Feeling sad...

guertin31 wrote: Had a BIG fight with Allison last night. I found out she lied to me about her X boyfriend. Basicly, her X takes college classes with her and she knew that I felt uncomfortable with it. Ali basicly told me that he is an a##ho and a this and that and that she has no interest in talking to him... So a few months ago she changed her cell phone # cause she got a new cell plan. Guess who called her yesterday?and guess who picked up her cell when her X called?

Allison lied to me about

1. talking to her X
2. giving her cell # to him and NOT telling me
3. told me he was a friend from camp and not her X.

dude.. last night was bad... i hate it when im lied too.. i feel like such an idiot and i dont know what to do...

~KARA~ replied: Im sory that you guys had a fight!
Being lied to is one thing that I hate too!! My dh couldnt lie to me if his life depended on it. Which for me is a good thing.

She should have just been honest with you adn told you the truth. You probably would have still been mad/upset about it but you would have worked throught it.

I hope things get better!!

moped replied: Awww I am so sorry..............I can only speak for the woman here because I am one and that is................

Maybe he is jsut a guy and a freind and I am certain nothing else, and she knew you would be upset if she said anything, so it was easier to not ay anything at all................KWIM?

I am sorry you had a fight and I totally understand why you are upset, you have every right to be.

What was her explanation?

My2Beauties replied: You have every right to be upset, if I pulled that one on DH he would be livid. From her perspective, I agree with Jen, she probably is just not wanting you to go off the deep end, but this guy is just her friend! But still is no reason to lie! I'm sorry - I hope you guys work through this!

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I'm sorry to hear this...I understand her feeling uncomfortable about telling you about him in the first place, but I agree with you, I would be very angry if I found out my DH's ex had his cell number. Do you think you've cooled down enough to just really sit down and talk it out?? She needs to explain why she feels the need to hold onto the past. If she really thinks he's an a-hole, then she wouldn't have given him her number. Something inside her just hasn't closed that door yet. No reason for you to be mad because look at it this way, she's married TO YOU...but she needs to either go through some counseling in order to completely let go, or you guys need to go together. Just be patient and listen to her. Hope it gets better!

Sarah&Mackenzie replied: Sorry you had a fight, I hope you can work things out. Just talk to her!!

guertin31 replied: Ali's explination was that he is just a friend from school BUT thats not true.. She went out with him, had sexual relations (im trying to be PC) and how is that supposed to sit right with me as her husband? I mean, I have friends that are of the opposite sex. I get along with everyone. I dont expect her not to have friends that are men, one of her best friends is a guy and i treat him like a little brother.

I would never lie to her. The way i was raised was that your word is your bond. I feel like a jerk. Like i was spit in the face by my wife.



to make matters worse, my web site server is down ...

mommy_loves_chase replied: awww im sorry to hear that happened, hope you have a better night tonight

kimberley replied: sorry to hear that you have every right to feel the way you do. lies are never acceptable but sometimes people think the lie hurts less than the truth and that will always get them in trouble. could it be she needed to speak to him about school stuff and just didn't want to upset you? i do talk to my ex on occasion but that is only because he still owes me money. there have been times i spoke with him online and didn't tell DH and he was livid when he found out. i just knew he'd be upset and i didn't want to argue about it again... i love my DH with all my heart and no man could ever make me sway from that. when DH gets insecure about stuff like this, it hurts cuz it feels like he doesn't know me. so i make a bad judgement call and not tell him.. and things end up worse. maybe that is the case here. i hope you guys can talk this out. we are here to listen.

guertin31 replied:
Thanks Kim... I appreceate the feedback from you all. I'm not sure what I might do or go. I feel like an idiot. But no matter what I do, I'll keep you posted.

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: Speaking from a little experience. My husband and I are working our way through the aftermath of his affair. While it was going on, he NEVER let me answer his phone. Just a little something to think of and be a bit grateful for.

mommy_loves_chase replied: im so sorry that your having a hard time i was dating a guy who left me for a 17 yr old he was 28 so i know how it sucks to be lied to keep your head up

kayla's mama replied: Hope you guys can work it out Just talk things out in a rational manner. She is with you but she also needs to lock the door on her past. Hang in there

kit_kats_mom replied: It's probably just innocent but she should have told you anyway.

I still talk to & about my ex fiance and my DH is ok with it. We had a healthy, long term relationship and just broke it off because we'd grown apart. I still think fondly of him in a 'very good friend" type of way. I doubt I'd hang out with him since our interests are so different now but I do talk to him when I see him and I'd be genuinely sad if anything awful happened to him.

DH even saw my ex in the mall & told him that we were expecting our second child. Of course my DH has convinced himself that my ex is gay but that's a whole nuther story. LOL

I'm sorry that she didn't tell you the whole story. I'm sure that made you feel crappy. However, give her the opportunity to learn from her first mistake. Maybe that's just the way she's used to operating and no one has ever called her on it KWIM?

KingMom replied: I feel really bad for you right now and understand how upset, angry, and sad you must be. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE ALSO! My personal opinion, if I was in your situation, I'd have to find out the facts, make sure they are just "friends." I don't see any reason why he needs her # or why she would need his.

I occasionaly see my ex and we can say hello, how are you and catch up on where we are in life but we don't exchange #'s!

Hope it works out, I'll be thinking of you, and keep us posted.

gr33n3y3z replied: She made a bad judgment call on her part lying to you is wrong either way you look at it.

I hope you get this worked out and just remember now one is 100% perfect

Good Luck and try seeing her view of things also.

***Hi Frankie***

mom2tripp replied: Ok, ex's CAN be friends I mean there is always an underlying thought about the past BUT it can be innocent. On a second note just bc you are mad don't make irrational decisions, you and Allison have a beautiful little boy together and have been through a lot with him.
Everyone is right, she def should have told you from the begining but people make stupid mistakes--we're all human, you love her and she loves you. If it is innocent then forgive her and just make it clear that from now on you need and want to know about things like that. IMO I think it's innocent and I really hope for your sake that it is.

PS--How is that adorable little baby boy doing

luvbug00 replied: Oh I'm so sorry!! I hope you can work threw this. Just imo I don't think it's possible for ex-s to be freinds I tried it and it always went to back in the day reminicing and crap like that. I would have a talk with her and tell her your feelings about the situation and if she can't put you first counsling may be in order. Good Luck!!

guertin31 replied:
I agree that people can be friends. but the situation on why i am hurt was that she lied. that to me is like spitting in my face.

Frankie is awsome. i bought him new pjs yesterday and he looks like a little man... LOVE THAT BOY!

mckayleesmom replied: I have 2 ex's....well..ex's from serious relationships. One I am good friends with and talk to every couple days online...the other is the one that Id like to run over. Neither have my phone number though. We usually just catch up..we have mutual friends and we were friends before we dated. To be honest...we should have just stayed friends and never dated at all. He has a son born 2 weeks after Russell and he asks my advice sometimes or we compare the boys progress. And accassionally he appologizes for the way he treated me when we were dating...but beyond that...nothing...no feelings of love for him. I do care about him....in a friendly way, but not in an IM IN LOVE with him way..KWIM. I do agree that she was wrong for lying to you. My husband knows that I talk to Jim sometimes...they have even met before. I know that dh's ex girlfriend is on his yahoo messenger, but it doesn't bother me..I know he doesnt talk to her.

JessC replied: Man, sorry to hear that at least she could have told you, I dont know really what to say, because DF had cheated on me and I grew to love him and accept his apologies...

I hope things work out for you and Ali.

Just talk with her and maybe you guys can make out some kinda agreement....

Your son is so cute!

aspenblue1 replied: I am sorry she lied. I can not stand to be lied too. I hope you have a better night tonight.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Oh I'm so sorry! I hope you guys can talk thru this and work things out. I've been lied to. It isn't fun.

mom2tripp replied: How are things now?

guertin31 replied: Hey guys. Thanks so much for the advice and feedback.

I got home and Ali and I talked. No yelling just talking. She told me she never ment to hurt me, she was wrong and that she had no intentions of talking to this guy in a flirting way or anything of that nature. He was just a friend from school, they went out, it didnt work out but she still took classes with him and wanted to be a nice person. So i looked her in the eyes and asked "is this the absolute truth?"
She said "100%" I then grabbed her, pulled her close and looked in her eyes and told her I will let this go and that I want to move on with our life and that I loved her. We kissed and we hugged and picked up our son and swore that nothing or no one will come between us ever again.

Dude, its like something out of a movie...LOL

So thanks again guys. Hope you all enjoy your weekend! Oh and I booked Frankies Baptizm party for August 21st! You all better come!

luvbug00 replied: Glad to hear it all worked out !!

mommy_loves_chase replied: thats good to hear im happy for you

guertin31 replied:
LOL - I love the clapping... I am now bowing... LOL

mom2tripp replied: OMG that made me tear up!!!!! Yay, I'm so glad ya'll worked it out, that's awesome---TOLD YOU IT WAS INNOCENT

Now where is that baptism, I"M SO THERE

You're little boy reminds me so much of Tripp maybe it's those italian genes, dark features, I don't know?

HAVE A GREAT DAY

gr33n3y3z replied: what state do you live in?
lol
I'm so glad things are ok now

Hugs to you and your wife and of course to little Frankie also

mommy_loves_chase replied:

guertin31 replied:

moped replied: That almost made me tear up too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww, I wish we could make up like that here!

KingMom replied: I am so happy for you!!! Don't look back, just move forward, you just have to forget about it now I'm sure you are too far away to attend but make sure we get some pictures

guertin31 replied:
Of course... you guys are my extended family and I will DEFINATLY post pics!

mommy_loves_chase replied:

guertin31 replied:

mommy_loves_chase replied:

guertin31 replied:
+ =

hey, i tried IMin u but you never respond..

mommy_loves_chase replied: i can only chat thru the e-mail thing here on the private message because im on the computer at work no messengers aval.

Sarah&Mackenzie replied: I am so glad that you talked it out and everything is fine!!!

MM'sMama replied: I just wanted to offer big hugs sweetie I know what you mean I think being lied to it one of the worse feelings esp. when it comes form someone you love to much and trusted not to do that.
But so glad everything worked out and you two talked it through.

jacobsmama replied: That is wonderful news. You look like a very cute family. I"m happy to hear you have work things out and talked. Good LUck

My2Beauties replied: Yes I am so glad it worked out

guertin31 replied: Thanks again guys!

Jamielou replied: Great news I like happy endings

guertin31 replied:
ok, am I the only one who chuckled like an 8 year old to that comment?