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Fallen out of Love!


Kirstenmumof3 wrote: sad.gif I didn't know this could happen and I don't know why it did! I don't love my husband anymore and I don't think I have for quite some time. I care for him deeply, but I do not want to be married to him anymore. I think we got married for the wrong reasons and stayed together for the wrong reasons. I realize now that children can't save a marriage. I thought things would have changed when Claudia was born. But that spark it just isn't there anymore. This is breaking my heart. I've been with my husband for 12 years, we've been married for 9 1/2 years. I talked to my psychologist about this a few times and he has told me not to act impulsively. But how long do I stay in a marriage where there isn't love? And what about the children? bawling.gif

Emmy'sMom replied: Oh my goodness...... sad.gif I'm sorry you are going through this.


If you need a shoulder to lean on ---I'm always around! grouphug.gif



Cynda

ediep replied: Oh My!!!! I am so sorry that you are going through this. I wish I had some advice for you.

I hope that everything works out for the best.

grouphug.gif grouphug.gif

alice&arik replied: I am so sorry you are going through this!! sad.gif I hope things work out the way you want. But you have to do what your heart says. And you need to be happy.

Big ((((HUGS)))!!!

Boys r us replied: Oh hun! I know that's a tough spot to be in! If you've been feeling this way for awhile, then it definitely doesn't sound like you're acting on impulse. However, I do think that ESPECIALLY when kids are involved, a couple owes their marriage every last ditch effort possible..2nd chances, counseling..whatever it takes..
The only thing about that is that both of you have to be willing to put forth the effort, ya know!
You know that you have quite a few shoulders here to lean on and sounding boards to talk to...so I hope that you will utilize us ANYTIME you need!

momof2girls replied:
Have the two of you thought about going to counseling together to see if you can find the spark?

Elle replied: Honey, I'm sorry you're going through this... I can't even imagine how hard it must be grouphug.gif
Have you talked about this with your husband? So you can decide what to do... Well, do whatever makes you happier. Your kids won't want to see you unhappy, so if you believe separating is the way to go, then go for it.

CantWait replied: I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I've been going through the same thing for a number of years now on and off, and I know how draining it is and how much it hurts. We've been together almost 10 years and married for almost 3 I think, see how pathetic that is.... I love him as a father, and because we've been through so much together, but I'm NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM sad.gif I hope you'll be able to find a way to work through things, hugs n luv grouphug.gif

A&A'smommy replied: (((((BIG BIG HUGS)))))) First of all I am SOO sorry you are feeling this way!

Secondly have you tried "christian" counseling sometimes that REALLY helps I have heard!

Thirdly my parents went through the same thing in the beginning of their marriage(they have been married for 28 years last weekend) and something they told Jeremiah and I before we got married was that there is more to marriage than just that feeling or feeling like your in love. You have to get past that and find why you loved that person in the first place, and once you truly find love it will never "go away". And that sometimes in a marriage you may not like each other at all you may even feel like you hate each other but there is a reason you are together find out what that is.....


I hope I did not give unwanted advice...mostly that is just stuff that gets me through some of my days.... (((((BIG HUGS)))))

Mom2Boyz replied: Awww I'm sorry you're going through this wub.gif
I don't really have any advice for you, but I hope everything turns out for the best for you.

Kirstenmumof3 replied:
My husband and I have been going to marriage counselling for a year now. We just found out before our trip that our marriage counsellor is leaving. But she told us she could refer us to someone else.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I want to Thank all of you for responding to my post. You have all given me a lot to think about. Maybe it's because I've been so sick (mentally) this past year that I'm feeling this way. I feel so selfish though. He has been so supporitve, such a wonderful father and provider. I haven't talked to him about any of this, it would just devistate him. He is planning for our retirement, when we can take the vacations without the kids and I just feel so awful!

amynicole21 replied: Oh Sweetie! I'm so sorry sad.gif I have to agree with your counselor though - don't do anything rash. You need to figure out if this is really something that you are feeling, or a symptom of the horrible depression you have been suffering from. Before I went on antidepressants, I basically felt this way all the time. I still have episodes where I wonder what the heck I am doing with DH, but honestly, I think that's pretty common. I agree that since there are kids involved, you really need to make a concerted effort to reconnect. Your weekend trip away was a start, but it sounds like DH wasn't as romantic as you would have liked... talk to him to find out why. I really hope that you can work this out. grouphug.gif

Kaitlin'smom replied: awww sweetie I am sorry you feel this way marriage is not easy by any means but I really think you need to talk to your DH about how you feel, maybe getting it out to him might help you better understand just how you feel. I hope you can find some answers and find happiness.

coasterqueen replied: Kristen, honey...grouphug.gif

I wish there was something I could say to make this all better. If you feel you are really ready then maybe a seperation is in order to see how he feels too? grouphug.gif

aspenblue1 replied: I am so sorry you are going through this. I just wanted to send you some hugs! grouphug.gif

MommyToAshley replied: grouphug.gif Awee, sweetie, I am so sorry you feel this way. I don't have any advice, you will just have to listen to your own heart. But, I wanted to offer you some hugs and an ear to listen to you. I hope things work out for the best for you. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

jem0622 replied: Have to be frank with you. Because you have had some issues of your own I would not attribute it to your DH. You may be severly depressed and unhappy with your life in general. I think that pinning your unhappiness on your spouse is not fair or just. Maybe you need more help for you. What does your counselor think?

HUGS

Kirstenmumof3 replied:
Well I appreciate your "frankness" this is not something that I woke up this morning and decided! I've been feeling like this about my husband since about a year after our marriage. I have already admitted that this may be attributed to my mental illness. I have recently started taking medication, something that I have been fighting for for about a year now. Obviously you don't understand how difficult this is for me.

jem0622 replied: See your PM.

kimberley replied: (((hugs))) Kirsten! i am sorry you are feeling this way. i know how it must be tearing you up inside. i have gone through similar phases with DH and felt devastated because i never thought i would fall out of love. he was my soul mate and i felt responsible for ruining things. i am by far no expert, but i think most marriages go through this lull at one point or another. i think the key to celebrating 50yrs or whatever is to stick together for better or worse. for me, being more independant has helped because i am not relying on DH to make me happy. it is kinda sad but i am happier now than i was a few months ago. it seems the more independant i am, the more attention he pays to me too. my thoughts and prayers are with you in this difficult time. i am always here to listen. grouphug.gif


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