Do you discipline in public?

MommyToAshley wrote: Monica's (luvmykids) post about playdates brought up an interesting question. Do you discipline in front of friends and family or do you wait until you are home alone?

I think it is important to be consistent and discipline when the incident happens. Ashley is only three and may not fully understand what actions the discipline is related to if I wait until we get home, and I don't think it will have the desired effect. As she gets older, I will most likely change my philosophy because she will have a better understanding that her actions has consequences (even if the consequences come later). But, I still feel very awkward disciplining in public.

Bee_Kay replied: I agree, it depends on age.

When children are younger, I believe that by the time you leave the store, they will have no idea why you are upset. So, discipline has to happen right away. I believe a parent can discipline without causing a scene.

When they are older..... a firm "wait till we get out of this store" seems to do the trick

ETA: I didn't vote because I believe both answers are correct, depending on age.

BAC'sMom replied:

I agree totally!

MyLuvBugs replied:
Oh no. It's right then an there for us, and if someone's got a problem with it in the public place too bad. I don't tolerate Lorelei thinking she can just act out BECAUSE we're in public. And our families are all for it. They agree that she needs to be disciplined right when se makes the error in judgement, that way she'll relate that error to punishment. In fact my MIL and my Mom have both disciplined Lorelei before in front of other family and I think once when we were at the store shopping for clothes.

Bee_Kay replied: You know....

This really got me thinking. When Ashley was a couple years younger, she thought (briefly) that she could talk back and cop an attitude with me in public.

Let's just say, she did it ONCE. I had no reservations about raising my voice to her in public. She was so embarrassed. In fact, that is exactly what she said to me, "Mom, you totally embarrassed me!"

My response "Well Ashley, don't you think it was embarrassing for me to have people hear MY daughter talking like a little snot? If you have no problem embarrassing yourself, then neither do I!"

It hasn't happened again

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I voted yes b/c I try to do this when at all possible. Maddie and Ethan are pretty well behaved in public and I get compliments a lot and I think it is due to the fact that they know I mean business when I tell them to behave. I have no qualms about me to stop in the middle of the store and take them to the bathroom for a time out. And, I've been known to leave the store (and a basketful of items behind) due to an unruly child. I don't handle tantrums well...especially in public and if I'm at my wit's end I'll just leave. No reason to put the rest of the people in public thru that torture.

I hate disciplining my kids, period and it is even MORE uncomfortable when there are people around to witness it, but I won't be one of 'those' moms who let their kids walk all over them and make excuses for their behaviour. IE: "Their tired" "They don't feel good" "They hate shopping" They need to learn how to behave. This is the reason I believe in taking my children to restaurants...so they will know how to behave in such a place.

mckayleesmom replied: I usually do it in public at the moment....I think if I wait till we are out of the store...she won't know what she is being punished for. I also don't care what other people around me think of me punishing her ...its called public for a reason ...


I will have to say though....since we started the supernanny naughty step...I usually just have to threaten her with that....I usually say "Mckaylee, do I need to find a naughty step" and she usually says "no, mommy, Im sorry"....THE END.....THANK YOU SUPERNANNY....

PrairieMom replied: I do it right away, but I try to remove him from the situation, or I try not to draw to much attention to our selves. If he acts up in a restraunt I will snap him up briskly walk/drag/ carry him (what ever it takes) to the bathroom, we go into a stall and have a talking to. In a store I will get right down in his face and talk to him in my stern mad mommie quite voice. We have had to resort to a few time outs in the car, and have had to leave a full grocery cart once.

kayla's mama replied: I haven't gotten to this stage yet....but I do plan on discipline in public. I can not and will not stand for any tantrums. Kayla has thrown some already and I just ignore her, so far thats working!!!!!

kimberley replied: yup i do or every outing would be horrible. if you let them think they can get away with stuff in front of people, they will remember and embarrass you one day lol. most times, we just end whatever we are doing when the kids act up. or one parent will sit in the car with him/her til the other is done. consistency is important.

redchief replied: Again I didn't respond as my choice wasn't listed. ITA with those that say it depends on age. I also believe it depends on the reason discipline is needed. If there's a safety issue involved, discipline can't wait. If one of my children is obviously rude, I handle that on the spot. Usually the embarrassment of being called out in public is discipline enough. I've tried to teach my kids that it's okay to be passionate about issues and their rights and those of others, but I've also explained that the WAY they go about that is important too.

Bee_Kay replied:

That is exactly what I did with Ashley!

luvbug00 replied: I do. I just have a firm high tone word with her..

C&K*s Mommie replied: I discipline in public, most of the time is consists of the 1...2.... count with Christian. Kellie most of the time it goes as far, as moving that straightens her out. I have left stores with screaming children though, but there are other factors involved, and it is my fault. So far I have never had to use time-out in the car, or in the bathroom, or in another persons house. But I will if necessary. They do get unruly in public though, and I act accordingly to what I know of the situation.

CantWait replied:
Same here.

Boys r us replied: I discipline right away with Braedon. With Tanner, I will give him the evil eye and tell him how long he is going to be grounded if he doesn't cut it out. But Tanner really is my little angel..he is very well behaved at home and in public..so it's rare so have to discipline him. Braedon on the other hand...whew..

My2Beauties replied: I think it would depend on the age. I put yes for now, because at Hanna's age, she has to know what she did right then and there before we leave wherever we are at or she will have no idea what I am talking about once we leave. She isn't bad out in public too much. I mean she is usually pretty good, unless there are other kids with me, like if I'm with a friend. Brianne saw that - um..McKaylee and Hanna tried to run into the kitchen of the restaurant we were eating at. I think we handled them pretty well though But if Hanna and I are at the store by ourselves, she stays in the cart, points at things and talks to me and she never ever acts up. She loves going out to the store and she enjoys being in the car too. It's at home that I have a problem with

Nina J replied:

I voted yes.

ilovemybaby replied: I think it is becoming harder and harder to discipline your children in public these days. They are trying to bring in a law here in NZ to make spanking illegal.
It's going to get to the stage where you won't be able to spank kids in public because someone will see and report you.
There are times I have seen the odd parent go too far. I used to work in a supermarket and I saw a father hit his son in the face. And the son hadn't even really done anything wrong. And he was screaming and crying and the mother didn't see it happen and she looked at the dad and asked what happened and he said "I don't know".
And a mother in the car with her two kids. And she slapped one of them in the face.

I don't know how I will discipline in public when Abby is old enough to understand what I'm saying... I've watched lots of those parenting shows like Supernanny and some have said that you can use Timeouts wherever you are. Even in public.
I don't like the counting thing personally. I think kids should listen to you immediately not after so many seconds KWIM? It's just giving them more time to misbehave. But that's JMO
I think yelling the kids name out in full sometimes can work. I know I used to hate it when my dad did that.
And for tantrums... my mum just used to say "right I'm going now". And she'd start walking away and then I would freak out and run after her. I know it is not always safe to do this. It is a lot safer here in NZ. We don't have kidnappings from shopping centres etc... I have only heard of one kidnapping of a child in the last year.

I do believe it is important to discipline right then and there...

mommymonster replied: I like to address the issue as it is happening so there is no confussion later as to what I am referring to inregards to the dicipline.

A&A'smommy replied: Well you kinda have to at the age alyssa is at because they wont remember but I'm sure when she gets old enough to understand and remember what she has done it will be when we get home. She is usually pretty good when we are out in public so we really haven't had too much trouble with her *knocks on wood*

luvmykids replied:
Ditto, although we've started trying a new thing in public, we have a code word that is a "warning"; I've noticed depending on who's around, it actually gets worse when I give them a regular warning, like they have to push it, KWIM? But for some reason the code word thing stops them pretty quickly, maybe b/c it's something new.

Brias3 replied:
That's actually a really good idea, I think I need to test that one out.

I try and discipline as the incident occurs. I don't go overboard and quite frankly, might be louder and more direct about it in the comfort of my own home but I will address the issue. I hate when it has to be the muttered under the breath type warnings in some place quiet where any sort of remark will be widely recognized but of course, those are probably the places that my kids are best at acting up in!

holley79 replied: My mom always did it right then. I will probably do the same with Annika. now if we were in Chruch we were taken to the bathroom as not to disturb the service.

booey2 replied: I voted no because right now at the age they are they understand that if they have to be punished and it happens at home it will be way worse then if I did it in public. Also my mom always use to do it in public and my brother and sister were always totally embassased by her actions. So I vowed I would try my hardest to deal with punishments in the privacy of our home if I could. With that being said there are times where it is just not possible to do that and I have to deal with it right away and I will but out of earshot or eyesight, but that is just me. When they were younger and did something outside like say run into the road infront of our house (we live on a quite dead end street so there danger level is relatively low) I didn't hesitate in going over - picking them up and taking them inside and punishing them there. DH on the other hand will dish it out immediately no matter where we are. It can be embarassing to me sometimes.