Am I just overprotective??? - check this out !!!

Bee_Kay wrote: My daughter got a phonecall from a girls mom a little bit ago.

She was asking Ashley is she has seen her daughter. Ash told her that she saw her on Friday at the dance and the girl and a friend had been drinking.

So, I call the mom back....

She tells me that she hasn't heard from her daughter since FRIDAY EVENING!!... HELLO??? It is now Sunday afternoon!!

OMG! Her daughter is only 13 years old !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Now, I ALWAYS know where my kids are.
If they are out and about.... The respect me and let me know when they leave one place and go to another. It's a give and take..... If they don't give respect, I take their freedom.!!!

Is that overprotective and overbearing of me??

Like with Ashley. Sometimes she will go to the movies and then to a teen dance afterwards. She calls and lets me know when she leaves the movie and when she arrives at the dance.

I WOULD BE HAVING A FREAKING HEARTATTACK if I were that mother!! OMG!!

ETA: I told the mother to call the cops..... her daughter is legally a missing child!!

mckayleesmom replied: Yikes...I hope she has already called...she should have called that night....A 13 year old has no business with that much freedom.

Edward's Mommy replied: I don't think you're overprotective or overbearing. MY mom was overprotective and overbearing. You know where you're kids are, but you let them go out. I was never allowed out of the house until I was 18. And even then I wasn't allowed out.

kayla's mama replied: ITA with Brianne. What 13 y/o has that much freedom

Barb, it sounds like you guys have such a good respectful relationship

Bee_Kay replied:


Thank you Brandi

It's been, at times, a struggle to get to where we are with Ashley. We went through the "you guys are so mean and unfair" "you are such a mean mom" "you are so NOT cool" business.

But, now she is a bit older and we've taught her respect.... actually, we've drilled it into her head LOL

I just cannot comprehend not knowing where my child is.... especially for 2 days! Unbelievable.

AlexsPajamaMama replied: I dont think you are over protective either!! I was also not really allowed to leave the house as a teenager...didnt party or go to dances at the teen center in town.

I agree with the give and take relationship, if they respect you and the freedom you give them then is great! You sound like a great mom!!! Teenagers are tough!

Hope everything works out with that mom and her missing daughter...I'd be freaking out a long time ago and calling friends before today!!

JP&KJMOM replied: You overprotective? Uh not by a mile. My parents were not overprotective they just had boundries and I respected them. Even at 18 and away at college my parents knew where I was most of the time. I never went a day without talking to them. Opps still don't!

Either way I hope her friend is ok but that mom needs to WAKE UP! Keep us posted.

MommyToAshley replied: Coming from the most over-protective Mom in the world , I don't think you are over-protective at all. In fact, I think that Mom is crazy for not calling the police the first night she didn't come home. OMG, I can't imagine not knowing where my daughter is for that period of time!

It sounds like you have a great relationship with your daughter. I may be calling on you for some pointers and encouragement in a few years.

amymom replied: OMG I would have been frantic on Friday night. It is scary to raise teenagers right now. I suppose it was scary anytime. My son is 15 and I always know where he is. I have read other posts about Ashley and I think you do a great job with her Barb. I think it shows in how well she communicates with you.

gr33n3y3z replied: I hope they find her
This maybe a lesson for that mother I just hope its not to late

And you are a good Mom ..... Look at your daughter

b&bsmom replied: I think you are fine with your daughter. I am trying to drill respect into my dd head and she is only 6. It is a fine line and with the world the way it is these days you need to know where they are and where they are going. JMO.

Bee_Kay replied: Yeppers.

Our kids know it is our way or NO way.
We do compromise at times, within reason. But, for the most part, we have age-appropriate rules and even those we can bend a little based on behavior/actions and the maturity they show us.

luvmykids replied: Good lord I would've been out on the streets looking for her the first hour she was late! Or if she wasn't supposed to be coming home, i.e. staying at a friends, what is going on there? She still would've had to call me when they got there. That is pretty irresponsible parenting in my book.

Bee_Kay replied:
ITA!

Brias3 replied: Wow....very irresponsible. I'd be worried sick...hope everything is ok with this girl! How dangerous. I can't believe the mom wasn't more concerned the first hour she was not home!

MamaJAM replied: I can't imagine not knowing where my 13 year old DD is! I wouldn't be waiting until Sun either -- if I didn't know were my DD was by 10pm Fri evening I'd be calling everyone and their cousin looking for her.

ilovemybaby replied: I hope they find her. I would have phoned on Friday night.
How long does someone have to be missing before they are classed as missing?
I think it is 24 hours here. But with a child I think the Police would be looking for them straight away. I don't know...
I know with kids that are like 6 they look straight away. No 24 hours.

We heard on Pauls police scanner about a toddler that was missing. The mother drove all the way home from the beach and realized she wasn't with her. How dumb is that? A toddler for crying out loud. She said that she thought that her sister or someone else was looking after her but they don't have her. I could have just slapped her.
They found the toddler. I don't remember where.

jacobsmama replied:
you said it! WOW

Bee_Kay replied: Well, the girl is at home... she called here and spoke to my daughter.... asking her why she told me that she had been drinking. UGH!!! Ashley told her "I didn't tell my mom because I wanted to get you in trouble, I was WORRIED about you".

(if it were my daughter.... she wouldn't have the PRIVILEDGE of a telephone, but that's just me)

luvbug00 replied: I'm gonna jump in here because i did this soooo many times to my mom. It's not nessisarly the moms fault. When I would do it ( at 13 and until I was 17) My mom flipped a lid everytime I dissapeared but tried to handle on her own and somtimes would forget to call some people and call them later. ( now i'm not sure that is what this mom did buti'm just saying it's not always moms fault) I would leave and be gone for days to weeks at a time and NOTHING my mom did kept me home. I snuck out windows, my room was in the basement and it had a sliding glass door.I'd disengage the alarm and sneak out. my dad tried everything down to scredriving the door shut ( I had an extra screwdriver in my closet. ) so as you can see where there is a will there is a way. just somthing to think over before I will be jumping to concusions that this mom didn't care..oh and I also had a phone hidden in my room..

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Oh gosh. That's just insane!! I did have friends in jr high that spent days and maybe even a week at another friend's, but their parents knew where they were. Would I have ever gotten by with spending more than one night away from home? Heck no. My parents wanted me H.O.M.E. Would I ever let my child get away with this?? NO FREAKING WAY!! I'd be up and down every city street looking for them. Some parents are so strange. How can they sleep at night??

I am very overprotective, too. I'm not sure when or if I will ever allow sleep overs. The thought just kills me.

Bee_Kay replied: As far as the mother... I just couldn't believe she waited until Sunday too look around for her daughter.

I do check on my kids when they are at a sleepover. I trust my children, I just don't trust that they will always have good judgement (KWIM?)

My SD did the "taking off" thing when she felt like it.... I was immediately on the phone and reported it to law enforcement.

At first, they looked for her aggressively, but after a couple times, it was a "if we come across her" type thing..... which I completely understood. Her defiance sure has gotten her into a very difficult situation now. But, that is her responsiblity.

But, at 13? WOW! I would have the whole state of MN looking for her!! LOL

holley79 replied: There is no reason for her to have waited this long to look for her daughter. The only thing I can think is maybe the daughter said she was staying the night when some friends and she just found out that is not where she was. As for "missing child" you can report a runaway as soon as it happens. With a child there is no "waiting period".

You are not over protective or over bearing. You are right on the money. I never understood why my mom was the same way. "Why does she have to be in my business all the time?" Well now I know why. It's all about love.

Bee_Kay replied:

EXACTLY!!! I couldn't have said it any better!

luvbug00 replied: I still can't pass judegemt on that mom becuase I don't know her situation. Maybe this has happened before. after a while my mom just couldn't do anything else we had the cops on first name basis for heavens sake. so I can't and won't say this mom did somthing wrong because I put my mom in that situation and there is only so much you can do.

1lilpeanut2love replied: Wow!! THat is very crazy!! SHE IS ONLY 13. I hope she is found. That is enough to scare me. I don't think you are being overbearing or overprotective. YOU ARE BEING A MOM AND A PARENT!! THat is definitely what you are supposed to be doing IMO. I am going to be the same with my kids. I know how kids can be these days and it really makes me scared and nervous!!

I WONDER WHY THE MOTHER WAITED SO LONG TO FIND WHERE HER DAUGHTER WAS! IF MY DD WAS EXPECTED HOME AT A CERTAIN TIME AND DIDN'T SHOW UP NOR COME HOME, I WOULD BE GOING BALISTIC!! I WOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING STRAIGHTAWAY!!!