Are you in a loveless marriage?

Our Lil' Family wrote: Something at church today made DH and I start wondering how many people stay in their marriage but really don't love each other. No one has to reply of course, but if you want to then you're free too.

luvmykids replied: Plenty of love, just wish we had more passion for each other....not sexual, just in general

kit_kats_mom replied:
ditto. I think it's more of a loss of energy with the little ones around, which leads to loss of passion. As long as you are committed to keeping it together, I'm confident that anything can be overcome.

CantWait replied: We really go back and forth, but we really keep giving it to eachother. Right now I can honestly say that our marriage is not "loveless"

ZandersMama replied: completely loveless, we have been seperated for a year and a half. Have been planning to post and get some advice if i can ever get the energy to put it into words. Things have been really bad lately.

mckayleesmom replied: I voted No, I am not.

We have a really good marriage...We have sexual ups and downs, but overall a happy marriage. We are really good friends too, which makes it easier. Honestly..we have been married 5 years and have never had a major fight yet...knock on wood.

amynicole21 replied:
That's us exactly.

mommy~to~a~bunch replied: There's love (more like a friendship now), but no passion or intimacy.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Love is there. Not the right kind of love and none of the other stuff like compassion, friendship, respect, etc to go along with it. It's just not enough. I love him b/c he is the father of my children. He's a GREAT dad. Maybe one day he will make a GREAT husband for someone else, but we will be better off apart. I can be a better mom without him. I can be a better Aimee without him. To me, that is the important thing. I need to be the best I can be for my children.

lovemy2 replied:




pm if you need anything......

lovemy2 replied: We have ups and downs but never lose the love - sometimes we lose the like KWIM? We are slowly reconnecting on alot of areas lately - at times I have wondered if we would be better off apart but when we have both talked about life without each other it has never seemed like a good alternative on ALL levels therefore we keep plugging along......my biggest fear in marriage has always been what it will be like when the kids are gone....I don't want there to be nothing left when they move out and move on - I would be devestated for my marriage to end then.....

mommy~to~a~bunch replied:
I feel the same way as you sometimes. I've thought about what it might be like to separate, and I'd almost feel FREE. I feel so trapped sometimes.

PM me if you want to talk. You've helped me a lot in the past .

Kaitlin'smom replied: we love each other very much, are best friends and talk about everything. We have just fell flat in the pasion and romance department. We will find it again, and probably lose it again, and find it, lose it........a never ending cycle.

coasterqueen replied: No, I am not.

This past year, it might have seemed more like I thought it was more of a friendship, but I love my husband very much. We just need to weather this past year, and get back on track -- I hope we are.

lisar replied: We love each other, and we have alot of passion. We both put into the marriage. Yes we have our ups and downs but **kncok on wood** we dont have any major problems.

Calimama replied: No. I'm absolutely head over heels in love with him.

As cheesy as it sounds.

DVFlyer replied: Interesting.. I view the poll without voting and then when I came back to vote, it said I had already voted.

Calimama replied:
Yeah once you view it you can't vote I believe.

A&A'smommy replied: no not exactly loveless.. it just seems like there is a lack of respect, communication and friendship.

I love my husband he is a great father and recently we overcame and REALLY REALLY tough patch I didn't think we were going to make it.. and still sometimes I wonder why we got married if we were NEVER going to actually spend time together.. I sometimes feel like his friends are WAY more important that i am along with his job and daughter (which I want her to be important but for a marriage to work your spouse is suppose to come first). Marriage is not easy and I don't really believe in divorce (unless infidelity or abuse is involved) but sometimes I just wonder if life would be better if we weren't together for him and me....

but no we do love each other there is just a lack of other things..

moped replied:

A&A'smommy replied:
You can always talk to me if you need someone to vent/talk to!!

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
Aimee, I don't know what's going on, and it's none of my business unless you want to share, but just know that my thoughts and prayers are with you guys and the kids. I'm here, we're all here, if you want to talk.

I voted no.

kimberley replied: if you asked me this question a few months ago, i would have said yes. but we reached a turning point a few months ago and it has been good ever since *touch wood* we could use a little more passion too but i agree with the fact that exhaustion has a lot to do with it.

Aimee and Jessy Ann, i always have a sympathetic ear if you need. p&pt

bawoodsmall replied:
Ditto. Sometimes I would like to stab my dh but I love him with all my heart. I think our problems are coming from me. I am not happy with myself kwim. We are working on it and I know I dont want to be with anyone but him ever.

holley79 replied: We are very much in love. We have had out moments when things have gotten very hectic with life in general. We by no means have a perfect marriage but we hav ea unity with one another. There have been times when I have thought about murder but never divorce.

gr33n3y3z replied: No, we're not

This Sept we will be married 25 years and a lot of hard work to make it this far LOL but its well worth it

Insanemomof3 replied: I voted no, because we are not together anymore. We gave it our best shot, (several times) but it didn't work. So we are done for good now.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I'm so happy to hear that Karen. Good for you!

On the OP...totally not loveless. I think we have more love than most people actually. Sure we have our issues, but who doesn't? I will not allow anything to destroy our marriage. Troy is my best friend, my rock, and my soulmate. It is a 3-way marriage...me, Troy, and God, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

coasterqueen replied:
Thanks Jennie. I hope we make it through last year's "storm". We are trying really hard and we both want to make it work and I know I'm a lot happier now than what I was.

redchief replied: Lisa did all the work. It's been a cake walk for me.

MoonMama replied: No, we are still absolutely crazy in love!

BAC'sMom replied: Nope, we are still very much in love

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Yes and no. It's odd, really. We are married. We sleep in the same bed.. we are intimate together.. we both talk to each other and communicate etc... and although we love each other we're not IN love with each other. There's other people involved, and I've come to terms with that... we're still married / great friends and if it was any less "good" between us then we wouldn't be living together, but it's convenient, easier, and for the time being we have no emotional reason not to still be in the same house as we still get along well and have the kids interests at heart.

Bamamom replied:
Smooth - very smooth...


I think part of the problem with our culture is that we think we're supposed to feel like we felt while we were dating for the rest of our lives. That just doesn't happen.

I love my husband very much. And he drives me absolutely crazy alot of the time. We just came through our first rough spell - the first time I had ever even thought about a life without him even though I never truly considered divorce - and I've realized more than ever that the key to any relationship is communication. When we don't talk and just live our own lives then we end up resenting each other and misinterpreting each other and feeling uninvested in the relationship. We took a night away and really talked (and slept - sleep deprivation is not good for a marriage either! ) and now I feel like things are back to normal. My heart doesn't pitter patter when he walkes through the door but I'm not sure my heart would beat at all if he didn't walk through - ya know?

Cece00 replied:
Wait, so y'all have an open marriage, for lack of a better word?

Sorry, I am just curious. Feel free not to answer me.

Brias3 replied:
Awww, that's a really sweet way to say it

Anyhow, I voted no too. We have our ups and downs, like most people do, but overall we have it pretty darn good. I can also honestly speak to the fact that we are still IN love with each other as well, which is something that requires work, trust, and a million other things, but its something I'm very grateful for.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
yeah, I guess for lack of a better term...I guess we do.

We just hit a wall.. and didn't get over it. Rather than divorce.. we settled things this way. I love him, I want him to be happy, and if having a girlfriend makes him happy, then who am I to stand in his way, he's a good father, a great friend... and although he's in a 2nd relationship, he still puts his family first, always, and aside from the fact that he's got a gf... that's what counts.

We had issues previously...we worked on them.. we have a great relationship now. It's really strange. I wold have NEVER EVER thought to be in this situation... but I am, and am dealing with it the best I can.

Feel free to ask any questions.

bawoodsmall replied:
Very interesting. If I can ask questions...do you ever have intimate relations with anyone else and would he be ok with it? Do the kids have any idea? Have you seen her? If you dont want to tell me just tell me to Zip it.

bawoodsmall replied:
I wanted to say that is so true. I am totally in love with jacob but its just different than before the kids but that doesnt mean I love him any less just in a diff way.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Well since he told me that he wanted a "relationship" with her, I had a little bit of a breakdown, but have since accepted it.. it could be in the picture for me... He says he would be ok with it, and is kind of encouraging me to pursue it.. but it's not my focus, and not something I intend to plan... if I meet someone I emet someone, but I'm not looking to meet anyone.

yes, I've seen her. Actually, I know her quite well. I'm ok with it. Well, as ok as I can be. To be honest.. I'd rather of anyone, it be her.. BECAUSE I know her. At least I know she's not some drugged out slut, you know? She has feelings for him, and he for her...

No, the kids have no idea. He doesn't take time away from the kids to go see her. And she does not come here other than to socialize..when he have others as well. None of our friends know, either. It's difficult sometimes to see them both in the same room and exchange a secret look..still breaks my heart. But I suck it up.

bawoodsmall replied: I have a new respect for you. I could not do that. You really love him, maybe more than yourself??? I did not mean that it a bad way. If you are ok with it then noone should judge.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
I do. He's my best friend.. my soulmate. I want him happy. If that means I have to share.. then so be it.

Thanks for the kind words.

lovemy2 replied: I gotta be honest and I am not judging but asking because you are IN this situation but at what price are you doing this to yourself? This is someone who comes into YOUR home, with YOUR family and you just "suck it up"? At some level this has to affect you and I can't imagine that that is better than the alternative - you are sacrificing everything about yourself for him - IMO and again I don't mean to sound judgmental but that is sad and I feel sorry for you - in a real way I do feel sorry for you I do hope your children NEVER find out about it at ANY time in their life because that is a message I wouldn't want my kids to get about marriage....

A&A'smommy replied:
Thats an awesome way to put it, and its how i feel about my husband too!!!

Rocky You are definitely a stronger woman than I am I don't honestly know if I could do that!!

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I know, I know. It's not the ideal situation...but it is what it is.. and we'll surpass it eventually... either it will end in divorce because he will be better off with her.. or this is a phase that we will get through.

Either way... it is what it is...and I can either be pissed off and leave... and deprive my kids of their father all for MY hurt feelings.. or I can suck it up and do what's best, right NOW, for my family... which is that my kids need both their parents.

Yes, it IS sad. It's quite pathetic actually. That's life. Life's unfair. Sh*t happens. you either deal with it..or run away. i'm just dealing. I'm not willing to throw away our marriage just yet.

bawoodsmall replied:
Me too. Dh is the only one I want.

There are many people who look the other way. At least Rocky is dealing with it and accepting it. I do agree about the kids though..there will be a day when it will come up.

gr33n3y3z replied:
You love him very much and I think a little more then a friend too
Bc if not it wouldnt have hurt so much to see that look of exchange

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Yes..I love him enough to let him go.

Hurts like hell though

lovemy2 replied:
Certainly not for me to judge - my life, my marriage isn't always perfect but I just don't get the message you are really sending your kids and I pray they never figure it out

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

Calimama replied: Oh Rocky IMO you deserve sooooooo much better.

I have a question. How would you feel if one of your daughters ended up in the same kind of relationship/situation when they got older??

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
I'm not really giving a message to the kids right now... they're too young to understand any of it. But, if they ARE getting a message... I hope that it's that no matter how rough marriage is, you should try to work it out.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Maybe so...

If one of my daughters ended up in that type of relationship, I wouldn't like it..because I know what it's like... but it wouldn't be my place to tell her not to, that would be a situation she'd have to experience first hand to learn anything from it.

coasterqueen replied: Rocky,

If you ever need to talk via pm let me know. It is really hard for anyone to understand unless they are in that situation, believe me. I've made some pretty huge mistakes in my time that I hope I don't pay the price for forever. I know my aunt wanted to stay with my uncle for many reasons you describe. I never understood it until about 6-8 months ago. I have more respect for her now than I ever did before.

I have complete respect for you for coming here and telling something so personal. I do not judge you because I am not in your shoes. I do know, that we are all more forgiving than we give ourselves credit for. Some moreso than others. I'm here for you if you ever need me.

grandma replied:
Rocky, I do feel sorry for you. but you seem to know what your doing.

I just wanted to tell you, that I'm sure a lot of marrie ppl live like you do. Matter of fact, my husband works with a guy and his wife has a boyfriend. She goes on trips with the boyfriend one weekend and the next weekend she's on a anniversary trip with the husband. They don't have any kids.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Thanks, Karen (and others)

I don't share much about my personal life on here..really.. but the question was there and there have been a few other posts recently.. i just had to unload it somewhere.

Thanks for the hugs.

BAC'sMom replied: If it was me I would kick his $ss to the curb but then I am not a stand by your man when it comes to screwing around.

Sorry Rocky, you deserve so much better

Cece00 replied:
Rocky,

all I can say is that I am so so sorry

You're pretty awesome, and I think you deserve a million times better.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
I'm sure they do. Look at the Clintons.


I wouldn't say I "know" what I'm doing... i'm just doing it.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
That's what I'd always told myself, too.

luvmykids replied:
I agree with that statement wholeheartedly, and I'm asking this out of pure curiosity....why doesn't that require him to give up his gf? I have no idea, since I'm not in that situation, but him having a gf seems counterproductive to working out the problems in the marriage.

I felt very judged when I decided to work things out with DH in spite of some very rough times, and having been in those shoes I do understand that nobody can make these decisions but you, I guess as an outsider I'm not understanding how him being allowed to pursue that relationship benefits yours

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
I'm not sure yet how it's benefiting "ours"... I don't want to MAKE him give up his girlfriend. If it ends up that he really is happier with her than with me.. then I want him to be happy, and that's that. I don't want to force him to choose...especially if he doesn't know what he wants. Yes, he chose me when he married me.. but I'd rather he be sure he wants to be with me, if that is his decision down the line.. than me have to force him to stick around and him resenting me and things just go worse.

I know it seems counterproductive. But he is his own person.. and me forcing him to do anything, one way or the other, will only cause resentment, misery, and more hurt feelings. So.. yeah. We'll see...

Calimama replied:
Just don't lose confidence in yourself. You're a beautiful,smart, spunky person. Don't let this situation take that from you.

gr33n3y3z replied:
I'm sure it does hun

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Thanks all. I have to go to work...but feel free to ask any more questions while I'm gone and I can answer them the best I can when I get home.

Insanemomof3 replied: Rocky, you are truly an amazing woman.

kimberley replied: i am sorry for your pain, Rocky. i completely get not being ready to deep six the marriage (regardless of the circumstances) and suck up your own feelings for the possibility that this is just a hiccup in your marriage. it's not easy.
stay strong and know you gave it your all no matter what happens. i am here if u need to talk.

luvmykids replied:
Do you see yourself ever coming to the point where it's one of you, and he has to make a choice? I understand where you're saying you don't want to force him, and maybe this will go away, but do you ever think to yourself "If he doesn't know what he wants by this time next year, then...." or are you just really winging it?

Hillbilly Housewife replied: For the time being, Monica, I'm just winging it.

If it gets to t he point where he's clearly made a choice even though he says he hasn't.. such as if he starts going to see her before the kids are asleep, or if he brings her here... then yes, I can get the hint, and extricate myself from the situation. It's only been a few months, and he hasn't gone to see her everynight or anything... maybe a few times a month. Our "family" life hasn't changed.. when the kids are around, weekends, is still our time. When that changes.. then perhaps it will mean his priorities will have also changed...and perhaps then it will be time to revisit the circumstances and just how much I am willing to take for this man.

luvmykids replied: Thanks for answering all these questions, it must be either horrific or theraputic for you

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Actually, it's kind of nice. I haven't told anyone, really. There were a few members who knew there was stuff going on.... but not the whole story. And hey.. if someone can gain a new perspective on life's shotty situations... bonus.

luvmykids replied: Ok, then can I ask you one more question?

Did he come to you and tell you about her, or did you "find out"?

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
He told me about her. We don't have any secrets. We have very good communication...he'd told me about her even before he knew she had mutual feelings.

:.Mrs_Mommy.: replied: I voted no.

I was in a situation close to yours Rocky. My husband and I were in a really rocky spot and he left for 10 months. He got a girlfriend and lived with her for a while. He lived in the same town and saw the kids normally 3-4 days a week and at least 1-2 nights a week. Finally after realizing that this is no way to live he came home and it is so much better now than before. Our children are happy, we are happy and life is really awesome. I also got a lot of flack from my family and friends about taking him back but it was something I as a wife and a mother needed to do. Sometimes it is really hard to stick it out but in the end sometimes its worth it. He is my best friend and my soul-mate and I wouldn't change anything about us for the world. I was really determined to give this marriage another go because I thought we deserved it and boy oh boy I am happy I did.

Good Luck with Everything!!

punkeemunkee'smom replied: No, thank God I am not in a loveless marriage. We are best friends-we talk about everything. We have an amazing physical relationship and our emotional connection is stronger everyday I am still madly,crazy,deeply in love with him...butterflies and all.

punkeemunkee'smom replied:

God Rocky-that is the saddest statement I have 'heard' in a long time! As a wife and a mother my heart aches to think of what you must go through in those times. I am so sorry I know that you seem to feel that this is what is best for now-you dealing with it,I mean...You have said so many kind things about your husband even in this thread but I want to tell you as a friend,a woman,a wife, that you don't deserve this! You may be the best friend you can be but he is not being a friend to you (let alone a husband) AT ALL! Nobody wants to stick the tough times out ALL the time. Nobody wants to have to deal with the bills and the kids and the general BULL S$#% that life throws at us everyday BUT this is what he signed up for-with you-not her! You have every right to throw her nasty skank %$$ OUT of your house on her ear!Personally, I can't imagine what a blow this would be to me so I just wanted to remind you that you are worth more-as a PERSON Rocky- YOU DESERVE to be treated with more respect and dignity than that!

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Thanks Abbie. I know.. it's not the best for ME.

There's just a lot of other things going on... and as stupid as this sounds.. I think my sanity level is better at this point than what it would be at were I dealing with other stuff on my own too. If other stuff smooths out before this settles..then maybe I might change my mind and feel that the kids won't be so bad off without one of us around 24/7. For the first little bit, it might even be me... I coudl use a vacation. Anyone want a visitor for a couple days? I cook and clean like a pro...

C'mon...built in free nanny! Any takers?

luvbug00 replied: Rocky, I can't pretend to even begin to understand how you feel. I know i wouldn't have the strenth to let the man i love have another woman in his life. I admire your stenth and i hope in the end he realizes that this girl he has on the side is immeasureable to the woman he has married.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Thanks...

grandma replied: Rocky,
I have read this thread in spurts, so if I ask a question you've answered somewhere already, pls forgive me.
You said your friends and family have no idea about husband's gf, and that she comes to your house for social events. People pick up on the slightest look, laugh, gesture...they may know or suspect.
As for your kids, I know they are still young, but they will know something is off soon, if they don't already. I knew my mom should divorce my dad by the time I was about 10. That was only becuz he went to the bar after work on Fridays...lol
Have you considered going to a counsleor/therapist just to discuss your feelings? Sometimes just talking to one can put a whole new spin on the situation.
I know you said he's your soulmate and maybe he was. I just think a true soulmate/best friend would not let you suffer like this.
Since I've never been in your situation I can't say "for sure" what I'd do, because ppl just don't know unless they've 'been there.' I don't think I could ever stay with my husband if he had a gf on the side, not even for my kids. But like they say 'never say never.'

Kaitlin'smom replied: Your more than welcome to come stay with me anytime

Hillbilly Housewife replied: If anyone suspects, they've not shown any indication.

Believe me, though... by the time the kids are 10 this won't still be happening.

We've been to counsellors/therapists for other issues, and they helped a lot. Which, i feel, is one of the reasons we have such good communication...and where this stems from... he was ABLE to tell me about it, and didn't squash the notion in the first place.

I've done a lot of self-reflecting in the past... and to be completely honest, there are times where I've though "hmm.. if Colin Farell was to knock at my door..would I let him in my bed...yes, yes I would!!" in a joking manner... but maybe she is HIS Colin, you know?

we've been over this type of hump before, and we got through it. Maybe we can again.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
lol thanks Di!

grandma replied:
You mean he's had girlfriend's in the past?

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
not exactly. But we've been down a similar road. Different reasons.. mostly coming from neglect and no communication... at least from what we were able to determine through our counselling...

this time is different. There are feelings involved.

grandma replied: Only one more question, how long has he had the gf?

MommyToAshley replied: I'm sorry Rocky, I can't imagine what it would be like to live in that situation. I know you said you are best friends, but what kind of friend would put his best friend through so much pain.

You spoke of counseling... I hope that you do seek counseling again, and that you are able to sort through all of this. I bet you will discover that you ARE strong enough to stand on your own regardless of how tough it may be and that you are deserving of more. I hope that didn't sound judgemental (oh no, sorry I couldn't think of a different term), as I only want whats best for you and your kids. I hope in the end, whatever you decide, you find peace and happiness.

Jamison'smama replied: I am so sorry Rocky, wow, I have put in my 2 cents here and say by allowing him to see her and remain with you, you are telling him that it is okay and that you and the vows he made with you are not worth respecting. He is having his cake/eating it too. Are you just afraid that if you made him choose, that he would choose her? If that's the case, are you doing anyone any favors? As Dr. Phil would say "We teach people how to treat us" and in this case, it's true, as long as you allow it, you teach him that you are not worthy of being honored, and respected.

I have not been in your shoes and I have no idea how I would react. I understand why you are doing it, I really do. It would devastate me to know my spouse wanted to be with someone else but if that's what he chose, I would have to try hard not to be that girl who would run behind the car screaming 'please come back'. I completely understand how you got to be in this situation, when you love someone, you will do almost anything to keep the family together. But it is about self respect and demanding it from others. You mentioned in another thread that you believe you only need to continue to show respect to those who show it back to you......in this case, I think he is lacking some serious respect. You are smart, beautiful, witty and wise and deserve a person who believes that as well.

Hang in there

BAC'sMom replied:
Beautifully put Brenda

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Thanks Dee Dee.. judgemental yes - but in a good way.

We aren't seeing a counsellor..yet. But we will.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
we talked about it just after Christmas. So since then, I guess...

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Thanks Brenda.. i know he's having his cake and eating it too. I did lose a lot of respect for him... but I am not afraid to be on my own. I've been in worse situations. I don't want to give up just yet... but if he choses to be with her, then so be it. It won't be an un-civil split.

I respect myself enough to not stoop down and make him be in a situation that he is not happy with. I am glad, in a way, that he had enough respect for me to even tell me about this in the first place, and not go about it behind my back... I know that we have issues, I know that we've had issues, and i'm not blinded by it... I know that if it's a phase for him, we will get over it, hopefully.. but if we do not, at least it's not coming out of nowhere and I'm not completely thrown for a loop.

grandma replied:
So then it's a fairly new situation. Sounds like you have given serious thought and maybe you just need alittle more time......
My heart goes out to you Rocky

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Yes, it's still fairly new. I've had the time needed to wrap my head around it, so far... now it's whether I can unwrap my heart from it. Don't get me wrong... I know what I "should" do, I'm just not there yet.

mummy2girls replied:
well if you want rocky you could come down to edmonton .. i am taking 3 days off before my wedding to do last minute payments and such. and you can stay with me and jenna and marcus. you can go to the bridal shower, and stagette. and even help decorate the hall the night before the wedding:)

Maddie&EthansMom replied:
ITA. Rocky, I'm just now seeing this. I just wanted to give you some hugs. I respect you for sticking it out. Most are aware that I almost walked right out of my marriage last week. I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad my DH encouraged me to open up to him and told me that he would be here for me until I figured out what I wanted. We still have some things to work out and I feel as though there is enough love there that we will be able to do that in time.

We all go thru things in life that we don't plan and develop feelings we never thought we would. (I was a "I will never do that" person)But, I'm human...all of us are. I'm certainly no one to judge you or your DH. I just hope your self esteem doesn't suffer b/c of this. I know my husband is dealing with my issues okay. If the shoe was on the other foot I can't say that I would handle it as eloquently as he is. You have a good head on your shoulders and you are a realist. I have no doubts that you will come out of this just fine. I wish you the best.

lovemy2 replied:
to you Aimee - I hope things continue to look up for you - and I hope your vacation was wonderful and that things with DHs family have settled down some...

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
i'm supposed to go sometime this month to see my best friend and her baby....

might stop by...you still live at the same place?

That's sweet... I'd love to help!

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Thanks for that... It's always easy to say what we wold or wouldn't do... until we're there. My self-esteem is pretty darn strong though, I have to admit..probably stronger than it's ever been.

How wierd is that? lol

Life happens. We deal with it in the best way we can. Dogs have it good... if they can't eat it or it they tinkle on it and walk away. Woof!

Not sure what your situation is.. but I'm sure I've been there, just about 100% positive that I have... Feel free to PM me if you need to talk.

Teesa®© replied: Honestly, I'm not really sure if I love my hubby or not. I know I'm not in love with him, but I don't hate him.

I guess it's really not much of a marriage; I can't confide in him, he doesn't listen to me, he's not there when I need him, there's no real respect and I can't really talk to him about anything.

I often play Duran Duran's "Come Undone" when he's around. "Who do you need, who do you love, when you come undone?"

When I ask him why he's not there for me, he insists that he always is. When I ask him why he never helps me with an issue I'm having, he tells me I never told him what I wanted. I have had total breakdowns in front of him, screaming, crying, BEGGING him to help me. I have told him, I have even emailed him... he KNOWS, but still insists I never tell him. ALL I really freaking want is someone even just to HUG me and tell me it's going to be alright, everything will be better, even if I KNOW they're lying to me. Random hug me, hold my hand and look me in the eye and tell me you love me. Smile at me for no reason... is that REALLY too much to ask for??

I finally met my natural mother in 2003 and I've seen her TWICE since then. She's 45 minutes away but we can't "afford to go there" but yet we CAN afford to drive for 3 HOURS to see HIS parents every weekend?!?!?! When I asked him about it, he just said we couldn't afford. When we went to HIS parents for the 4th time I yelled at him and asked how we could afford 3 hours but not 45 minutes? He said he needed to talk to his dad. I said look! YOU'VE known your dad your WHOLE LIFE! I never had that privilege with mine, why can't I see my own MOTHER??? We fought about this for MONTHS and you know what he FINALLY had the NERVE to say to me?!?!??!

"Hey, if you want to go see your mom, all you have to do is ask."

WTF??? Since when do I have to ASK for permission to see my MOTHER??? I said you don't ask me if you can see yours, why the he** should I have to ask?? And then he went on about how he didn't mean I had to get permission and all that. Whatever.

I actually did ask once. Walked right up to him and asked to go to my mom's. He said we couldn't. I slapped him, reminded him that he said ALL I had to do was ASK and it's STILL NO??? I burst into hysterical sobbing, yelled, "I want to see my mommy!!" and grabbed my coat and shoes. As I walked out the door, I heard my children ask him, "Why isn't Ummy allowed to see her Ummy? You made her cry." I didn't go home till the next day. This was back months ago and I STILL haven't been "allowed" to see her.

Sorry, this wasn't supposed to be a rant. I'm going to shut up, go my room and sit on the naughty mat.

My2Beauties replied: I know this thread is old but I just wanted to chime in. Rocky I saw some posts on P&I but now it's all came together and I wanted to offer I had no idea and you're a much better woman than I am, I'd have run away and never looked back, that's just me though. I respect you for that, but you probably deal with things better than I do, my heart would be broken, my ego shattered and my trust gone, I couldn't deal with it as you have. You are a remarkable human being.

As far as the OP.....I answered no absolutely not, my marriage is so filled with love. More and more each day I love my husband. He is my soulmate/my rock. Everyday of my laugh the man makes me laugh hysterically, he is so passionate and he is so good to me. He deals with my moods (and sometimes I can be a bear ) with grace. He was really there for me when my grandparent's passed, he cried with me, he held me, I don't know what I would've done without him As far as intimacy is concerned, he would DTD every single night 2-3 times if I wanted him to...I'm the one with the mojo issues lately, I think a lot of it has to do with BC pills and just exhaustion. But when we do, it's very niiiiiice! We still do quite often, more than other couples but, according to him, I deprive him I may not have "butterflies" when he walks through the door every time but there are days when I still do, but EVERYTIME he walks through the door I have a smile on my face (unless I'm PO'd at him from a previous phone convo or something , I'm awful)!