Can you guys help me - proofreading this letter for SNL

loveydad wrote: Some of you may remember me posting about the low brow jokes on SNL about children being abused and burnt and several other innapriopriate jokes for "cheepkidsnet." . I hope you will write to the company if you were as disgusted as I, or if you just believe this is innappropriate and sick. Anyway I wrote them this email, will you please help me to proofread it and change it so it sounds beter? I feel it sounds pretty stupid and needs a lot of work, but I'm having trouble figuring out how to say it since I'm so upset about the whole deal.

Here's the letter.

First of all I'd like to say that I would have sent this much sooner but with one thing and another having children and working I haven't had time.

Lately I've seen a decline dramatically in the skits done on SNL. I must say, I found it much funnier in past years. This is not why I'm writing however.

A few weeks back you aired a SNL that had several different "commericials" for a site called Cheapkids.net or something to the like. Not even remotely funny and what's worst, dangerous, irresponsible, and very innapriorpriate. Some may say these were only jokes, but they were NOT jokes, they were disgusting and totally unncessary bits of trashy humor.

Let's think about this. How funny is it for a child to get shotty vaccines that give her a bad reaction and kill her? Not funny. How funny is it for an infant and a child to be burned by the sun so severely that they turn bright red, are in pain for several days, blister, and eventually end up getting skin cancer? As someone who knows a survivor of skin cancer I can tell you it's not.

The image of a 1-year-old and his older sister being left alone, and him laughing as he plummets into the fire is not only not funny, it is an irresponsible thing to show. How funny would it be if someone really did this!? Since I know someone who's infant was burned as a child and still has severe scars at least 10 years later, it's not funny to me. It broke my heart to hear the girl crying for her mother as the mother drank on the plane.

As someone who has lost children before, I can tell you that I find this below SNL standards. It saddens me that you believe you must sink to this standard. I would expect this from Madtv and low brow comedy but not from SNL. I believe showing children in such scenes is a very stupid move, especially since several of the people I know who might watch SNL have small children. I've asked others about this to see if it was just me who was offended but I could not find one person who believed it was funny in anyway. I must tell you I was sickened.

I can remember watching the first SNL episodes and they were better than this. What would those actors think of how low brow and stupid this show has become? The only thing the show seems to be about is botox, drinking, and lame jokes that aren't funny. The plate sketch Saturday was not only gross, it was very stupid.

I wonder if maybe this isn't the only letter you will get or have gotten about these sketches.
I hope you can pull your act together and will not be showing anymore jokes at our children's expense. Until then, I and several of my freinds will refrain from watching your show.

I am truly sorry that such a great show has turned to something so low.

Viggo Wieland
Father of children ages 17-11 months.


Thanks GUys.

~Roo'sMama~ replied: I'm not much good with these things but I think it sounds ok. The only thing I can think of is in the 4th paragraph you misspelled *shoddy*. And then at the end maybe instead of "ages 17-11 months" you could say *11 months to 17 years* or *17 years to 11 months* to clear up any confusion... at first I thought you meant 17 months.
Other than that I'd say good job!

paradisemommy replied:
just typos but sounds great to me!!

commericials to commercials

what's worst to what's worse

innapriorpriate to inappropriate

unncessary to unnecessary

and i agree to change the signature to 11 months to 17 years

good job vig

Kirstenmumof3 replied: Vig, it sounds good to me! But I would recommend that you remove the word stupid, you said it a few times, try changing it to something else. And the signature I agree should be changed. But other than that-GO FOR IT! Let us know how it goes, if I had actually watched the episode, I would be right there with you!

MomToMany replied: With the changes mentioned above, it would be great! I hope they listen to you, LOL!

Alice replied: I didn't catch anything that hasn't already been pointed out.

I'm glad you're taking a stand!!

FroggyJK replied:
I would change this to say "......a dramatic decline"

JJJ replied: The others have done all the proof reading so I just wanted to tell you I admire you for doing something about it. Not many people are like this, they would just complain to friends but never the company.
Keep me posted if they write you back!

mammag replied: JMO, but I'd maybe take out the first paragraph. I just think it is not needed and without that the flow seems better, to me.



I'd change it to any way (seperated)



I'm glad you are doing this!

My2Beauties replied: Wow we have great proofreaders on here, I agree with what everyone else said, also in the siggy I think it should aged 11 months to 17 years as well! Good for you for taking a stand, I didn't see that episode but it doesn't sound funny to me at all neither!

loveydad replied: Thanks. I encourage you guys to write too! it doesn't have to be windy like mine, just something simple one paragraph! I wish the whole parenting community in the US would! it was a nasty show! I'll send this tommrow when I have time to make the changes.

loveydad replied: Okay guys I finally sent it tonight! Let's hope it works!

mckayleesmom replied: ...Good Luck...I honestly have never watched a full episode of SNL.

loveydad replied:
I don't blame you anymore