Christmas time - is this appropriate?

boyohboyohboy wrote: Dh and I have only been married 2 yrs this christmas. I really feel bad for saying this, but his family always gets the kids the strangest presents, stuff that comes from flea markets, and who knows where.Now dont get me wrong. I am all for second hand stuff, but half the time its either broken or so dirty I wont let him bring it in the house...
Is it wrong to make a christmas list of things that the kids need or want and send it to each of the grandparents?
I have also tried to hint that we have set up a savings account for the kids if they want to donate to that...but I am not sure that they have gotten the hint.

So what is appropriate here.
since christmas isnt that far away....

Lynda836 replied: I don't think a Christmas list is inappropriate at all. I would just give them the list, with items covering a range of prices...and put it such a way....by the way if you're interested the kids mentioned some things for Xmas, thought I'd give you first dibs....let me know if you get something so I won't buy the same thing. Comes across as thoughtful...vs alterior motive Doesn't mean they'll follow it, but at least you tried.

kit_kats_mom replied: wierd. I thought my DH was an only child but you obviously have the same MIL & FIL as I do. I've totally given up on them and I now just donate whatever they send. It's almost always dirty and used and worn stuff.

AlexsPajamaMama replied: I say a Christmas list is a good idea
My Dad has no clue what to get Alex, and asks for a list of things he would like/need

And as for the dirty/used/wierd gifts....

Cece00 replied:
This.

The grandparents here always ask...I cant even imagine them buying used toys & stuff like that...weird.

BabyOwen427 replied: I think a list is totally appropriate, we use them in my family. They are either e-mailed or sent out just before Thanksgiving. You don't necessaraly have to buy what is on the list, but it gives a good idea of what the person likes.
Go ahead and make a list for each kid, and if you and your dh usually get gifts from them, give them a smaller list for each of you. Give it at Thanksgiving, and tell them you would like to try something new this Christmas, and ask for a list from each of them. You never know, they might feel the same way about your gifts. I dunno. But it will even the field if all give lists.
Good luck.

YuMe-n-GavMakes3 replied: Sounds tacky and yet we buy at Auctions, Yard Sales, and Flea Markets ALL the time.

But I don't think I'd ever give something I'd gotten as a gift other than what I have re-conditioned or was already like new, even better a beautiful Antique.

Buying at those places doesn't mean you HAVE to buy the used dirty scratched-up junk!
You can really find some great deals and leave the broken/dirty crap laying right where you spotted it at.

Only time I've ever given as a Christmas gift, was to my MIL because she loves religious art. I got a set of Religious Paintings at an Auction from the early 1800's The frames and the pictures were amazing! And she loves them.

mckayleesmom replied: Well...Im going to go against the grain here....Although its nice to get what you would like your children to have and I could totally see why....I think it is not appropriate to give them a list. That is like saying that you expect them to get them something....and although they probably will, its still not tasteful in my opinion.

Maybe you can approach it another way..Maybe you can approach the family as a whole and ask that everyone make up lists....that way you are not singling out the grandparents tacky gift giving. Or you can ask the MIL what she is planning to get everyone for xmas this year and when she says she isn't sure...You can pipe in and say something along the lines of "well the kids NEED alot of clothes this year, so Im hoping they get those"......That way it puts the thought in her head.

If they do give the kids tacky gifts....so be it in my opinion...You can just get rid of it when they leave...Its the thought that counts right?

I would be kind of insulted if someone gave me a list of things they want for their kids...kwim?

mckayleesmom replied: Also...what you might not like...your children might treasure......One persons junk is another mans treasure as they say.

Nina J replied: I think it's a good idea. I made a list of things Emily needs for her birthday, no one knew what to get her so I put things she needs at the top, and toys she'd like more to the bottom (since she has enough already).

I might use this idea for Christmas. None of my family would be offended, they'd all think it was helpful. Plus, it saves spending money on things that are never used.

If the list doesn't work, I think you'll just have to accept the presents. At least they are given with love in mind

mom21kid2dogs replied: I feel Christmas list are very appropraite IF they are requested by the gift giver. We do them in our family only after it was requested by the grandparents, never before the request from them was made. Heck, now my MIL just hands me the $$ and has me shop for O, but it took years of enduring unusual gifts before we got that far. I think if we had presented her with an unsolicited list years ago it would have damaged an already fragile relationship.

Jackie012007 replied: when I was a kid and then when I went to college we used them but only as a bais for generic things we needed/desired, ex: "Jackie could use some t-shirts" then it is up to the buiyer to pick out pretty designs or what not, but not specific things we ABSOLUTELY DEMANDED, kwim. My parents always have me make lists because well we never talk about what we want or need I guess. And gifts aren't limited to just what is on the list either... we are all pretty casual about it but it helps because sometimes I have no clue what to get people!

How do your kids feel about these gifts? My grandma used to get me some pretty weird stuff for christmas, and some time it wasn't age appropriate... and it actually hurt me, made me feel like she didn't know me or think about me when she bought stuff. I can see how that might happen with your kids too in this situation. Now that I am older I have embraced my grandmother's eccentricities

hawkshoe replied: Personally, I think just giving someone a list of things you want for your children is very tacky. My niece does this and I find it to be quite offensive. What I do with my kids is to make a list and keep it in case someone asks me what the kids want or need. If asked, I check the list and will give some suggestions from it. I only do this when asked.

boyohboyohboy replied: thanks everyone, although I think I am still not so sure what I want to do. I think that since its my MIL and we havent been around each other that long, i will hold off on the list this year.
Unless she asks. I have kinda ask DH to hint at some ideas though..

3_call_me_mama replied: Not sure what woudl work for your family. In ours we make a list for grandparents cause
1) they call 100 times asking "do they have this? would they use this? what do they like"
2) We have FAR too many toys that they dont' play with that we end up donating and therefore woudl rathe rjus thave them get stuff that they will use/play with
3) I thik it is more inapppropriate to toss a gift out that was given thatn it is to give a list of suggestions.

basically we make a list of interests and sizes
like this :
Cameron-
dinosaurs, building blocks, take along trains, large 0play animals (liek teh dinosaurs), size 4/5 clothes, learn to read books, kids computer games, leapster games, art supplies

That way they have ideas, but they arent' given like specific toys that teh kid wants (Like Grre Remote control car form radio shack $xx.xx) and that way can have an idea of what they woudl like/or need but not ncessarily a specific request. I dont'; care if they buy it used or where they get it from. (althouhg I would want it clean at least!)
We;ve never had the issue come up, cause they always OVERBUY and buy way too expensive stuff that we would never dream of suggesting. So i guess it's all about how your fmaily works

luvbug00 replied: I personally wouldn't do the list but then again my grandmother has had this years gift wrapped in her closet since july.

Adrienne522 replied: I do not think that giving lists out is inappropriate at all. I think that it is a great idea. I know that my parents always wanted a list for my nephew. It makes things easier!!!!

Kaitlin'smom replied: guess it depends on your family. I dont mind when asked but I dont liek being told what to buy either. I once was given a list for someone when I had already had an idea of something in mind I got this list and was a bit miffed about it since I did not ask and the things on the list IMO was not really about the person. SO I went with what I wanted to buy and they LOVED it. Now I noramly do ask for a list to get and idea. I just hate when soemone wants one from me I never know what it is I want. Oh the other thing that bugs me is you ask me for a list and get NOTHING from it, why bother asking then? I am not saying you have to buy everything on the list but maybe something small from it or something similar not totaly off the wall things....thankfull they stoped asking and get me a gift card now.

YuMe-n-GavMakes3 replied:

Okay Am I the only one picturing the green jello mold with kitty food in it from 'National Lampoons Christmas Vacation' now
Or the cat?

Sorry.........Back to topic folks!

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I think a list would be a little iffy...if they didn't ask for it. I would broach the subject beforehand... soemthing along the lines of slipping in a conversation that you guys went through some toys and clothes etc and donated stuff that was used, broken, didn't fit anymore etc... and that if she needed any ideas on stuff to buy, the kids have made a wishlist, and you'd be happy to send her a copy if she'd like.

That way, it puts it back on the kids... since they are the ones that made the "wishlist"... lol

then she can take it or leave it....doesn't make anybody feel bad.

My MIL always asks for a list, and never gets ANYTHING from it. Gotta love getting dish scrubbers and tube socks for Christmes.

Boo&BugsMom replied: I have this same issue with hubby's grandmother. Because of her age, and she is doing the nice grandma thing, I usually smile, say thank you, and put the gifts in the garage sale box in the basement. She has done pretty good with Tanner though. I usually get a shirt I would never be caught dead in, some tacky hand towels, and some candles (I use those).

I don't know what I would do. Other than my DH's grandma, everyone usually asks what Tanner wants or asks for suggestions. I do too for the nieces.

TheOaf66 replied:
hey now don't be saying anything bad about my Gramma

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Oh please!!! Every year you laugh at my granny shirts she gives me and you wave your $100 bill that she gives you in my face! Spoiled grandchild you are.

Cece00 replied:
OMG, I LOVE that movie!!! Its hilarious. I also love that she wrapped up a cat, I think, as a present