For those who have kids of same sex

coasterqueen wrote: Okay, I'm trying to figure this all out and DH is being a DONKEY about this all. Since we are having another little girl it makes planning easier, but of course with my personality I have to make this tough on myself. I'll see if I can explain w/o writing a story.

Kylie's room is decorated in bees, ladybugs, butterflies, etc. She never slept in her crib so her crib outfit was barely used. At one time when DH and I discussed this I said we'd move Kylie back to the other bedroom and let the new baby have her room and just use all her same decor for the baby's room. Well now I'm starting to think that will be too much of an adjustment for Kylie to move to a new bedroom, especially since it's even farther from our bedroom, not far, but it's not in "eye" distance like her room is. So I was thinking of just putting the baby back in that room and just decorating her room in something new. That way I could leave Kylie's room the same because really she's not old enough to decide what she wants for decor so why change it right? So is my thinking confusing you now? Dh thinks we should leave Kylie's decor the same but still use the same bedding back in the new baby's room since Kylie isn't using that anymore. So that would mean I'd have to find all new decor to go with the bedding and then both of them would have the same theme. That seems a bit weird to me, shouldn't they have their own themes to make them unique? Am I being silly about this?

So then I was reading on another board and well decided not to visit there anymore because well...I feel like crap every time I read it. Anyways, that's not the issue. Someone mentioned that they were happy they were having a different sex this time around so their children don't have to have hand-me-downs. So that got me thinking of course and started to make me cry. Cry? Why? I don't want the second one to feel like she's always getting hand-me-downs and doesn't have her "own" style of sorts, kwim? I don't want that to be something my DD remembers from her childhood. I know that sounds very petty. I didn't have to worry about it with my sis because we are almost 6 years apart so we didn't experience that.

Dh is already being a donkey like I said about the bedding and decorating the baby's room but he also won't let me buy even an outfit or two for the new baby. He thinks it's stupid to spend ANY money when we have all the stuff. I feel like I can't even get excited about decorating a nursery and/or getting any new stuff for this baby. Am I being stupid? Is my pregnancy hormones just getting the better of me?

My doc said at our last appointment that she suggested we work on the nursery and stuff now (in small spurts of time since I'm on partial bedrest) just in case I have to go on full bedrest later. My mom thought the same thing. I was putting it off but now I think maybe it'll get me in the spirit of having another baby and forgetting about all these other issues. Can someone come over and kick my DONKEY in the you-know-what at least? Why does he have to be so darn cheap all the time? The funny thing is if this was some stupid electronic gadget like the several thousands he's spent on his theatre system in the basement then it'd be ok.

Why is it when you have more than one it doesn't seem as exciting? It should, right? Maybe it's because I know I don't get to go out and buy a bunch of cute things or have a baby shower. I barely got anyone to throw me one the first time...so I know I won't get one the second time, especially having another girl.

maestra replied: I bought a new crib set for this new baby since I didn't want to use the same one from Jaci. I figured that since this baby won't have a room of her own for awhile, that she should at least have a new crib set. I got it at Toys R Us on clearance for $20, so dh didn't mind.

I at least had an excuse- this baby will be born in Jan, where Jaci was born in September. In AZ, it's still in the 100s in September, whereas it is now in the 60s. But I tried not to buy too much. But I know what you mean, I didn't feel like I was really preparing for the new baby unless I bought stuff!

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I don't think you are being silly at all. I'm sorry Ryan is being an ass. Sorry had to say it. I will come kick your ass in the butt if you would like. Okay, I'll stop.

I really do see where you are coming from. I would feel the same way. I had so much fun buying things for Ethan and planning his nursery when I was pg . I didn't have much money and didn't get to do everything I wanted to do, but I did do some things and to me that made it more real and exciting. I was sort of hoping for a girl so I wouldn't have to buy as much, though. Come to find out not many of Maddie's clothes and other things were pass me down worthy so I would have bought more anyway.

My thinking is....if you were to have a boy you would be buying new things anyway so why not buy something new for your new little girl? But, if Ryan won't budge on the issue, she will never know the difference and it won't make a difference in how she turns out if she gets hand me downs. As parents we do the best we can. Loving her is most important and she won't be lacking in that dept. Pay no nevermind to what some other stuck up girl says about hand me downs. It doesn't mean you don't love her any less...it just means that putting food on the table is MORE important. I bet the bedding is cute. Aside from the fact that you are probably tired of looking at it and don't want 2 rooms the same. If I had some extra boy bedding lying around I'd mail it to you.

Tell Ryan it is important to you to do this baby room different and it will help you get excited about her arrival. Good luck and I hope you get the nursery you want.

jcc64 replied: BTDT Karen. My boys always shared a room b/c we didn't have another room to separate them. My kids are soooooo jealous of their friends that have their own rooms. And yet, when one of them has a sleep over, the other one can't stand to be alone and sleeps with us!
I would go ahead and buy a few little outfits for the new baby. Every baby deserves to have a few new things, whether your "donkey" agrees or not. As far as the room goes, I would do whatever you need to minimize the disruption to Kylie. For the time being, the baby wouldn't care if she was sleeping in a dresser drawer, kwim? I'm just getting around to painting the mural on Corey's bedroom walls now. Everything doesn't have to get done before the fact, especially in light of your situation. I think it's great that you're already tuned into your baby's identity as a younger same sex sibling. It is a defining part of her existence, and the more aware of it you are the better off she'll be.

Jamison'smama replied: hmmm, that is a toughie--I was very sad that I couldn't pass Jamison's stuff on to a new baby and had to buy all new---when you moved her to her big bed you kept the same theme and just added new bedding? Can you use the same crib stuff and pull something different out of it to make it different than Kylie's--like just use the butterflies? I think you could use the same bedding and make it a very different room with less cost.

I painted a couple of things that were in Jamison's room to match Jack's stuff--so in essence they are hand-me downs---

What about buing a new blanket for Ashlyn and having it monogrammed and use it with the bedding---but do whatever you need to do to make life easier and more fun for YOU...you can get all new stuff online so really, do what you want---you can shop all you want from the comfort of your own home.

kit_kats_mom replied: Tell Ryan to quit it! You are already having a tough enough time and he needs to let you have some fun.

I'm using most of K's baby stuff, including her bedding but I did buy a couple of new outfits (mostly just onsies and a coming home outfit). I figure, the baby is too young to realize now that she will be getting hand me downs. I will wait until she's a bit older to really focus on making sure she doesnt' get all of K's old stuff & nothing of her own.

My biggest problem is that K is such a neat kid, that all of her toys and clothes are still almost like new. It's crazy.

3_call_me_mama replied: We are using some of Cameron's things for Kathleen becasue we had some neutral things but we got mostly new clothes and a second hand bed set in a more girlie theme than baby blues clues.. eventhough cameron never used his. Plus we got her a bunch of things off ebay to decorate her room inexpensively. But we tried to reuse as much as possible to save $$. But I think it would be even harder to have another of the same sex cause I too would feel they were getting the short end... but do as other suggested.. monogram a couple new things and maybe paint a few thing but i definately would keep Kylie in her room just to keep something constant in her life after the baby comes.

ediep replied: ok Karen, I don't have 2 but I wanted to share my friends experiences....

she has a 2 year old boy and just had another boy. She decided to move the 2 year old to another room and put the new baby in his room, and she ended up with the 2 year old not being able to sleep in the new room. He started having night terrors.

Now I am sure that is extreme and while I'm sure that will not happen to Kylie, I might consider if it were Jason, not moving his room. Just put the baby in the other room.

I specifically, made Jason's room not baby-ish so he could grow with it, so when or if I am to have another child, boy or girl, I would keep Jason in his room.

Good Luck!!!!!!

coasterqueen replied: Thanks everyone for your thoughts. DH does agree we should keep Kylie in her room because she already gets scared in there and doesn't sleep all thru the night, we'd hate to see what happens if we move her to a new room.

It's hard to explain about the bedding situation though. When I did Kylie's room I bought the bedding, ALL the wall hangings that matched the bedding, the wallpaper board to match the bedding, sheets, lamp, mobile, coat wall hanger, etc, etc. Right now the print is something she can grow into at least for awhile. We even found young girl bedding that complimented all the things in her room already so I'd like to keep her room that way. BUT if we took the bedding (from the crib) and put it into Ashlyn's room then in essence even if I changed things up a bit by putting new wall hangings, etc....we'd still spend quite a bit..just not money on the bumper pads, mobile and bedspread. And they would still be pretty similar.

I just had a talk with the donkey (hee hee) and he said if it's that important to me I can get new bedding although he says "yes, I'm cheap and I don't see the need". And he said I could buy an outfit or two but I can't go bonzaii (sp?) as he calls it with buying too much. Which I guess he's right..I tend to do that sometimes.

I am excited that I get to pass certain clothes down to Ashlyn. I'm really wanting to bring Ashlyn home in the same outfit I brought Kylie home in just because I liked the outfit. I guess I'm just afraid my cheapo DH is going to be a cheapskate forever because Ashlyn could always have hand-me-downs. I don't know why that's an issue for me because Kylie wears second hand clothes..that doesn't bother me. Maybe some of this is my pg hormones going rampant.

I'm glad to know I'm not alone in how I feel though. I had always thought I'd use the same bedding, but then again I thought for some (weird) reason that Kylie would be ready to have a new "look" to her room...but she could care less except she really does love her FROG picture. I could never take that away from her. Hee hee.

~Roo'sMama~ replied: I'm glad your DH is seeing it your way now! If I was in your place I would definitely want to buy new stuff for the new baby! Of course you can hand some clothes down to Ashlyn but it's just fun to buy new stuff - I can't wait to start buying stuff for my baby... it's just part of the excitment.
The bedding issue is tougher but it sounds like you got it pretty much worked out.
Have fun buying all the new stuff!!

Maddie&EthansMom replied:
This is the exact thing I was going to put in my reply. You probably think if he starts with the room and you oblige that the poor baby will never have anything of her own. I would feel the same way.

~Roo'sMama~ replied:
Lol I have a sister that's 2 years older than I am and I was forever getting her hand-me-downs. What I didn't get from her, I got from friends of my mom's with daughters. I HATED it ~ on the rare occasion that I got something brand new it was the most exciting thing in the world!

jolene555 replied: I guess I'm like your husband. When I picked out Georgia's bedroom I made sure it would be gender neutral for future babies (moons and stars). I plan on keeping her in there until I get pregnant and then moving her into a new "big girl" room over the 9 months. I was the baby in our family, and knew nothing but hand-me-downs and never had a problem with it. In fact, Georgia get's 90% of her clothes from my niece. After all, she only gets to wear them about 3 times before she outgrows them.

I went through the same thing, though, while I was pregnant. I wanted her to have everything new and clean. I attributed it to the nesting thing. If it had a stain I wouldn't use it. That lasted for a week.

I don't think things like bedroom decorations and clothes are as important as, say, a scrapbook. As the baby I have very few pictures of myself growing up (unlike my older sisters), and I think that is more damaging then wearing my sister's clothes. It's just my preference.

amynicole21 replied: Now you've all got ME thinking! I was going to move Sophia to a new room. She never uses her room for anything other than clothes and toy storage anyway Whether this baby is a boy or a girl, s/he will be using all of Sophia's stuff for the first 3 months at least. We didn't know Sophia's gender before she was born so everything is neutral already.

I guess I'm not really concerned about the hand-me-down issue while the baby is still so young. I totally agree with you though about making them feel special as they grow.

Buy some new clothes, get some new blankets or toys... it will make YOU feel better, which is very important too

jcc64 replied: Get the new bedding, Karen. The way you've explained it, it makes sense, both economically and emotionally. He gave his "blessing", run with it!

DansMom replied: My sister is two years older than me, and I was definitely a hand-me-down, thrift-store clothing kid. Being rural and attending an alternative school, it didn't matter so much socially, but I did feel like I wanted my own things, especially in my pre-teen years. I can't say it was a huge issue though, especially since my grandparents always bought both of us new coats in the winter and new sneakers in the summer, which we looked forward to. A newborn won't care what she's wearing, but I would still want to get one or two unique outfits for a second child for my own psychological reasons. I buy all of Daniel's clothes at a high-end resale store---the stuff is all brand new in appearance, and high quality brands, each item costing between 1 and 7 dollars. I still can't bring myself to buy brand new things when there is so much barely used stuff out there (in our town at least) for a third of the price---my mom's influence I guess!

What was harder for me growing up is that my parents took more photos of Cindy as a baby and filled her baby book with stories and interesting details. Mine is about half full and hastily written. My dad went to Vietnam when I was still a small toddler and my mom had her hands full. I'm totally over it now and completely understand, but as a child I was troubled by the different treatment in keeping memories of us.

MomToMany replied: Being #3 out of 7, I have seen my fair share of hand-me-downs. There is 6 girls and 1 boy. My brother always got new clothes of course, and we hated him for that (he's #5 in the line-up). My mom sewed a lot of our clothes, too, which was one of tyhe only times we got "new" clothes. although one year. she must not have wanted to do any sewing, and ordered a bunch of clothes from JC Penney. The UPS man was busy that day.

I say buy what you want, the bedding and the outfits. I agree that it will help make the child feel unique and not stuck with just hand-me-downs. I couldn't stand looking at the same clothes once the got to Ethan, so he got lots of new stuff. I got rid of EVERYTHING that didn't fit anyone this past summer, so we will need to buy clothes whenever they grow out of their current sizes.
I'm cheap by nature too, but sometimes you just have to suck it up and splurge a little bit. They are only little once .

MamaMartie replied: Your dh is being a butthead, but he really just doesn't get it.
Maybe you could come toa compromise. Like you keep the old bedding, but paint the walls and decorate the room, differnently.

As for the clothes, all children deserve some new clothes. Plus children are built differently. I have 2 sons and 2 dds. My sons are built slightly differently and I found all the stuff I saved after 3T didn't really fir my younger son, so I wasted the space when someone else could have made use of those clothes. My 2 dd's so far have been able to wear the same clothes, but the younger one does get new ones too. Stuff wears out and gets stained. That is the way of things. Probably more than half of her clothes are new. I am expectign another dd in March. She'll have some of her sisters' clothes and some new stuff. As of yet no one has been trmatized by hand-me-downs in my family. But I think it helps that they gets new stuff too.

Also you could ask friends and family to buy you new stuff as A Christmas/baby gift. You might even be able to ask around and trade your nursery set for someone elses.

If all else fails negotiate a trade, your dh can get something with the name panasonic on it if you can have "X" amount of money to buy new baby stuff. Don't underestimate the power of negotiation where men are concerned.