Decisions... - *long narrative*

holley79 wrote: Little background:

Back in 2000 I was all set up to leave for Tallahassee for the Florida Highway Partol academy. I was suppose to leave Mar 13th on my birthday. Two weeks prior to me leaving I was in a serious car accident and so that was blown out of the water.

2001 paperwork was back in and I was ready to go. I went to the Dr's for my physical and to be cleared to be told I had to have another knee surgery. (#3)

2005 I was suppose to sign up for the academy here locally in August. May I found out I was pregnant so put it on the back burner.

Fast forward to last night:

Shawn and I were sitting down for dinner and I brought up the fact that I wanted to make a career change. As we all know with most career changes there is schooling involved and some sacrifices. We have a program here at work that will pay for the academy (6.5 months long), you work at the SO for 3 hours a day then go to school at night for 5 hours. You get a 40 hour a week paycheck. I also figured it up that we would only need part time child care because I would work from 8 till 11 then be home till 4 or 415. I can pick up Annika around 1115 in the morning and have her home with me till I have to go to school Shawn is home at 3 or 330. (Depends on if he works out in the mornings or after work.)

So I put all this on the table last night. He's first response was, "Well how am I going to get anything done around the house if I have Annika every night all night? This house is going to fall down around our ears."

I pointed out that when we have talked about him making career changes they would require him to be on deloyment for extended periods of time.

So I sent him two emails today kind of back to back:

ME: Honey, I want you to seriously think about me going through the academy.
I know it will be tough in the beginning but I truly think we can do it.

Me: The law enforcement academy starts in August. It is a 6.5 month academy.

Shawn: (Response to the second email.) what about us having another kid, where would that fall in?

Shawn: (First email) A lot of it has you taking the load off me, because I can't manage her and the house all at once, so we can sit down and put a gameplan together on how we are going to keep the house up and schedules and such, if we can do that, I don't mind.
Another is, If I go active, can you transfer?

Me: Well I didn't know if we would have another child. I mean I know we have talked about it but can we really afford it?

Shawn: We couldn't afford Annika remember, it's up to you, we don't have to be in a huge hurry, yes we can afford it.

So now I am totally torn. I want to be on the road so bad I can taste it. The money is there. I get sick and tired of riding a desk pretty much doing the same as the deputies do without the pay and the certifications. Then on the other hand I know he wants one more child. I know he feels that he is getting older and time is running out. I just don't know what I'm going to do.

If you have read this far, Bless you. I guess I'm still young enough I could have another this year and then go through the academy next year but I have a feeling if I put it off one more time it will never happen.

Boo&BugsMom replied: I voted police academy for several reasons...first being that it's only 6.5 months. It's not like a bachelors program that takes 4 years. Second being that daddy can step up and manage the child and the house. When and if I go to work at night by the fall my hubby will have our two kids at night when I work. Tell him to get with it and grow a pair, to be blunt! Last, because the program is only 6.5 months, it doesn't put that long of a damper on waiting to have more kids. It gives you plenty of time. That's my thinking anyways. I think once you have that training you will have nothing but blue skies ahead. It's a small amount of time for such a huge reward.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: You definitely need to go thru the academy. I'm reading so many things in your e-mail that point to this. It would be great for you. There's no sense in you staying in the position you're in. It's hogwash that Shawn won't back you on this. You go and do what you've dreamed of doing. Family should never get in the way of this dream. Don't feel like you are neglecting them for one second b/c you're not!!

Calimama replied: I voted Police Academy. You can do it, you WANT to do it. I can tell just by reading how important it is to you, and I have a feeling your DH knows as well. He can manage doing chores and taking care of Annika, I do it everyday. There is a huge difference between not being able to and not wanting to. You have time to have another child. Go follow your dreams.

C&K*s Mommie replied:

Big hugs to you girl for being so close to fulfilling your dreams. Certainly Shawn will back you on this, maybe you can stress that this is an important decision that you have wanted for the longest time, but you would like to have his blessing (so to speak) since it is a decision that would involve him too.

Best of luck.

amymom replied: Holley, A small story, Law enforcement related. Maybe because it is a 'man's world', maybe because the situations are similar I am not sure.

My SIL is now a Special Agent with the FBI. She had wanted to do that since she was young. The application process is long (years!!) and difficult. Anyway she finally received her invitation to become an Investigator (seven years after applying). This was at the same time that she and my brother's relationship became serious. It was difficult for her to decide to accept it, but my brother encouraged her to, so she did. They did get married and then she wanted to become a Special Agent, how would kids fit into that. But she did become a special agent, then 911 happened, and she work in the NYC office. They now have three children, it has not been easy for her, much pressure from the men in her squads, especially with breast feeding, pumping and the three pregnancies, but she I imagine would not give up either, the job and more children.

My point is, DO IT!!! It's a dream of yours and you have the possibility of doing it and having more children. You can do it. I say go for it. Good Luck and Yeah for you!!

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I say go through the academy! Another child will happen when it happens! This is obviously something that you really want to do!

CantWait replied: Go through the academy. You're still young, you can still have more babies, and this is something you obviously want to do. Best of luck.

Does this mean we won't be seeing you on PC much??

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: Holley, go through the academy. I know Shawn may be having a hard time and is thinking the clock is ticking. But a small part of you may eventually resent giving up that dream BIG time. It's a short term commitment, just over half a year. I really think you need to focus on you. You can't define yourself by what others think. This is important, go for it.

Kentuckychick replied: NNNOOOO!!! I so put go with the police academy and it SO clicked on the wrong button!!!

So really, you still have 100% for you should go with it and follow your dreams! Ignore that one vote!

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Get er done.

Go to the academy. You can be pregnant and in school, remember. Besides... the course is only 6.5 months long. It takes almost 10 months to squeeze out that ball of crying cuteness. So start trying around May... lol

And, once you have the $$ left over from having only a part time sitter.... well, Shawn can hire himself a sitter to come in for an hour or so every night to give him time to do stuff around the house. Or hire a maid.

Or, check out www.FLYlady.net with him.

ETA - my vote was the child... you can be in school AND be pregnant. And, it's not like you have a year off, only like 6 weeks, right? Big deal.

A&A'smommy replied: Honestly I don't think you should have any problem with the house and stuff your going to be home all that time plus it sounds like you might have more time with Annika you will just miss nighttime routine I see no problems there... you can always trial run it. Good luck with your decision and honestly think what will you regret more

Old Mom Hubbard replied: YOU MUST follow your heart. I do not know you are how you deal with things, but most people I know who had chances and let them get away grew old, miserable and filled with resentment. YOU ARE NOT BEING SELFISH this is YOUR DREAM that "something" that gives you passion (not the other kind of course when with hubby ) but the overall PASSION and fulfilment of your life! The kind of joy from accomplishing something that is so special to you, that fills you with such joy that energizes you, and those around you are positively effected by your zest for life!

My gramma and I talked about these matters year ago as I too wanted to go to the Federal Police Academy, but my husband and all of my family said not to, and I am in my 40's JUST NOW going for my dreams. It has been a constant struggle and now after YEARS my hubby and I figure "WHY NOT". But now that I AM OLDER it will be even more of a challenge for me. I have been wanting to get into a particular gov. agency and the particular job I wanted to get into years ago, well TOO OLD now! Well, I am getting ready to go back to college in a week for a language class and HOPEFULLY STILL get into this agency but as a translator! I want it soooo bad! I do have regrets about letting my other dreams fade away...but now that I am at this point in my life I can deal with it...

But my gramma now, she let so many opportunities and things that she truly loved doing just go away because people told her NOT to, or that she was selfish and had to stay home and be a proper mom (even though she WAS a great mom and would have time with her children) but she lived very sad for not doing.

Not saying you are anything like this at all, but as for home falling apart, hey, TAKE ONE ROOM at a time for cleaning, no big deal at all. Laundry, just one load at a time not like having to wash the old fashioned way in a bucket with one of those oldtime scrubber things. My hubby and I owned our own business doing computer consulting and even doing house cleaning too and at the same time I worked for Dept. Homeland Security DHS a few years back for over two years (NOT the dream job I had been wanting so very badly but gov't nonetheless so it was good work...just not THE work I wanted)...until I left to go back to school and then get into investigative work-which I do enjoy but now want to get into translation. Our son always had one of us at home, or he would be at school or at the martial arts academy after school that would pick up the students at school so that was very helpful. We were hardly home it seemed though. He is 18 now, graduating next year, and we are still working I part-time and hubby full time as a computer programmer AND getting ready to release his first program so hopefully he can be 100% self employed. As for how we manage our schedule and have for years-We managed by not stressing the little things. The house, so if it wasn't always SPOTLESS it was comfortable and overall maintained and clean too, by simply doing one room at a time for the deep cleaning stuff. Windows and whatever else, just one at a time and no stressing the little things as life is way, way too short. You MUST go for your dreams. You CAN work them out I know. Again, I do not know you or your desire to have another child or even how young you are, but if this is something that you truly desire then I say go for it. There, do not know what else to say but I certainly hope that you can work out any differences and get your dreams to realities with utmost success!

redchief replied: They're going to pay you to go to academy. Do it, Holley!

luvmykids replied: Go to the academy. Seriously, not to be mean, if he can't handle the house and Annika then how does he think everyone else (moms or dads) does it? You have a good point that his career change would mean deployment and you'd be alone, how can he expect you to handle it if he can't? Pursue your dream while you can. A day may come that you can't and you might be sorry you didn't.

Twelve Volt Man replied: Trust me, you're not doing yourself or your family any favors by staying in a job in which you're not happy, A few years ago, my wife realized that she wasn't happy in the field she was in. We talked about it, and agreed that she should return to college and get a second degree in something she'd enjoy. She did it, and it has been worth every penny. I hate writing that student loan check every month, but to see her happy in her career makes it worthwhile, The bottom line... do what makes you happy, and is best for your family.

grapfruit replied: You have my vote to go for your dreams. If you want it bad enough you can make it happen. You have this entire boards support for sure!!!