Ettiquette Question

MommyToAshley wrote: We are invited to a friend's 40th birthday party. The invite says "No Gifts Necessary", but I feel weird going without a gift. Would it be poor ettiquette to still bring a gift?

luvbug00 replied: I'd just make a small donation in their name to a charity they like and say..it's not a gift for you per say. LOL

cameragirl21 replied: I never show up at any party empty handed. I like Nadia's idea about the charity.
Another option that I do often is bring flowers, a nice bouquet of roses or whatever other flowers bouquet that I can pick up at Whole Foods. I usually do this when I'm invited to a dinner party where gifts are not expected because it's no one's birthday. Another option is a bottle of wine.

mom21kid2dogs replied: Ya know sometimes you just feel like celebrating an occasion without the burden of gifts from guests. There is no issue showing up without one. If you must bring something, I'd guess the person's fav beverage, a "gift card" of a luncheon out with said friend at a later date, or some other small token.

~Roo'sMama~ replied: I like the idea of bringing flowers. I'm having the same dilemma this weekend - we're invited to a boy's 4th birthday party and they said no gifts. I feel bad showing up with nothing so I'm trying to decide if a card with $4 for turning 4 in it would be ok or if we'd make everyone else feel bad for not bringing anything if they don't.

Our Lil' Family replied: Maybe just a birthday card? And if you really feel it necessary you could stick a Starbucks card in there, or something like that.

bluebear replied: What about getting a card and putting a sheet of stickers inside?

bluebear replied:
Oops, read that as "4th" birthday party, never mind! lol
How about a note inside the card saying "would love to have lunch/dinner with you this summer!"

~Roo'sMama~ replied:
I read it as 4th at first too. Maybe I'll use that idea!

Maddie&EthansMom replied:

Boo&BugsMom replied: I read '4th' too at first. If it was truly a 4th birthday party I would go with something little and wouldn't have the heart to not bring something unless it was a request not to at all. However, since it's a 40th birthday party and you feel you MUST bring something, I would bring flowers, a plant (something that can be planted outdoors), or a card with a small gift card in it (Starbucks is always good).

Now...if the invite said "NO gifts please", or "NO gifts at all", then I would certainly abide by their request and not bring anything. However, they did leave a little wiggle room by putting "No gifts necessary".

Boo&BugsMom replied: Oh...and I forgot to answer your original question... . I do NOT think it would be in poor taste to not bring a gift or to bring a gift. I think they are leaving room for opportunities, but expressing that nobody should feel obligated.

PrairieMom replied: I read it as 4th too, and was wondering what was wrong with you people, bringing wine to that poor kids party!


IMO, if the invite says no gifts, then it means no gifts.

I have tried that route before, no one ever listens. Then enternally I'm like "hellooooo! I don't need this stuff!" LOL

just bring a nice card.

coasterqueen replied: I guess I'm rude.....or something. We go to adult birthday parties all the time and NEVER bring a gift. Sometimes I'll bring a card. I guess everyone I hang around is the same opinion of me.....that was more important as a child.

I don't think it would be rude, though, if that's what you really want to do.

jcc64 replied: If you're rude, so am I, Karen. If they said no gifts, I'd feel totally comfortable honoring that. I'm also of the opinion that birthday gifts are more of a kid thing. I think the Starbucks inside a card is a cute, low cost idea, though.

~Roo'sMama~ replied: We also go to adult birthday parties without bringing gifts... we have a large group of friends and if we all got presents for each other every year it would get very expensive!

Boo&BugsMom replied:
We don't bring gifts to adult birthday parties either. So, I guess I'm rude too. The only time I do is if someone is throwing someone else a surprise birthday party and it's a really big thing. Other than that, I don't. That's just how we roll around here.

Personally, I have had gatherings at our house before for my birthday. There have been a couple friends who brought me a small something (plants, flowers). It was a sweet gesture and I was of course delighted, but it didn't make me care any more about those people than I did the friends who didn't bring anything. I invite people for the company, not the presents, so I would never expect anything or really care whether or not someone brought me something.

youngmomofone replied: I like the birthday card with a gc in it. And if you want, you can wait until after the party to hand it to them so that most people have left so you won't make anyone feel bad if you're worried about that.