome mom
Boys r us replied: You are so loved here Kelly! I know that you have a lot going on in your life outside of PC, but I just want you to know that you are 1 of select few people that are truly good hearted, well intentioned and just a good person that I've met online. Your kind heart shows through and I just want you to know that! Anyhow..as for the issues you have going on IRL sweetie..you have to listen to your inner voice..I'm sure you have a gut instinct telling you what to do and sometimes it doesn't pay to second guess that!
I know you're worried about Logan if you were to leave, my only thoughts are that you never know what Logan sees or feels..and his perception of your marriage to his dad may not be what you think he sees..kids are smarter than you think and he probably very well knows you're not happy..that can have a big impact on his life..It's not like if you and Aaron seperate that they won't get to see one another. So Just think things through well, that's all. No one can tell you what the right or wrong thing to do is, sometimes life would be a lot easier if someone else COULD make those tough decisions for us! Good Luck hun!!
Old Mom Hubbard replied: I wish I had some wise words of wisdom of my own to share, but I will share some quotes and poetry and hope it brightens your day-I will be leaving for the rest of the day (BTW YOU ARE NOT AT ALL ALONE-another message board has become home of the "terrible trolls" and seems everyone is against those they were once truly freindly with and I am so saddened that the board there was not better monitored. Now there are those I was once feeling very close with all hating me for things trolls said that were so hurtful and untrue. I am so relieved to have found this forum oasis among this big world. So glad it is monitored too!) Sorry I will share more only if you care to hear- but for now, my hubby is ready to head out the door so I shall type quickly and hope no typos!
Here, and hope it helps
Start living now. Stop saving the good china for that special occasion. Stop withholding your love until that special person materializes. Every day you are alive is a special occasion. Every minute, every breath, is a gift from God.
Mary Manin Morrissey
You've got to sing like you don't need the money, love like you'll never get hurt. You've got to dance like no one is watching. It's gotta come from the heart, if you want it to work.
Susannah Clark
To dream anything that you want to dream, that is the beauty of the human mind.
To do anything that you want to do, that is the strength of the human will.
To trust yourself, to test your limits, that is the courage to succeed.
Bernard Edmonds
PEACE IS EVERY STEP
by Thich Nhat-Hanh
Peace is every step.
The shining red sun is my heart.
Each flower smiles with me.
How green, how fresh all that grows.
How cool the wind blows.
Peace is every step.
It turns the endless path to joy.
anbd last but certainly not least
TODAY
Indian Poem
This day is a special day, it is yours.
Yesterday slipped away, it cannot be filled anymore with meaning.
About tomorrow nothing is known.
But this day, today, is yours, make use of it.
Today you can make someone happy.
Today you can help another.
This day is a special day, it is yours.
May you have a beautiful day... 
CantWait replied: Kelly, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. We love you here more then you know. I know what's it's like in a barely co-existing relationship/marriage. No advice as I'm still there, but lots of hugs.
Insanemomof3 replied: I have missed seeing you on here!!! I agree with everyone else, you do belong here and we are all here to listen if you ever need us. We love you! I am sorry you are having such a rough time right now.
Maddie&EthansMom replied: Kelly, it breaks my heart to see you so unhappy. There's so much I want to say to you right now.  I've met you and consider you a friend. I know you are a genuine, loving person. I know you deserve so much more than what you are feeling right now. You are very loved, here and by so many IRL.
I don't know what to tell you in terms of leaving Aaron. I imagine closing that chapter of your life would be very difficult. But, I also believe it would be a sense of relief, too. With your help and Aaron's cooperation, Logan can still have a great relationship with his father.
I love you, hun. If you ever need to talk, please don't hesitate to call me. If you don't have my number anymore I'd be happy to give it to you.
gr33n3y3z replied: Kelly you are very loved here 
Did you have a heart to Heart with Aaron? And did it help any?
Maybe he just needs a reminder if not then do what your heart tells you to do only you know what you should do.
As for your little guy goes he will adapt to what you choose to do bc he knows something isnt right.
amymom replied: Kelly, I have missed you. I wish you well in everything you do. So many others have put into words what I want to say better than me so I will leave that to what others have already said.
Take care of yourself and contact me anytime.
You have always been a source of strenght and information for me. Please know that.
MyBrownEyedBoy replied: Aaron and I did have a heart to heart. Right before he nearly moved out, back in December. He had gone so far as renting an apartment. We kind of moved that aside (I won't say past it) and he stuck around. I think part of it was that I simply wasn't ready to fail so spectacularly at something my parents have managed for 30+ years. He said then that if we reached that point again, there would be no more need for discussion, he'd just move out, taking only his clothes and personal belongings. So, I guess I've resisted bringing up the subject, more for fear of losing what is to an extent still comfortable, rather than because it isn't bothering me anymore.
Honestly, I am not sure I've ever really moved beyond his cheating. I've forgiven it, but I can't seem to forget it. It's always there in the back of my mind. Maybe it's truly time to admit that we don't make each other happy anymore.
MommyToAshley replied:
Kelly, Jeanne said it better than I could have. There are so many here that care for you, I hope you know and believe that. I so wish I could give you that hug in person.
I'm so sorry that things are so down for you right now. I think you are the only one that can answer whether or not you want to stay in the marriage. If you think it is worth fighting for, I would seek counseling. No marriage is perfect and without some bumps along the way. All marriages are hard work, regardless how perfect they may seem to outsiders. But, if you feel that you will never make each other happy, then you should do what is best for you. Logan will be better off in the long run then to grow up in an unhappy marriage. I hope you find the peace and happiness you so deserve.
Kirstenmumof3 replied: I would definately contact your doctor, it sounds like you have a lot of symptoms of depression! I'm glad you posted here! Remeber we're always here for you!
MyBrownEyedBoy replied: Thanks, Kirsten. I've had a history of depression for a long time now. Since Junior High. I've been taking welbutrin for about 6 months now, I should go in for a recheck about now anyway. I think I'll make the call on Monday.
Thanks, everyone for the hugs. It's nice to know that I am a welcome member of the club. And Jeanne, it's not truly PC that I've been feeling alienated in, it's just everyday life. Everything in general. Thanks for making me feel valued.
MomToJade&Jordan replied: Oh hun you are loved and I hate that you are feeling so down. Someone above said to go with your gut and I'm going to have agree with that. In the end Logan will be all right, because you will be happy and that is the most important thing.
kimberley replied: i have been there and my only advice to you is talk about it. don't go through this alone. we are all here for you... anytime.. ok?!
My3LilMonkeys replied:
Jamison'smama replied: I just want to send many hugs and support. Don't hesitate to call your Doctor, about this I don't know how much Wellbutrin you are on but bumping it up may make a difference. Just a little increase can sometimes able you to make decisions and see the other side.
Therapy is never a bad idea...even just for yourself to help you talk out the difficult decisions and feel supported.
Hugs to you and your beautiful boy!
ediep replied: so sorry that you are feeling down
Calimama replied: Awww I'm sorry you are going through so much. The reply's in this post alone should show you how important and wanted you are here. 
Mommy2BAK replied: You have my total support whatever path you may chose.
Crystalina replied: Along with everyone else I'm also sorry you are feeling this way.
DH and I split after 10 yrs and I was the one to move out and get an apartment but then again we had no children so I didn't have to worry about that. It would be tough with a kid. I hope you can get over the slump that you are in. I don't know enough about your personal life but I'm pretty sure that on here you are very loved and welcome and shouldn't feel on the outs. You probably just feel like that here because of what's going on in your personal life.
If you think it is that seriouse then I am with the others that you should see a doctor, especially if you have had bouts of depression before. I wish you only the best Kelly.
A&A'smommy replied: I'm so sorry honey!!!! Do what you need to do and I hope things get better for you soon!! Were always here for you to rant
Our Lil' Family replied: I wish I had words or advice but I don't. I just wanted you to know that I love knowing you and I'll pray for you! You deserve happiness in whatever form that may be!
mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
HuskerMom replied:
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