Charlotte is now in heaven

maddie223 wrote: This is really hard for me to come to terms with

On the 29th of august 2006 Charlotte Maya Withers's heart stopped and she was resusitated with heart massage. Charlie was taken to emergency surgery which lasted 4 hours although they came to the conculsion that there wasnt much else they could do. Charlie's life support was turned off on the 30th of August because the doctor's said it was the only thing that was keeping her alive. Accepting it is was the hardest thing ive been through in my life. she was unable to beat her heart properally or use her lungs. She died at 1:32 pm on the 30 August 2006, less than 20 minutes after the ECMO was turned off.
Even though they told us she would die, i was expecting her to live for longer and longer and recover.

Her funreal was yesterday and it was a lovely ceremony. For some reason i still am expecting to hear her cry or her scream. Last night i woke up and went to her cot and almost forgot she was not here anymore.

I want my baby in my arms now. Dead or alive. i dont care. I just want to be holding her.
I cant say anything else, it hurts too much right now. Why would god take a loved one away from me?

~Roo'sMama~ replied: Oh Maddie, I am so, so sorry. I understand that ache of wanting to be able to hold your baby. I'll be praying for you.

1lilpeanut2love replied: OMG! I am practically in tears reading this. I am SO sorry that she passed on. Just know that she is with God and is no longer suffering. Lots of hugs and prayers to you and your family.

Have your parents been there for you through this? I know you mentioned before that they didn't come to the hospital.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I'm so sorry for your loss! I cannot imagine the pain that you are going through right now! My thoughts and prayers are with you!

mckayleesmom replied: Im So sorry sweetie.....

MoonMama replied: I am so sorry sweetie, I am in tears reading this too. My heart is aching for you and your BF I can't even imagine what you are going through. Please know that your in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry.

PrairieMom replied: i am so sorry.

Bee_Kay replied: I am so sorry

martzfam27 replied: I am so sorry for your loss

maddie223 replied: I just thought i heard her crying (its about 12 midnight) and now i cant get back to sleep.

My parents went to her funreal but i didnt see them shead a tear they never tried to get close to her. They were the only ones smiling when greeting people.

We had an autopsy done to see what caused her to deterioate so quickly but we dont have the results.
I only knew her for 2 months but i loved her so much and so did my bf

Im really worried about my bf. he hasnt cried, he hasnt said many words since her death and he shut himself off from everything apart from me. I will walk into his bedroom and his eyes will be all watery but he wont let it out. I tried crying with him but it didnt work.

Thankyou so much you're support means so much to me

Nina J replied:

I'm so sorry for your loss

Crystalina replied: I have not been following your story but I am so very sorry for your loss. Loss is always hard and unbearable. I am so so sorry.

my2monkeyboys replied: I am so very sorry. I can not imagine what you are feeling right now. I just pray God will give you comfort and peace and help you heal from this loss as much as possible.
I'm sure your BF is dealing with this in his own way, as everyone grieves differently.
Lots of prayers for you all right now.

C&K*s Mommie replied: My thoughts and prayers are with you now. Know that we, here at PC, are here anytime to listen.

holley79 replied: Thoughts and prayers with you.

mummy2girls replied: first of all...(((HUGS))))

i am so sorry to hear you lost your precious angel! I too lost a son 7 years ago.. he was only 17 days old when he passed away! It was so hard to see him sick as he was when he was in the hospital. Not knowing what will happen to him. when i lost him it was the hardest thing ever!

What you are feeling is so normail! hearing her cry in the middle of the night and then searching for her when you wake up to only find an empty crib. I jumped out of bed one night when i thought i heard my son and to find nothing but an empty bed( i co-slept). Its normal to want to hold your baby no matter what the circumstance! my arms felt empty for the longest time!

I know right know trying to understand why god took away your baby is hard to come to terms with. feeling hatred and sadness towards him! That will all go away and you will see the reason why he decided to take your little girl. you still may ask why as the road to recovery is happening, but thats all normal.

What your BF is feeling. People grieve at different rates and at different ways. my ex took a long time to cry. Sometimes for men they feel they have to be strong for us and help us through our grief before they can even try to grieve themselves. let him greive at his rate. dont push it and dont make him cry becaus ethat will only cause tension and bad feeling towards you. just help each other by being there for each other...

Your parents.. I am so sorry. They may be feeling sad but just dont want to show it in front of you or anyone! its hard to say expecially because you said they werent supportive towards you. It will all come together in time! Just give them space and hopefully they will come around.

What i did the first couple days after i lost Jordan is light a candle in his honor, went and planted a plant and to this day its still growing at my old place:) It will be hard the first few months and even the first couple years but believe me it will get easier. i know you may not see that because right now the pain is so fresh! but it will. the pain will still be there and the intensity of it may still be there but you just learn how to handle the pain. Its been 7 years for me and the pain is still there i just learn how to accpet it and brush off all the comments if they should arise.

people are going to try to say things like.. she is better off, she is happier where she is in because she isnt in any pain etc etc. you will get mad but they are not saying it to be mean because to them they dont know what to say ... just understand that and dont think they dont care! It took me a long time to understand that one...

Swood75 replied: Maddie,I am so sorry to hear about your baby passing..If you need to chat,please don't hesitate to pm me or something..We will all be here for you..I am also sorry that your parents didn't ever show any compassion for you or your daughter...You and your BF will be in my thoughts and prayers..

MichaelsMommy replied: I am so sorry for your loss

boyohboyohboy replied: You and your bf are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry for your loss.

Halo42101 replied: I am so sorry, Maddie. Please know that my thoughts & prayers are with you & your boyfriend during this time.

Hugs, love & prayers from,
Jessi

Leons_Mummy replied: OMG im so sorry to hear that

luvbug00 replied: I'm so sorry for your loss.

ashtonsmama replied:
OMG
I don't have any words Maddie.
I am so so sorry sweetheart. You are my prayers. Give yourself time, it won't heal overnight so be gentle with yourself. The loss of a child has to be the most terrible one of all.

aspenblue1 replied: I am so sorry for you loss.

mom2my2cuties replied: I am so sorry for your loss...Your family will be in my prayers.

jcc64 replied: I am so very sorry for the loss of your baby. I cannot imagine the depth of your pain. I really don't know what to say except I'm sorry.

gabriella replied: Dear Maddie,

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your daughter. I feel heartbroken for you and cannot imagine how you and your boyfriend feel right now.

Gabriella x

A&A'smommy replied: I'm very sorry for your loss!!!

maddie223 replied: Thankyou for you're kind words they mean a lot to me right now. I feel empty inside knowing that i will never see her again... even though i didnt know her that long, but i still loved her.

Me and my boyfriend have decided to try for another baby. The doctors arent keen on it because it would put my body under a lot of strain because im young but i dont care. I found someone i love and i am ready for children, i dont care what people say. I love babies

mummy2girls replied:
please i know youa re hurt but the loss of your child and the pain is so real but please you need to let yourself heal and your body before you try for another baby... this kind of loss is a very painful one and you need to grieve... and you BF as well... your so yound hun... you should try going back to school and graduate before having another baby as well. I dont mean to sound like a mom. just think about all your options... i am 30 and i find it tough being a mom and not being married:( and i know you love babies... but it is a really tough job... im sorry if i sound like im preaching but im just worried:(