DH & I fighting about Parenting Club - why does he trip on it?

CAMSMOM1 wrote: DH & I got into it right now. It's 2:00am here, and he & I are both awake. Usually I go to bed by 1:00 (still late I know, but I've always been like this, a night owl)

Anyways, he doesn't understand. "Who could you be talking to at this time of night?" I told him that I don't come on during the day, only a little in the morning. This week was an exception since I'm on vacation. But typically I'm only on at night, once Cam goes down for bed.

What else am I going to do at night? Sure, I could be watching tv, but I don't want to do that. I already cleaned the house, I've been doing that everyday.

He's just been nagging me about everything. And now this. He thinks PC is a waste of time, and he says & I quote " You'll never meet these people, so why waste your time with them when you have real friends?"

I consider you guys real friends, and he just doesnt' get it.

Sorry for the vent. He's been on my last nerve lately. What happened to the sweet, affection husband he was this weekend?????

Halo42101 replied: Awww, I am sorry you had a rough night, Ann. Please know that my thoughts & prayers are with you and that you can PM me anytime you need to talk or vent.

Hugs & love from,
Jessi

gr33n3y3z replied: Sorry to hear that

Do you and Hubby spend a lot of time together when Cam goes to bed?

I hope things get better

mummy2girls replied: maby he is upset about because he wants more time with you at night. Some men will hold stuff like that in...

Nina J replied: I'm sorry Ann.

I agree with the others, maybe he wants to spend more time with you?

DH and I disagree on alot of things, and we used to just leave it then it would all boil over and we'd yell. We decided that when we were faced with a problem or an issue, we would write down what we thought and show each other. Maybe that could work in this situation? You could ask your husband to write down exactly how he feels about parenting club, and you could write down why you enjoy it so much??? It helps me and my DH, because it's easier to write things down than say them sometimes.

na81 replied: My SO says the same thing about the PC. He doesn't understand why I like getting on here. He says "you don't even know these people and your telling them personal stuff?!" I enjoy coming here to get advice, meet new people(seeing I don't get out much),or just to vent. I have to say you all are wonderful and have helped me out SO much in the short time I have been on here! I am sorry that you two are fighting. I hope you can somehow explain to him why you enjoy getting on here and he will understand. Hope things get better!!

Nicole

~Roo'sMama~ replied: I'm sorry he doesn't like you to be on here Ann. I'm also wondering if maybe he's a little jealous ~ maybe he wants to have some time with just the two of you after Cam goes to bed? Maybe you could spend a couple hours with him watching tv together or doing something fun, and then hop on for a bit before bed, or the other way around.

I try not to spend much time online after Dh gets home from work. I'll get online at night when Dh is on his computer, but if he's not online, then I get off too so we can spend time together. So mostly I'm on during the day - either while Andrew is napping (when I should be cleaning ) or when he's playing contentedly by himself (I should probably be cleaning then too. ). I usually can only be one for short spurts of time this way, and can't always reply to stuff I want to, but that's ok.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: We've been down this road a million times. It's b/c Scotty wanted to spend time with me in the evenings. Really what he wanted me to do was stare at him while HE watched TV. I told him I have no interest in TV, just as he has no interest in the computer. Now we have the perfect arrangement (well, a laptop would be perfect) But, we have a TV in our study so he can watch TV and I can play on the computer. He hasn't complained once.

mckayleesmom replied: Well, maybe he does want to spend some time with you, but he doesn't need to knock your hobbies. Just tell him to stop telling you what to do, your an adult the last time you checked. Tell him that you will stop going on PC when he stops fiddling with cars......That ought to shut him up.

Mom2BNTN replied: Hey Ann! I'm sorry Justin doesn't understand why you like spending time on here with all of us. The PC has really been a blessing to me as a first time Mom and I am sure it has been a blessing to you as well. You have given me some wonderful advice and have given me the support I needed when I had any worries or concerns during my pregnancy and even more now that my precious angel, Dylan has come into my life. I hope Justin will eventually come to understand how much being on here helps you to cope with the everyday life of raising a child and how nice it is to be able to ask questions when you need some advice and know that you will get a reply back from other Moms who have been in your shoes and know just how to handle the situation. To me, talking to you and other Moms on here is better then reading a book, because so many can talk from personal experience of raising their own children. Hopefully, Justin will stop giving you a hard time about being on here and he should as long as you are able to still be the GREAT MOM you are to Cam, the loving wife to him and stay on top of the housework as much as possible. With that being said, I see no reason why he should have a problem with you being on here. It isn't like you are on here all the time. I hope you two can work out some kind of compromise which makes both of you happy.


Kristi

jcc64 replied: Some of it is probably like the others have said- he's probably craving more of your attention and/or affection. Perhaps he feels you're using this board as a substitute for the intimacies of real life relationships (including your marriage). He's said things like this in the past, right? Is he partly right? (only you know this)
And some of it is probably gender based. Women by nature tend to be more confessional and open with each other- it's a dynamic many men simply can't understand. I think my dh "gets" my relationships here mainly b/c he belongs to other kinds of message boards as well. His are frequented by computer geeks who congregate together to share/get technical info- not quite the same thing as our little group here, but the concept of message boards is familiar to him.
Anyway, this has come up before for you guys- obviously you still have some things to iron out.
Good luck- I think it sounds like you have a guy who's really interested in working on your relationship to make it better- don't take that for granted, hon.

moped replied: BTDT!!!!!

Sorry

coasterqueen replied: I'm sure it's that he wants to spend more time with you. Dh and I get in those ruts where he spends evenings in the basement watching his shows while I workout and then get on the computer. He'll get fussy, I get fussy - then we talk and figure out what would make us not fussy. We go through cycles.

Also Dh gets grumpy if we have chores to do and I'm chatting on the computer. So I try to just get on at night to journal what I've done that night as far as exercising, then maybe answer/read a few posts and then I'm his for the evening whether it's doing chores or whatever. Usually chores.

DVFlyer replied: It's because he doesn't have control. Most issues funnel down to lack of control.

luvmykids replied:
My DH is the same, he can't believe I talk so openly in general but especially here. He's always thought I talk too much, period though, so I tell him since he doesn't want to chat about the stuff I mostly talk about here to let me have my fun! Plus, once I reminded him I could be venting about him and some personal stuff to you guys, or people we know IRL, he backed off.

C&K*s Mommie replied: I hope you get to have good QT with him, and still come here to chit-chat, and you two can have the middle ground.

jem0622 replied: Sometimes the other half wants to be on the PC and someone is hogging it. That happens here. Or they think the other half is nuts to share such personal stuff with people they feel are strangers and could seek you out and do anything to you.

MyLuvBugs replied: My goodness! Makes me want to fly out there and meet you face to face just to prove him wrong!

Crystalina replied: Ann, my DH is the same way. "Who in the heck can you possibly be talking to? and WHAT are you talking about?". I always tell him...if you want to know look over my shoulder or pull up a chair. He's just upset because he's a one finger typer. He has moved me out here in the middle of BFE and if it weren't for my pc I would go crazy. You would find me rocking back and forth talking to the chickens. No, really it does make it nice to speak to other adults. My DH drives a truck and is gone (sometimes) alot (sometimes not long enough. ) He has the phone to his ear all the time even on the toilet but when he hangs up the phone he expects me to be there waiting like a puppy for for affection. That's not going to happen. I spend time with him and the kids and my house has an open floor plan so when I'm online I'm still with everyone. We have been married for almost 15 years so our relationship may be differant then yours as far as the spending time with each other is concerned. We are both secure with our marriage and he doesn't feel he needs me up his butt all the time and he KNOWS I don't want him up mine. I've noticed that when he complains about me getting online and I get off he'll hurry up and jump in my place laughing. He just wants his pc time.

BTW I'm not saying he's insecure but maybe he is wanting your attention.

Edward's Mommy replied: Hey Annie, have you suggested that he come on here and see if he can meet some people. I bet him and Ed would get along. I've thought of getting Chris on here, but if I did that, I couldn't complain about him!

ashtonsmama replied:
Sorry he doesn't get it, Ann...
I explained to Ryan why getting on here is so helpful to me, and he's at least trying to understand I think-he knows better than to nag me about anything lately, I've been pretty crabby...
Anyways, I feel like you all are my real friends too-so I know what you mean...