Grandma NOT listening to me! - HELPPPPP! (kind of long, sorry)

TeagansMom609 wrote: Ok, my husband's mother is driving me nuts! She is a big baker, and every day she is baking brownies, cookies, cake, etc. So there is ALWAYS something on the counter at her house. Well, Teagan has picked up on that.

Everytime Teagan goes over there, which is 2 days a week while im at work, and once during the weekend when we are there too. Every day she goes over there my MIL feeds her whatever Teagan wants. She will NEVER let her cry, she never says no or disciplines her. So anyway, she is constantly giving her junk to eat. The other day I bring over some healthy snacks for her to eat and told her I brought food from home for Teagan to snack on. (trying to hint I didnt want her eating crap all day) Of course Teagan starts whining for cookies so his mother gives her cake. Obviously, not caring about how I feel. Then when I pick her up, I notice a whole bunch of brownies gone from the counter and she gave her a honey bun!

I dont know what to do. She wont listen to me, and no matter what I say she will just give it to her anyway or just wait until I leave and give her what ever she wants. My DH doesnt really care either. He doesnt think its a big deal. It will be once the dental bill comes in! His whole family is skinny and they eat what ever they want, so they dont even consider her ever beefing up from eating all the junk.

Anyone have any advice? I cant #@$@ her off, she watches both kids 2 days a week for me, so what ever I say, I have to say it VERY nicely.

What I REALLY want to say is....Stop giving Teagan all that crap when ever she comes over! She is NOT your child and I would REALLY appreciate it if you would listen to me when I ask you not to give her junk! Are YOU going to pay for her dentures when she is 16 because you stuffed brownies in her mouth every time she came over???

I know my Grandmother gave me alot of cookies when I came over but that was only once a month or so, not 3 times a week! GRRRRR!!!!!!!

Our Lil' Family replied: Hmmm...touchy. I think I'd just politely say, I'd really rather Teagan have these snacks that I brought instead of sweets. And then tell her that it'd be easier for her if Teagan not even see the sweets.

Good luck!

PrairieMom replied: Can you balme it on your Dr? say you have to start instilling healthy eating habits, Dr's orders! Then bring over healthy meals and snacks.

holley79 replied:
I was just thinking the same thing. Put it off on someone else.

ilovemybaby replied: You could tell her that you just found out from the doctor that she is allergic to gluten and wheat? Then she wouldn't be able to give her anything with normal flour etc in it. But that might be going too far I guess... You really shouldn't have to lie to her. She should respect your wishes. If it was just once a week even IMO that would be ok. But three times a week is getting a bit OTT.
I don't know... she isn't going to be watched by her granny for much longer am I right? She looks like she is about 3 now. So another 2 years and she'll be at school. Then granny won't be able to shove brownies down her throat three times a week. But I know it is important that she learns good eating habits now rather than later. I think JMO as long as you teach her good eating habits at home and don't give her junk at home then she will probably only associate grannys with junk food. As long as she doesn't start asking for that stuff at home as well KWIM?

I know it's hard to say something because my own mother and sister gave my daughter stuff she wasn't allowed at only 4 months old and I sometimes still catch them giving her things she isn't supposed to have yet (like peanuts). I do tell them she isn't allowed that but they don't really listen. It's sort of like I can tell them not to (firmly eg don't give her that stuff or you just won't see her anymore/as much) and risk losing good relationships and possibly the only two babysitters I have... or bite my tongue which I hate doing.
And my mother also gives Abby junk food as soon as we go to her house. Which is kind of annoying but it's only once a week thankfully. The last time we were there she filled up this little container with lollies for her But the good thing is that she still gives her fruit and things like yoghurt and not just junk all the time. Perhaps your MIL could dip some fruit into chocolate and give that to her? It's still 1/2 junky but still good for her ... there are heaps of things she could enjoy giving to her that are not so bad for her.

ilovemybaby replied: P.S. Sometimes I think they do these things and don't listen to us so they can cause an argument and then say "oh she doesn't like me". Ok maybe I'm paranoid Maybe it's just because I watched Dr Phil yesterday (we get old episodes) and it was about MILs.

NEWMOM05 replied:
I agree. Blame the Dr.

gr33n3y3z replied: You could blame it on the Dr but she will only say what do they know I did it with my kids and they are fine then your back to square one all over again.

Is it like she is letter her eat the whole plate of sweets or just a few?
If its just a few dont worry about it it will get old fast

But still send her own snacks with her

mom21kid2dogs replied: You can bring it up nicely with MIL, but frankly, I doubt she'll change. Food=love is a very hard mindset to break, especially if she prides herself on her baking and that's the way it's always been there.

Seems to me that the choices are limit Tegan's time there (make other arrangements for her), live with it or ask her to limit the amount of sweets to one or two per visit. Taking a middle of the road approach *might* work as your MIL can still feel likes she's "loving" Tegan by giving her sweets and Tegan could get some heathy options that you send after her brownie and honey bun fix.

Good luck! Sounds like a sticky situation!!! (Sorry, I just couldn't resist!!)

Andersen's Mom replied: That's a tough one. My mom has already given my 2 month old a taste of cupcake icing, and my husband was livid. The worse part is that he told him he was angry, and she laughed! No wonder I can't pass up sweets myself!

I have decided that Grandma can feed him sweets (after age 1, anyhow ), but we just won't. Of course, we plan to limit time there after age 1, so I really probably am no help to you.

ashtonsmama replied: Sorry...I know someone else here was dealing with Grandma (I think Rocky was) and the same situation. I feel for you both! Just remember, she's YOUR daughter and you get to raise her in the way that feels right to you, don't let Grandma try to do it for you, and try to stand your ground, I know it's hard...

TeagansMom609 replied: Thanks for you responses everyone. I guess im in between a rock and a hard place since I need her to watch both kids 2 days a week.

Lastnight she gave Teagan an ice cream cone before dinner and of course then she didnt want to eat her dinner! So once she thought I wasnt around she gave Teagan junk to eat since she didnt eat dinner and of course Teagan was happy about that. So I took it away from her and said "I dont think so"! "She didnt have dinner, so she is NOT eating that, i will feed her when we get home"! She says, "Oh what the hell, just let her have it".

GRRRRRRR.............

coasterqueen replied: I wish I had some advice but I don't.

My parents and both sets of IL's are scared to death of me because I was frank with them up front about what my kids are aloud to eat and what they aren't etc. So they know if my kids get something they are not supposed to and I find out I will speak my mind and then some.

lisar replied: My inlaws are the complete opposite. They are snobby and stuck up. They wouldnt give my kid a brownie if I begged them to. (which is why they dont see them very often)
But I do understand you anger.