CIO method - where to find info??

stanleygirl wrote: Anyone know of a good place to look for unbiased information on using CIO methods??
Thank you so much in advance if you do!!

paradisemommy replied: http://babyparenting.about.com/cs/sleeping/f/cryitout.htm

http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/parenting_t...cry_it_out.html

http://www.sleepnet.com/infant3/messages/534.html

http://www.parentingpress.com/t_990821.html

i just googled it..here's a few articles..happy reading!

stanleygirl replied: Thank you so much for posting those links, unfortunately the only info I seem to find is very anti CIO, and I feel differently about this issue.

I am a little frustrated that CIO is portrayed as so evil and cold, when it really isn't at all for our family.

moped replied: My husband calls me the sleep nazi, so I know a bit about it but not really on-line stuff

paradisemommy replied: well, i think every situation is different and though, i could never go that route, i know a lot of people that have and have had great results with it!

stanleygirl replied: I think, honestly that there is a lot of misinformation regarding this issue. The articles posted above are very onesided and judgemental. I really hope that ppl in general do not think that way. One article ended with the woman not letting her child CIO, as she said it she did "the right thing" and "nurtured" her child. I took great offence to these statements bc I found them very judgemental, and for the record, my children are very nurtured also.
Sorry, this has been bothering me since I read these articles and I just really needed to express some of my feelings.

A&A'smommy replied: I have sorta tried it and it did NOT work for us it was WAY too painful for me and it just frustrated both of us more (all in about three minutes) so I will NEVER do it again! I don't like it and I can't amagine any mother letting her child cry for an hour BUT on the other hand I have known people who tired EVERYTHING before and the ONLY thing that worked was CIO. SO thats my opinon as far as information have you tried amazon and see if they had any good books? Also www.askdrsears.com he is VERY informative and has helped me with many issues I'm not sure what he has to say about CIO though so I would take a look...

MyBlueEyedBabies replied: I don't know where any info is online but with Katy we had tried everything and finally the ped told us to try. It is obviously hard to listen to your child cry but the week of crying when learning proper sleeping patterns is substantially better than the years of waking with a child that has never been taught. He said just keep her door closed don't let her hear us don't let her see us and she will go back to sleep on her own. He said it might take up to a week to get her sleeping all through the night. The first night she only whined for about 30 minutes, the second screamed for about 10 minutes and since night 3 she's been sleeping through the night religiously 2 years later I couldn't be more pleased with the way we handeled her sleep problems. Especially when I hear about other 2 or 3 year olds that still wake in the middle of the night and need someone to put then back in bed. w/ Matt we never had to CIO, he has always been an awesopme sleeper I think he was about 3 months when he started sleeping through the night and by 6 months all he needed was a good night kiss and I could leave his room for 12+ hours

stanleygirl replied: Thank you, I have found a few resources and books, and last night was an improvement already.
In case anyone else is interested the books that were recomended to me are:

Sleeping Through the Night: How Infants, Toddlers, and Their Parents Can Get a Good Night's Sleep
by Jodi A. Mindell, Ph.D.
This one is said to be a kinder gentler version of Ferber.

And
Healthy sleep habits, happy child

Thank you thank you thatnk you!!!! I really appreciate the support.

A&A'smommy replied:
Glad you found some good information I hope you will be seeing sleep soon!!

mommyangie replied: I also don't agree with CIO, but I'm sure there are some books out there that teach you how to do it. I think there is a 5 in and 5 out method that I have heard moms on other parenting boards talk about but I know nothing about it. I am a co-sleeping mom all the way. My kids aren't a burden to me and I don't mind sleeping with them when needed. I could never have ignored them when they were crying out for me as babies. It tears me up to think about doing it. To each his own.

stanleygirl replied: It's funny that this post was bumped back up today, bc I met w/ our ped today, Brady got his shots, and since this is a new dr for us he wanted to know all about Brady's schedule and stuff. Anyways, I have been having some troubles with his sleeping again, and bc I was *feeling bad* for him, I have been letting him call the shots around here. This means I have been sleeping an average of 2-6 hours a night, and it has taken a HUGE toll on me, Kieran and dh. My ped advised that after all his reading and over 20 years of experience he still hasn't been convinced that there is anything wrong with letting them CIO, and I should really stick to it for a few nights, and that will make a world of difference.

But what really helped is that our ped really took the time to talk with me, and it was soo much more reassuring then any book I've read really. He reminded me how it's the time I spend with him all day that makes or breaks him, and that if I am well rested those times will be so much more rewarding, kwim? Anyways, it made a lot of sense to me, and I wanted to share bc I know there are ppl using the CIO methods, who will read this, and I know this subject is not often discussed, so there was my experience. I felt total support, and want to offer that same support to anyone who ever wants to post or PM about this topic, even if it's just to vent.

Let me just say that I totally agree with many of you who choose not to use CIO methods, and there is also nothing wrong with wanting them in bed with you, or wanting to stay with them until they fall asleep. That is not what this about~this is about what some of us are doing, and I want to remind you that we do love our kids as much as the next person, and that our children are not burdens to us either.

Josie83 replied: I agree. I did this with Cassie and it worked fine. I agree with what Lisa said - the times when they are crying pass quickly and it becomes a way of life for them. I wanted Cassie to grow up dependent and able to sleep by herself. We used the CIO method and as a result she's a happy, independent child who does not cry out and whine for things but is happy to do things on her own. I personally resent the comment that childrne are not as "nurtured" because she is not sleeping in my bed and we are not running to her every time she cries. I love my daughter more than anything, and she has a close bond with both me and her father.

This is a sensitive issue and I think that its very easy to make sweeping statements about something that somebody else does that you don't agree with. Like someone else said, whatever works for you . . . Stanleygirl, I would suggest (with he rpermission) you PM Jen Hopkins because she seems to know a lot about this stuff. I hope you don't mind me saying that, jen xx

mom2tripp replied: Just my 2 cents here on the issue---CIO is awesome. I resent some of the statements that some have made, for instance, I never felt like I was ignoring my child. I felt like I was helping him become more independent and learn to sleep on his own without me being by his side. We co-slept with Tripp until he was 4 months old and although I loved cuddling with him, I didn't sleep at all. I felt like I couldn't move in the bed and I was so cranky all the time. Now we cuddle in the morning when he wakes up and before bed each night. TO each her own but let's be a little more respectful here

Josie83 replied:
That's one of the reasons I never had her in our bed! I would so scared that we would squash her or something My midwife always told me that they would recmmend not sleeping with your baby for that exact reason, and it always really freaked me out! xx

moped replied: PM me - I know we talked about this before but message me again..........I CAN help you and so can a few others on here.

coasterqueen replied: I don't want to discuss my views on this method, but I do find it interesting that one would get offended when someone says they are nuturing their child by not letting them CIO. They aren't saying you aren't nurturing your child because you do go with CIO, they are saying THEY are nuturing their child by doing what they are doing. And by someone saying that they don't go with CIO because they feel like it's ignoring their child...that's THEIR opinion of their household.

I get tired of all these discussions on hot topics because people get defensive about how someone else feels about THEIR situation. Like I say to many in topics like this IF you are comfortable with what you are doing....then you should NOT feel offended. The only reason to really get offended is if what they are saying strikes a chord with you. If you feel you are doing the right thing then it shouldn't strike a chord.

mom2tripp replied: I feel perfectly comfortable with what I'm doing it's just the way certain things are worded sometimes that strikes a chord with me, and I'm sure others would agree with me. Even though some people don't come right out and say things, the implications are VERY clear! Everyone on here should be able to openly say how they feel, that's why I love it here, and that's what I was doing. It really doesn't hurt my feelings if others disagree with me and I hope I don't hurt any one elses feelings. Hot topics like this are fun to see what everyone thinks and then to get feedback--we all mean well -- I just think sometimes some people say things to get others going.

Josie83 replied:
I totally agree. I felt that it was an insinuation of the post. i don't usually reply to these types of posts, but wanted to reply to this one because its something that is a burning issue. Quite often a particular view or method is condemned by a majority, for whatever reason, and I think it is a perosn's right to put their side of a debate across.

I don't see how you would not get offended if someone is insinuating that what you are doing is harming your child . . . I see what you are saying but the way I see it is if someone comes at you with somoene like that, then you have a right to defend yourself xx

stanleygirl replied: Ok, let me respond to this, bc I actually am all for discussing these issues as well, and normally I have a very thick skin when it comes to these things.
However, the problem for me lies with this; there is a difference between a post asking for opinions or hey where do you stand on this subject, and then there are posts where some of us are asking for support. When asking for support it can be really sensitive when ppl take the time to respond, but only to say (not any post in particular, just made up to make my point, ok?) "good luck with CIO, but I would never do that bc I _____ (whatever: nurture my child, or love, or whatever the case may be). That feels very personal, as opposed to a post where I may say how do you feel about CIO, and you may say wonderful things about your choice or opinion, and I would feel happy for your success, kwim?
I mean I read posts on here everyday that I find a disagreement in, but I am ultimately here for support, information, and discussion/debate, and I think that's what we are all here for actually, so I wanted be honest about this stuff, instead of being afraid to mention CIO all together, if that makes sense...

coasterqueen replied: I totally see what you are saying but I also think we can insinuate* a lot from any one post. IMO if I read every post and thought about what that person might be insinuating, well then I'd be offended by an awful lot of posts. There have been so many times I've read a post and in my head, reading it, it came off wrong but then I thought about it and said "well maybe that's NOT what that person was trying to get at" and gave them the benefit of the doubt. But that is where we are all different, and that's not a bad thing at times. If you always think someone is insinuating something, though, you are going to get offended quite often.

In the end, you do what is right for your child and be happy with it and it really doesn't matter if someone tells you differently. Ya know .

mom2tripp replied:
totally agree with ya

stanleygirl replied: I totally agree, that's a good point.
I really think that we are all here for the same thing, but sometimes things can be taken the wrong way. It's nice that these difficult things can be spoken of openly though, I think it's great how intelligent and understanding all us women are when talking about these issues that we all feel very passionatley (sp?) about.

3_call_me_mama replied: I understand your frustration and point of view and also others point of view. I think the problem with the post was that you asked for unbiased info, someone gave you links adn you turned around and stated that the links weren't helpful because they were one sided and then a debate began. The only advice i have to offer you is to PM the people that have offered, adn research the Ferber method.
This is the only info that I am aware of on CIO. I have no personal experience and nothing else to offer. Good luck to you

stanleygirl replied: I just wanted to say that I am greatful for the links that were posted for me, I found it really nice that someone would post them for me (so thanks btw), but they turned out to be kind of harsh, but I did not expect that the poster would have read through an hours worth of literature, and so I asked again, and yes a debate started, which is fine actually.
I just dont want to worry that I cant post about this w/o starting a debate, kwim?

And yes I will go to PM's with this, and I really appreciate the offer!! Thanks!