Devil child. - *rant*

Danalana wrote: Okay, I don't get to spend much time with friends, mostly because they all work and have families. Last night, I went out with my best friend and another friend...I took Kade and my best friend had her 8-year old daughter with her. I was pretty much cringing on the inside. This kid is out of control. I'm talking waaaaaaay beyond needing a spanking (yes, I believe in spanking...not beating). She is LOUD, for one thing. She cannot speak quietly, and she is forever saying one of 2 things. Either "Mama, can I..." or "Mama, I want..." OR "Dana, can I hold Kade?" The thing is, she won't take no for an answer. Her mother can't discipline her and always tells her that she can't go with her anymore if she can't act better...but she never does. She picked Kade up out of his carseat when we got to the restaurant and proceeded to carry him into the restaurant--across the asphalt parking lot! I'm not knocking 8-year olds, but it makes me nervous for an 8-year old to carry Kade anywhere, but especially across a parking lot where cars are coming and going. She wouldn't listen to me telling her that I wanted to carry him...her mother walked with her, but still. She was awful inside the restaurant, saying she didn't like her food (didn't even try it)...she hovered over her mother's food and ate off her plate. Then she kept pretending to cry when her mother wanted to hold Kade, until she gave Kade back to her I was getting angry by this point. We all wanted to go out and just have a good time, and we weren't. My other friend and I just kept looking at her. Well, then we went to the mall...she threw a fit because there was "nothing for me to do!" We ended up at Books-A-Million, and she was just crazy. I wouldn't let her hold Kade anymore, and she actually said "You always get to hold him"--to me!
I don't know what to do because I love my friend...we are close. But it's getting to the point that I don't wanna be around her daughter anymore. What can I do, besides tell her that?

My3LilMonkeys replied: Sounds like a difficult situation for sure. I would definitely talk to the mom in private and let her know you're not comfortable with the daughter carrying Kade when she's walking. As for the rest of it I'm really not sure what I'd do - hopefully someone else can give better advice.

kimberley replied: sorry you had a miserable time. i think that child needs to hear the word "no" a little more often with follow thru. i used to feel bad disciplining other people's kids until mine kept getting hurt or upset. a simple and firm "no, you may not hold the baby" is enough and just ignore the whining. they get the hint eventually.

Jacob has had a questionable choice of friends most of his life and when i finally opened my mouth and told the other kids i don't appreciate their behaviour, they were a little more respectful the next time. eventually Jacob saw it too and got rid of them.

hang in there.

Danalana replied: The thing that gets me is she will throw a huge fit and always get her way. I've seen them try to discipline her at home and it never works. They send her to her room, and she will open the door and stand there screaming for her mother. she will ignore her, but she keeps screaming. Like, she won't stop. I think the problem is that she knows she will get her way if she pouts or has a fit. And sometimes she might be punished for something, but it gets let go the next time--no consistency. It's just sad because he mother is like a sister to me, and it's misery to be around her child. I would never tell her that...you just don't talk about peoples' kids. This friend was there in the room when my baby was born--she and her sister actually coached me through it. I don't wanna feel like I need to be medicated after spending a few hours with them!

bawoodsmall replied: I agree you shouldnt tell her that. It is very hurtful when someone tells you they think your kid is a brat. One thing I have to say is she may seriously not know how to discipline her child. Emily was easy as easy and Aiden is a force to be reckoned with. When he has his mind set on something it really takes a lot of patience to stand your ground. However, he is 2 and I do stand my ground..it is just very hard. If you dont have a strong willed child you dont understand. I think maybe you could help her in saying dont give in if you are with her. Like reassure her she is doing the right thing in disciplining her at the time. I would absolutely not let her hold Kade if she isnt sitting down. I hope I made sense. IMO though, noone wants a bratty kid and if you dont spend time with her it will hurt immensely.

Teesa®© replied: Poor you and poor friend! Maybe you could send her Super Nanny? I've watched her and she's amazing!!!

I'm wondering if maybe you could do an "intervention" of some sorts. I'm sure she's fed up and maybe out of idea's?

I don't know if this would help, but this is what I did with mine last year: the first day of March Break was already bad. By the end of the first week, my 2 were driving me INSANE!!! Knowing that there were going to be 3 more months of it almost made me cry.

So, one day, we played a game. We switched roles. DD was the Ummy and DS and I were the children. I acted the SAME way that DD was. Then we did another game where DS was the Daddy and DD and I were the children and I acted the SAME way that DS was. They were both all like, "We don't act like that!" and I said, "Oh, yes you do!"

They both got to see how badly they were behaving. At first, they thought it was funny, but it hit home after a bit. They were embarrassed. Honestly, I didn't think they had it in them, but I was fed up. I was willing to try pretty much everything. If I had a video camera or a web cam, I would have recorded them and showed them first hand.

They haven't stopped completely, but their behaviour has improved greatly

gr33n3y3z replied: Be truthful even tho it will hurt her maybe she will get a grip on that kid that she created to act that way.

Sorry but friends and their kids like that I dont need but thats me.

I hope it all works out for you

Calimama replied: I would just be firm when telling her she cant hold Kade. She's obviously lacking a little discipline but no way would I back down and let her walk across a parking lot with him.

Boo&BugsMom replied: 8 years old is way too old for that kind of behavior. Eek! Mom needs to step up to the plate. to you! I know how frustrating it is when dealing with other people's kids when they are out of control. I have learned to just step in if other people are not going to. I wont put up with it, and if other parents want to get upset at me for it, then they need to get off thier lazy butt and do something themselves then.

bawoodsmall replied:
Yeah I agree that 8 is way to old for that kind of behavior. I had better not see Aiden acting like that. However if she is that close to you I just think she needs help. My niece was the same way and even though I agree it was because my sis always gave in when she was younger I couldnt just be like oh I am not going to be with you because Kaylee is a brat. I kinda stepped in when I was with her and made her stand her ground. I just think if the relationship with your friend is that important I certainly wouldnt let her bratty kid stand in the way...and imo if you tell her your kids a friggin brat it will...even if she knows it. Thats still her kid and she will want to protect her.

JMO

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
I completely agree with Brandy here. I don't think it's your place to tell your friend how to discipline her own child unless she asks. No matter how lightly you tell her, it's going to come off judgemental, especially since you don't have an 8 year old yourself. Please don't take offense to that, because I know you are a smart person. But I'm just saying that I wouldn't want my friend who has a child under two, to tell me how to discipline my 4 year old. They change every year. And even when you think you have it all under control, they throw you for a loop the next. JMHO. Just be there to listen if your friend needs help, but only offer it if asked.

I agree that the child sounds out of control. But only if it affects Kade directly, as in demanding to hold him, would I say anything. Like the others here said, just tell her NO you can't hold him right now and leave it at that. Walking in the parking lot with him is definitely not okay.

Danalana replied: Oh, I would never say anything! and I know I don't have a child that age, but I can assure you that we will discipline our kids consistentl. Sure, they'll be kids and act like banshees sometimes...but come on! It's not doing our kids any favors to let them get away with whatever they want, as long as they throw a fit long enough. I'm sure I will have embarrassing moments, but if my kid is throwing a fit in a restaurant, my kid will be out in the car in a heartbeat (especially if this is an ongoing problem)--with me. Sorry for the rant, I just sometimes can't believe how she acts.
But yeah, I would never mention it. She knows she doesn't have a grip on it, and I know that's hard for her. And I love her (and the kid too, she just makes me nuts), so I won't let it stop me from hanging out with her. I just wish she would leave her with her hubby sometimes Seriously, we can't even talk when she is there. We RARELY get to get together and, when we do, we want to catch up and share stuff. But you can't share anything when somebody is constantly (I'm not exagerrating) yelling "mama!" And it's harder for me because Richard and I live in the middle of nowhere. All of my friends have busy lives and I pretty much only see them at church. Does that make sense?
Anyway, maybe she will grow out of it...I pray so!

EDITED because.....wow, I'm sleepy!

MoonMama replied: WOW Dana, talk about out of control....sadly my niece and nephew are this way and I dread huge family get togethers thanks to them. And trust me saying something doesn't help. As far as holding Kade, flat out NO know room for anything after that, the answer would be a firm no and that would be the end of it.

Danalana replied: I'm fine with here holding him if she's sitting, although it does get annoying that she doesn't want to let anybody else see/hold him. I get nervous if any kid is trying to walk with him, you know? Heck, I have gotten nervous about ME carrying him a few times...especially up stairs or something. I'm not trying to be ugly, but it's becoming an issue. I just don't want to offend her mother by telling her "no".

Teesa®© replied:
Offend away, Kade is YOUR CHILD and you have EVERY right to say NO. As you say, she's your friend and I'd think she'd understand.

Honestly, I think I'd say something if I had a friend and daughter like that. If it has been that long on-going and that bad, maybe she's too embarrassed to ask for help? Maybe she thinks you wouldn't have good advice for her since your children are both younger?

I'd try to invite her out for coffee and tell her I'm not bringing my children so let's both have a child-free get-together. I'd bring up something that one of my children has done and ask her for advice. What would she do? And hopefully, she'd bring up things of her own and ask for advice. Once the topic is out there, maybe she'll feel more comfortable with talking about it?

My2Beauties replied: Oh honey...major to you. I have a friend with a 9 and 11 year old and they act like complete insane children everytime I get around here. They are completely and totally out of control, backtalk, whine, don't take no for an answer, they are mean to my friend, they are SO embarrassing to be around in public. I'm not joking when I say Hanna is better behaved at 4 than her kids are at 9 and 11 I do let her know that she needs to be consistent with her kids and not give in. I mean they could be in the store and they will whine for an item so much that she'll give in and get it for them...HECK NO honey that don't fly in my house! I do not tolerate acting out in public whatsoever! I can't stand it. I wouldn't necessarily say anything unless she asks advice but I would try to non chalantly say the next time you get together it should just be "you two gals" adults only. Maybe y'all could do lunch and have a cocktail or two and say no kids are allowed I won't go anywhere with her unless her kids aren't around...honestly!

Danalana replied: Yeah, I haven't seen whining of this magnitude ever. If I had tried that as a child I would have gotten my butt torn up...and I would have deserved it. LOL, just thinking about it makes me angry. I feel bad for my friend because this girl will be a teenager someday, and if she is still expecting to get everything she wants (how she wants it)...look out! All of my other friends and acquaintances talk about how badly behaved she is. I would say that this might just be a phase, but she has been like this since I have known them, and that has been 3 years. Amazing.