BIG Daycare issue - - may be time to withdraw the girls

amynicole21 wrote: Dh received a call at lunchtime from daycare. Apparantly, Sophia was misbehaving and running around, not listening to any of the teachers. One of the teachers got in her face to get her attention, and Sophia slapped her She then hit and kicked at two other teachers. She was also laughing about it - they couldn't get her under control.

So they decided to call DH and tell him that she needed to be picked up. While I totally understand that they can't dedicate a day to trying to get a child under control, I also can't be taking time off of work every two minutes. I rely on daycare to discipline my child when I can't be there to do it. I can't imagine that Sophia's behavior was the worst that they have ever seen

So I am really upset with daycare right now. I don't know how to handle this really. Should I say something to them? Am I out of line being upset?

Also, I don't know what to do with Sophia. We've already had a big talk about not hitting. She went to time out for about 10min and there will be no tv today. But what am I supposed to do with her the rest of the day? She is already acting like this is great fun being home with mommy all day I can't take her for a walk or go out or anything. Do we just sit here and stare at eachother

NEWMOM05 replied: I totally understand how hard that must be for you. When I worked at a daycare if a child did that we called their parents too, it was policy. Hope it all works out.

moped replied: Perhaps a little chat with the center is required.....I get angry because they are there to to what they have to do and that is the JOB!!!!!!!!!!

I am sorry, but these are normal things for children and they should get it under control -

AlexsPajamaMama replied: I understand what you mean by not being able to leave work when your child is acting out....I think it is their job to discipline too...but I dont know anything about daycare policies so Im not much help.
Maybe try to wait it out and see if its an on going accurance before taking them out of daycare....but Id for sure talk to them and see what exactly went on with her not being able to be controled. Good Luck Hun!

kit_kats_mom replied: ok the mooning was one thing but OMG Miss Sophia D! Bad bad bad. where is the finger wagging smilie when I need it? Trust me, I'm doing it.

Honestly Amy, I can't picture her doing that. She sure never showed her butt like that when we've been around. Do you think that maybe she's being bullied at school and taking it out on others? That just seems out of character to me. Yes, I can see her getting in a snit but not acting like that. Could something else be going on at daycare that would cause her to act out like that?

When K is being punished and we are stuck at home, I take away tv but she can do playtime in her playroom.

However, maybe you two should take this opportunity to just be together. Perhaps you guys can bake some cookies or something? Coloring? Don't reward her but since you are at work a lot of the time, maybe just spend some time with her.

If you do pull her out of that daycare, what would you do? Find another, try to stay home?

Are you feeling better?

Hillbilly Housewife replied: As far as I'm concerned... you shouldn't be doing anything fun with her that is out of the ordiunary for you to do with her when she is home. She is home as a punoishment.. even if it seems like a win-win for her. Kinda dumb that the daycare washes it's hands of the problem... doesn't teach the child much if they "get to go home with Mom!!" when they act out. Kind of like a suspension from school...pointless.

Sorry you have to deal with that.

C&K*s Mommie replied: Win-win, lose-lose. If I were in your shoes, I would not feel it is appropiate for a daycare to discipline my child, beyond what I would do. Timeout would be fine. Talking to, not a problem. But when I think of discipline I think of laying hands on my child--which is out of the question. It is my belief the latter is not the form of discipline in which you were referring to by saying "I rely on daycare to discipline my child when I can't be there to do it." I would think that you were talking about the timeout, & talking to- like you did with her today.

If they are unsuccessful with the t/o's and talks, and the behaviour continues then I would expect them to call me. But not before then, if they can help it. But straight away calling the parent, I cannot understand. Then again if that is their policy, then you may have to try to find a good daycare that is more flexible and understanding that parents work and entrust the daycare to be the fill ins for them. In the meantime, I would find out their policy, and talk to the directorn of the daycare.

ediep replied: oh no Amy!!! I am so sorry you are dealing with this....and with a sore throat too! I wouldn't expect daycare to call you out of work for a situation like this. I always assumed that they call for illness and they just deal with the behavior until you get there later to pick up

good luck!!!

b&bsmom replied: I agree, you should not have had to take her home. It is just making her want to act out again so she can go home. As a former day care worker, I would have called to let you know she was acting out but our center would never have had you come and get her. We would have sat her in the directors office and possibly had made her stay there when we went outside. She wouldn't have been able to do anything that was special that day and we would have made it a point she can not act that way. I have had kids bite me and they didn't get sent home. I have had some kickers and screamers and you just have to learn to deal with it. I am sure it is not the worst behavior they have seen. I would have asked that as the childs teacher we sit down and come up with a plan to deal with this behavior both at school and at home that way she knows you are on the side of the teacher and you are not going to accept her behavior either. JMO sorry it got so long.

luvmykids replied: I agree it's a little rewarding to get to go home with mom, and although most kids have the capacity to get out of hand once in a while, surely she is not the first child at this place to do so. Has she been otherwise happy there or have you noticed her not wanting to go, escalating situations with discipline, etc? Or was this kind of out of the blue?

I think I'd have to weigh an underlying cause before pulling her out but also still have a chat with them, it's ridiculous to have to pick up a child just because they gave her a "talking-to" and it didn't work. There are lots of other non-physical ways to discipline a child.

Sorry you're having to deal with this.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: Awwww I'm so sorry this happened! Whenever Claudia acts out at Daycare they give her a time out and make her sit in the time out chair. I don't understand why they wouldn't have done something like that with Sophia. Has she acted like this before at Daycare?

amynicole21 replied:
Oh no no no! If they EVER laid a hand on her... my head would explode!!! I just meant put her in time out, take away priveledges, etc.

I've been having issues with this daycare anyway. I think this is close to being the "last straw" with them. Sophia does complain when she has to go, but I can also tell that she loves her teachers there. I honestly think that she is acting out because Nora has been getting a lot of attention lately (starting to walk, turning one, birthday party, etc). She's hit me before in anger, but she always goes immediately to time out and we have a BIG talk about it. It isn't our policy to hit her when she is being punished, though she has been swatted on the butt once or twice when the situation really was out of control. I really think she was acting out, laughing and running and hitting because she thought it was a game or something Plus, she was getting attention from a lot of people, and my little drama queen thrives on attention

We ended up having a big talk, then fell asleep in bed for 2 hours. Maybe she was tired! Nora has had us up at night a lot this week - I needed sleep, too.

I'm off to the doctor about my throat. I do think it's strep. Maybe Sophia is feeling badly too? Might have her look at her throat while we're there Anyway, thanks for the support, guys

luvmykids replied:
I think you're on to something with the attention, Kylie is like that when she feels "deprived" in that department. She starts out kind of just testing but any reaction, good or bad, is enough to skyrocket her to out of control mode.

redchief replied: I what I'd do differently. There would definitely be no reward time if I had to pick up one of my kids on a behavior complaint; period.

I've always told my kids I'll allow a little temper tantrum and acting out at home, but never, ever, in front of strangers. To me, that is a major infraction and punishable as such.

boyohboyohboy replied: I just noticed the other post you had about having a sore throat, and how your younger dgt is sick, I was thinking that maybe she is tired from being up, hearing your younger dgt, and maybe she too is about to come down with what ever germ you are sharing in your house, if she hasnt already. It sounded like she was tired.
I agree that the daycare isnt handling it correctly, I think that they are just showing her, that they are push overs and if she misbehaves they will call you, so it appears to her that they are not a force to be dealt with.
I think I would sit down with the day care director and discuss exactly what you expect before you pull her out. (as long as you feel she is safe).
also is there a reason she hit? was there some circumstance it possible the teacher didnt see?
good luck
and get well soon