Does HE help with the kids?? - or is it just me?

CAMSMOM1 wrote: Does your DH/SO help out with the kids?

Ok, my DH is a great father. He loves his son....but doesn't help me out! When Cam was born, he refused to change diapers, or give him a bath. He was scared, his first time even holding a newborn. And since I was BF, he didn't feed him either.

So I thought, once he gets older he'll help more. WRONG!

His idea of "helping" is playing with Cameron. Which I think is great! They are best buddies, and have a close bond. They do a lot of things together, but once he gets a dirty diaper, or time for bed, it's back to Mommy!

But what I'm talking about is the "maintenance" of taking care of the kids. Since Cameron's been born, he's changed maybe...20 diapers total. (And that's a generous estimation). He does feed him now, but that's not hard to do, he eats whatever we eat. He's given him ONE bath, and he picked him up from daycare (Grandma's house) twice.

He does work 12 hours everyday but Sunday. And since I work P/T, I understand that I will be doing most of it.

He has been "babysitting" for me a lot more now, so I can go out with girl friends and such. Which is great. So that's improving. He is more confident now as a Father.

I was just wondering how much help your DH/SO is with your kids? Is it just a Dad thing, that their idea of helping is rough housing with them?

Ann

zdk753 replied: My husband does NOTHING w/ the kids. I have to bathe them, feed them, get them dressed, get them something to drink, get them ready for school, get them ready for bed, etc. If they dare ask him for something he tells them to ask me. He refuses to take them anywhere w/ him, even to see his mom. It's always to much work, but yet he refuses to watch them for me when I need to run somewhere. I even had to take them w/ me to get my yearly. Sorry, can you tell this is a sore subject for me.

Freckled Momma replied: DH is a great father and he does help out quite a bit with our kids. He's always been good at pitching in with changing diapers, bathing, feeding, playing, cleaning up after and bedtime since day 1. He was better at tending to our first one than I was in the beginning, actually...lol He can also pick their clothes out too, if needed.

Some guys just have to warm up to the idea more, maybe? Maybe he is just intimidated with it and is worried he won't be a good stand-in for Mommy? My hubby was about 7 years older than his lil sister and was a "caretaker" brother, so he had experience. He's also always been really good with kids of all ages and often babysat for folks. So that factored in too.

Have you tried encouraging him to take over bathtime or bedtime? (establishing a routine for bonding more on a softer level)...

CantWait replied: My dh has gotten better with #2, but still not as much as I wish he would help or need sometimes. A lot of the time also, I need to ask him to do something, or tell him how to do it. He still doesn't know how to make a nutritious meal, or give him a bath, and everytime he washes the babies hair, omgosh hell has broken out, not to mention he dresses our kids so they just don't match....and shorts for pjs in the winter

CantWait replied: Opps so to answer your question, NO it's not just you

camneely8 replied: As one of the few guys on here I can say that I do tons with the kids. Change diapers, walk with them at night, carry them around, bathe them..all that stuff. I think there are quite a few dads that are involved with their kids like that.

ammommy replied: Dh is great with the kids, but does need some direction. It used to bother me but when I asked him about it, basically what he said was that I had such a good handle on things that he didn't want to disrupt the routine. OK, at first that sounded like BS but then I realized that I did have a tendency to act like my way was the only way so I backed off a bit. The point of this ramble is that maybe you just need to come up with a game plan and ask him to do specific things.

moped replied: Not in the beginning but now he is the SAHD so he has to - but when I am home it is me - but that is ok because then I get all my time with Jack when I am home!!!!!!

booey2 replied: You are definitely not alone. I can count on 1 hand how many diapers my DH has changed and that is for both boys. Even now that they are 4 & 7 he has to be asked to do stuff with them and even then it is a challenge. I always thought it would be different as they got older but they haven't so I have given up and just do what I need to do and grin and bare it. Hugs, some DH's are awesome when it comes to kids and others just, well ... aren't ( i was gonna say some other choice words but I am not).

mom2tripp replied: Nope you aren't alone I do have to admit I'm one of the lucky one's though. DH is very good with Tripp and will let me sleep in on occassion (it's rare but does happen!!) He will change diapers, give baths, etc.. I do most of the work around the house and with Tripp though I just think they don't get it Hugs to you

My3LilMonkeys replied:
My DH was the same way until Brooke was a month old. He wouldn't do diapers or change clothes because he was afraid to break her.

Now he is a wonderful and generally helpful father. We work opposite shifts so from the time the girls get up until 3pm M-F he is their sole caregiver and does an excellent job. The only complaint I can give is that if I don't lay clothes out for them, watch out! He will put Madison's clothes on Brooke, mix and match patterns and colors horribly, etc.

Now on the weekends when we are both home, he generally leaves 80% of the parenting to me unless I ask for help. He is good about watching them but I handle most of the feeding, diapering, etc.

The only thing he does not do - ever - is baths. Madison is just too wiggly for him to control in the bathtub and since they bathe together, I get all bath duties.

kimberley replied: not for any helpful length of time

Hillbilly Housewife replied: With the kids - heck yeah. He's great about it. He gets up in the mornings with them - EVERY MORNING. Well, mostly because before, I hardly slept at night while pg, so i slept in the mornings, he'd let me sleep. And now, the baby sleeps in the morning, so I sleep too.

Since he gets up in the mornings, he gets them breakfast, gets them dressed (he's getting better at that... I used to have to lay out the kids clothes...lol) and gets them to daycare. About once a week, he forgets something, like mittens or a change of clothes or something... but still.

He also gives them their bath at night, while i clean up after dinner. Actually, he'll wash them, then let them play in the tup for about 20 minutes while he sits next to the tub with our laptop.

When he comes home frtom work, i hand the baby to him so i could make dinner before he leaves to get the kids at daycare. H hardly can cook - if it isn't microwaveable or prepackaged ( like Kraft dinner), forget it.

So although he helps quite a bit with the kids - i wish he was less of a slob himself, i wish he'd help keep the house clean, wish he'd learn to cook to be able to help... i'd like to be able to play with my kids while HE makes dinner for a change...kwim?

luvmykids replied: I have absolutely avoided this subject because I will lose it if I try to talk about it ... nope, it isn't just you. And to top it off, the roughhousing comes right at bed time when I'm at the end of my rope and trying to get them to bed so I can get a grip! He's working out of town right now Mon-Thurs and then when he is home he just wants to relax.

msoulz replied: Mine does everything he can do! With our first it made sense for him to take time off, so he took the 12 weeks after my disability and stayed home. This time he went to a 4 day week and I go in one day so we have no daycare. He's a wonderful father and incredible husband!

Sorry they aren't all this way. I'm a lucky girl, I know that!

3_call_me_mama replied: Mine does just as much parenting as i do. (Dirty Diapers included) If he didn't he would have had the boot a long time ago!! When we decided to get married and have childrne we agreed it woudl be BOTH of outr responsibilities EQUALLY! It takes 2 to make them so it was going to take both of us to raise them! (Our philosophy) he doesn't do some of the house hold chores that i do but then again he would rather run teh dishwasher 10 times than run it once and wash teh remaining by hand (so eventually he would get them all done!) As much as I'd liek to complain abotuhim i really can't (not today anyway... another day maybe!)
And as a father he is wonderful., could use a bit more patience but who couldn't !
Recently we switched to cloth diapers and he's been great about changing adn cleanign them (i got dad proof ones) he really would just use disposables if it were up to him but he knows I've wanted to use cloth since we had Cameron and now i finally have our lives in a routine enough that i can do cloth adn keep up with the laundry.

SO to answer your question.. you are not alone (from reading the previous posts) but in our house you would be (well not really alone casue he'd be hel0ping!!) HUGS

mummy2girls replied: I wish

he likes to play with jenna and such but when it comes to the dirty work he doesnt... and doesnt even take her overnight and refuses to...

pinniy replied: I think my DH would've been less helpful, had we (more or less I) not discussed the "terms and conditions" of our parenting. Before I even considered trying, I made it perfectly clear that I wanted to continue working and going to school, and that it wasn't always going to be 50/50, but we were BOTH going to contribute 100%.

Since day one, Geoff has gotten up w/ Trei-Trei throughout the night, and we'd take turns getting him dressed in the morning, getting him ready for bed, and baths, and feedings. We've had a great system. As for picking out the clothes, he does a good job MOST of the time. Every once in a while, I have to let him know that a white shirt w/ blue cars on it, does NOT match blue and white striped pants. I now lay out the outfit the night before, which actually is a time saver for whomever is getting Trei-Trei ready.

At the moment, DH and I are geographically seperated, by 800 miles, most of the time; when Geoff is home, I really don't have to do much. Geoff does pretty much everything, ...and I mean everything.

I'm sorry things aren't as "easy" for you. I guess I got lucky, as well as demanding.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: My DH is very involved and does it all except for watch Wil during the day of course. But from day one, he has always changed diapers, fed him, bathed him, played with him, etc. I do have to remind him of the small things like remembering to put the stroller in the car when he takes him out. Or to take a sippy cup along. Or now that we're brushing Wil's teeth, I have to remind him of that. But for the majority of the time, he is great! Even gets up with him if he wakes at night sometimes.

jcc64 replied: Dh and I are a true partnership- we both work full time, we both parent full time. When I was growing up, my mom and dad were both teachers with essentially the same hours. And yet, my father NEVER helped with the household responsibilities, and from a very early age this struck me as ridiculous. Why should the burden fall squarely on one person if both parents are working?? So, I swore that I would never fall into that predicament.
There's no gender predisposition to wiping poop off of a baby's butt. Anyone can do it.......

kayla's mama replied: DH helps out alot with Kayla. He is so good with her, it melts my heart BUT with house work and other stuff, not really. I have to basically jump his case to get him to help around the house

1moremakes4 replied: My husband will help out with alot with my older daughter, but when it comes the the baby, I do most of it. He doesn't like giving Kamryn baths because "she cries and I can't make her happy", meaning I can breastfeed her when I'm done giving her the bath. He told me when our first was little that I could cut her fingernails because I was the mom. When it comes to picking out clothes for the girls, he leaves that to me, and dinner ideas are for me to handle.
But he's great about spending time with our older daughter and really has a great amount of patience, something I seem to lack sometimes. A few times soon after Kamryn was born I had to leave both girls with him and just leave the house for an hour and he was fine with it. I know I can trust him to get the job done when needed.

Mommy2Andrew replied: In the beginning my boyfriend didn't help all that much. But now, as Andrew has gotten a little older, and is more "fun" Jake will do just about anything I ask of him.

CosmetologyMommy replied: DH barely does anything in general.......It is really getting to me to! He has changed maybe......5 diapers, NEVER given Aidan a bath and I have to practically beg for him to make a bottle. He does not wake up at night with him either. So yeah.....Things have got to change around here. We actually had a long talk about it yesterday because I am just exhausted with it all and he agreed to do more but actions speak louder than words.................

MAMACARLA replied: My husband is great with Elise. He actually does 50% of the work or more. We work opposites so we don't have to ge a babysitter. I work 7-2:30 and he works 4/5 to close.

It's great to have someone like that.

Our Lil' Family replied: My DH is wonderful most of the time. He will do everything that needs to be done, but sometimes I have to ask, other times he'll just do it...guess it just depends on the day. He doesn't really like to bathe Thomas because it hurts his back, but he'll get him in and let him play while I wash the dinner dishes, then I go in and bathe, dry and dress him. He's a wonderful father.....I'm actually leaving them this weekend to go to my best friend's house in Dallas. He'll probably go to his parent's house for help, but only because he'll need to study.

fashionmumofboys replied: My DH is great. I will prepare the clothes the night before and he will dress one child while I dress the other.

He spends alot of time with the boys, playing, teaching, etc. and also changes diapers when I'm not around or busy.

I go to a Pilates class and ballet class 2x per week and he stays with the boys, which gives me a little "me" time.

He does minimal housework, but I goes you can't win it all.

coasterqueen replied: Heck I think my husband does more than me. We both work full time and parent full time. He's better at some things than I am, and vice versus. We both do the house cleaning chores as well. One thing my husband is sooo much better at than I am (he has the patience for) is staying up all hours of the night with a cheery baby who just doesn't want to sleep. I can nurse a baby all night long, but playing with them when I want to sleep....not for me. So he does that and doesn't complain, bless his heart.

Now my husband does help sometimes by just playing with them. But we take turns doing that as well .

remtana replied: My DH helps out alot. He gets up with the baby at night so I can get sleep. (I have epilepsy and need as much sleep as I can get). He knows if I have seizures, then he will have to get up early and take the girls to school. (He sleeps in becuase he works evenings). So it is really nice of him not to complain about doing that.

Angela

~Roo'sMama~ replied: My husband does pretty good actually. I do most of the diapers and I think Dh has given Andrew one bath, but other than that he is helpful. He will change a diaper if I ask him to also, but I just usually do it.

He has tried to get up with him when he wakes up at night but Andrew doesn't go for that, so instead on the weekends Dh takes Roo downstairs when he wakes up in the morning so that I can sleep in. And he takes him and holds him and reads to him or plays with him in the evenings so I can get a break. I really hope it lasts through all the kids over the years!

Cece00 replied: My husband helps out an OK amount of time.

Usually in the mornings my kids get up abou the same time as him & he gets them breakfast while I am waking up with the baby, feeding her, etc.

Then he works so its me & the kids.

If he gets home before the kids are in bed, he helps out about dinner time (getting drinks, wiping off kids). He doesnt do baths, but he will sometimes put the kids to bed, read them stories.

Of course, he plays with the kids & will watch them if I want to go somewhere.

When we go places with the kids, he helps with them, he doesnt usually just put them on me.

He'll feed the baby sometimes, and change a diaper every now & then, change the baby's clothes for bed, get her for me @ night (she sleeps closer to his side of the bed in a cradle).

SO yeah, he is OK. He could be better, of course, but I'm happy I dont have to bug him to do what he does...he's pretty fair about the workload.

scattytart replied: i think im a lucky one since callum was born on tuesday i have changed just one nappy, my dh begged me to let him dress him before we left the hospital today im s greatful he deserves






emilly married to barry mother to callum

MomToMany replied: Oh yes, he helps out! With this many kids he better, LOL! he does what he can, but I do all of the diapers, which is perfectly fine with me ! I love the fluff! He usually helps get them dressed, gives them baths, & helps get them to sleep. He's wonderful !

Myprecioushearts replied: My husband does okay when it comes to helping with the kids. He could definatly help out more but I really can't complain too much. But I do about 90% of everything for the kids I will admit. When Charlie's home though and not working, he does try to step it up. He does more with the older kids, he's still afraid of the baby in some ways. Since i'm exclusivly breastfeeding he could never help with feedings, he also won't give the baby a bath because it makes him nervous. The baby is pretty much all mine most of the day. Charlie does help out in the evenings and get the older kids bathed and ready for bed for me. He does clean up after dinner most nights as well so that's a big help. But it's always me that gets up with the kids, gets them ready for the day, fixes the meals and keeps the house picked up. Of course I wished he'd help more but I know that he works hard as well outside the home. When he's home he will do something if i ask him but he never takes the inative and just does something that needs to be done. He has to be told or asked first!

LilaGrace'sMom replied: My DH works full time and I am a SAHM.

I do most of the care, but that is okay with me as I look at my status as a SAHM my job. I enjoy every minute of it, BTW!

If I have errands to run he has no issues with it and if a diaper needs to be changed he will do it of course. As far as bathing, I dont think I would want to relinquish that b/c I love to bathe her. Feeding? She is exclusively breast fed and I have yet to express to give a bottle.

She sleeps through the night and I am rarely exhausted enough for him to give me a break. We got lucky b/c Lila is a very laid back child.

Now--if we had other children that may be a different story....

holley79 replied: Dh is ery nervous about "hurting" her. I guess that is normal for first time infant holders. I am BFing so I do all the feedings right now. He has changed a few diapers and does hold her quite a bit. He hasn't given her a bath yet but does hold her so I can get stuff together to bath her. He hasn't changed an outfit yet but that is within due time because I will be returning to work in March.

There was one day that I was exhausted and I told him to keep her unless she was hungry. I told him what to look for so he would now that she was. I also told him what to do if she was just being fussy. I didn't think this was too much to ask for. Well he brought her back into the room with me and put her in her bassinet and was rocking her. I was a little on the irritated side with him and finally told him I would get up and take care of her. He quickly left the room with her and took care of things.

He is working fulltime but when he is home he helps with the laundry. Does pretty much everything around the house. Keeping things picked up, cleaned and cooks dinner. He bought some fancy toaster oven yesterday on his way home from work. Most men get excited about power tools, my DH gets excited over a toaster oven. I'm not going to complain, he does the cooking.

kimberley replied:
sorry that makes me laugh cuz my dh does the same thing. drives me ! they quickly get the hint tho when the steam starts coming out our ears lol.

CAMSMOM1 replied: Justin has been helping out a little more since I posted this thread. Today, was his day off from work, and usually I take Cam to Grandmas, while he enjoys his day off. But today, he took care of him. And they had a great day together! Justin has always been good playing with Cam, but never really does the maintenace. But latley he's been changing diapers, and helping out a little around the house. So there is some progress! Thank God!
They are best buddies, always have been. But now he's realizing that it's more to being a parent then rough housing.
And today he told me, "I now see what you have to go through everday! I love spending time with him, but it's a lot of work!" It reminds me of that country song, "Mr. Mom". Funny how they get a new perspective on things, when they have to be the ones' doing all of it! And he even cooked dinner, that's a 1st! Ok, he didn't actually cook, he put the frozen lasanga in the oven...but at least it was better than fast food!

CosmetologyMommy replied: I wish that was my dh! I have school on saturdays and he will not even change Aidan's clothes!!!! Lazy A$$