Dirty looks....

MyLuvBugs wrote: Have any of you been out in public, and the kid starts screaming b/c their hungry, so you hook them on up to a boob, and then.....you notice.....dirty looks from strangers?

I've already made up my mind that this time, I'm REALLY going to try to breast feed 24/7 (God willing). I'm hoping this time around I'll be able to produce enough milk.

BUT I remember a few times while Nursing Lorelei those dirty looks. Or maybe they were looks of disgust. Not really sure....It never bothered me, and I never just whipped the girls out for a peep show or anything. I always had everything covered with a blanket, but still.....So I'm curious to see if you avid BFing moms have experienced this as well.

kimberley replied: stare back i am serious! i am on my 4th nursling and people gave me looks that made me feel uncomfortable with my first and i would end up in the car or a change room or suffocating my poor kid under a blanket he hated . now, i don't care. i am always discrete (sp?) so if they give me looks, i give them right back as though they have boogies hanging out their nose lol

TeagansMom609 replied: With my first I ALWAYS nursed somewhere private and secluded wether I was in public or at my in-laws house. This time I nurse anywhere in front of anyone. So far no stares or dirty looks. I cant wait until someone gives me a dirty look.

MyLuvBugs replied:
Yeah, the first time it happened I just looked back at the guy and rolled my eyes. My friend Lissa said what, and I said " Oh just someone with a staring problem". And I think I said it a little too loud b/c he got up and left. lol But we were eating. What was I supposed to do, excuse myself to the bathroom and feed my child? Ah No.

I just don't get why they gotta stare and give bad looks.

CantWait replied: YES I did receive those dirty looks. Luckily I'm very outspoken, and I would just shoot my mouth and my own dirty looks right back at em

LilaGrace'sMom replied: I have never gotten a dirty look---hope I do someday--they will have to pull me off the soapbox.

I think those who have enough of a problem with it to give dirty looks are women who feel guilty they didnt and jealous of you.


The US needs to GROW UP!

coasterqueen replied: Oh gosh yes! I just give them the same dirty look back. I've even replied with some not so nice comments too...DH didn't like that when I'd do that to someone.

I think I've gotten more with Megan than with Kylie and I'm actually much more discreet I think with Megan.

I just tell the people to get a life! If they weren't staring at me in the first place they'd never notice was I was doing .

PrairieMom replied: I know by saying this I am opening myself up to blasting, but its JMO, so please be kind to me! here goes...

I am a dirty looker.

I nursed my baby, and i understand that it is natural, but I was always discrete, and covered with a blanket. I'm not an unreasonable person and don't expect anyone to excues themselves to the bathroom stall to nurse their babys, (although i peobably would to taht personally if it came to that)

Anyway, my problem is when people aren't discrete. I had a girl whip out her boob in the middle of my baby shower and nurse. I actually saw nipple. There is no other time in her life when she would flash her nipple at me! she could have covered with a blanket or gone to a different room. It really was kinda ackward.

jcc64 replied: I just can't understand that in this day and age bf is still seen as somehow offensive. In the context of nursing a baby, a breast is as natural as any other body part. If someone is staring b/c the sight of a breast makes them uneasy, it is that person's own inability to divorce himself/herself from the oversexualization of breasts in our culture. It is his/her issue to overcome- not ours'.
My advice to you is- don't engage, pay no mind, and do your thing with your head up high.

MyLuvBugs replied:
I understand what you're saying. And I do agree that it shouldn't be a peep show. But even with a blanket or being extremely descrete....still the dirty/disgusted looks come. That's what I don't understand. Besides, BFing is natural and for that matter so are breasts. it's not like anyone on this planet has never seen a boob, but you're right...it shouldn't be a peep show and I personally don't want to see a lot of other women's boobies either. So being discrete IMO is part of it when you're out in public.

PrairieMom replied:
Whew! i'm glad you said that. I was scared y-all were gonna come out swingin and beat me into the ground!

coasterqueen replied:
Here here sista! As always, very well said.


And IMO I don't see any issue with a woman exposing herself to nurse her baby at a babyshower or whereever where mostly women usually are. For pete's sake are we, as women, that uncomfortable with our bodies that we are offended to see another women's nipple? We're all women, we all have the same body parts, seriously what is the big deal?

I will never understand that.

MyLuvBugs replied:
HA!! I try not to do that unless it's a personal hit against me.

But you are right with what you said. However, I don't believe in nursing in the restroom, unless it's a family restroom that has separate nursing cubbies like the one here at our mall has. Most restrooms to me are just disgusting, and it makes me feel gross just being in them. I know...I'm weird.

coasterqueen replied: Uh, Erika you are not weird. I wouldn't nurse in a bathroom either. THat's just DISGUSTING to me. You expel waste in there, is that a place to feed your baby? No way, no how for me. I'll go to my car, which I did many times with Kylie, but because she was a distractible nurser, before I'd EVER go to a bathroom.

MyLuvBugs replied:
You do have a point, and I'm all for realizing your own sexuality and being happy with the human body. Yadda Yadda Yadda...but at the same time some things are personal. So, I guess for me if a woman just whips out the boob showing it to the world, makes me feel like she doesn't want to have any private/personal ness to feeding her child. KWIM? It's a huge bonding experience btw mom and child, and by just showin' the world whatcha got kinda takes some of that private bonding away IMO.

Kaitlin'smom replied: I never got them, and I BF everywhere. I did get a complement from a friend, she said 'you are the most descreat BF I have ever seen.'

I would NEVER feed my child in the bathroom, to me that is gross. If there was a lounge near the bathroom maybe but deffinalty not in the bathroom.

jcc64 replied:

Breastfeeding has absolutely nothing at all to do with sexuality- that is where the "looks" come from- people who can't remember that the primary function of breasts is nourishment, not sexual arousal. Bf is feeding your baby, period. I don't see how or why it has to be a private bonding experience between mother or baby- it is no different than feeding a baby a bottle. I'm not advocating that nursing moms sit topless in the middle of a subway or restaurant, but if someone inadvertently catches a glimpse of a nipple b/c they happen to be staring a little too hard, I'm simply saying, what is the big deal? If the sight of a breast freaks you out, avert your eyes.

MyLuvBugs replied:
Ok first of all, I'm entitled to my opinion. And that is what my post was. MY opinion!! I realize what breasts are for, and I'm not saying that they are strictly a Sexual device, so don't over analyze me.

My PERSONAL opinion is that BFing is a wonderful thing that a mother and child share with each other. AND it IS a bonding experience! But IMO it is personal.

coasterqueen replied:
Ok, I'm gonna giggle every time I go into Subway now.

ITA w/you. Also I know I don't just whip it out, but I do it discreetly without and sometimes w/a blanket, but you know when those little ones pop off to your suprise you can only be so quick to cover yourself. KWIM? Megan did that to me in the church nursery yesterday.

jcc64 replied: Actually, Karen, I was talking about THE subway (as in a crowded commuter train that travels underground), not Subway, home of inexpensive sandwiches!
Sometimes I forget to check my regional references. People anywhere but here would be more familiar with your use of the word than mine!
And now, I'm going to forever associate Subway sandwiches with nipples....

Kaitlin'smom replied:
and to think I almost had that for lunch

kimberley replied: Erika & prairiemom.. i am just curious, does it bother you when women at the gym are nude in the changeroom? i have zero inhibitions with nursing but do find i am shy around other women (dumb i know! especially since i took a water aerobic class and it was all seniors ) i guess i am just personally self conscious.

coasterqueen replied:


OMG. Ah, well it makes more sense, the subway you are talking about.

Sometimes I'm not all there. Truly.

kimberley replied:
omg i can never eat a sub again without cracking up!

MyLuvBugs replied:
I'm personally self conscious too. I don't always like the way that I look naked, so it's not seeing other women naked that bothers me, it's me being afraid of being naked infront of others that bothers me. KWIM? I've always been like that too. I think that the human body is a wonderful and glorious thing, and my parents have NEVER been afraid of showing off their nakedness around the house... But for some reason, I'm very sefl conscious about myself. Low self esteem maybe.

holley79 replied:
It's funny that you said that. The commuter type is the first that popped in my mind. Guess that goes back to when we lived up north.

Being a "new" nursing mom I have thought long and hard about this. I haven't been out much with her because she is still young. I did however nurse her in the waiting room at the Dr's office. She is a hot natured baby and I was the only one in the "well child" room at the time. Well another mom walked in with her twin two year olds and kind of gave me a dirty look. I just ignored her. Her two year olds walked over to where I was sitting and were looking at Annika. They were adorable. She told them to go play and I told her it was ok, their just curious about the baby.

Tonight while I was at my mom's house I did go into the bedroom to nurse her because I feel funny about nursing in front of my stepdad still but I'm sure I will get over it with time. If I am in public and she gets hungry I'm not going to take her into a bathroom. The bathrooms are disgusting. I'm not about to tell "Joe Blow" to go eat his/ her pizza in the bathroom. I did purchase a sling to use in public. I have "practiced" with it around the house and you really can't tell that I'm nursing when I'm using it.

IMO I think that the female body has been over sexualize. People freak out about nudity. I have always been a very shy person. I always changed out in the bathroom stall at the gym. Funny thing is, like Kim, I took water aerobics and was in a bathing suit. That doesn't leave much covered.

But these are my opinions.

~Roo'sMama~ replied:
I know what you mean, Erika. I think nursing in public with or without a blanket is ok, as long as you are trying to stay covered up as much as possible. I use a blanket because Andrew pops off at the most unexpected times, but if I didn't use one I can totally cover myself with my shirt and no one sees anything, kwim? I just feel more comfortable being more covered.

Accidental exposure doesn't bug me - I know it happens and it's no big deal. But some people just don't even try to be discreet and just whip it out and don't bother to pull their shirt down a bit. Breastfeeding is a natural thing, yes, but your breasts are a very private part of your body, IMO and not something I want everyone around me to see.

Just because it's not a sexual thing doesn't mean I'm going to feel comfortable flashing everyone in the room, or with someone else doing it.

coasterqueen replied: Sara,

In some ways I agree. I for one do not whip it out and just don't feel comfortable with doing it myself. Now people get flashes unfortunately because my girls must think it's funny. But I AM comfortable if someone else wants to do it.

Maybe it comes from my aunt. When I was a lot younger she would nurse my cousins in front of everyone in our family and she didn't cover ANYTHING up. She just whipped it out and fed them without using her shirt to be discreet or anything. The first time I saw that I was not sure what to think, but I quickly realized it was ok.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
well, we can all change to try on borrowed clothes from a friend and expose more skin than we do in front of our dads, we sleep in the same bed to save $ on girls weekends, we strip to put on bathing suits in public restrooms... yet we're offended by a little pink feeding a hungry baby?

Sad what our world is. If someone whips out a boob to feed a baby... big deal. I'd rather see boob feeding baby than just plain ole boob. But then again, why would I be looking? I wouldn't even "register" about a bottle... why would I about a boob?

I didn't always feel this way... but I do now.

LilaGrace'sMom replied:
Great post! Unfortunately, it's really not a sad world as it is a sad nation--most world countries accept breast feeding for what it is--the USA looks at it as a shameful way to feed a baby---becuase <GASP> it's a boob!

Since the US is this way and there will probably be no way to change that in our lifetimes, being discrete can be an art at times, but it can be done.
Personally I would much rather see a woman exposing it all then see a child in a stroller with an hours old bottle hanging out of their mouth.

BAC'sMom replied: Yes, I got the looks. It still blows my mind why breastfeeding bothers people so much, when it is the most natural thing to do in the world. Just drives me crazy! If it bothers people so much why do they even look. Just get over it!

coasterqueen replied:
ITA! Or a small baby in a carseat stationed on a shopping cart and the mom holding the bottle while walking and shopping. I always think, can't you just hold your baby while they drink the bottle. Course that's one of my pet peeves.

jcc64 replied:

You know what? There have been many posts in this thread that stated the exact same position as I did, and I'm not certain why you felt the need to get short with me personally. I try to "debate" as civilly as possible, and I do not believe anything I said was any more offensive than anything anyone else said. If I've offended you in any way, it was purely unintentional, and perhaps a function of my verbage being misconstrued as more aggressive than it was intended to be. That happens on these boards sometimes. The irony is- I was actually trying to support you, based on what your original complaint was way back at the beginning of the thread.
I stand by my opinions, as always, but I'm sorry if you felt put off by the way I expressed them.