Co-sleeping with teenagers

mike68 wrote: Hi, I am in a strange situation at the moment.

A woman I am dating, a single mom who is 36, co-sleeps with her 14 year old son.

I find this to be pretty strange, among many other aspects of their relationship.

I was wondering if anyone else here finds this to be a little strange.

btw Hi, to everyone. This is my first post here.

moped replied: Hi and welcome!

Well, when yousay co-sleep do you mean EVERY night?

I don't have a teenager and have never really slept with my son, so I can't really say for sure............but yeah I think it is a bit odd........................

SOrry I am not much help.

mom2tripp replied: I def agree with Jen---it's a bit odd for him to be that old and for them to be co-sleeping--especially if it is everynight

WELCOME

paradisemommy replied: it definitely is odd - i'm all for co-sleeping but a 14 year old imo is a bit big to be doing that with. i think little boys are just too curious at that age to be able to do that with. have you tried talking to her and asking her about it??

mike68 replied: Hi, and thanks for the replies.

Yes, it is every night.

I find it disturbing, considering he is sexually active himself.

He is almost overly affectionate with his mother as well. Lying on top of her on the couch and kissing her neck repeatedly.

He will also phone her cell repeatedly if he needs anything when they are separated, as she caters to his every need.

I am thinking it would be best if I don't pursue our relationship any further at this point.

Thanks again

paradisemommy replied: okay now it's just getting really creepy with all those details you just added - i'm thinking you may be right for moving on...

btw..welcome

mike68 replied: Thanks for the welcome.

Is it normal for a 14 year old boy to want to spend his day with his mother everday? Expecting her to drive him around all day doing this and that, while driving his friends around as well? I am talking hundreds of kilometers as well, as they live out of town and his friends are quite far away. His whole day revolves around her catering to his needs. I think she is actually afraid of his reaction if she tells him to leave her bed. I might be wrong on that one though. She talks to him as if he were a little child some of the time as well. Using a voice you would use to talk to a small child.

I know, that for me, at that age, the last people I wanted to be with were my mom and dad. lol

mom2tripp replied: Wow, totally not right in my opinion, sounds like something else may be going on there---I'm no expert but it just doesn't sound right to me! Of course that is just my own opinion, if you care about this woman I would seriously have a talk with her and find out exactly what is going on--GOOD LUCK TO YOU

ferocity302 replied: I have a 14 year old son.......... Um....... nope not going to happen!! He has his own bed. It sounds extremely strange to me. I have never even thought of having my son sleep with me even for one night. *cringe* Just sounds odd to me.

Hope things work out for ya

gr33n3y3z replied: It is very strange and out of line if you ask me.

Did you talk to her about it?

Good Luck your gonna need it

moped replied: Yeah, sorry this just doens't sound right to me!

Alice replied: I think you should talk to her about it, even if you're seriously considering ending the relationship. You're in a unique position to let her know that this is NOT something that most people consider normal, and that perhaps she should seek counseling. After all, while her friends and his, may know that she's wayyyyyyyy too involved in his life, they may not know about the co-sleeping issue. So talk to her about it. If you care enough to be this deep into the relationship, care enough to clue her in.

Oh, and welcome!!

mike68 replied: Thanks for the replies everyone.

Yes, I did talk to her about this issue and she now swears to me they do not sleep together. As we don't live together (her and I), I have to assume she is telling me the truth.

Still, her relationship with her teenage son is like that of a mother with her young toddler. He is virtually her shadow. Hmmmm....

moped replied: I guess you just wait and see what happens in the next while

Why suddendly do they not sleep together? Cause you said something? Something seems odd, but only you will know what the right thing is

Good luck!

TANNER'S MOM replied: Ok I guess I have to throw this in here..

I have co slept with my teenagers at different times.. Mine is a girl! But still!

She doesnt' care to climb into to bed with Mom and Dad right in the middle when she has cramps or gets dumped.. or just plain ole dont feel good.

Sometimes she needs me and wants to be as close as the others..they too will climb in if they are sick or scared.. almost 15 to 7 ..rotating bed I tell y a!

IT IS NOT NORMAL to sleep together every nite..she always knocks b/4 she comes in b/c dad might be NEKKID and that is gross of course....

So it me that is the normal side ..

What you are saying is NOT normal!

gr33n3y3z replied: Well he could be a mommies boy also
And if they been together through alot that could explain why the closeness
BUT she has to let him see things and figure out that this cant go on either and let him start to do things on his own.

What ever you choose I'm sure you will do the right thing and only you can decide whats right for you

mama3x replied: I have a 13-year-old and unlike many teens, he's well and fine with being seen in public with me. He's my shadow too when we're out or at least in line of vision. He has had his own room and bed though since he was less than a year old. I do go lie with him on his bed once in awhile but on the opposite end that he's on and usually in the afternoon to talk about something short.

He could be an extreme mama's boy, I don't know. Is she from another country originally? I know in Japan for instance a lot of families still do the family bed thing for many many years, until their kids are grown and some still do the family bathing as well. Dads and daughters, moms and sons, any combo thereof. Here in Hawaii there are some LARGE families I know that live in small homes who practice family beds as well.

For me though, the thing in your post that got me rather "riled" is the part about him lying on top of her and being overly affectionate that way. I am not for the co-sleeping part but that's just me.

Welcome and much luck to you~

JessC replied: yeah... that seems kinda weird.!?!

amymom replied: Welcome. The co-sleeping thing, the way you describe it along with the being overly affectionate is not right IMO.I must say though, that my 14 yr old son has fallen asleep in our bed while watching TV, but we always wake him to go back to his bed. He did about a year ago fall asleep on our bed and we didn't wake him, but that is not really the same.

I must say I would love to have one of those mornings with all four of us in the bed together like we used to, but my teenager now sleeps so late ... no more of that!!!

Madpoet replied: My father found himself in a similar situation about 20 years ago. He dated a woman who slept with her teenage son. My father thought it was odd but he really liked this woman. Eventually they were married (he was divorced from my mother by then, obviously ). After a two week honeymoon, they returned home to a huge argument on their first night. She told him she was sleeping with her son and he could sleep in the boy's room. He argued, and told her she was nuts but to no avail. He stormed off to the son's room and slammed the door. 20 minutes later when her 12 year old daughter entered the room and told him that "mom" sent her to keep him company, my father ran for the door and filed for divorce the next day.

No offense, one example does not mean anything, but my advice would be....RUN!!!


Madpoet

luvbug00 replied: OMG I'm so sorry if this offends anyone but that is just sick! I think you need to go away from this situation..oh heck, RUN!!!! I wouldn't give this a secound thought it sounds soo creepy and I think that the closness between parent and chils is wonderful but when he is laying ON her that's odd and Kissing her neck, NO. I think you sond like a reasonable gentalmen and I'd reccomend you continue your search for ms. right. Good Luck!!

redchief replied: Yup... real weird. 'Nuff said.