EEEEEEKKK!! - dads.. please weigh in!

kimberley wrote: so i was typing in the addy bar and noticed some autocompletes that were videos. i clicked them and found some adult material. that inspired me to check the rest of the puter and i hit the motherload of porn sites

also there were 2 google searches for "striper" and "b--bs". and i have all the strongest filters on google! as my blood boiled, i hunted down dh to give him the what for and he vehemently denied it all. he was quite convincing so i began re-thinking all i saw. then the lightbulb went off...

the search for "striper" was mispelled. oh no, please God, no! there was that one afternoon that i ran to get some groceries and Jacob was alone and had been on the computer (which he is NOT allowed to do without a grown up present) when i forgot to lock it. could it be? my innocent boy? say it isn't so!!!!!

i was mortified. i debated whether or not to confront him fearing for his embarrassment and mine, but decided i had no choice. i asked him flat out if he went to the sites and did the searches and he admitted it. yuck yuck yuck!!!
i told him while i understood curiosity that those sites are not realistic or any reflection of an actual physical relationship and that they cause viruses. LOL can you tell i was grasping?! he was itching to get away so i just let him leave.

is there something else i should say? he seemed okay after so it couldn't have been that horrible a talk with me. advice appreciated.

coasterqueen replied: I can offer The only other thing that came to mind was did you ask him WHY he went to those sites? Talk about why he's curious?

kimberley replied:
i don't know if i really want to know why
some things a mom does NOT need to know about her son lol
we had the sex talk already. i fear this is the onset of hormones.

luvmykids replied: I'm sure his age is the "why", it's the internet version of stealing a playboy and hiding it under the bed.

I think you handled it pretty well, maybe you can have DH have a talk with him man to man....that his curiosity is normal etc but that these sites are not allowed. I personally would also throw in that some of these sites are not legal, that some of the pics are without the person knowing and/or being underage and that the ugly side of these sites are something he's too young to venture into.

TheOaf66 replied: this is pretty normal and now that you have busted him, he is either not going to do it there or be much more careful.

He is I am sure where he is fascinated by this and every boy goes through it. A lot of it is just pointers he is looking for so he knows what he is talking about and this is the beginning of the visual stimulation...sorry

CantWait replied:

I think the explanation you gave was perfect. I would maybe have dh have a talk with him, see if he's got any other questions.

moped replied: I would run away and make someone else talk to him

Kidding Kimberly!!!!!!

I have no idea, but I think maybe talk to you DH and see what he says and maybe you can both sit down and have a CASUAL covnersation with him - don't invade him.

kimberley replied:
trust me, i wanted to! lol

i definitely didn't want to humiliate him but still want him to know these sites are not okay. i did tell him, as he was sprinting for the door, if he had any questions, dh and i are both here to listen.

i guess i am worried that these "pointers" are giving the wrong image of what intimacy should be. i know some guys who grew up thinking it was normal and held unrealistic expectations of sex and their own performance.

i'll try to get dh to talk to him too. i am not ready for this.

lisar replied: Sorry I have no advice, I dont have any boys and mine are still to young for that stuff.

DVFlyer replied: Sounds like you understand it's completely natural for boys and girls to be curious and the internet sure makes it easy to search out information on those things you're curious about... so I think you handled it well.

One thing I might add is to tell him that while you know it's natural to be curious, that type of behavior is not accepted in your house. If he really wants to check out those types of sites, he's going to find a way, but at least you have set up the rules for your house.

jcc64 replied: I agree with the post above and I think you handled it well. I wouldn't make a huge deal of it. I think most reasonably well-adjusted kids are eventually able to differentiate between real people/relationships and porn/the way sex is (mis)represented in the media. Like everything else, I wouldn't worry about it unless it becomes habitual or obsessive.
But I sympathize with the "ick" factor--who wants to acknowledge the awakening of their child's sexual urges???

Boo&BugsMom replied: This is a tad bit old, but I have to add that I think it's a good sign that he felt comfortable enough to admit to you that he did it. That means you're doing something right mama. I also agree...IIIIIIICK!!! And I also agree that setting up those ground rules and reiterating that it's not permitted is important.

austins mom replied: I will have to talk with my DH he is a computer guru and can maybe make some suggestions on web site locks and stuff. We have set up on all of our kids computers where it takes a password to get on certain sites.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: bwah hahaha ha ha I'm just seeing this now, and I spit my drink out.



I'd give him a good ole reality check. Boobs Sure, here's a man's, here's a granny's, here's a really morbidly obse woman's, here's a child feeding from one..

Stripper? Sure. Here's one called Frank. How bout Angel, the 3 foot tall wonder.

It's curiosity.. it's the internet... they go hand in hand. If not at home, it will be elsewhere.. and elsewhere, it WILL be the misrepresentation that will set abnormally high expectations.

Maybe I'm just wierd.. but I'd satisfy the curiosity.. there's all shapes and sizes, etc etc, and the ones in porn / magazines aren't REALLY what they look like.

moped replied:


Never thought of it like that!!!!! She has a point here!

DVFlyer replied:
You mean porn isn't reality?