Etiquette question: What would you do?

MommyToAshley wrote: First of all, sorry I haven't been around. Life is just CRAZY. I have read a few things here and there, I just haven't had time to reply.

But, I have a dilemma that I am hoping you can help with. I know I can count on you all for good advice.

Ashley went to a birthday party a few weeks ago, and we received the thank you card. When we opened and read the card, it was thanking us for the wrong gift... the card was addressed correctly though. We were thanked for a small gift that was part of someone else's gift (it was taped to the side of their gift). Should I say something? I don't want her to think that all we got her child was this small, very inexpensive item (like a dollar store item) but I don't want to embarrass her either. What would you do?

coasterqueen replied: Oh gosh, that's a tuffy. On one hand if you don't say anything and she realizes her mistake later she might not think you even read it and be upset (maybe?) or she won't realize her mistake and all will be good. On the other hand if you do say something she might be embarassed, which is fine, she'll get over that, but then she might think you are being a bit snobbish - like I can't believe she even brought that up..type of thing.

See that's my psycho rationale talking here. I'm not much help. If it were me and I didn't know the person that well I'd be too embarassed to say anything. If I knew them well I'd give them heck.

mom2my2cuties replied: I think I would just let it go. She probably got tags mixed up. I would thank her for the kindness of sending a thank you card since that is so rarely done anymore. You can tell her that you gave a different gift if you want, but I think that might seem like you are trying to be a little "haughty" about it like "how could she think I would get such an inexpensive/small/insignificant gift for her child".

Ok - this isn't coming out well.

What I am trying to say is that I think I would just thank them for the card and let the rest go to avoid any hurt feelings or anything. I am sure that they were thankful for everything thier child was given, and at a kids party, everything gets so excited around present time, it's so easy to get tags and gifts mixed up

luvbug00 replied: ditto to answer above.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I would just let it go. I like to receive thank you cards, but I don't expect them. So maybe just think of it this way...you never would have known had she NOT sent you a thank you. The important thing is that you did give her a gift, regardless of what it was, size or price, and that was very generous of you!

cameragirl21 replied: TBH, i wouldn't let it go simply because chances are she will figure out she thanked you for the wrong gift because she obviously thanked someone else for your gift and she'll be even more embarrassed that you got the card and may likely wonder if you read it or if you did, if you think she screwed up, etc, that's what i would be thinking if i screwed up like that and no one said anything.
i'd be inclined to send her back a note on some nice stationery that says something to the effect of:
Thanks so much for inviting us, Ashley had a wonderful time and thanks for sending a thank you note, that's such a rare gesture these days. Not that it's a big deal or anything, but I also just wanted to let you know that we got you the (fill in the blank) not the (fill in the blank) and i didn't want to take credit for someone else's gift. It's no big deal, we moms are so busy, especially at this time of year. Happy Holidays!
Or something to that effect.
JMO though.
ETA--my issue here is that i wouldn't want to take credit for someone else's gift no matter how big or small. i know that when i choose a gift for someone i put a lot of thought into it and i imagine others do as well and for this reason no one should get credit for another person's gift IMO.

Cece00 replied: I would definetly let it go. If I was in that situation, I would not correct the person. I think it will make a bigger deal about it if you call her up rather than let it go, as it was obviously an honest mistake.

MommyToAshley replied: My original post probably sounded snobish, and that's not how I meant it to sound. I am sure she is thankful for any gift, regardless of the size. I appreciate the replies ... I think I will just let it go. Thanks everyone!

coasterqueen replied:
Oh I hope you weren't think I thought that of you. You didn't sound snobbish at all. It was a valid question, I'd wonder that too.

moped replied:
I totally agree - let it go....if I got a letter from you saying "no big deal, but........ I would think it was snotty and I wouldn't like it - everyone is so obusy this time of year, I say let it go -

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I would send her a thank you note for the wrong gift the next time she's at Ashley's birthday party.

I'm totally kidding!!

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
I didn't think you were being snobbish Dee-Dee! I hope my reply didn't come off that way. I would totally be thinking the same thing you are, but sometimes if I try and "correct" situations like these, I get myself in too deep and people get offended that I tried to correct them, kwim? I've found that out a lot lately through my mom's group. I'm an honest person, but not all people like honesty, even if you're trying to be super nice about it. It's like the whole "you have something on your nose" situation...Some people would like to be told, but others wouldn't. I personally would LOVE to be told I have something on my nose, but I've pointed it out to others and they either got embarassed or offended. It's a tough call sometimes!

I hope I'm making sense!

mom2my2cuties replied: I too didn't think you sounded snobbish, sorry if my reply came out like that. I would have wondered what to do as well and felt a little bummed that my child didn't get recognition for the gift they gave.

But I also know, that sometimes people can take our "correcting" as being nasty, or snotty, or something like that - none of which you are at all.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I'd phone the mom - and say:

"Oh thank you so much for the thank you note, Ashley was sooo excited that her friend like the __________ gift she bought!!!"

and leave it at that... if the mom didn't notice her mistake, she'll say somethin glike "oh you're welcome, I'm glad she had fun!!" and if she did notice the mistake, she'll just be like "Oh! Um... well, you're welcome, and I'm glad Ashley had fun!!! "



not much difference, it's tactful, and it will make sure the mom knows you didn't get her the gift she thanked you for, but she'll think you didn't "notice" that she screwed up... you know? That's what I'd do. Act all innocent like.

gr33n3y3z replied: Well you could call her and make pretend you didnt get the thank you note and just say I was checking to make sure she liked the what ever you got for her daughter LOL
This way its an honest phone call and the thank you could have gotten lost in the mail with the holiday shuffle

Boo&BugsMom replied: I would let it go too. I don't think I would even have the courage to say anything for fear I'd be taken the wrong way. I know I have personally forgotten what gifts are from who. If I looked in Tanner's room I would never be able to tell you where he got each and every toy, so I am sure she has or will forget where they came from in time anyways no matter if you say something or not.

Kaitlin'smom replied: I dunno what I woudl do I guess it woudl depend on how well I knew the person. Heres another twist to all say just drop it, what if she mixed them up and the other person comes foward and they she asked why did you not tell me...kind of thing? or she might think you never read the note or something. I guess either way it could be a sticky situation.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
To be honest, if someone is going to make that big of a deal over something so trivial, then I would have to reevaluate my relationship with the person. I personally think it would be silly if someone just assumed and got upset over a miscommunication mishap. If the person asked me about it, I'd be honest and say I read it and didn't want to mention it for fear of ambarassing you or being thought of as snobby so I did the adult thing and let it go. JMO. If someone makes it a big deal, then it becomes a big deal. If someone doesn't, then it wont be.

C&K*s Mommie replied: What may have happened with the mother/daughter mix up may have been what happened when Christian opened her presents after her birthday party. I was snapping pix, while my SIL was writing names/gifts down. Well we missed a few names or some did not have names on the gifts at all (people were telling me at the party what they gave but I forgot hours later). We opened gifts at home after the party. When it came time to write thank you's some I had to be basic with, and say thanks for coming since I was not 100% positive if they gave something or even what they gave. That may have been what had happened.

Kaitlin'smom replied:
good point. However I do know some people who would be so trivial

Course again depending on how well I knew the person they might say it in a light funny tone.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I have relatives like that too!

I agree if it were someone I was really close to, if I was given the perfect moment I may say something lightly. I wouldn't go out of my way to say something or call the person for that reason, but if I was given the perfect opportunity and set up then I might say something jokingly.