Dunno what to do.....

Unhappy wrote: Hi I just found this board and I am unsure if I want to register or not. I am a frist time mom and very unhappy, not with being a mom or with my sweet baby, but with my husband. I really don't know what to do. I am starting to hate him more everyday. Any advice or streight foward talk would be great. I can take anything that is said with a grain of salt. I just want some ideas or help. I dont like feling this way and hope to reslove this matter.

Thanks

supermom replied: Do you have any insight as to why you feel like you do to your DH? Or maybe it is just frustration at having to be the "primary" care giver to your babe?

Have you tried to talk to him about it? Sometimes just talking about things like this, and getting them out in the open can do a world of good.......

I think that there are times we've all felt like this, but these feelings do pass because we love them more than we hate/get frustrated with them.

Kaitlin'smom replied: I was thinking the same thing maybe your just frustrated with the change a baby brings, I do think you might talk with him and let him know what your feeling. I don't know how log you have been together but its worth tring for you babys sake. We are here for you and wish you the best, in what ever happens.

kimberley replied: you have come to the right place i know for a fact that i am not the only mom on this board who was in an unhappy relationship with the father of my kids. it is a very difficult place to be in. it took me 2 kids, a lot of tears and anguish and almost 4 years to leave the awful situation i was in and i only wish i had the courage and support to do it sooner. i was scared i couldn`t do it on my own and that held me back. but i went back to school, took control of my life and did it all on my own and i was very proud of that. a few years later, i met the love of my life, Jamie and he loves my 2 boys like they are his own and we now have a 3+ month old daughter together. i am finally happy.

i am not sure of your situation, but i felt the hate growing with my ex every day like you described. it is a horrible way to feel and an awful environment for a precious baby. it was a poisonous life. i resented everything about him. the fact that he didn`t take the resposibility of being a father serious, the fact that he was again unemployed, the fact that he was a slob and never helped out and was still partying with his friends. i tried talking to him about my feelings and it was like talking to the wall.

If you can, and if you have any love left for him, maybe try counselling. if not... look into the support in your community and take control over your life again. there is nothing worse than feeling lonely when you are with someone.

lots of and lending an ear anytime you need one. i do hope you decide to register. there is a wonderful group of supportive people on this board that will be here for you when you need it. take care.

A&A'smommy replied: i am so sorry you are feeling this way but let me tell you after you have a baby EVERTHING changes (i know you already know this) and trust me i know what you are feeling but you cannot keep it to yourself or you will destroy your marriage and a chance for your baby to grow up in the same house with both parents. At least try to work things out and TELL him how you feel do everything you can without making him resent you too to tell him how you feel trust me its worth it!!! Good luck and i hope everything works out for good....

p.s Please join we LOVE new members and this is such a wonderful group of moms and dads!!!

aspenblue1 replied: I would talk to him. Tell him how you feel. I could be all the change that babies bring.

MommyToAshley replied: Hi! First of all, I just want to say welcome to the board. I hope you decide to stick around because this is a wonderful group of people... everyone is kind, supportive, and non-judgemental.

I have to agree with what has been said already. I think you first need to figure out what is making you unhappy. Were you unhappy with your husband before the baby came along? As you already know, with a new baby comes a lot of changes. And, it isn't easy if you are having to do everything yourself. So do you still love him, but resent that he is not helping out with the baby or around the house more? Or, are you no longer in love and just sticking with him just to try to make things work for the baby?

I think once you decide why you are unhappy and how you feel then you can make a decision on what to do next. However, I do think your husband should know how you feel. (Unless you have already tried talking to him) Whatever you decide, we're here to listen if you need to talk again or just need some support.



By the way, how old is your baby? Boy or Girl?

Kirstenmumof3 replied: Welcome to the Parenting Club. My name is Kirsten and I am mom to Emily (8), Spencer (6) and Claudia (15mths). I know how difficult it is being a first time mom and having to do everything. From your post I can honestly say that you sound a lot like me before I was diagnosed with Post Partum Depression. I'm not an expert and maybe I'm just being a little sensitive because I did have PPD very bad. But I was angry with my DH all the time and I really did not want to be married to him anymore. I'm so sorry you feel this way. My suggestion to you would be to take this PPD test and see what other symptoms you have.

http://www.pndsa.co.za/ms-fc.htm

I was very surprised at how many other symptoms I had. Anger is a common symptom of depression. I hope I have not offended you, believe me that is not my intention. I guess I really feel strongly about PPD and getting treatment sooner. When I took this test I was very surprised to find out how badly my depression was and how many other symptoms I was having.

Anyway I hope you join the Parenting Club the families here are so wonderful and so very supportive. Some days I don't know what I would do without this board. They are here when you are having a good day and want to share a wonderful story about your child. They are there for the bad days when you need that little bit of encouragement.

Sending lots and lots of hugs your way! Please let us know how you are doing and I really hope that things get better between you and your husband!

Unhappy replied: Thank you all for your warm thoghts and advice I am thinking it might be PDD I took that test and came up pretty high, should this be taken to the OB, family doc or a specialist. I guess I need to talk with a proffesional about it and see if this is whats cause my anger, frustration and hatred toward my husband. I have been married for a while and it had started after the baby was born, she will be 1 next year, I just did not think PDD casue its so far after I had her. I dunno if I still love him or not but our child deserves a mommy and daddy, so I am willing to try.

Again thank you all......

aspenblue1 replied: I am not sure who you would take it to but probably you primary doctor. I think you can suffer from PPD for a while after having the baby.

Kirstenmumof3 replied:
I am so glad you took that test! I would take it to whoever your primary care giver. Good Luck and please let us know how you make out!

A&A'smommy replied: im glad you took that test also, i would definitly go to a professional about it!!!!! Please keep us updated you sound so sweet!!! (((HUGS)))

edited to say: where could i possible take this test at i just had a baby and im so angry all the time (at dh) but im controling it the best i can and trying to be positve, but im thinking i might also need to talk to my doc. because its putting so much stress on our marriage!!

MommyToAshley replied:
There's a link in Kirsten's message. Although, I was a little confused by the test. A lot of those symptoms are things that I think everyone experiences after having a baby. I thought PPD was a little more intense and involved intrusive thoughts, etc. But maybe it doesn't have to be that severe to be PPD, I have to admit that I don't know a lot about PPD.

MommyToAshley replied: Unhappy...
I was thinking about you this morning. I hope you find the answers you are looking for.... everyone deserves to be happy. No one is happy 24/7 but it must be hard to go through what you have described especially at Christmas. I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you and hoping that you have a Happy Holiday.