Dh and myself fought over Parenting Club - and I was sooo mad

TANNER'S MOM wrote: Ok, let me say that this place is MY resting place, relaxing. I come here and talk when no one listens at home, when I need to get away. When I have feeling and I don't want to be judged. You are my closet friends in alot of ways.

It makes me sad to think I tell strangers so much, but I do.

So, I was typing my post about my "Aunt Bessie" and to me that was a PRIVATE post, I wanted to make ya'll. And I went to the restroom to get some tissue and he started reading and commented on it..and it PO'd me bad..

I think I deserve some privacy, a place to voice my opionions without having to justify every word to him..

He suddenly becomes really defensive too. Do you go there and say crap about me (well sometimes!) I wanted to scream EVERY thing is not about you. I have a life and people to talk too that don't INVOLVE you....

Oh I know the whole stupid thing got blown outa shape..and I am sorry. But I felt like he was invading my space..

Anyone have these thoughts or feelings or am i wierd!

Mel

mammag replied: OMG! That sounds identical to a conversation I had with my dh! It's nothing against him at all. It's just, like you said, no one is judging you and you can say things and not have to look people in the face. I'm really shy and wouldn't be able to talk to people freely like this in RL so that's what I love about this place.

And sure, I don't really know that anyone is who they say they are but do you really know RL people are either??

To me, I'm here with a bunch of kids all day and this is MY space to be me and have adult conversations.

ammommy replied: My Dh snooped around some boards that I visit and read everything I had written. It made me so freaking mad! I felt like he had read my diary. He told me that he wouldn't do it anymore but I know he has. I've just changed my screen name to something that he doesn't know. I figure that I dont' read his boards, he should stay off of mine. Or, here's a novel thought, ask me about it

TANNER'S MOM replied:
He thinks it means I am HIDING something!

No, I am not hiding anything. He is welcome to look, but I don't want him commenting. If I wanted his opionion I would tell him!

Mel

Kaitlin'smom replied:

A&A'smommy replied: Okay I have to admit I feel the SAME way if I'm away for too long (a day or two ) then I go nuts!!!

You have a right to want privacy and to feel like this is your relaxing place, or your diary!!! (((((((HUGS))))))

Boys r us replied: I'm sorry!!! I know what you mean though..this is YOUR place and that means it's not for him to invade!

My2Beauties replied: You're right Mel, he shouldn't have commented on it. This is your place to VENT and come and relax and get away from RL so to speak! We don't have the internet at home so Brian can never get on here and read my posts however if he was able to and I found out that he did, I would feel like he invaded my privacy as well!

DVFlyer replied:

Wouldn't you feel the same way? I'd bet you'd ask him about it, though, but remember, Venus/ Mars. He's not you and needs extra care and feeding to feel and do what you would do.

You're close, though. I feel he really has a feeling of lack of control. For instance, if you put your truck keys in a place he didn't know about, it might make him upset. It's because he has no control over the situation. i.e. "Why can't you just leave them where I leave mine?"

Men have a "need" to control. You might think it goofy, but it's genetic. He may not understand this is going on (and I, of course could be WAY off base) but the "hiding something" idea, although real in his mind is just masking the underlying cause of lack of control.

Personally, I don't feel there is any privacy rules in a marriage or relationship. In fact, you should be able to tell your "SO" MORE than you tell anyone else. Tell him to register with his own screen name and password (your's belongs to you) and he can read anything he wants.

I think we get upset when something like this is discovered not because we're offended but because we have a small amount of guilt. As long as it's ok for you, it should be ok for him.

mammag replied: Why would she have any guilt over this? People have friends in RL and don't have to tell their spouses everything that this friend says. If you don't have a measure of privacy in a relationship you'll go mad, imo.

Just saying it is because men need to control doesn't mean he gets to. Supposedly it is a "natural tendancy" to cheat. That doesn't mean it's okay and you can do it.

TANNER'S MOM replied: He can't control everything in MY life...

And I don't think everything in my life should be under his contol or involve him.

I think we have a great marriage b/c I thought we allowed each other time to be ourselves. I don't control what he does w/ his buddies. I don't control what he does with all of his time...

I have nothing to hide..and maybe I should tell him everything! That point is well taken. And I will think on it!

Mel

DVFlyer replied: I didn't say it was OK to control. In fact, I made the point that men (and women) need extra care and feeding to feel and do like their counterparts.

For instance if she explained to her husband what she was really doing here, he might start to understand why she needs this time. He might not too , but this is the care and feeding I'm talking about. And it doesn't change overnight.

Don't take my statement as feeling guilty to mean wrong, btw. A person's comments could be totally accurate but you wouldn't want someone else to read them for fear of negative reaction.

For instance, if all someone said here was how awesome their spouse was and how wonderful they treat them and their family etc, I'd bet they wouldn't mind if their spouse took a look at it (remember, this is coming from a guy and me, so I don't know how a female and "you" feel).

Oh boy am I on a roll today........ Perhaps I should have slept in.

Josie83 replied: I'm so sorry that you got into an argument, mel. I hope that now you've told him how you feel about it he'll respect your feelings a bit more! xx

PascosGirl replied: My DH could care less what I write or talk about. lol He knows this is my place and he never comes here.

mommy2owen replied:

kimberley replied: sorry he did that to you Mel. want my DH? he comes on the board and clicks "find all posts by this user" to see what i have written all day . i have nothing to hide but it is annoying. hope you made up already.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I think he needs to respect your privacy. I'm sorry he did that. Scotty could care less what I talk about on here and he would never go thru anything of mine (letters, etc) I respect him the same way. Not to mention we trust each other. Randy must have made you feel like he didn't trust you. I'm so sorry.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: My DH would dare set foot here! He respects my privacy and did even when I was involved with Parents Place. I think that since your DH is not a member here, that what you say should be kept confidential and you should consider this place your venting ground, your escape (whatever you need). Now if your DH where to join, that would be a different story. But I still think he would need to respect your privacy.

Daisyx3 replied: Well when I belonged to another board I always vented about dh and I had horrible roommates..

Well i dont know if I left the site up or if the roommate got nosey but he went in and read a post about him.. It was all true and well the truth hurt.. They were yelling at me for what i posted (They being dh and roommate) I yelled at them for invading my privacy.

People I talk about I never invite to my sites lol. I'm bad arent i.

PascosGirl replied:
Not bad, just normal. lol

MommyToAshley replied: I am sorry Mel.