Do you consider yourself restrictive or permissive - movies, music, tv

Giasmommy wrote: Do you restrict what your child watches on tv? How about radio stations, not only for the music, but for the talk that goes on between songs? Do you let your child watch movies rated for above their age (PG13, or R)?

If you do restrict these things, how do you deal with their friends (or even family members) who do not have restrictions? I have a SIL who allows her children (ages 5-10) to watch adult based television shows, R rated movies, and listen to hard core rap music. Her 5yr old kindergartener walks around shaking her behind singing "Dont you wish your girlfriend was hot like me" and SIL thinks this is adorably cute. My 9yr old has never even heard that song, as she is perfectly content listening to Radio Disney and watching child and tween targeted television.

How do you deal with the permissiveness of other parents? I can't isolate her forever, and it seems like I'm the only parent who is concerned about this stuff. Am I alone in wanting my kid to be a kid and not a pint sized adult?

mommy_loves_chase replied: i think you are doing the right thing for sure my Grandmother raised me and she was just like that but when i look at how i am now that im an adult compared to some of the other people i knew grewing up im very thankful that she only allowed me to watch certin things i think the only adult tv shows i was allowed to watch were unsolved mysteries, cops and america's most wanted but here again i come from a family full of cops, lawyers, and judges.

luvbug00 replied: Ohhh tuchy subject for me. I let my 5 year old watch almost anything she wants and she listens to the hard core rap and uncensored radio. She is allowed to watch a movie of any rating depending on the content and that I have pre-viewed it for her. She loves movies with shakeperian themes ( the costumes and language are like poetry to her and she likes the rhyming sounds . ) She watches Romeo and Juilet and I forget the other ones name ( keanu reves and denzel washingotn and emma thompson) So basically if it has no sex, nudity or graffic violance then she can watch it. Cursing has no barring in this house. She doesn't sware and although has tested the waters with me. she knows now that if she says it then it is ONN!! She never has sworen in th presance of another adult. and the worst thing she said is p**s. We have never censored the music because it's just that. music. She likes to listen to the top 40 station and urben stations. I think it's wrong for people to think just because I let her watch and listen to some older themed music and movies that I'm a bad parent. I do it because I was raised in a strict home and when the real world came it hit hard. I want her to be ready for the ups and downs of reality. I don't censor too much for her so she won't be shocked into reality like me.

gr33n3y3z replied: I think it depends on alot of things

Cussing in movies and songs arent to bad they here that in everyday living on the streets and stores.

But if its sexual in songs and movies I dont think its a good idea plus depends on the age.

I mean Cat in the hat wasnt the greatest movie for kids thats for sure.

mammag replied: I would say I am not an overly restrictive parent but there are certainly things I do restrict........inappropriate music, movies with sex and a lot of violence, etc.

I guess I pretty much go along with Lisa on this one. Cursing in movies & music doesn't bother me so much but sex and violence do. I don't want my kids getting desensitized. I would prefer them to be shocked by that type of reality because I don't want it to be THEIR reality, kwim? I want them to grow up respecting themselves, their bodies, and other people and some of the music and programs (MTV etc) teach the exact opposite.

coasterqueen replied: Well we don't let Kylie watch anything that is inappropriate for her age. BUT I must admit that I listen to rap that she probably shouldn't listen too. We also shake our "booty" to the music. DH says it will come back to haunt me and probably will.

A&A'smommy replied: This is a toughie but I think I will do what my mother did and that is they are only aloud to watch age appropriate things and I will see the movie first... all Christian music aloud and I will have to hear the music first if it anything other than christian at least until she is a teen and the we will probably just go with the flow and figure out what it right for her because by then she will know what is right and wrong and when she does wrong she will receive the appropriate punishment!

TANNER'S MOM replied: Well...

I do not allow nudity! Or SEX! The laugauge is SO SO.. the F word I hate..but the rest I can deal with..

Now songs.. I have more trouble with that than anything..

CANDY SHOPPE>.. I wanna take u to the candy shop and lick you like a lolli pop..UMMMMM NO! NO NO

Not in my house!

jcc64 replied: I would say I probably land in the "permissive" camp, although I try to use the opportunity to engage the kids in dialogue rather than merely shielding them from objectionable things. I too worry about the "desensitization" issue, but I feel it's my job to help them figure out how to navigate the world in which they live, not to remake it in my own image. Easier said than done, and the older they get, the less black and white it becomes.

MommyToAshley replied: My daughter is only two (almost 3), but I thought this was an interesting topic even if it was geared towards older kids. I do filter for everything right now, including language.




As Ashley gets older, I am thinking I will probably fall in line with Lisa and Jeanie on this one.

Boys r us replied: I'm very permissive. The way I see it is that I can't shelter my kids forever and why on earth would I want to? What a horrible way to start the real world...talk about a rude awakening! But my reasoning is that when/if my kids hear things for the first time, I don't want it to be in the lunchroom at school on on the back of the school bus..I'm very open and try to educate my kids about everything in life. Sometimes I think that parents choose not to let certain things in their kids life for lack of confidence in their own ability to openly discuss it with their kids. Now of course there are things I do not let my kids see like scary movies or outright sexually explicit things..but everything else is pretty much open! I haven't really had to deal with this TOO much with Braedon b/c he's so young, but Tanner is 9..there's nothing, absolutely NOTHING he can hear on a song or on normal TV that he won't hear in school..therefore why not experience it with a parent who is open to communication and makes the task of dialouge b/tw parent and child so easy and comfortable? After all, if things aren't hush hush and taboo then they won't know that there isn't anything to be secretive about, therefore they're more likely to ask you...to me, my son hearing the word perplexed and asking what it means should be no different than him hearing the word Wh*re and asking what it means..I WANT him to ask me if he doesn't know what something means. I've always been open like this with Tanner and every adult he's ever come into contact with has told me what a wonderful child he is..and that's what I want to hear and I do believe it has a lot to do with me not sheltering him.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I'm somewhere in the middle because that's simply how I was raised. I wouldn't know how to do it any other way. I definitely feel that it is important to show children boundaries though. I don't think restricting children will necessarily make them a better child, but I also don't believe exposing them to too much too soon will either.

I do agree completely with Nichole...I would much rather my child hear it from me than to hear it from their friends. But I'm certainly not going to put it out there first in order to beat them from hearing it at school. Perhaps I'll learn the hard way, but I'm hoping I'll just have a sense of when Wil is ready for it. So age-appropriate is a must for our family.

My parents were too hush hush about sex, but I thank them for restricting me from watching R rated movies. And using a bad word in our house...well I would get my mouth washed out with soap, literally. I suppose that's not the best way to handle the situation, but I think it has taught me that those words aren't meant to be used lightly. DH's parents talked about sex too openly. And I can tell that it still bothers DH to this day. So again, I'm in the middle.

luvbug00 replied:

Brads parents too sometimes I have to mentaly block them out soo embaressing

~Roo'sMama~ replied:
I don't have to deal with this yet either but I've thought about it a lot and this is how I feel also. Some cursing is ok - but I HATE the F word. I was a sensative kid and I would feel yucky and depressed for weeks after seeing something on tv that was violent and even have trouble sleeping because of it. (it didn't happen too often - I was pretty sheltered) Too many kids don't even bat an eyelash when they see something grusome or violent on tv because they're use to it... I want my kids to be upset if they happen to see something like that because I don't want them to think that that's just how life is. And just because that's how life IS for some people doesn't mean my kids need to be exposed to it when they're at a tender and impressionable age.
Ok I'll stop now.

Giasmommy replied: I agree that over sheltering can backfire. But I dont see any need to cram adult content down my daughters throat when she is still perfectly happy to be a kid. And I surely don't want someone else doing it for me.

mckayleesmom replied: Honestly....my mom kind of restricted us....but it was kind of pointless when my dad didn't...they were divorced and we got away with murder around him. I grew up on Holloween, Nightmare on Elm St, Hellraisers, Polterguise, and the Texas Chainsaw Massacre......We didn't turn out bad for it...I never had nightmares or anthing either,,I think it depends on your child and how they react to things.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Same here - we generally don't watch horror flicks, and we definitely don't watch explicit stuff, not aorund the kids anyways... however if we`re watching somethign like that, and one of the kids wakes up and comes in to thel iving room,we don`t make a big deal of it.

After bed time it`s mommy and daddy time - so we watch what WE want to watch. Generally it`s CSI, desperate housewives for me, House, or Stargate for DH, so it`s no big deal if the ids see it or not...

as for and cussing - they hear it on the radio in the car, they hear it out of my mouth, and they know it`s only to be used at certain times. It was kinda funny once - Zach dropped something and said the sh** word....to himself.... it was 'cute' in a way.... but the kids luckily don`t repeat stuff like that... I guess they just 'know'...

as for violence - it`s EVERYWHERE. The hunter who shoots Bambi`s mom.... lion king was one big vengeful fighting movie... even Disney isn`t sheltered from violence, so I don`t think that someone who punches out someone else on tv is all that bad, really. But I don`t allow my kids to play with toy guns, knives, etc... it`s just STUPID. Guns ar not toys, nor should they be portrayed as such - they are dangerous weapons, and I will never allow one in my house, real or toy.

Howver, no matter how much I filter... even at such a young age,(almost 3) zach still manages to find stuff and make it into a violent game... like he`ll take an empty papertowel roll and pretend it`s the sword to kill the dragon (from SHREK). Or he`ll bash 2 toy cars together and say they had an accident, then take his toy firetruck and 'save' the people inside the cars to take to the doctor`s. And Zach pretty much ony watches Dora, Bob the Builder, Franklin, Mighty Machines, Teletubbies with Emilie, Boobah with Emilie and Sesame Street if we catch it. We don`t watch the news at home... so there`s nothing REALLY that can influence Zach`s violent games - he doesn`t get to SEE it at home! It`s al at grandma`s, or at the sitters.... so no matter hom much I want to filter - he`ll still see the stuff, and he`ll still want to act stuff out like that - the best I can do is tell him when something is not appropriate (like pretending to 'kill' the dragon when the dragon is Emilie) or when he kicks or scratches... (yay daycare....) and WHY.

It's important to me to expain to him WHY something is not appropriate... it helps him understand why I ask him not to do it, and it seems to help in stopping the behaviour. We`re big believers in the ' no NO's'... as in, instead of saying 'no', we say something else that still means no.

Like: Can I have a cookie?
Instead of: No because we`re going to eat soon
we say: ask me again after dinner, we`ll decide then.

and if, after dinner, it`s still a no (although if he had a good dinner, why SHOULD it be a no? ) we`ll say that it`s too close to bedtime for a cookie because of all the sugar in it, whjy not have a piece of fruit instead? You can have a cookie tomorrow after your lunch.

Usually it will be ok. Sometimes, he takes te fruit - which meant he was actually still hungry... but if he doesn`t take whatever else I offered, he wasn`t really ungry and so didn`t REALLY want the cookie anyways.


So I don`t OFFER to let him watch CSI with us if he`s cranky and doesn`t want to go to bed.... I'll let him stay up with us to watch it, selfishly, because *I* want to watch it, however I`ll always ALWAYS offer him to put one of HIS movies in HIS room for him if he'd like that better than boring old mommy tv... he usually will go for watching Dora in his room before going to bed than watch CSI with mom on the couch.

boysmom replied: I'm probably in the middle, I don't allow stuff I know will scare them, my 9 yr old can cope with a lot more than my 6yr old though so often I will watch a little kids movie with my younger son and dh and Robert (9) will go and watch Batman Returns or the like. I do restrict movies and tv if it is overly sexual, we have Big Brother on here atm and it is way over the top this time round so it's not on. Another show that is completely barred is The Simpsons, it makes my boys act disgracefully and they used to love acting out the stupid show. The boys aren't exposed to explicit music, our radio stations are pretty censored, video clips though are another matter but even my boys ask why there are half naked girls dancing around most of them and then switch over to the cartoons.

Louise

momonthego replied: I have a 12 and a 9 yr. old daughter and it's getting increasingly hard for me to monitor this. My 12 yr. old already feels "out of it", because I have to screen PG-13 shows for her. Mean Girls was horrible and there was no way I'd allow her to hear girls calling each other a bitch and slut every other sentence, let alone the sexual content. But other kids her age are starting to see those and worse, especially the movies they rent.
With music, I grew up listening to the latest and love to dance, so I may be more liberal than some, but I draw the line at some of the newest hip hop, like Laffy Taffy, which all the kids request at the school dances. The first verse goes, "I'm like a Jolly Rancher, I stay so hard, you can suck it all night, Oh My Gawd.!" You can't even edit that out! And the kids are embracing this stuff likes it's their motto.
So I do set boundaries and have my limits, but I make sure I'm aware of what is out there. Too many parents have no clue and are so naive. Check the lyrics on some of the recommended sites before letting them download or buy a song.

luvmykids replied: We are, of course, less restrictive with Nikka, my 11yo step, than the younger ones but I'd say fairly restrictive over all. I don't think that me intentionally exposing my kids to things they have no use for or ability to process (the little ones) is of any benefit to them; there are other ways to have dialogue about it, and we do. She's perfectly aware of what sex is, what bad words are, etc. but I don't think that means it's ok for her to watch it for "entertainment". And it doesn't have an affect on her popularity or ability to be cool or have fun. We don't restrict her so much that we censor what she watches or hears at a friends house, she just knows it won't happen here. Which does not stop her and her friends from hanging out here either.

JMO, kids do get exposed no matter what, so why add to it at home? I was totally sheltered media wise and had no problems dealing with the real world. Whether it's violence (ITA on the Disney thing), language, sex, etc. just because that may be a part of the "real world" doesn't mean it has to be part of our home. Our home is a refuge from the "real world".

sillisha replied: Unfortunatly my son listens to rap music like 50 cent and has watched movies inappropiate for his age the movie part not at my home but at his fathers(like monkey bone) and the music started there....i do not allow my son to watch any movies with a lot of adult content and i do limit how much music with adult language he listens to.he knows not to use bad language so i dont worry too much about that.

My3LilMonkeys replied: An old topic revived! How interesting.....

Our kids are too young for us to really restrict what they want to watch or listen to - it's more screening what DH and I want to watch and listen to so that we dib;t do it in front of them.

I grew up in a very permissive household - I watched Rocky Horror Picture Show for the first time at age 8. (For those who haven't had the pleasure of watching it, the whole movie is just one sexual theme after another including transvestites, lesbians, affairs, etc. with some violence and cannibalism thrown in)

We will probably lean more towards the permissive side once are kids are older because I would like for them to learn it at home before they learn it somewhere else, KWIM?