Best friends without kids - vent

mysweetpeasWil&Wes wrote: I try to be really understanding to my best friend and not judge her for the strange comments she makes about having kids. I've been there too...you know, where when you didn't have kids, you just couldn't relate to those of your friends that did. So I get where she's at. But she passes judgement on me all the time about our financial situation and it just kills me sometimes!!! She has always been a money hungry person. Not necessarily superficial, not all the time, but the amount she and her husband make has always been a top priority for her and she always ASSUMES it's WAY more than what DH makes. Which I've never told her, but it isn't necessarily true. My life is my family, her life is all about making more money. And I'm fine with that, it's just who she is. But tonight, as we're catching up on the phone, she asks me this "do you think you and Rich will be okay having a second child?" WTH? How does one answer that?! First of all, I have never indicated to her that we're not doing okay. Where does she get off? She's my BF, so I know she's just looking out for me in one way, but there was also such a judgemental tone by asking it, kwim? I wanted to say: 1) why would I have another child if I didn't think we were going to be okay? 2) if you only knew, children are blessings, money or no money 3) I'm 5 months pregnant, there's no turning back now!...what kind of question is that?

Sorry to vent. I'm not the type of person to try and prove to her that we're doing just fine by sharing how much money we have. It's none of her business IMO. I just said "we're fine" and let it go, but I suppose because she has ALWAYS assumed she's "more well off" than DH and I, that we must be just scraping by, right?

Oh and then she also asked "my husband and I were wondering if having a dog was more or less expensive than having kids?" Sorry, I shouldn't laugh, because again, she just isn't there, but hello?! I held back, but really wanted to ask "are you two trying to decide which one is better to have?" LOL...j/k!

luvmykids replied: OMG, they should definitely stick with a dog right now! I have friends like that too, on one hand it hurts my feelings and on the other it just ticks me off. I don't know where it comes from other than she's insecure and that's how she tries to "prove" herself. The friend I have that's the worst about it is soooo terribly unhappy with herself but she seems to feel better by making the rest of us feel like we have less than her, when actually we're in a much better financial position than her and I've just never felt the need to point it out to her.

Sucks when your friends pull that kind of crap.

C&K*s Mommie replied: HAHAHA! We know what you mean, Rae. She will be there and do that one day, and hopefully she will realize that children are the far better than the finest material thing out there.

CosmetologyMommy replied: Does she ever plan on having kids?

redchief replied: One thing I see as plain here is this: there is no way she in anyway has your best interests in mind asking a question like that. That is an exhibition of "mine's better than your's" sure as sure can be.

A&A'smommy replied: GOODNESS that is crazy!!! THat would make me angry too it definitly isn't any of her business!! LOL I would have wanted to ask her the SAME thing

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: I think they should probably start with a houseplant. They probably aren't ready for a dog even.

CAMSMOM1 replied: idaho_boo Posted on Jan 30 2006, 11:10 PM



Kelly, your replies always crack me up! You're so honest and so funny at the same time!

But I agree with what you said, she isn't even ready to take on ANY responsiblity. Reminds me of my cousin's wife. I know she's your friend, but she is to self-absorbed to think about having a pet. She'd probably forget to feed it!
Let alone, ever having kids in the near future.

I don't know how you held your tongue, Rae. I would've told her exactly what I thought. If she is bold enough to cast judgement on me, then she better be ready for some feedback! She obviously has NO CLUE what real life is all about, and what true happiness is. It sounds like she is trying to find happiness in material things, and thinks she has it good. Probably because she is unhappy, and trying to fill a void.

One day she'll walk in your shoes, and see that somehow we all make it finaclly, and we have more than money can by, children. I just pray she doesn't get pg soon, she needs to start off by babysitting!

My MIL never had children. (she's my DH's Step-Mom) She told me one time, "I never wanted children. I'm to selfish and wanted to travel and live my life. I love children, I just never wanted to have any of my own." And I respect her for that. At first I couldn't believe how any woman could say that. But I respect that she is honest with herself, and isn't going to bring children in the world that she doesn't want to care for. And I'm thinking, unless your friend has a huge change in heart and grows up more, she should take my MIL's advice. And just stick with a pet. And she has no business giving you advice on something she has no expereince with.

Annie

PrairieMom replied: Funny how some people have No clue!
By best friend was the same way, except worse. She wasn't ready for kids so obviously, when I got Pregnant she decided that she wouldn't have time for me or my child. We had been friends for nearly over 10 years, then one day she just quit calling me. I totally got dumped becuase I got pregnant. I'm still sad about it and its been 3 years.
In a way I suppose its a good thing tho. Better to find out now than to drag it out!

I hope you guys still enjoy each others company even though you have this Difference of life styles.

MamaJAM replied: Sorry she upset you like that. Obviously she's just clueless about life with kids.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I hate comments friends make about money, period. I think it is rude and distasteful. I've never shared with anyone how much DH makes and it is none of their business. I was raised where it is tacky to ask someone how much they make or to tell someone how much you make. I've never had anyone ask me if I could afford my children (how RUDE!) I've had plenty of people ask "How are you affording to send Maddie to private school?" I may complain about not having all the money I want...to buy everything I want, but we have money and our needs do not go unmet and they won't....even with her in private school.

I like how you replied. That was appropriate. She is definetly in competition with you on some level. She just doesn't know that you can't compete with a mom that has the love of 2 children. How sad that she may never experience this.

Kaitlin'smom replied: she is deffinalty clueless. I dont think she shoudl be taking on any kind of pet right now, maybe a furby or something you dont actully have to feed or walk. I would worry about a house plant she might not water it. So sad. I guess if she would have asked me if I woudl be okay with another child, I woudl be like you bet, we love kids.

coasterqueen replied: It does sound like they need to get a houseplant first.

As far as the comments about money, I don't know your friend so I won't comment. I know how I am with my friends and we feel entirely comfortable talking about money issues as well as how much we make. We aren't ashamed of what we can afford and what we cannot, so it's not an issue between us and our friends. We just spent the weekend with our very close friends who make WAY more money than we do and we talked a lot about money issues. We are like brothers and sisters, though, so we have nothing to hide.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
My friend says she loves kids and wants them one day but she's been on the "I'll have them in five years" plan for some time now. One day she says she wants to be a SAHM and quit her consulting job, but the next day she says she wants to wait longer (to make more money first). Okay. But she's been making six figures on her own for at least five years now, so I'm not sure how much she thinks is the right amount to have a kid! Obviously A LOT more if she thinks we're not doing okay!

I never push the subject with her really. I do hope she has kids one day and realizes that money isn't everything, but she just got remarried and I don't blame her for wanting to wait a bit. When I got PG this second time she seemed a bit dissapointed and said "I was hoping our kids could play together". So I think it's just hard for her to see me in a situation she thought she would be in by now if she were still married to the first guy, kwim?

Thanks for everyones opinions.

TeagansMom609 replied: Sounds so much like my sister. ALL about the mula. My sister is anti-kids at age 32. She is always talking smack about how kids are basically leaches who suck the life out of you and bring you down. It drives me crazy. But even though she says all that bad stuff she is great with my kids and loves them to death. I guess kids just arent for her. Some people should just keep their comments to themselves. Sometimes I think my sister is jealous. That could be your friends problem too.