Can girls be in the doghouse??

Calimama wrote: Because I sure am. I've wanted to do the adopt a Marine program for awhile but DH is dead set against it. You think of all people HE would understand what it's like to come home from war to NO ONE. Because his first tour... his family didn't go to the homecoming. Anyway he won't even consider it. I just brought it up again this morning when he called to try it from a different approach. I barely got half of it out before DH flips. He said I don't understand how these guys think, and they wont care that I'm married with a baby, they'll see a 20 year old girl writing to them and get excited. He said he won't be in Iraq reading a letter I wrote him while some other Marine is doing the same. Then to make it worse he says, "You want to take care of a Marine.. well try starting with your husband." and hung up. I guess I shouldn't have asked again, but sheesh. I think this stemming from the fact the day he comes home from the field I'll be in school and can't go pick him up.

gr33n3y3z replied: oops he will just have to get happy lol
Men can be so dumb sometimes I guess he can be right bc were not on the other side and he sees things we dont if thats the case thats nasty
Sorry hun

grapfruit replied: First Lots of Hugs

I suppose I can see his point, although his delivery was a little...off. I see yours too. I think it's a great idea though. It's sad when their are guys (and girls!) out there risking their lives w/nothing/nobody at home. That's sad. He seems like he's protective, and honestly, I sort of agree w/him. (Not that you're not taking care of him!! You definatly are!!) But he doesn't want some other guy getting some strange ideas. KWIM?

I think you need to calmly explain to him, "Honey, I'm sorry I upset you, I understand your point of view. I just wanted to help some of your fellow Marines that aren't as blessed as you are. It tears my heart out to see them on Homecoming day. But I will respect your wishes. Just so you know, the way you blew up at me really hurt my feelings, I think it was uncalled for" or something like that. Usually after Tim's done something like that (blown up like that) explaining that I thought it was over the top and mean usually gets me a heartfelt apology.

Thought: maybe you can ask him if there's another way you can "donate" support w/o writing letters to other Marines. Like organize a donation box to send, or cards from the community. Things like that. Just a thought.

my2monkeyboys replied:
I fully agree with grapfruit. They would probably get the wrong idea, and then may would even try to act on it once they're out. Best not to open that can of worms, IMO. I think something from a body of people, be it the neighborhood, church, etc. would be a much better/safer way.

Calimama replied: Good idea Casey. I see his point too, he's just extremely overprotective and really old fashioned. He's dealing with me being more independent, because with his job.. he doesn't have much of a choice. Maybe I can get our church to sponsor a Marine so it's not me directly.

A&A'smommy replied: I can definitely understand his point of view and he is completely right although he could have said it without being mean about it!!! Men I swear



Thats a VERY good idea!!!

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
I think that sounds like the best idea, having your church sponsor instead. I'm not the jealous type, but I have to agree with your DH. As innocent as you intend it to be, you never know what the other person on the recieving end is thinking. Sorry your DH hung up on you though...Never a nice thing to do no matter how mad you are.

bawoodsmall replied: That was not very nice of him(as my daughter would say). I can see where he is coming from though. He may want your letters to be something special between just you and him. It prob breaks his heart to think of some other guy reading a letter from you. I may be reaching but that is how I look at it. Regardless, I say drop it. It is not worth the fight. In a marriage, and life for that matter, you have to pick your battles, and that is not one of them.

Mommy2Isabella replied: ahhh, we had an issue with this !

I had a friend who is a marine, and he doesn't really have any friends or family around, and I went to his graduation and wrote him letters in bootcamp, well he thought something COMPELTELY different than was my objective,< just to let him know he wasn't alone, he was doing a great thing!

He graduated from bootcamp, and had this impression that Sal and I were going to get divorced and I was going to be with him.....

So I WAY understand where your DH is coming from. He could have said it a little nicer, but what can you do, men aren't as sensitive as we are.

Your church idea is GREAT! I know our church has a thing where they send boxes of goodies to the troops!!!

MoonMama replied:

I've always wanted to do that too, but have know idea how. I'm sorry hun

lovemy2 replied:
I think you answered your own question dear - and I think DH is protective of you a) because he is old fashioned and because you are young (not that you can't take care of yourself, etc. - I don't mean it that way) and he is gone so much of the time from you and Bella - he probably gets nervous - and rightfully so - he is also a guy and a Marine thus knows how they think....

Whatever you do - don't stop making yourself independent - while it is a good thing to have a loving husband who you can depend on it is also very important to be able to depend on yourself

You are a smart cookie - keep growing up the way you are

Sam & Abby's Mom replied: Men !

It's not usually WHAT my DH has to say,,,,,,,,,,,,, but HOW he says it.

Know that you are not alone.

Twelve Volt Man replied: I just read this and, as a guy, I feel compelled to weigh in. I can understand your hubby's opposition to this. First, I completely admire your interest in supporting our troops. I can only imagine, however, how hard it must be to be away from your family, then thinking about some other guy getting the wrong idea about your wife, after reading an innocent letter.

My advice would be to write all of the letters you want, but not put a full name or return address on it. That way, you can let a soldier know that folks back here are pulling for them, but they won't be able to write back, and try to develop a relationship. I know guys. I 'm sure that many of these guys would like nothing more than to try to start a relationship, especially since they've been away from the dating arena for a while.

While I applaud your dedication, I think that this is an issue that should be dealt with carefully, since your husband is obviously concerned. Good luck.

Calimama replied:
That's a good idea. So far it looks like my church is going to get some stuff going.

You all always give the best advice. Thank you everyone.