Baby seeing parents naked - Do you think it's okay?

mysweetpeasWil&Wes wrote: Okay, many of you may think this is definitely a personal parenting decision, but do you think it's okay for your kids to see you and your spouse naked? Is this one of those topics parents just DON'T TALK ABOUT? Forgive me, but I'm just being honest. I wonder about this issue because I have a boy - the only boy in our family. I have an older sister and my sister has 3 girls. My mother was totally shocked when she found out I was having a boy and admitted she didn't know what to do with a boy. I remember her changing my son when he was first born and she sorta giggled at his you know what as if she had never seen one! I looked at her and said "why is that funny?" Not to blame my mother for my feelings, but I have never seen my father naked, or at least I don't remember ever seeing him naked as a child. He walked around in his undies, but that's it. So because of this, I suppose, I feel a little embarassed to let my son, who let me remind you is ONLY 7 months old, see me naked. There are times when I desperately need a shower and he is awake and I sit him in the bathroom near the shower with me. This happened this morning. I assume he doesn't know what he's looking at, but sometimes he looks "there" and suddenly I'm pulling the shower curtain over me as if to block him from seeing me. IS THAT ABSOLUTELY INSANE???? I do not come from a religious background where one may say this or that is bad, I'm pretty darn liberal, but I myself had never really seen a male part until I was much older. So I'm wondering if my little guy should be prevented from seeing me.

I want my child to feel comfortable with his sexuality and to know the difference between male and female. And I don't want to be giving him mixed messages about what's right and what's wrong when it comes to sexuality. And for gods sake, this is the body he came from!!!!! But I'm just curious if others feel this way. I would love a fathers point of view because I have a male friend who absolutely forbids anyone but him and his wife to change his 6 month old daughter.

GavinsMommy replied: Hmm...I let Gavin see me naked and take baths with me. They don't know what they are seeing. I think it it totally okay up until they are aware enough to tell others. That would be embarrassing. LOL.

moped replied: I often have taken jack into the shower and I don't care - he is too young to think anything wierd, but I do see what you are saying - Jack is the first boy also - boys are different and they are going to discover those things whether you like it or not............at Will's age it is nothing, but not when he is 12 ok??? TEEHEEE

GavinsMommy replied: Okay, I didn't read the whole post earlier bc I was cooking. But yes, I do think you covering yourself when he "looks" lol is a bit insane. Your choice of words Why? He doesn't know what he is looking at in the slightest bit!

My first thought after reading this is whether or not there is something in your childhood or past that is making you feel uncomfortable or guilty when he sees you naked. ?

ediep replied: I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. Jason has seen me coming out of the shower and he is 2 1/2 he didn't notice anything. You have to do what amkes you comfortable but don't stress over it

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Thanks ladies...that makes me feel better. I don't know why I'm sorta freaking out about this one! I've gotta let go of my mother's opinions. I'm the parent, not her. And my son is going to learn that mommy's body is okay for him to get a glimpse of, even when he's a bit older. I don't want him to feel ashamed for that like I did. I mean look at how silly I am, I still call it a "you know what"!!!!

Oh I can't wait until he gets older and asks questions. I'm in for some big surprises aren't I?????????? I don't want to leave all this up to my DH just because I have a boy.

JAYMESMOM replied: He is definitely young enough that it is fine if he sees you naked. He doesn't even know what he is looking at. When they get old enough to ask questions, and realize you are different then he is - then you would have to re-think things. My daughter is a little over one and showers with me and her father from time to time.

As far as questions when he gets older. LMAO.

I got to explain to my DSS - that girls are different from boys and why. The whole time is dad and the ultrasound tech laughed.

I have also explained why things happen when they touch themselves, etc.

It is really fun - just wait LOL

Boys r us replied: Why does each generation continue to teach their children that our bodies are something to be "embarrassed about" or that they are tabboo?

I have a 2 yr old and an 8 yr old, I don't purposely walk around naked in front of either of them, but if I'm standing in my room getting dressed or in the bathroom just getting out of the shower, neither of them will hesitate to just waltz on in and carry on a conversation the same as they would if I were dressed. To be honest, I'm proud of that..I'm proud that I have raised two boys..or shall I say..raising two boys, who are okay with the human body!
Maybe they will not be so anxious to get the opposite sex undressed when they are teens..b/c they know what's under the clothes and it's not tabboo or forbidden in our house.

ammommy replied: It depends on you. My DH has a hard time with anyone seeing him naked, so he's not comfortable with the kids peeping in. I have no problem with it, though. Alec has asked some questions about the differences between my body and his and I've answered them. His response is usually "oh, ok." And frankly, it's easier to take a shower if I can leave the bathroom door open so that I can hear Alec and Megan fighting, I mean playing

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Thanks for everyones responses. It's interesting to hear.

First of all, no nothing happened to me as a child to feel ashamed of my body or anything like that. I just think it's because I'm used to being around girl children in our family, my sister has three, so having a little baby boy has changed things a bit. Not that baby boys and girls are all that different, but it's just been sorta different to be talking about wee wees and not kikis (as my sister calls them). My sister's girls take showers with their father and my sis says they ask him questions about what's down there all the time. I think that it's important to teach children at an early age that it's okay to ask questions.

I come from a very loving family, but we just didn't talk about our bodies, sex, etc. My mom would undress infront of us, but I remember somehow feeling guilty to look her way. I can't tell you why, it's just what happened.

OMG, I just rememberd something - and I hate admitting these things because it makes it sound like my parents were bad parents or something. They most certainly are not. But my father used to hide Playboy under his bed and my sister and I would sneak it into the bathroom and look through it. It was always a huge secret of course. I remember getting caught and instead of explaining what we were looking at, we got spanked. I know that's awful, but AWHAH! That must be it!

Okay, so the fact is............and I know everyone says this............but I'm going to try and be different than my parents when it comes to sex. Oh boy, this stuff is tough huh, and he's only 7 months!!!!!!!!!!!!?

Thanks for your honest opinions. I'll relax.

Boys r us replied: I don't think your parents were bad at all..I think they did what they thought was right..raising kids was so different back then!

We have a friend whose parents own a resort in Irvington, Va and they have a huge waterfront house there that they live in part of the year and the other part of the year they stay in S.C. Well when my oldest was 5yrs old, we all went down to stay the weekend at her parents place since they were out of state. We were all in the kitchen hanging out the first night we got there and Tanner was in the living room watching cartoons. My husband went to check on him and he came back to me pretty quickly and said, "Nichole, uhmm..he's looking at a playboy..what do you want me to do?" I sort of snickered, I said," Go in there and look at it with him..and explain it to him" I thought he'd die..he was raised very strictly. So I had to go in there and look at it with him. I had no problems with him seeing it b/c Playboy is actually pretty tastefully done, it's not naked people in sexual positions, just naked people.

kimberley replied: haaa i got spanked for checking out my dad's playboys too . gee, imagine actually discussing things like that with your kid . i have 2 boys age 8 and 7 and a 19mo daughter and have no hesitation about getting dressed in front of them. i also don't walk around in the nude, but don't freak out if they come in as i get dressed. they are really too young to understand the body in a sexual way yet. just my opinion.

but my DH on the otherhand is a little freaked out about that sort of thing. he is always saying to me that Jade watches him get undressed for bed. well, she probably does cuz he is moving around and she wants to see where he is going. but he hates it.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Nichole, your story is great! You handled the situation great! I will need a lot of advice from you mom's with boys. Again, not that little guys are different than little gals, but it takes some getting used to when all you've been around are girls your whole life.

Here's a couple other funny stories - I could tell my mom was working up the nerve to ask me if I had circumscised Wil. Which I didn't. She actually told me that my dad was not circumcised. It was like the first time we ever spoke about male genitalia together!!!! And I'm thirty!!!

Here's another one. Not to ramble, but it's getting kinda FUN! My DH's parents were hippies from Europe, so they are completely opposite of my parents. I remember when my DH and I were dating, my MIL asked me to go to the gym with her. So of course I did because I was crazy about my DH and wanted to please his mom. Well she stripped down right in front of me in the locker room - and I was like, OMG, what do I do? Is it insulting if I walk in a changing room, or do I just strip down too? I mean this is my future MIL, but she obviously doesn't care! So of course I stripped because I didn't want to come off as a prude. It was like this when I was bf'ing too. My MIL would walk in and literally stare over me and the baby. As if actually watching my boob at work!! Totally embarassed me, but I learned to let it go.

GavinsMommy replied:
Whoo! You were brave in that one! I guess this is a time that calls for people to peacefully agree to disagree My 2 cents on the whole Gavin stumbling across "porn" deal is YIKES! lmao. I would have to remove it from his sight immediately. I wouldn't just take it away and say, "Oh, that was nothing", but I would never sit and let him look while I explain what it is. I guess it is because as a child I came across things like that quite often (father is a porn addict...and I mean ADDICT) and I just feel that it was one of the things that actually "screwed me up". Not saying that I don't want him to know about his body or about a woman's body or about sex...just not in those ways. I would rather him learn by word of mouth and then it unwravel later, rather than putting images of promiscuous females into his head. My cousin has posed for playboy twice that I know of, she is ALL over the internet, and her playboy pictures are plastered on pornography sites. She is using her full name, her middle name of Rose being from our GRANDMOTHER and that just makes me sick bc NO ONE calls her Megan Rose in real life. Anyway, I used to think they were "tasteful", but now I don't. Anyone posing naked in a magazine for the world to see, with the main audience being dirty men...I just don't think that is tasteful. And I have NO IDEA what got into me when I had that crazy idea of doing movies! I was out of my mind, hopefully it was just the hormones making me think that, lol

Anyway, once an image is in your child's head, you can't erase it. I totally understand the motive behind what you did and you did what was right for you and your family. It just wouldn't be right for mine, not that you said it would be I don't want him to be ashamed of sex or his body, but I don't want to put images into his mind about how sex is for adults. I don't want him to think that sex for adults is all about lust and such.

I guess in your situation I would have immediately taken the magazine (I'm assuming it was a magazine) away and just say to him that it isn't good to look at, that it is for adults, and he need not think or see those things. If he had other questions I would deal with them then. Granted he would already have whatever images in his head, but I wouldn't want to allow him to look because my parents did things like that with me...heck, they knew I was having sex at THIRTEEN...and that is really why...bc I knew it was accepted and normal. And boy, look where it got me! LOL...with a beautiful boy

Boys r us replied: Uhm hun, playboy doesn't have pictures of people having sex...it's merely naked bodies and I can't in good faith get all excited and embarrassed and yank that out of his hands..then he would be left wondering what he did wrong or what was so shameful of him looking at a naked body..never..not in a million years will I ever give my son an inkling of the impression that naked is disgusting or evil..

Now..had he had a hardcore porn mag in his hand..thent here would have been a problem..but you see Lauren, what you're failing to recognize(and I'm not trying to change your mind...)is that what playboy represents to you and what it represents to a 5 yr old are totally different.
My five yr old sees a naked body in a picture and he thinks..oh ..a girl with no clothes on..you or I see it and we think sexuality. That's where the beauty of innocence comes in and I don't want to take that away from them so young..ya know!

3_call_me_mama replied: If my children seeing me naked were of great concern then we would have HUGH problems in our house. Neither DH or I are modest people adn walk to and from the bathroom and around our rooms naked often, or in just underwear. I actually think that i read somewhere that once either the child or the parent is uncomfortable with the situation then it is time for it to no longer be in practice. SO if you are feeling uncomfortable with your son seeign you in the nude then you should not be nude in front of him, or if at say age 3 or 4 he begins asking questions that make you uncomfortablt or he acts/says he is uncomfortable then it is time that you address it and wear clothes/a rob eat all times..

Also ITA with Nichole about the playboy, if you overreact, they think there's something to hide or be ashamed of, but if you explain what it honestly is, a magazine full of naked women then they don't read more into it. They're generally too innocent to really understand why people have the magazine.

A&A'smommy replied: Well we don't have playboy or anything like that but I would have handled it the same Nichole did.

Alyssa and I take a shower together EVERYDAY mostly because its easier on my back and knees (instead of kneeling down on an HARD floor to bathe her) and because its the only I would get a shower before 5pm AND I don't think there is anything wrong with it when I was that age I took showers with my mom and dad (i don't REMEMBER them if I did I think I would feel scarred ) Jeremiah and I walk around in our underwear... now he gets kinda like Jamie when he gets out of the shower LOL its pretty dang funny

GavinsMommy replied:
Well, I agree with that. Most children wouldn't think anything of it, but I just remember being four and five and totally knowing what all of that meant. Don't ask me how, I honestly do not remember. But I do know that I knew what sex was, was totally aware of what pornography, etc was...so I guess that is where this all stems from.

I know playboy doesn't have people having sex, it just isn't something I want Gavin to see. I would probably just take it away and say it belonged to Daddy or wahtever...

My2Beauties replied: Brian and I take showers and get naked in front of Hanna all the time, your son is far toooo young to notice anything different about your body! Anything at all. Now with Desiree being 9 and all, obviously she doesn't see Brian naked but she does see me, I get undressed in front of her all the time. But in the same sense, it's probably weirder for a girl to see her dad then a boy to see his mom, IMHO! I don't know why but I feel that way! That being said, I have no problem with families that see each other naked all the time though, I really don't! The human body is a beautiful thing and if you make it something taboo like NIchole said they'll begin to think it's dirty and become ashamed of it. Desiree being 9 she is starting to go through puberty and she is growing things, and hair is spurting out in places and what not and she is still not ashamed to get undressed in front of me which lets me know that she isn't ashamed of her womenly figure and never will be! I don't think it makes boys or girls promiscuous to see naked bodies I really don't! I looked at my mom's books about sex and porn mags all the time as a young child, I found them in her hiding spots and took peeks and it never made me promiscuous, now granted I was older and knew what sex was at this point but I was just curious, and looking at a mag is far better than looking at a naked boy IMHO I applaud Nichole for not taking that Playboy away! Good for her, I wouldnt' have neither! Who cares, it's just a boob! Most of the time they don't show nothing but a butt or a boob!

OK I"m done I've wrote a book now!

PanthersGirl replied: I wouldn't mind with me, but besides being an infant, i wouldn't want her to shower with her father. Just because kids notice things and i think it would be weird to see a big dangly thing there LOL. Even if she can't talk or whatever yet. I still think that it would be attn to her eye and think that would be akward really. Especially if she tried to reach and grab or something. Children reach to grap absolutely anything and i think that would be strange for the father.

bonnie replied: I do not see a problem with this! they are babys and dont know any better. Anyway babys like some skin on skin contact, it makes them feel close to you. I think this is ok intill your child is old enough to know the difference beetween body changes. All nudity is not about sex, its just a naked body!

redchief replied: All of our kids have seen us naked. I'd rather they learned about their "private parts" from my wife and me than some ignorant child in school.

From a young age we taught our kids as they grew, age appropriately, the difference between healthy and safe touching and touching that is inappropriate. We also taught them that it's never okay for people to make you feel uncomfortable with their touches and that they should always go to someone they feel safe with and tell them if someone made them feel bad or told them not to tell about unsafe touching. I think this is difficult for a child to differentiate if the only naked exposure he or she has seen is in the magazines the kids hide in the bottom of their schoolbags.

I believe that as long as the contact isn't lewd or inappropriate there is nothing wrong with our children seeing us nude. I think it helps them to be comfortable with themselves and enables them to ask questions about their own bodies as they develop. We've felt comfortable talking to our boys about checking their testicles for lumps and with the girls to examine their breasts and vaginas for lumps and growths. I also think (even though it was still tough) that the girls knowing their bodies made their first periods easier to deal with.

I've showered with all of our kids. In fact, in our first home it was the best way to get them clean (LOL, our first Apt was TINY and had this old tin shower that was potentially deadly). Lisa would stand outside the shower with a towel while I soaped them up and rinsed them down... When they were clean, out they went. Since they've grown up, there is less nude exposure in the house, but it's not because they're embarrassed about themselves. It's not like we run around the house all out all the time. I think that they've learned from us healthy modesty and applied it to themselves.

I think it would be a wonderful bonding experience (not to mention the obvious cleansing) for you and your son at this stage. Moms and their babies should feel comfortable with skin to skin contact. It allows parents feel close to their children and kids feel safe and protected.

I think as a society we're far too prudish about ourselves and I truly believe that it makes our kids uncomfortable with themselves. Further, now that my kids are grown, I think that having grown up comfortable with themselves has given them a healthier outlook on relationships. Since there's no mystery involved in the opposite sex's "equipment" I believe that my kids didn't feel the need to experiment and "play doctor" at a young age. They seem comfortable waiting until more appropriate times to experiment with their sexuality.

jcc64 replied: I'm totally with Nichole on this one.
We have a big jacuzzi bathtub, and I still occasionally bathe with my 9 yr old son upon his request. I never thought twice about it. My 12 yr old locks and bolts the bathroom door if he even changes his t- shirt, I realize this is an appropriate developmental stage he is in, and yet sometimes even he will walk into the bathroom while I'm bathing and he and I are fine with it.

redchief replied:
Kimberley!!!!!


ROFL

My son had a stash of my father's in his room.