First Child - Need some info and encouragement

salmndr007 wrote: Hey everyone,

Well, after being on this site for 8+ hours a day for the last couple of days, I feel right at home. My wife and I got married on 23 December 05. Our scheduled date was originally 21 April 2007 but, we found out the great news and decided to move up the date so that the Navy could help pay with the expenses. All of her doctors told her she wouldn't be able to have children because she had amenoria (sp?) and all of the beatings her body took as a gymnast for so many years. Well, we sure did surprise those doctors. Now we are looking at a possibility of twins (We go back for the ultrasound on 10 January 06). I was wondering what advice everyone could give to my wife and I for having our first little bundle(s) of joy. We are working on paying down the credit card and I have started setting $200 a month aside (should it be more?) so we are kind of learning as we go. We appreciate all the comments and input from those with a little more experience.

moped replied: It sounds like you guys are doing great and very excited to be parents - it is truly a wonderful experience - the best journey I have ever been on!!!!

Welcome to PC and hope to see more of you - how exciting to have possibly twins!

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Congrats!

Amennorhea (sp?) from gymnastics, skating etc usually goes away once you get out of the sport for a while. A cousin of mine was a gymnast from when she was 4 - she got out at 23, after she got married.... she'd never menstruated until then.

Good luck!

Oh - and 200$ a month sounds great... but if you have more to spare, try to put more aside. Diapers are expensive to begin with... and you might have TWO little ones going through them.

If she will be breastfeeding, it is HARD - it's not as natural as you might think... from experience, it takes patience, and hard work. Don't be, and don't let her, get discouraged. If you are bottle feeding, formula feeding, it gets expensive as well... especially with 2 babies.

And it's no picnic - it's the best experience in the world... but you have to remember that it's better to put the child down in the crib for 5 minutes for you to cool off than to harm the child. It doesn't make you a bad parent to walk away for a few minutes.

Those are some things I wish someone had told me.

MamaJAM replied: OK...I actually need to get off the computer...but wanted to just throw in one piece of 'semi-related' advice...

Have your wife (and yourself if you'd like) keep a journal. It's great to have a place to write down your thoughts and feelings during pregnancy. Also - a journal is a great place to write down and questions/concerns mom (or dad) has between doctor visits so nothign is forgotten. Also -- I used mine to record info and note from each doc appointment (my weight - how big I was measuring - the baby's heart-beat rate). Also - taking it along to the hospital during labor/delivery is a good way to keep occupied if things take a while...and it's helpful to write down your experiences as soon as you can after delivery so you never forget them.

I wish someone had told me to keep a journal with my first baby -- I feel so lost that I don't have any detailed records of that very special time. I kept a journal with each of my other 4 kids and they are all precious books in my eyes.

Just wanted to get my in on this one right away.


btw -- Sounds like you guys are off to a great start preparing for your tiny tot (or tots). Good luck on the 10 - keep us posted.

CantWait replied: I don't have any advice for after a child is born except to always make time. Life is so hectic sometimes and we totally forget to make time, for your kids, your partner, and especially yourself. If you're happy, and taken care of, then it's more likely that your family will be happy.

For you wife, before the baby is born. Make a labor plan. What you would like to see happen during the labor process (does she want drugs, does she want them offered to her), does she want to bf the baby(ies) right after they are born. Who she wants in the room with her. All these things will really help the nurses and doctors know what kind of birth experience she would like.

Glad you're enjoying here already, it's quite addicting (although I'm not )

C&K*s Mommie replied: Well to the PC boards, and CONGRATS to you and your wife on your new life that began together on the 23rd of Dec, and CONGRATS for the pregnancy!

Advice that I could give to you would be to really savor every minute of this from now on. Even at those times that you think that you are going to go insane, remember that it is a well traveled road. Most of us here have been through it, and that you are not alone. No doubt there will be times that you may wish you could turn back the clock, or you would wish that time would speed up some (especially when they enter the 'terrific two's' ). It really is a time to be treasured. Is this the first PG for the two of you?? Looking at your siggy pic, I see a cute little boy, that may be biologically one of yours, and by love the others. If this is the first PG for her, I would say from personal experience, to enjoy every minute of it. Saying that may get me alot of dirty looks or BOO's . But even through the misery of being PG in the dead heat of summer (with my first), and with alot of the other 'pains' (my midwife nagging me) that I encountered during those 9mosI did my best to smile, and realize that I will never have another 'first' PG again.

Again, most of us here have been through it, and countless generations have as well, even before us. So your wife will not be alone. I still look up to women that have children older than ours, and realize that if they are not clinically insane...why should I be? Know what I mean?? If at any time you or she needs to come to vent, or ask advice feel free to do so. We are a 24hr place to come.

BEST WISHES!!! KEEP US POSTED ON THE UPCOMING EVENTS!!

salmndr007 replied: LOL,

no, that is Jessica's nephew, William. He and his younger sister are adorable. We look after them a lot so I have already gotten a lot of time in with kids. Thank you all for your thoughts and suggestions. I will take them all in and use them to the fullest of my ability. I especially like the idea of the journal. This is our first PG and it would be great to have a journal account of all of the emotions and whatnot that went on during this time. Keep the suggestions coming.

CAMSMOM1 replied: So much advice to give to new parents! First of all, congradulations! I"m sure you're on cloud 9!



I also kept a journal when I was pregnant. And have continued to write in it after Cam was born. There are so many emotions you are going through, it's a nice way to vent, and to keep memories in there...believe it or not, you soon forget certain things. And it'll be nice to hand down to Cam when hes older to read.

Stock up on Diapers! I had a 3 month supply ready before Cam was born, and wipes. I knew after having the baby I would be tired, and not wanting to run to the store twice a week. Plus, diapers are expensive! So I bought a few packs of newborns, and then a lot of size 1 diapers...they stay in those for awhile. A 2 packs of size 2's.

I would recommend breastfeeding. Even though it's a "natural" thing, it can be a lot of work. So get as much help/advice from the nurses in the hospital. And try to breastfeed the baby the first chance you have, usually you can right after birth. It's the best thing for the baby. It helps them to gain weight, keeps them healthy, gives their bodies immunity, less ear infections, great for the brain develop....so many benefical things. And invest in a breast pump. Once her milk comes in, you can start pumping the milk, and freezing it. When she goes back to work, or if you go out somewhere, it's nice to have that milk you can stick in a bottle and go. It stays good for 6 months in the freezer. And a breast pump helps keep the milk supply up. If she has any problems breastfeeding once she gets home, she could see a Lactation Consultant through her doctor, or the hospital she delievered at, and they can really help her be successful.

For you as a father, I would try to be as supportive, and patient as you can be. The first trimester of pregnancy, she has a lot of hormones going on, moody swings, she's tired, scared, maybe morning sickness. Try to keep in mind that her body and hormones are CONSTANTLY changing every day, and she needs you to be understanding. Try to go to the OB appts with her. Help her around the house. And get involved in planning for the baby...as it looks like you already have been.

You do get a lot of great things at baby showers, but the big items you will have to buy. Such as baby furniture and such. If you have any close friends or family that have any baby clothes or items they aren't using, take em! I got so much from my sister, who has 3 boys, and everything was in good condition. It really saved us a lot of money. I would try to buy one big item, once a month.

Has your wife started on pre-natal vitamins yet? You can buy them over the counter. Prenatals are essential through out the pregnancy. Try to take them at night, because they can upset her stomach in the morning. It gives the baby all the vitamins and minerals it needs.

Write down all the questions you have for the doctor before each appt. That way you are ready for the doctor, since you usually only have a few min. with him, and you don't forget to ask anything.

Good luck! It sounds like you both are on the right tracks. Saving money and planning ahead! I can't wait to find out if you are having twins!

Ann

MamaJAM replied: Oh yes - another bit of advice...

Resist the urge to buy a lot of "newborn" sized clothing and diapers. Babies grow out of them so quickly. A size 1 diaper can be folded down. And if you baby is teeny enough to wear newborn clothing for more than a week - you can always run out and buy a few more outfits.

CAMSMOM1 replied: After my long post, I still forgot to say something

Don't forget to ask for help from family members. Once the baby is born, and you get home, you'll be so tired from not sleeping and the labor...that you won't have time to cook or clean. If you have family or close friends that want to help, let them know what you need. If you need them to bring over dinner, or pick up some milk at the store, or watch the baby for a couple hours while you both catch up on some sleep. My sister helped us out a lot the first few days. I was a wreck, I hadn't slept in 48 hours and was going nuts! And it was nice to get support from my sister and a helping hand. Try to take turns at night, when the baby gets up. Sleep is the hardest thing after having a baby, but your wife really needs to get some rest. So they more help you can give her, or family, the easier it will be on all of you.

Ok, I could go on forever! I'm a 1st time Mom myself, and I wish I had this board to help me when I had my son!

You'll do fine! Good luck!

Ann

C&K*s Mommie replied: Good point, too! I also suggest taking advantage of end of season sales. You never really know how big you child(ren) may be the next yr, but if you buy in anticipation, but you do not spend a fortune, you can still come out ahead. Like if you see a size 5/6 outfit on sale for really cheap-- buy it, and pack it away for when they will be able to fit in it. We also always buy a size or two bigger for our girls then what they are in. Our youngest is small, and nothing really ever fits anyhow, but I still buy bigger clothes on sale, hopefully so she will still be able to wear them for more than one season. Shoes are the same way, we buy big so they will get more than a few months wear out of them. It saves money.

remtana replied: Congrats! There is nothing like that feeling of excitement when you know you are having a baby!

One thing that my DH and I did that I would recommend to anyone, is buy diapers, wipes, baby food in advance. I wish we would have bought more baby food.

It is so nice to have all that stuff stocked up. I waited with formula though, becuase you might have to switch (if she is not breastfeeding). I learned that the hard way, I spent like $75 on 3 huge cans from Sam's and had to switch brands and we had only used one can. I sold the other ones though. They hadn't been opened yet.

Good Luck and have fun!

Angela

My3LilMonkeys replied: You have already gotten a lot of great advice from everyone else so I don't have too much to add.

For your wife - tell her to stock up on maxi pads and nursing pads (I can't remember if that's the right name for them or not?) before the due date. Also lots of staples for groceries, TP, other around the house basics. Then she'll be able to stay home for a few weeks if she doesn't feel like going out.

For you - in those first few weeks/months, every little thing helps. When the baby is napping, offer to do laundry or wash dishes so she can rest too. If she is bottle feeding, alternate night feedings. If she is breastfeeding, bring the baby to her so she doesn't have to get out of bed. She will appreciate it more that you can know - especially if she doesn't have to ask for the help.

luvmykids replied: Congrats, congrats, congrats! I have twins who are almost 4, and don't let the thought of that scare you. For me, it hasn't been nearly as hard as I feared! My biggest piece of advice (which may be controversial) would be to get them on a sleep schedule once they're able to eat enough to be satisfied for a few hours at a time. That is what kept us sane during the not-sleeping-through-the-night-period. It kept us from having one wake up as soon as we had fallen asleep after feeding/changing the other one. Also, I nursed as much as I good but got a really good breast pump so my husband could help with feedings. And with twins my mantra was "No baby dies from crying." I just kept in mind there was one of me and two of them and sometimes someone may just have to wait a minute! Stay calm (they're good at picking up on your state of mind), and definitely take up offers of help! Swings/bouncy seats were also a lifesaver with twins.

Repititious, but SLEEP when THEY sleep! I was so busy trying to get all 83,000 other things done when they slept that I barely remember the early months out of exhaustion and I wish I'd been more rested so I could enjoy it.

There's so much joy in store for you, with a singleton or twins. Above all else, stick together and be a team. And as hard as it will be, do your best to make time for even 10 minutes together when they're asleep. The best thing you can do for a child/children is protect and treasure your marriage!

Best wishes and again, congrats!

CAMSMOM1 replied: Here I am again, with something else to say!

One of the best things I bought for myself when I was pregnant, was a book!

"What to expect when you're expecting" THis was the best book! Usually I don't like to read. But a friend recommended it to me, and I was hooked! It tells you what to expect from week to week, how your baby is growing, what your body is going through, things to look out for, ect. It also has a big section for 1st time Dad's. It's an easy book to read, and answers EVERY question you could possibly have. It's like a parent's manual for 1st time parents. I couldn't tell you enough how much that book helped me!

I loved the book, and it really helped me and my DH through our prg.

And they made a 2nd book, "What to expect during the 1st year" That was also a great book to have, answer breastfeeding questions,labor, teething, and so many other things. It's a handy thing to have around. First time parents have a million questions!

And of course, you have us 24/7!

And my last piece of advice.... Buy a swing! (or 2 swings since you're having twins) The first 4 months that's the only thing my son would sleep in! And it give you guys a break from holding them. Ask around to see if anyone has a swing they aren't using, a friend or family member. I had to buy my swing, but it was the best investment I ever bought! It was the kind that swang back and forth, or side to side. My son loved it, and he slept, so I was a happy Mama!

Ok...I'm done!

Ann

fashionmumofboys replied: Congratulations, and how exciting to be expecting your first child. I remember those days. I was on

The ladies here have given excellent tips and ideas.

Wanted to wish your wife a happy and healthy 9 months.