Are your kids "spoiled" - with stuff

luvmykids wrote: I'm trying to decide if our kids are spoiled, and we're in denial, or if they're not.

I'll be the first to admit I don't ONLY buy toys for bdays and Christmas, I do get my kids some stuff just for a treat and because I like to, I think it's fun. BUT I do not feel like we go overboard, we have strict $limits at Christmas and bdays, we have to, we have 4 kids!

Anyway, lately I've gotten a lot of comments from gparents along the lines of them being spoiled and not appreciating the stuff they have. Part of me thinks things are just different now, of course gparents only had 3 toys, they also walked barefoot in snow, uphill both ways to school!

What do you consider "spoiling"? And do you do it?

My3LilMonkeys replied: Yes, my girls are spoiled with stuff. But in my case, it's DH's family that does most of the spoling.

I consider it spoiling that they both have WAY too many toys - an entire playroom overflowing with them. Also, they both individually have at least double the amount of clothes that I do.

Jamison'smama replied: To me being spoiled is a reaction or attitude rather than the amount of stuff they have. I have to say, my 2 have WAY too many toys --their playroom is filled and it is really ridiculous. I am in the process of decluttering and it is really sick how much these kids have. That aside, the attitude of entitlement is not there for the kids, they don't demand and are grateful when given gifts. So what is your definition of spoiled? Is it having too much stuff or the reaction to receiving/not receiving stuff?

luvbug00 replied: Mya is spoiled in terms of toys and getting what she wants. Having said that she is Not rude or sassy or have a mean adittude to other children, adults or us. So if spoild is having to many things well then Mya is nausiatingly spoiled. If it is by manners and such no she is not spoiled.

BTW I do the treat thing ALL the time

jcc64 replied: I think Brenda makes a good point about the expectation or lack of gratitude being at the root of "spoiled". Having said that, I do believe it is inevitable that too much stuff too often does lead to a certain lack of appreciation. I like my kids to have to wait or better yet, work for stuff. And now, with my 3rd child, I do not feel the need to inundate her with toys. I can't tell you how many times I've hauled garbage bags full of toys that were rarely played with out of the boys' rooms. It's excessive, and unnecessary, imo. And dh, who grew up in another country, is repulsed by the amount of stuff American kids have. He didn't play with real toys as a kid- he used to make stuff out of paper, or, gasp, play outside. And he seems to have survived just fine.

luvmykids replied:
I define spoiled as an attitude, which my kids don't have. But at their bday party they weren't in AWE over every single gift and gparents kept saying "It's impossible to shop for them, they already have everything." Which really isn't true! Plus they have FOUR sets of grandparents, of course they get a lot of stuff! I felt like that was unfair, they're 4 and more enchanted with the idea of getting gifts and having a party than they are about the actual presents, KWIM? So they weren't ungrateful, but not totally WOWED by each and every gift either. We're just now starting to teach them about money and having to save/earn stuff but I'm not hard core about it. Plus, I hate to admit, but some of it is that I was so poor as a kid that it's a pleasure to do for them what I couldn't have.

Kaitlin'smom replied: no I dont think she is, she does not get everythign she wants, sure she does have more than some kids but she is thankful when she gets things she almost always says thank you on her own. I did get a comment by somone that she is spolied, I think they were refering to her birthday, i was tring to keep it small and it got way out of hand, we had soooo many relatives in from out of town that she and I were overwhlemed. I had no controll over it and she did thank everyone, and enjoys the things she got. She did show a lot of excitement but I think thats person has more of a jealousiy issues. I do like to treat her with thing mostly clothes, it happends more now than it will later I suspect.

MommyToAshley replied: I am embarrassed to say that Ashley's room, the toy room and our living room look like Toys R US exploded in it. I also don't wait until birthdays or special occasions, I will buy a treat here and there. I have to adnit, it is so fun to give her a special treat every now and then. But, when we are shopping... Ashley will say "I want this or that" but she doesn't usually get it. She's appreciative and says thank you with excitement when she gets something new.

The problem I see is that she doesn't play with everything because she has so much. It is a waste of money , but we do donate to charities so it does go to a good cause in the end.

coasterqueen replied: I agree with Brenda/Jeanne on this one. I actually get less stuff for Megan than I did Kylie because I see how most of the stuff Kylie has she doesn't even play with. Megan got 2 toys for her birthday from the 55+ people we had at her party. Thank goodness - she got clothes and money instead - the things she needed more than toys.

I don't usually buy stuff outside of holidays unless it's something to do that's educational. Although DH did buy her a cheap bicycle a couple weeks ago, but he bought it because it was cheap and on sale.

Kylie actually could care less about most toys, she just wants to do things that are educational/creative and loves art stuff to do over playing with a toy.

Brias3 replied: Interesting topic. Quite honestly, I have to admit that yes, my kids are spoiled. In the case of my kids, I define spoiled as not wanting for anything and having lots of things, not so much being unappreciative or bratty. Do my kids have more than my husband and I did growing up? Definitely. But in a way, isn't that how the circle of things is supposed to progress- we should always wish for our kids to be able to have more than we did? However, I really don't think they are old enough to realize exactly what they have and how it compares to others. The circumstance of the profession my husband is in alone exposes them to certain luxuries in life, as well as other kids in the same boat, so no, I don't think they realize enough yet to be bratty or unappreciative about it. In their eyes, they are still the same as everyone else. Of course, that largely comes from the way I am trying to raise them and the way in which life is presented to them but I am happy to say that they are decent and well-rounded children despite privileges they are lucky enough to have.

danahas4monkeys replied: Well I guess it depends on how you look at it! Our kids have alot of stuff all 4 of them, but they dont expect or demand it. We buy them things all the time sometimes its as simple as a pack of gum sometimes its something big. But we have also taught our kids the value of things and that helps I think, example our oldest ds is going on 10 next month but has always been into video games but I am not so thrilled about them, so I told him I will not buy it but if you save your bday money you can, so about 3yrs ago he started not having bday parties cause he figured out people just send you money if you arent having a party and the first year he bought his PS2 lol and last year he had almost enough to buy his Xbox he was like 40 buck short so we told him we'd pay the difference. The way I see it was there was a time when I couldnt afford to buy my kids even the pack of gum but now I can so I do. But they dont demand it. I guess from an outsiders view yeah they are spoiled but I say so what they are learning the value of money too so it all evens out.


Dana

luvmykids replied:
What a smart guy! LMBO!

3_call_me_mama replied: Are my kids spoiled? NO
Do they have too many things/toys? YES
Spoiled in my mind is a mind set adn attitude. A child given their way all teh time that may not own a single posession is still spoiled. My children have a ton of things tha tthey never use, and we along with friends and relatives are guilty of overbuying for them. The are grateful, say thankyou and are excited about each thing they get. AND they are just as thrilled to get a t shirt of a book as they are a toy. Mostly because we have taught them that every gift comes with thought form a person, and they need to be thankful and appreciate every gift or they can have NO gifts. We go through their toys constantly adn give tehm away to less fortunate or to local shelters etc. Also we have them pick a few un opened things at christmas to give away as a new gift to someone in need . We make them very aware that there are people that do not have even a house to live in let alone toys and things. So while we are trying to cut out all teh junk we accumulate, we are also trying to get them to really think about their favorite things and keep only those. Also when they ask for stuff in teh store we always say "that is nice isn't it. Maybe for christmas or your birthday you can ask for that or someone will get it for you, but not today" they are usually ok with it. Although sometimes we will get them somethgin at the store without them even asking if they have been especially good or hel0pful, but we usually encourage them to use their own money for things they might want when it is not a holiday or birthday. ( I say they but i really mean Cameron as kathleen is just learning these things. )

Bee_Kay replied: I am the first one to admit that my children are spoiled.

We are blessed with a comfortable income, so our children (who are now teenagers) do get pretty much what they want.

From the "in" clothes, to xbox, computers, games, motorcycle, ect.

BUT (yep there's a BUT)....

My DH and have always taught them appreciation. They know very well that what is given can darn well be taken (and it has a time or two).

Nina J replied: Emily is spoiled, but we've taught her to appreciate the things she has. We spend alot of money on her, but she says thank you for everything, even a new pair of socks. We often get compliments on her good manners, which makes me proud I like to buy her stuff, I probably do it more often than I should, but is she really going to get excited over a new care bear when she's 16? No, but she is now, and the smile on her face is worth the money

luvmykids replied:
Great way to put it!

Macie is always saying thank you, just for putting her socks on, actually it's "Nank you!" and she is so sunny and cheerful you just want to hear it more!