Danalana - I see you

Mommy2Isabella wrote: Hey girl how are you doing and how is that baby boy of yours doing?

Are you getting some sleep?

momofone replied:

CantWait replied: And where are those pictures

Danalana replied: I actually feel crappy. I think I have an infection "down there". I had an episiotomy and then tore some more, so a 2nd degree tear. It was feeling better a few days ago, but now it hurts really bad. But the pain isn't where it was hurting before. It feels kinda like I have a tampon in there that's been in WAY too long. But worse. Emotionally, not doing very good, but hoping it will get better. I can't even elaborate on it because there's no way to describe it.
Kade is doing great. He was a little jaundiced, but his bili level was down over half yesterday. The doctor said he looks great and he is eating well. I'm having trouble with breastfeeding/pumping because of pain. I am pretty engorged and I managed to pump wrong earlier this morning. I was off-center and I'm paying dearly for it.

mommy~to~a~bunch replied: Ouch! Sorry you are in pain.

I would just ditch the pump for awhile & just let Kade nurse. Is there a specific reason you're pumping anyway?

Maddie&EthansMom replied: It will get better. I promise. Are you still not taking anything for the pain? I remember having those pains you described, but I didn't have an episiotomy. Are you walking too much? Are you using a sitz bath? What about the dermoplast spray and tucks pads? Do they still give you all this stuff in the hospital? After I had Ethan I had to buy it, but I swear by them. Take your pain meds...it will help. And stay off your feet as much as possible.

momofone replied: Have you thought about taking supplements such as fish oil st.johns wort b vitamins I take all of these they really help keep me calm and less stressed. plus soy milk has photo estrogen in it that could help balance out your hormones. I drink it before my AF and have no more PMS.

Danalana replied: Reason for pumping. Kade rated 37 weeks on some sucking scale, so it takes him longer and he gets tired, essentially burning calories he needs to gain weight. When I nurse in the middle of the night, it can be SO hard to keep him awake. The lactation consultants wanted me to nurse for 10-15 minutes and then supplement with Enfamil Lipil (fortified with iron and supposed to be the closest thing to mother's milk). Well, I have done that some, but I wanted him to have more breast milk so I've been pumping. Did any of that make sense? I swear I don't know...

Danalana replied:
No, I never knew about any of that. Thanks.

sparkys2boys replied: Awww Dana, it sounds like you are still over doing it. You need to get some rest and relax as much as you can right now until you are healed. If it still is not getting any better in a day or two I would call your doctor and see what they say to. If the prescribed you meds.. take them even if you are nursing, they would not of gave you stuff that is unsafe for Kade.. kwim. I hope you start feeling better soon with your emontions and everything it is rough at first but it will get better I promise, and remember its ok to ask for help!

Danalana replied: I feel like I'm failing him already

A&A'smommy replied:
your are NOT failing you are going through stuff that happens to almost everyone. Don't give up it will get better!!!!

luvmykids replied:
Aw honey, you are in no way failing him And I promise, I can bet about 99.99% of parents feel that way many times throughout our kids' lives

I know it feels like it will never get better, but your emotions will level out. Don't try to do anything any certain way, just do what works for you guys right now

momofone replied: One thing I found that really helps is getting around other moms maybe the park or library or just going to the mall.

~Roo'sMama~ replied: I'm sorry you're having a rough time Dana! Hang in there it will get better I promise!

I had a really hard time keeping Andrew awake to nurse when he was a newborn, too. I would jiggle his feet, tickle his face, undress him, shake his butt a little, everything! I've never heard of the sucking scale thing, so I don't know about that, but I'd think that if he isn't nursing enough to fill himself up he's just wake up again when he got hungry again. That would be more waking up for you, but you wouldn't have to be pumping and it wouldn't be long before he gets stronger and would be able to suck better and eat enough in one session. I'm not an expert but that's just my

I had horrible pain in the beginning too - neither of my kids latched on right in the beginning despite my best efforts and help from the nurses. Also if you're really engorged that can make it almost impossible to get a good latch... I had to pump a little bit before nursing Andrew to get him to latch on at all. I didn't pump much - just one or two ounces on each side with my hand pump - but it really helped with the pain, and I got a pretty good supply of EBM laid up in my freezer doing that too.

You are NOT failing him! I know I felt like that at first with Andrew too because nursing was just so dang hard. I would sit on my bed and just cry because I felt like such a horrible mother and was so worried I would just never figure it out. It gets better, it just takes time!

CantWait replied:
I agree with this Dana. Not only that but with Robbie I had to do the same thing except I had to supplement 3 times a day. I was young and followed the doctors advice, and by the third week I was dry because he wasn't on my breast enough. Breastfeeding is a learned ability for both mommy AND baby. He's not going to learn if he's given the bottle, and if he doesn't have weight issues then it's not something you should worry about.

You're doing a great job!!!!!!!!

Now, show us some pictures.

MoonMama replied:
Ditto! Hun you are doing great!

Kaitlin'smom replied: sweetie your not failing your a new mom, its normal. Are you waking him to eat at night? personally I woudl stop offering the bottle and just let him nurse when he wants. rest when you can you went though ALOT. you can also take evening primrose iol to help with your mood (and it softens your skin). remember we are here to help you with all your questions concerns everything.

PrairieMom replied:
welcome to motherhood. I feel like I fail every day, but in the end, you are exactly what he needs, and you are doing great!

FWIW, the football hold really helped me when I was having pain from nursing. don't give up on it, it takes time, and definitely isn't easy. Now you can see first hand what we have all been fighting about.
Hang in there. It will get better once your hormones calm down.

moped replied:
I agree - don't we all feel like that....i know I sure do!

Dana, i am a bit surprised they would tell you to supplement when he latches on good....i am sorry there is so much conflicting information. Just do what feels right for you and your baby!

Emotionally, just give yourself some time, i bet once you start feel better physically you will feel better emotionally as well

It is such a happy and sad time you are in!

If it helps any, I am 10 weeks in now and feel 100% in all aspects now - things jsut feel normal - well as normal as it can.

Bamamom replied: Girl you are doing a great job!!! Being a first time mom just sucks - sorry but it does. It is SO much easier with your second. And I'm hoping even easier with your third Just keep telling yourself "Tomorrow will be easier - and the next day easier still. It'll neve be harder than this." That really helped me get through.

mommy~to~a~bunch replied:
The formula will only make the BFing worse. He needs to get used to the breast, not a bottle. The formula also takes longer to digest, so he won't nurse as frequently either.

The best thing you can do is climb in bed with Kade & just let him nurse. Ignore everything else & just focus on him .

PrairieMom replied:
so true. I some times repeat to myself "this too shall pass" over and over and over.

We are here for you when you need a place to vent.

lovemy2 replied: Hang in there Dana - we can all tell you what you are feeling is normal and the BF is hard but you have to just keep ahold of yourself the best you can and do the best you can and have the confidence to know that you will take care of Kade to the best of your ability and he will be fine and happy - I can't give much advice on the BF - I gave up to early and ended up pumping for 8 weeks instead - not what I had in mind - just do what works for you and don't feel guilty about which path you choose -

The one thing I can agree with whole heartedly right now is get some rest for the next week or so - let Richard do as much as he can - get some sleep and stay off your feet - focus on Kade only and yourself - then get out of the house - it does no good to stay inside - even a walk or a ride to the mall to walk around - it does wonders - you are doing a great job

Jamison'smama replied: I have to agree with Mollie, talk to a lactation consultant about the sucking, I have never heard of that. Jamison and I had a horrible time--she was not a latch-er--I would pour breastmilk over my nipples to get her to want to latch on, there was pain---oh my there was PAIN, she was also a sleepy baby--we did a lot to keep her awake--I would strip her in the middle of eating, tickle her feet, sit her up, turn on the lights etc. Eventually we got into the groove, it can take a bit but supplementing at this point seems counter productive to nursing (jmho). I would really recommend calling a lactation consultant in the morning. Hang in there, sending HUGE hugs, we all know how tough this can be and you are doing a GREAT job!!!

Maddie&EthansMom replied:
This is exactly what I went thru with Maddie. And I also had the pain "down there". I was so uncomfortable. I remember just sitting in the bath crying, with my freaking bbs leaking. I was so hormonal. But I was hurting, I couldn't feed my baby and I didn't know what was happening to me. Eventually Maddie and I developed a great nursing relationship. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. The ped tried to tell me to supplement with formula b/c Maddie had breastmilk jaundice. That was not true and I'm glad I listened to my mom and just kept nursing thru the pain. It was the first selfless thing I had to do for my child. From there on out it wasn't so hard to put her needs first.

It's your call, Dana. Everyone will have their opinions, but if the dr is telling you you need to supplement, I don't agree with that. If you want to breastfeed your child, then like Mollie said, ignore everything else, lie in bed and nurse him til the pain goes away. And it will go away.

indywndy_04 replied: You are doing great. Congrats too BTW!!!!! Having 4 kids, I can tell you...I have been where you are even not being a new mom. But, at the end of the day, as he lays there happy, full bellied, and sleeping...it is all worth it. One day you will have another and it will more then likely be a whole new set of different worries, I think it is just being a parent. He loves and needs you...unconditional love. Don't be afraid to ask friends and family to help, they all have been there. Wish I lived closer. Love you!!!!

indywndy_04 replied: I have been sitting here thinking of you and wanted to add that...I have not even been on here hardly after Jake was born because I was so overwhelmed at times. I even remember calling my girlfriend almost in tears because Jake was crying inthe car on my way to take him to a doctor appt. We all get overwhelmed in different ways, just hang in there, it WILL get easier! Get some help and focus on your healing.

HuskerMom replied: You are a great mommy! It will get easier.

msoulz replied:
Ditto on that - you are doing great!

And had those 2nd degree tears too. I figured out I was doing too much too soon and was aggrivating everything - had to return to the doc 3 days later because I thought I popped a stitch (I had not but I had done a bit of damage so I ended up with some estrogen cream to help). Unfortunately it may take quite some time to feel normal but if you think you may have an infection for sure get back to the doc. So take it as easy as you can and by all means, avoid stairs and the likes. I found when I had to take a step or two I would squeeze it all real tight and try not to move at all, just use my knees to bend and go slow - that helped.

julesmom replied:
I totally agree with this. I think that is wrong you were told to supplement. You need to keep nursing so your body adjusts to Kade's needs.

All my kids were lazy eaters. They'd latch on, take a sip, and fall asleep. I had to strip them naked, rub their feet, diaper changes. Anything to get them to wake up. Eventually they got the hang of it and it worked out great.

You are NOT failing Kade. If you continue to feel so down, give your OB a call. It is important they know how you are physically and emotionally. There are safe ADs you can take while nursing. If you do need an AD, don't let anyone convince you to wean bc of it either.

I'll tell you, when I found out I was pregnant with #3, which was TOTALLY planned, I sat on my bed hysterically crying saying what was I thinking??!!!And that is when I JUST found out I was pregnant! lol.

I hope your dh understands how you are feeling. Have him talk to your OB if he needs to. He needs to understand what you are going thru is normal and be suportive. (Not implying he's not being supportive)

moped replied:
Been there before!

Danalana replied: Let me explain the supplementing. I'm not giving formula instead of nursing him. I either nurse him or pump and feed from a bottle at every feeding (usually just nursing right now). They wanted him to be topped off with the formula because he would tire easily while breastfeeding. It's harder work and he would burn a lot of calories, making it harder for him to gain weight. So he's still getting breast milk every time. They told me to let him nurse for 10-15 minutes and then give him as much formula as he would take (usually 2 ounces after nursing). I'm going longer now, and don't always give the formula. He's able to nurse for longer, but the challenge is keeping him awake. He gets a little satisfied and wants to go to sleep, and I have to spend the whole time trying to rouse him. Sometimes he's better than others, especially if I let him get good and awake first. Last night, I decided to just wait and let him wake me up instead of me waking him to feed. I guess that was probably better, as he was actually really hungry. I'm just learning, so I guess it will be challenging for a while. But the nursing is better and I am trying to get to exclusively nursing. Unfortunately, if he's not good and awake, I can nurse for an hour and he's still not satisfied. That just seems like too long to me.

mommy~to~a~bunch replied:
I'm sorry, but that's incredibly ridiculous advice they gave you. There's no need for the "topping off"; the breastmilk is all he needs. Sadly, health care providers know next to nothing about breastfeeding. So I would never go by anything they say.

I'll repeat what I said before, quit pumping, and quit the formula. It will just make it harder on him. He could get nipple confusion, and refuse to nurse altogether. Nurse him as long and as often as he wants. You can tell when he's actively sucking & swallowing, or just pacifying. You should be able to see & hear him swallowing. Just follow his cues, and you'll be fine.

Swood75 replied: Mollie,I wish I would have "known" you after I had my DS almost 9 yrs ago..I didn't have any help from the Dr about BF my son..He kept losing weight b/c I had NO clue what I was doing and they told me to supplement him with formula b/c he was loding weight (but I think it b/c I didn't know what I was doing though) and I ended up quitting all together..I really wish I wouldn't have though as it had only been 2 weeks..As far as DD I did learn and made it about a month befor we both got thrush so bad I couldn't stand the pain anymore and gave up..Dana,please don't listen to the Dr when they say to supplement..I wish I had all the great advice you are getting now when I tried for the 1st time..Kam was the same way,he would "nurse" (or so I thought) for about an hr and wouldn't be satisfied either..It WILL get better..I am hoping I can talk DH into another baby (have been discussing it, *fingers crossed*) and if we do I really hope I can make it a year this time...BTW,keep up the good work with Kade..He is a doll!!

mommy~to~a~bunch replied:
I went through the same thing with my boys. You think I would've wised up, but I really didn't know better . The whole situation I was in the my X just sucked big time. I just feel awful when I read people making the same mistakes I made.

lovemy2 replied:
It sounds Dana like you are figuring things out on your own using your GOOD instincts - keep at it sweetie and you will get a rythm going and unfortunately time will fly and you will look back and say - my gosh why was I such a nut during that time!!! Keep it up girly - you are doing great

~Roo'sMama~ replied:
That doesn't sound too bad then, especially if you're already mostly just nursing. I'd still be more inclined to just nurse, but I'm not there so I don't know what works best - only you know that! My sister had to supplement with formula with both of her kids - she just wasn't making much milk in the beginning. With her first she never made enough milk even though she tried everything under the sun. With her second though, even though she was both breastfeeding and doing formula, her milk production eventually increased so that she was able to go to breastfeeding exclusively. So I don't think that feeding Kade a couple ounces of formula after you nurse him is going to hurt your milk supply at all.
I remember the early days of nursing with Roo and he would nurse for an hour at a time too. He would sleep for at least 3 or 4 hours in between nursing sessions though, so that made it worth it to me. I'd just sit on the couch and watch tv while he ate. Looking back, he might have just been using me as a pacifier, but I don't know.

You're doing a great job Dana!

Jamison'smama replied: I agree the formula isn't hurting him but I think the main issue is, when they are that young, the ease of the bottles can cause them to nurse less--it's harder to get the milk out of the breast so they can start to prefer the bottles--even of breastmilk and if they know the'll get it, they will want it. The breast makes the milk in such a way that the baby gets exactly what it needs--that thin skim milk that is easier to get out when they are starving, then the rich hind milk that comes when they are in the groove and falling back asleep. It is such a miraculous thing. I'm sure it is confusing and with the emotions and pain, it is so difficult to see through it all, but know it gets better and better and better.

I stress the importance of finding a good lactation consultant, you will be so glad you did during several times of your nursing experience. I know I was.

indywndy_04 replied:
Someone told me one time to change their diaper before feeding and that will get them nice and awake. Just a thought that maybe you can try that. My DD had a poor sucking reflex when she was born and had to get her nice and awake before feedings.

Danalana replied: Yeah, I've been changing his diaper right before and that helps a little. And as far as finding a lactation consultant, I am working with the ones from my hospital. I talked to her today, and she knows I am trying to get to nursing only...she supports that, especially since Kade is gaining weight fine. I don't think she gave me bad advice, especially since I'm the one who nursed him forever and he just ended up shrieking because he wasn't satisfied. I mean, I can't nurse for 3 hours at a time, and he is just now getting to the point that he can suck effectively (to get the hind milk). Now, if I can just keep him awake for the whole thing...

Calimama replied: