Do you feel like this is cheating?

TANNER'S MOM wrote: Okay this is something that really bothers me.

This is about 4-h and showing animals at the fair.

When I went to the ladies house to take her my orphaned baby rabbits she had alot of rabbits and chickens. Her barn was very high maintenance and high dollar. She had awesome animals that's for sure. Her daughter who is 17 pulled up in her car and she said she is going to show a few rabbits and these chickens. She said I have 5 kids total showing out of this barn. She said my daughter doesn't even like to show but I make her. For the scholarship money that is offered. She really hates the chickens but she is going to show these and pointed to them.

She then told me that her nieces and nephews were going to show out of the barn also. I said do they come and help you take care of the animals? She said NOPE, I do all the work and they get all the glory.

Okay that has been driving me crazy ever since. They have age classes and each child shows against their age. Then they have an open class that is for adults. I think if you are a 4-H child and you say I raised these animals, trained them, and got them ready for a show, then you should've done that. I don't think it's right for this woman to raise these animals and then say OKAY you can say you did it. I mean the other kids don't even live in her home or even come over once a week to feed them. If she wants to show her animals she should be showing against over adults.

I was talking about it at work to a lady that's son does 4-H and FFA. He is 18. And she said I think you will find that it's the norm. She said I know when I was a kid and showing cows my brothers and Dad did all the work all I did was get dressed up and walk them around the show ring. She said he husband who is a vet supply salesmen does most of the work for their animals b/c her son just doesn't have the time.

It might be the norm, but I personally think it's cheating. I know for us we do help Tanner some. He can't left the big rabbits out of their cages. So, I help him. But he does all the feeding and watering of his animals. Turkey's, chicken's rabbits, goats and horses. He was up before school this morning doing it. Tonight we spent almost 2 hours in the barn getting the rabbits groomed and gentled and ready to stand. I was outside with him. I did help him clean them. But by no means do I do his work and then let him take credit for it. He cleans poop and bags it up and takes to the neighbor for her garden. She has began paying him 2.00 for 50 lbs of rabbit manure. He is actually proud of that money b/c he works for it. He has raised and taken care of 25 baby chicks all summer. He has cleaned their cages weekly also.

Am I just being a bitter Mom? Or is this just wrong to anyone else. I think age as alot to do with it. I mean if the kids are 5, of course they have to have more help. If they are 10, they need a bit of help, if they are 17 and 18 do they really need help?? I mean these kids can drive? Surely they can shovel poop with my 10 year old.

Sour grapes on my part maybe..but I am mad at this whole thing.

mckayleesmom replied: Yes...that sounds like cheating to me. I thought the whole point of showing something was to feel good about keeping something alive and healthy.....Sounds like there needs to be better rules and regulations.

kit_kats_mom replied: I do think it's cheating but it's going on in other arenas as well. Parent's doing kids science projects so they are "perfect" etc. It's just sad IMO that parents want perfection for their kids rather than the experiences of being kids and the joys that come from doing a job well.

And when it comes to cash prizes, that probably just adds to the goal of perfection.

lovemy2 replied: It would bother me too but in the end you know Tanner has learned how to care for things and compete the RIGHT way - the heck with everyone else - nice job raising your son Mel - it will all come out in the wash as these kids grow up - Tanner will be a well adjusted hard worker who respects authority

MommyToAshley replied: It sounds like the 4-H Club is based on the honor system and they aren't being very honorable.

I think the experience Tanner has gained is worth more than any prize. And, unfortunately, the other "kids" have learned a lesson too, but not one that I would want to teach my child.

Kaitlin'smom replied: thats sad that the kids are not doing the job but instead taking pride in someone else work. I hate to see/hear that going on.

punkeemunkee'smom replied: Yes it is cheating! You can and should help your child but to do all the work is cheating and if those other parents have ever been to a 4H meeting (which you know they have) they know that! They also know that the whole point is to learn to care for the animal. The show part is not supposed to be the point in the lesson. It takes a TON of work to get an animal ready for show-esp when you are dealing with a steer or goat,they have to walk and stand a certain way-ALL the animals have specific standards that are supposed to be met. It is highly unfair when the child is not the one doing all those things.

BAC'sMom replied: Sure it’s cheating but that is the mentality of some parents these days. Things aren’t the same these days as they were when I was growing up. Darn that sounds like some sort of country song. LOL What I would like to know is this woman doing the child’s record book too? Usually you have to keep track of all expenses, weight gain etc. when you are in 4-H or FFA.

These children are in for a wide awaking when they grow up let me tell you.

My2Beauties replied: I don't know much about 4H or the subject in it's entirety for that matter but from the way it sounds - smells like cheating to me One thing did hit home when someone mentioned science projects. I can always remember my mom helping me with my science projects but never once did she do them for me - NEVER! I won't do that for my kids either. Some of these kids would come to school with these science projects and I mean there was absolutely NO WAY in you know what they did them. Used to make my mom so mad. She'd get in a tizzy cause I'd have some good projects that I did on my own and the people whose parents did theirs for them always won.

AlexsPajamaMama replied: Yup Id consider that cheating. Isnt it defeating the whole purpose of the program to skip out on the responsibilty part? Those kids seem to be in it for the lime light and the prize.

You are doing agreat thing with Tanner, Mel, showing him the right way to be a part of an activity!

TANNER'S MOM replied: I am glad I am not the only one who feels this way. I am not bitter, I swear..lol

The kids are suppose to keep logs and records of the cost of feed, shelter, hours worked and spent with animal etc. I do have to help Tanner spill things but he does it himself.

I was also told that judges do question the child about the animals care, how often they feed, what they feed, grooming, training etc. I guess this woman and many others just give their kids the answers instead of letting do the work.

I think it's a society thing. I think we want our children to be successful at all cost. I think by not letting them lose, we aren't aren't teaching them to be honest, graceful winners either. I mean if your child loses honestly, their is no harm in that. If they did the best they could do and feel good about the effort then why make it so much more than it is.

MoonMama replied:
Agreed and very well said.