Birth Rape - yes it happens!
mommy~to~a~bunch wrote: This is an important topic I hope no one has to ever deal with, but sadly, it happens all too often  .
http://www.thefword.org.uk/features/2008/03/not_a_happy_bir
A&A'smommy replied: BTDT 
mommy~to~a~bunch replied:
ZandersMama replied: A very real problem, one that not many people realize.
sparkys2boys replied: OMG, that's terrible. I couldn't even bring myself to read the stories more then a line or two.
mommy~to~a~bunch replied:  I know, I feel so bad for those women. Then I get so ANGRY, and I don't know what I can do to help, you know? WHY do we let this happen?
This is a big factor in why I'll have my babies at home from now on. Our midwife we had when Abby was born was AWESOME, VERY hands-OFF. She only checked the heart rate with the Doppler a few times, and that's as close as she got to me. No pelvic exams to check dilation, no breaking my water, nothing.
Jackie012007 replied: I have very strong feelings about this article and "Birth Rape" but I don't think this is a good forum to vent them. All I can say is, it compares NOT to being the victim of a sexual assault. I understand that it is serious and very traumatic, but until you have been the victim of a violent rape, you cannot truly say that it compares.
sparkys2boys replied:
Kentuckychick replied:
Agreed and
I will say though that this was a violent assault and no doubt extremely traumatic and absolutely it needs to have attention brought to it. It's disturbing to me to think that any woman would experience this during what should be considered one of the most jouyous times of life -- and truly disturbing to me that someone else could stand by and watch it happen. I would NEVER want to be in the delivery room alone even if I trusted my ob 150% but I think partners should also know what IS supposed to happen during labor and delivery and there should never be a question as to whether or not something is wrong or right.
mommy~to~a~bunch replied:
I'm sorry you went through that. I think it *is* the same, but I don't want to go into details. Sexual contact doesn't need to happen to be raped.
mommy~to~a~bunch replied:
ITA. Doctors are given way too much power & control over women during labor & birth. Even if you think it will never happen to you, it could.
Kentuckychick replied:
I think from a "legal" standpoint what happened to this woman would not be considered rape -- which is defined as "forced sexual intercourse", but rather would be defined as "sexual assault" which extends to a broader category. The difference in terms is really one of legal necessity that came about so that women who are assaulted but not forced to have intercourse can still come forward and seek help. I do see the difference, but it doesn't by ANY means mean that I believe that a person who is sexually assaulted goes through any less than one who is raped and in some cases they go through more.
I think the thing to remember and to respect is that every person's story is different and every person's story is their own. Just because it's difficult to compare what one person experienced to what another experienced doesn't make what happened effect those individuals any less.
It's just sad no matter how you look at it. My heart truly goes out to ANY person something like this happens to.
mommy~to~a~bunch replied:
I understand what you are saying, but a victim of sexual assault can feel like she WAS raped, even if sexual intercourse didn't happen.
I respect everyone's stories, and am truly sorry they had to go through anything like that.
Teesa®© replied:
I've been there, too. It took me a long time to deal with it, but I finally did.
I'm NOT a victim, I'm a SURVIVOR!!!!!!
Maddie&EthansMom replied: That is just horrible. I can't imagine lying there helpless while someone has "their way" with me and the hospital to allow such behavior from doctors and nurses. I've never heard of a story like this. It's awful!
There's no need to argue what terminology they use for this...that's not what matters. Rape, sexual assault, etc. It's all painful and leaves emotional scars. I'm certain whomever has experienced it does not take it lightly and doesn't want to be told that their feelings are not as significant as someone who has experienced a "rape". That's like saying date rape or molestation isn't as bad as a stranger tracking you down and raping you.
Hillbilly Housewife replied: From Wikipedia:
I find it extremely sad that some doctors and nurses can judge that forcing actions upon a woman giving birth is ok. No matter what the circumstances, everyone has the right to say NO.
coasterqueen replied: This is very sad. Thank you for the information, Mollie. I believe mothers should be aware of this for sure.
punkeemunkee'smom replied: I had a horrific nurse as my L&D nurse. She did things just like this and almost cost me my life as well as Taylor's. She mocked me when I told her something was wrong that I was bleeding (clots/hemmorage),tried to force my cervix open and then drugged me to get me to go to sleep so I would quit pressing the call button to BEG her to call the doctor. She did all this while NOT having Taylor's heart rate on a monitor for over 4 hours...Bill had never been at a birth so when she said the bleeding and extreme pain was all normal (the mocking was never done around him but when he would leave the room to go call my mom or family-she would say horrible things to me...) She is a black mark on the best day of my life and she caused some very real emotional scars as well as a multitude of physical ones...things we are still trying to fix. She let me bleed so long that I am still trying to recover-It has been almost 7 years!!! I try to not think of her and what she almost cost my family (the story is actually too much for me to type) I focus on the bright and beautiful child that we have now and I thank God for His protection but I can also promise I will NEVER forget that woman's name or her face for as long as I live!
Hillbilly Housewife replied: I'm really sorry to hear of eveyone's horrible stories.
For those that have been through something like this... Here's a question for you... if you don't mind answering... would you say that birth rape compares to sexual rape.. ?
I've had my ob's hand up my whoowhoo for an extended period of time...like half an hour... BUT I had agreed to him breaking my waters, and it just so happened that he felt the baby's head lift up, and was worried that the cord might slip out, so he kinda..well..held everything in place until he could be sure... either by feeling the cord go back, or the portable U/S machine was brought in... I don't consider this an assault, as I knew what was going on and why, and felt it was the right thing to do... but I would definitely compare any form of action without my consent comparable to rape, in the sense that the other person commanded the power and went against my wishes, when it came to my own body. And I HAVE been to the other side of things.
He DID tell me to be quiet and hold still though, a little while before the birth... But that's cuz I panicked and was swelling up. Had I swollen any more, they would have had to do a c-section, because the baby wouldn't have been able to pass. I understood, even then. 
punkeemunkee'smom replied: IDK Rocky. I am sure that there are worse cases of bodily assault than what I delt with...her physical contact with me was limited after the first few times she hurt me so bad during her exams that I kicked her (with a walking boot on) and then she started ignoring checking me and retreated to the drugging and name calling. I don't know that I consider what happened to me a sexual assault but I also have never wanted to give her that much power in my life to take any more than she did-KWIM?
I do believe that you can be sexually assualted during birth,be it with a hand or instrument so in that sense it would be akin to rape. I am not trying to downplay women who are attacked in the traditional sense at all. As women though shouldn't we stand together as a united front and support eachother? Is rape with a knife any less tramatic than rape with a gun? Or as Aimee touched on- Does date rape make it less of a horrific experience than a stranger attacking you? If someone in authority or in control of you at that moment does things to your body that you don't want how is one more/less tramatic than the other?
:.Mrs_Mommy.: replied: I have never experienced this and did not even know it was happening. (Shows how naive I am at times  ) But I did want to say that this is horrible and NO woman should have to go through this ever and especially when that time is supposed to be absolutely joyous.
I am sorry for anyone who had to go through this.
Hillbilly Housewife replied: I agree Abbie. As far as I'm concerned... anything done to my body without my consent, when it comes to my "area"... I'd consider a form of rape. It doesn't matter whether I'd know the person or the person was a stranger.... if I'm yelling NO! and trying to get them to remove the offending item/body part... and they don't... that's assault, in my eyes.
lisar replied: That is very sad that there are people out there that will do that.
kimberley replied: this is very sad and an ugly reality for all too many women. i have experienced both sides to some degree ("traditional" rape and bullying/unwanted procedures during birth) and have difficulty saying if one was "worse" than the other. while the horror of the sexual attack was violating and carried long term effects on my relationship with men, it just affected me and i have moved passed it. the birth of a child is supposed to be a cherished event and a birthday doesn't pass without me re-living the violation i feel about that birth. they didn't only rob me that time... it was my husband and daughter too!! and knowing the medical staff does this so they don't have to stay up all night or come in on a long weekend (which was the case for me), absolutely infuriates me and it should be stopped!! no medical degree should allow them to assault/scare people.
mommy~to~a~bunch replied:
Emphasis is mine; yes, it needs to STOP. Women need to take birth back! We need a revolution!
I feel so bad for you Kimberley for going through that.
The statement at the end of that article needs repeating: "NO means NO, even in the delivery room".
Jackie012007 replied: I've thought about this for a LONG time since it was originally posted. I guess, because I have never actually experienced a birth rape, it is not for me to decide on the comparison.
Either way, it is a violation and especially unethical from someone who takes an oath to help and heal others to the best of their ability.
I guess it is hard for me to see them as the same, because despite the violence of a birth rape, you still (hopefully) bring home a precious, healthy baby.
****GRAPHIC FROM HERE ON OUT****
When I was raped, it was by my best friends boyfriend. I was at her house and she went to work and he was supposed to bring me home. Instead, he punched me out and tied me to his bed, and then invited his friends over so they could take turns raping me while they put cigarettes out in my chest and back. It was the most violent thing I have ever been through. It was almost 10 years ago and I still have nightmares. I'm definitely not over it.
I guess my personal experience makes it hard for me to see how birth rape could compare, but like others have said, there are different degrees of rape and you can't downplay one because of another.
I really hope this doesn't offend anyone, I just felt the need to explain myself and my feelings.
I think Birth Rape is a VERY important problem that needs to be changed and people need to be educated about it. I feel terribly for those who have endured it!
sparkys2boys replied:
OMG hun I am so sorry. I am sorry that you felt the need to tell your story to make a point of you were not comfortable.
I am not getting in to the why and what's just wanted to say that I commend you sharing and I am sooo sorry that you had to go through that awful expereince
A&A'smommy replied: OH Jackie what a TERRIBLE thing to go through, and no woman should EVER have to go through that!!!
Hillbilly Housewife replied:
kimberley replied: i am sorry for ur suffering, Jackie. i am here if u need to talk.
MomToJade&Jordan replied: To all who have had to suffer both
Extra To Jackie for what you had to go through. I am so sorry hun.
Thank you Mollie for posting this article. It really is something that is out there and it needs to be looked upon more closely. I have not been put through either circumstance, but feel that both are an assault on a person's will. One might be more violent then the other, but the emotinal scars are similar. Both are a violation no matter what was used to do the violating. The birth of a child should be a wonderous occasion and the fact that some women have been abused in this way just saddens me.
msoulz replied: OMG, Jackie, you are amazingly brave for sharing your story. I hope there was some severe punishment for those evil men.
Regarding the birth rape - I am sorry to those who have experienced that. I was fortunate to have the same amazing doctor who basically asked me if it was OK to do whatever and explained to me if I needed it. I guess there is no way to know how a doc will be at 2 a.m. until you're there.
Was anyone able to file complaints or do anything about the awful treatment they received?
mommy~to~a~bunch replied: Jackie - nothing but for you! How awful!
As far as filing complaints - I hope that those who have been through this do. The doctors & nurses need to be held accountable for their actions. They can't get away with it anymore.
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