Bedtime Battles - Another I'm failing as a mother vent

luvmykids wrote: This week has been really rough for some reason and I'm kind of trying to take everything thats happened with a grain of salt.

BUT ....

We have been having major bedtime battles for a few months now and I seriously don't think I can take it one more night! We have the exact bedtime routine we have always had, the only difference I can think of is since the twins basically don't nap anymore they're more prone to crankiness and whining by bed time.

Anyone else go through this stuff? Whining, crying, coming out, going potty, tummy hurts, you name it. Too cold, too hot, there's a dog in my room, I want the dog in my room.

By the time its all said and done its close to 10 before they're asleep, even Macie. I know they have got to need more sleep than this, and every night I'm wound up tight as a clock with my blood pressure through the roof because I'm trying to keep it together and not seriously injure someone, and they go to sleep every night crying. I hate it, hate it, hate it. It's the worst time of day for us and I want it to be the best, with stories and snuggles (which we do) and peace and calm.

C&K*s Mommie replied: no advice, really. I may be where you are soon, though so I will have to add this thread as a favorites.

Plenty of hugs though.

1lilpeanut2love replied: AAwwHH!! Monica I am so sorry. I wanted to wish you some luck! Maybe the twins could have quite time where they have to lay down or something like that!!

Brias3 replied: Do any of your kids share a room? I found that when we were having bedtime troubles about a year and a half back, Mason and Aliyah were still sharing a room at that point. Once we switched them, it seemed to really help. Although its not always feasible to do so, having the separation at night is sometimes the only thing that gets me through because they aren't distracting each other or what not.

We have a pretty strict routine too. Aliyah's big on the water complaints too. Now, what we do is she takes a big drink of water BEFORE bed and I warn her that this is her last opportunity to get water from the bathroom so take what you'd like, etc. I also let them (besides Mason) keep a small Dixie cup of water on their nightstand so the excuse of leaving the room for a "drink" is eliminated. That might help if you haven't tried it yet/feel ok with that idea.

We also keep the closet light on in their rooms (I usually flick it off once they are asleep). If they are coming out of their rooms, complaining, whining, etc., I just tell them that I'm thinking the light may be preventing them from sleeping so we better turn it off type thing. This usually gets them to stay in bed because they want the light to be kept on. (I know this sounds mean, like I'd put them in the pitch darkness or something but in actuality, even with the closet one off, they each have a big nightlight on full-time so the dark isn't an issue, the closet one just "seems" important in that scenario )

Lastly, when we were having EXTREME bedtime issues, I stooped down to the half-threatening stage practically. After "lights out" and last hugs, etc., if they leave the room or get out of bed, they forfeit storytime the next night. It took one night of no stories before bed for Aliyah to quickly realize I wasn't joking around and meant it. That might work in your situation since you mentioned the snuggles and stories routine. In addition, I also went the bribery route. We made a chart for their room and they got a sticker on the chart each night they went to sleep "on their own" with no fuss/getting out of bed/etc. Once they had ten stickers on the chart, they got a special treat (whatever you choose it to be). Even that didn't stick around forever once our bedtimes were down to a calmer state.

Not sure if ANY of these crazy ideas I used will help you out but maybe it will at least give a starting point hopefully! Good luck...I'll keep thinking of more ideas about the situation. And FYI- you are a great mom! It's times like these that we really are put to the test but you seem to be doing really great at staying firm!

luvmykids replied: When we moved to this house we separated the twins for that exact reason. It was great at first, now Colt wants to sleep in Kylies room every night. We've let them try it a few times but it's back to the shenanigans.

Unfortunately, we do about the same stuff you do. They have nightlights, water, books by their beds, etc. And turning the light off is the first "threat", closing their door is the second, and it just goes down hill from there. I've done the super nanny thing where you just pick them up, don't say a word, plop them back in bed, over and over, they just flop all over the floor screaming and crying. We tried that every night for 6 nights, hours and hours and hours, and finally gave up (our fault!) because every single night one of them would eventually cooperate but the other wouldn't and at 11pm would end up waking the other and sometimes Macie too.

Then they all went through this phase of wanting to sleep on the floor, I figured no prob, as long as they go to sleep I'll do anything! Well no one told me that last night was the end of that! Kylie absolutely fell to pieces when I put her pillow on the floor and informed me that she doesn't like that anymore.

Kylie is actually much better than the other two, most nights she will get in bed and read and when she's tired turn the light off herself and go to sleep, it's the other two who get her riled up. And it may help if I put Macie down earlier, I think a lot of it with her is just imitating the twins.

Thanks guys, I feel better just venting.

My3LilMonkeys replied:

Sorry I really can't help. I was going to suggest the closing the door threat - that always works with Brooke.

Klouisa replied: Hi, I'm new here. I'm a mom to Griffin 4-1/2 years old.

I saw your post and had to reply. I went through this same thing several months ago. My DH works nights so it's just me and Griffin at bedtime. Griffin had been going to bed fairly easily. We had our routine, bath, brush teeth, read books, rub back, lights out. Last fall from about September - December or so Griffin went through an aweful stage where he was NOT going to go to bed. He'd get absolutely wild -- throw things, run around, hit, jump on the bed. You name it he pretty much did it. Oh, he thought this was the funniest thing. I, too, was at my wits end. I absolutely HATED night time with a passion. I felt as though I was really going to go over the edge. Because I just couldn't handle another night I decided that I would try ANYTHING to get him to go and stay in bed. I came up with "The Sleep Fairy". One night at bedtime I told him about "The Sleep Fairy." I told him that she'll come and leave a surprise under his pillow for him if he goes to bed and stays in bed. She does not come if Griffin has been naughty and she won't stop if she sees he's awake when she flies over our house. (Lord forgive me but I was at the point where something had to give.) In the morning when Griffin woke up he was all excited as he looked under his pillow to see if/what "TheSleep Fairy" had brought him. I had bought some little trinkets at the $1 store and had slipped one under his pillow before he woke up. It worked! From that night forward Griffin has gone to bed with very little problem --nothing like we had gone through the previous nights. He now asks at night if the Sleep Fairy is going to come because he's being good.

When Griffin starts to slip (which is not often at all) I tell him that "The Sleep Fairy" won't stop if he doesn't go to sleep. He's a smart one and asked me where she'd go. I told him that if he's not asleep when she flies over she then goes on to the night little boy or girls house and leave the surprise there.

It's probably not the best way to handle it but hey! it worked for me. He now goes to bed very easily and wakes up excited to see what the surprise is.

Just a suggestion for you -- might be worth a try.

Good luck!

luvmykids replied: Thanks everybody for your encouragement, and Klouisa thanks for your honesty, it's nice to know I'm not the only one sometimes on the edge!

Haven't figured it out yet but at least I know I'm not the only one!

ktroth replied: This is from the "been there, done that" department! We have struggled on and off, first with our son, when he was an only child, then with our daughter, then back to our son. It just goes back and forth. What works with my 4 year old is to wind up her music box. If she calls us back into the room, we take the music box away. If she calls us again, we take a stuffed animal away, and so on. Usually she stops calling us back after the first thing is gone.

With our son, he is 7, so things like that aren't effective anymore. The trick with him is to remain calm and not lose our cool. With him, we have to act happy, completely calm and totally unaffected--otherwise, if he senses a hint of anger, he gets totally beligerent.

Don't know if that helps. It took a lot of trial and error to figure out what works for our kids and I think it's different for everyone. Good luck! I know it's hard but this too shall pass! Happy sleeping!

Brias3 replied: How's bedtime working out these days, Monica? (Although it might be a bad time of year to ask...mine still are adjusting to daylight savings )

redchief replied: I don't have any advice, except that when our kids did that I wouldn't speak to them. If they made noise I shut the door. If I could hear it through the door I made them stand in the corner. The boys seemed worse than the girls, though the girls had more of the "monster under the bed" types of fears than the boys did. I explained to them that daddy and mommy have already said we love you and to have a good night so there's no reason to talk unless there's something wrong. Is there something wrong?

At one point my eldest daughter would be preemptive and say, "there's nothing wrong dad."

"Then why are you talking to me?"

"I have to go to the bathroom." (Insert here, "I'm thirsty," "I can't find my ____ ."

"Why do I need to know that?"

"I just thought you would want to know."

"Not really."

"Oh."

I guess I just didn't let it get to me very easily and it had the effect of causing them to not keep pestering us with after bedtime "necessities."

Was I cold-hearted? Sometimes I felt like a total ogre.

luvmykids replied:
You've got nothing on me in the ogre department! I've gotten to the point some nights where they say they need to go potty and I say "I don't care! Do it and get back in bed and don't tell me about it! You can do it yourself and don't need to alert the others either!" Who's the cold hearted ogre?

But I think you're right, the less reaction they get the more pointless it is. I think my problem is I feel ganged up on, one gets out for some reason and it prompts another, and then another and then all 3 are chiming in at the same time and the words all run together and my eyes cross and finally I yell "Get back in bed and do not let me see or hear from you again!"

I think I may try closing the house down so to speak, until they're really down. Maybe my flurry of activity is part of the prob, if we turn lights down and TV off they may realize there's really nothing going on for them to be a part of. Then once they're out I can get back into my own evening routine of cleaning up, laundry, etc.

mommymonster replied:
This had worked for us, My kids were around 3 and 4, communicated very well, and one night I finally asked them, "why do you insist on not going to bed when you are told?" My daughter said "because mommy stays up and has fun..." For some strange reason kids think they are missing out on something, I let them stay up the next night to have "fun" too, and I had them sweeping, folding laundry, dusting, dishes,......anything I could think of that they could help with! Finally in their little kid way, they said "mommh, we're sorry you have to stay up and 'have fun' when we get to sleep..." that was the last night they ever refused bedtime! Even now when they see me clean, they still ask ' mom are you still haveing fun?' Only now they know what sarcasism is!
Any way I think that by "shutting down the house is a great idea, then they will see that nothing "fun" is going on.....then if it just not work, and have the patience, put them to work untill they fall alseep standing up, and they will probably never want to stay up late again!

kimberley replied: sorry things are nutty for you. i didn't read the other replies so i hope i am not being repetitive.

i have always had trouble with bedtime with all my kids. routine or not, they fight sleep and it is hard. the only thing that helps is if i turn everything off and go to bed myself til they are out cold . with 4 kids and no help, that is like torture for me to just lie there and not clean something while they are sleeping lol.

luvmykids replied:
Me too, DH is usually out of town and thats really my ME time! I don't want to go to bed at 8!!!!! I'm a grown up! lol

kimberley replied:
i hear ya!

JAYMESMOM replied: We are going thru the same thing with jayme. She was breastfedd for 1 1/2 years so got used to falling asleep on my lap. Well she weaned at 18 months and for the next 6-7 months was rocked to sleep but for several months she would fight to stay awake to watch tv, play whatever knowing i wouldnt make her go to bed on her own. Finally one night I decided this is it you are gng to sleep in your bed without being rocked. It worked wonderfully - oddly enough- for a few weeks and then the whole drink, light, etc. started. What I realized was my husband who used to be quiet is no longer doing that and she thinks she is missing something. Well now we "go to bed" when she goes to bed . She is so much happier thinking everyone is going to bed.

Our problem is some how 5 out of 7 nights I end up with an additional guest. Which I never minded when my hubby was home but even with a King bed her and my hubby have me falling off.

Consistency is the key and dont let it stress you because when they see it is getting to you they know they ahve leverage.

Cassidy3 replied: Hi, I really feel for you. I do not know how old your children are, but I have something that you might want to try if they are old enough. Have you ever tried a task chart? I have used it for my 4 and 7 year old and when I follow through with it, it works wonders. You make a list of things that they have to do for bedtime and you put them on a chart that you hang up for them to see. When they finish that task they get to put a sticker on that task. If your problem is time, you might want to set a timer for each task and if they finish their task before the timer goes off they get a sticker. If you read to them, you could also set the timer for that as well. If it takes them a while to settle down and keep them settled for story time they will learn to settle quicker when the timer goes off and they miss story time or only get a few minutes. Then at the end of the week you can reward them for getting all or most of their stickers. You could take them to the park or have a family game night. You could reward them with a toy, but I have read that they suggest something small, but believe it or not, you will be surprised at how much that stupid little sticker will mean to the kids. You will notice that not only are you getting them to do what you want, but you will see how much pride they have in themselves when doing it. This also works for the morning routine as well. Good Luck.... I hope whatever you decide to do, works for you.