EARLY TEEN DAUGHTER AND BOYS
toady_buckshot_noodle wrote: This is the wrong board but anyway. I know alot of people don't think young love is a big deal but I remember how it can hurt.
Well, this is kinda about my 13 year old daughter and kinda about "one" of the boys she "loves". Is it normal for a 13 year old boy to still be shy about liking girls? She has had a crush on this boy off and on for 2 years. He is one of those that still runs away when a girl that likes him comes around. His mom, his dad and his sisters all say he likes my daughter but he denies it to when asked by their friends. They argue CONSTANTLY which would not be a big deal except that they are together at church, school softball and everywhere else. Everything she says he comments. He stares at her constantly. To me he acts like a typical pre-teen boy who can't decide whether or not girls have "cooties". But if drives my dd crazy because all of her friends have boyfriends and she only wants him and he doesn't respond the way most boys their age do. I had advised her to just move on and another boy "asked her out" (which in their world just means the say they are "boyfriend and girlfriend".) and she said yes but then the guy she really likes ACTUALLY asked her why she was going out with that guy and POUTED so she broke up with the guy!!!
I know we can't force someone to admit they like her but how can I get her to move on, she is wasting very important years of her life on this guy and she just doesn't see it.
Any Advice?
CantWait replied: It's totally normal, and definetly fustrating. Maybe your daughter just has to be the one that makes the first move. How long has he been acting like this? He may just have really low self confidence, you never know. Hope your daughter gets her man. 
toady_buckshot_noodle replied: Well, when she first started "liking" him, they were only 11 and he told her his sister said he was too young to have a girlfriend. So, no problem they were pretty good friends. But for the last 4 months or so he has been acting this way.
1lilpeanut2love replied: I say maybe he ISN'T ready to date. After all he is only 13. That's very young.
CantWait replied: Maybe they're just growing away from eachother....there's a world of possibility's. Unfortunetly your daughter likes him, hopefully now she can get over him. No advice, but lots of 
Bee_Kay replied: I do have some insight into this ... unfortunately, I am short on time this afternoon. I'll respond to this a little later!! 
Bee_Kay replied: OK, now I have some time and I've thought about this post this afternoon.
DH and I have 2 teen daughters (18 and 15) and a teen son (13).
Although I realize that every child matures differently, I have to say that dating at 13 is WAY too young.
My daughter begged and pleaded with us to let her date and have a boyfriend starting at the age of 11 or 12. We said "absolutely not" and we explained to her how fast relationships can move..... I mean, if she was dating at 12, what would she be doing at 15, right???
We also explained to her that the younger a child is allowed to have a boyfriend and date... the younger they are sexually active. That is a proven fact.
Now, here I have a 15 year old daughter that is getting asked out left and right (DH explained that boys want to date girls that are "off limits or something" / "good girls". I don't really get it.... must be a male thing.
(maybe some of the men on the board can explain it better)???
Anyways, now we have a daughter that is 15. Never has been on a date yet... she has been asked out plenty of times, she has come to realize that she can be picky when it comes to boys and she has turned them all down..... does that make them stop liking her? NOPE not at all.
Also, approx 80% of the girls her age are not virgins. Ashley is. We have drilled into her head how important self-worth is and what she gives to the "first" she can never give again.
So, my advice is, don't allow her to have a BF or date just yet..... maybe you can coax her into being "just friends that like each other". If you choose that route, I hope it works, that is what we did with Ashley.
Your daughter getting so emotionally wrapped up with this boy, for me, would be a clear-cut signal that she isn't quite mature enough to handle the feelings that go along with dating.
good luck!
holley79 replied: Totally normal and totally frustrating for girls. Brandon (he'd kill me if he knew I said this) was like that till he was about 14 or 15 years old. He would tell me he liked a girl but act like a butt when he was around that girl. Then he would watch everything she did but then act disinterested in her. I use to sit there and  . (I know, horrible step mom) Well Brandon is still a little shy when it comes to girls that he likes. I do worry when he gets over it though. 
Hillbilly Housewife replied: If it helps... I was 11 when I feel in love with my then 13 year old first love.
Today, I am 24 and married to him, so it's totally possible.
Hillbilly Housewife replied: And... nice seeing you, it's been a while!!
ashtonsmama replied: 13 is too young IMO.
And  to Rocky's last comment--nice to see ya!
toady_buckshot_noodle replied: SOME OF YOU SEEM TO HAVE MISUNDERSTOOD ME!!! I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT DATING!! SHE IS IN NO SHAPE OR FORM ALLOWED TO DATE!!!! SHE IS 13!!!
"GOING OUT" AT HER AGE SIMPLY MEANS CALLING EACH OTHER BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND (AT LEAST AROUND HERE). AND EVEN THAT DOESN'T USUALLY LAST LONG.
I am simply talking about how I can help get her through the tough next couple of confusing years.
I am concerned because I don't think she should "like" the same guy for 2 years at her age.
toady_buckshot_noodle replied: Besides, you can't stop your kids from having crushes. I figure it is better for them to be able to talk to me about it than keep things to themselves.
Even if you tell them to all be friends it doesn't change their feelings. You just have to raise them to love themselves first, stay true to themselves and their feelings and make good choices.
Bee_Kay replied:
Apparently I did misunderstand... and I didn't mean to offend you, that wasn't my intent. So, I apologize.
We didn't have a problem with Ashley liking the same boy for such a long period of time ( I don't think I've heard of a girl of that age having an interest in the same boy for such a long period of time), so I am at a loss there.
We, to put as simply as I can, just encouraged Ashley to put her friends first. We explained to her that "having certain feelings for a boy/boys can have harsh consequences... heing hurt" and we wanted to put that off as long as we could.
We wanted her adolecent years filled with fun and happiness..... not a broken heart...... relationships with boys can have a harsh impact on someones feelings of self-worth (like if those feelings aren't reciprocated, ect) and I don't believe that a child at that age is mature enough to handle those feelings.
We explained to her that "Love" can come later. Somehow (maybe we were lucky) that is exactly what she is doing..
So, we didn't go through that with Ashley .... all I can say is Good luck!!
redchief replied: It is absolutely, positively normal for 13 year old boys to be totally uninterested in girls. My boys really didn't become interested in girls until they were about 15. Sports, academics and other things kept their attention. Add to that the fact (and I remember this as a former boy) that girls mature faster than boys do, and in all honesty, it's both amazing and terrifying at the same time. Girls go through puberty before boys do and believe me, boys notice. But for the first couple of years, for the most part, it's one of those, "What on earth happened to Samantha? She used to wear the same stuff as me, play the same sports as me... Now she looks like a GIRL."
One part of growing up I definitely don't miss was the initial stages of puberty.
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