Feeling like a LOSER

Mommy2Isabella wrote: ...

When Sal and I were doing the Marketing business, it seemed like we had friends. People we spent a lot of time with, had fun with and such. Well when we made the decision to not pursue it anymore all of those "friends" disappeared. It is difficult for me because I grew to really care for some of the people.

I have been thinking about it a lot lately and I feel like a LOSER. I don't have any friends. Most of the people my age are out partying and I don't do that. Never really was my scene. On top of that my "friends" are all single, with no children. They all have different intrests. I guess lately I have been feeling like all I am is a MOM. I don't have anyone to hang out with other than Sal and Bella. It is frustrating, and it is making me miss the Marketing Business even though it put us into debt that I never thought we would have. But hey ... I really just miss the relationships that we had. Even though now they seem as if they were all FAKE because now noone talks to us you know ...

... today is a crummy day!

stella6979 replied: I hear ya. Sometimes I get in those slumps, but I quickly remind myself of what I have that they don't have. A wonderful, loving husband and a beautiful, healthy child.
Is there something that maybe you and Sal could do once a week together? Jeff and I play softball every Sunday in the summer/spring and we bowl in the winter.

gr33n3y3z replied: its funny you say this bc just the other day I told Ed I rather not have any friends this way you dont feel like you have to call them or even deal with them on a daily basis I mean they expect you to call them everyday or hang out HELLO I dont want to then they get pissed Get over it ppl. my life doesnt revolve around you and it never will.

Mommy2Isabella replied: Sal and I do stuff, but its like going out to dinner. I want to do stuff with other people, couples, whatever ... I mean I LOVE my family ... but its like I have NO friends. I am 20, my friends are all in college, I decided to get married and have a baby ... which I in NO WAY regret but it surely has put a damper on my social life. I spend tuesday with my dad for dinner and a movie.

Its not that I don't do anything. Its that the only people I do stuff with, either can't hold a real converstaion because they are CHILDREN or it is Sal, My mom, My dad ... I miss having couple friends, groups that would all go out and hang out together. Other women to talk to.

I think I am going to REALLY join some small groups at church and see if there are any people my age in that area that I can hang out with and talk to ...

As well a cute little scrapbook shop just opened up here and they are looking for instructors and I am looking into that ... so hopefully I will QUICKLY come out of my rutt... I don't want to be JUST A MOM. I want to be more than that you know ...

I love being a mom, but thats not all that I am.

THANKS FOR LISTENING/READING MY RANT!!

gr33n3y3z replied:
I think those ideas are good ones
Good Luck

I know what you mean
But i enjoy no drama thats why 98% of my friends are males

By the way your not a looser

luvbug00 replied: I remeber those times. I was 18 when i had mya and I'm 25 now and FINALLY my friends are all comming back because they are starting their families and we have more in common. until then it was a friendless semi borring social exsistance... many i hope you find some new friends and i think ur ideas are a good start.

CantWait replied: Sorry hun. Chances are, if they didn't keep in contact they weren't worth it anyway, even though it feels so much different when you're alone.
I've been there so many times, and still struggle with it time and time again.

Calimama replied: I know how you feel. A lot of my friends were freaked out when I got married and had Bella. There were a few that think I'm "dumb for settling down at 18 (well 19 now). But you know the friends who stood by me are the kind of friends I'd rather have anyway. Still being in school helps a lot, although a lot of my friends there are single, childless, and so it's a little different explaining why I can't go out every night. I'm lucky that being on a military base there a lot of other young wives with kids. Besides with DH's schedule there are months at a time that I can't go out every weekend, when he's deployed I go back to being a single parent and it seems like only other military wives understand. It's a hard life, but it's great and I'm a lucky girl.

Danalana replied: I have felt the same way...like all I am is a wife. I have trust issues, so it's REALLY hard for me to get close to somebody anyway. Sometimes I would give anything to have a ladies night/day. Richard is pretty shy, but is coming out of his shell some. He has actually made some friends. Anyway, it's hard when you feel isolated. Heck, we can't even see neighbors from here. I say all this to let you know I understand *HUG*

grapfruit replied: My best friend had that same feeling. I mean I love hanging out w/her (and we aren't the "partiers" either). She joined a group through the church to hook up w/other moms w/kids the same age as her. That way she could start meeting other moms that felt isolated too.

You might try that, or if in the budget/time, try taking a class that you enjoy (like photography, ceramics, glass blowing, bird watching) something that interests you and would put you in touch w/a varity of different aged people that have that interest too. You never know!

boyohboyohboy replied: i do know exactly how you feel, we also joined some small groups at church, it did help, but it was still hard to find people our age with kids to do it...
we try to get out more, but like you said its not the same as a best girl friend to just call when ever....
sorry you had such a bad day..those days are hard.
but being a mom is worth it, as i am sure you already knew..
pm me anytime, for chats.

momtoMegan&Alyxandria replied:
Those are some great suggestions.
Try finding a MOPS (mothers of pre-schoolers)group in your area. The group that meets at the same church as my brownie troop have invited me and Alyx is only 1. They said it was mainly for moms with kids not in school yet (not just pre-schoolers).
Another idea is go to www.cafemom.com. I love it there. You create a main page, (similar to myspace) that you can set as private and then there are all kinds of groups to join. Examples: scrapbooking; Hell's Kitchen; Moms of Girls; Moms of Twins, etc. You can also search for Mom's in your area. I did that and found a mom that lives less than 5 miles from me. I requested that she add me as a friend, and now we are getting to know each other.

lovemy2 replied:
Sounds like you know what to do and where to go to get out - get on it girl - you will make friends quickly

Aubrey's mama replied: We all have good days, bad days and the days we feel all alone. I always remind myself that if I can just get through the day, tomorrow will be better. It helps to get out there and take a few classes. We joined a weekly Kindermusik class and that helps. We also do swimming classes. Just getting out of the house helps a lot. And then there is the old standby~walks w other moms (exercise always makes you feel better)

Hang in there!

CantWait replied:
For lack of better words, TRUE TO THAT

You're so right.