Allowance - How do you feel about it?

kit_kats_mom wrote: I meant to reply in Dee Dee's thread yesterday but I ran out of time (aint that always the way?).

Anyway, I have been reading "hidden messages" by Elizabeth Pantley and she has an interesting take on Allowances for kids.

The jest of it is this: Pay your children allowance as a teaching tool but do not tie it to chores that they will be expected to perform as a part of living in the house.
For example, do not pay your child a weekly allowance for taking out the trash and wiping the table because at some point, they will say "oh, I didn't take out the trash because I already have enough money right now". Kids are smart like that KWIM?
She said you can allow them to earn more money by doing special jobs like washing the trash cans, washing cars etc.

What do you think of that? I totally bought into it. K will start to get an allowance soon but it will just be that, an allowance to teach money skills, not pay for work.

mckayleesmom replied: I think that is great advice and is something we plan on doing also...They will have regular chores that they will be EXPECTED to do. They can earn money by doing extra things.

Boys r us replied: Well, I don't believe in allowances at all.

As kids get older, I feel like them actually having their own money isn't a wise thing..given the things that they have the accessibility to buy with their money once they are in middle school and high school.
When I was growing up my dad felt the same way, he provided us with money to do things if we asked and bought us anything we needed and most of the things we wanted...but we never had a stash of cash at our disposal and I plan to implement the same strategy with my kids.

Kaitlin'smom replied: I am not sure I see both sides and would love to hear more from everyone. I guess DH and I need to talk about it.

coasterqueen replied: Well I can get Kylie to do chores just by using a sticker chart so I'm not sure I want to use money for chores either.

I'm just not sure about giving $ out at this age in general. I want to teach her the value of money but not quite sure if this is really the age to do it.

coasterqueen replied:
This was the way it was in our house. Actually when I was old enough to get a job, if I wanted anything more than what they would normally buy me (like more expensive clothes or something) I had to use the money I earned from my job.

Kaitlin'smom replied: well so far all the change Kait gets from grandma and grandpa she saves, and when grammy gave her money to go shopping she did spend it all but once it was gone she was done. It was kinda cute to see her after breakfast go to the counter and ask for chocloate M&M's and pulled out her $5 to pay for it.

luvbug00 replied: I don't believe in them either. only because when I was 12 and 13 and sneaking out at night that was my money for transportation and other things I shouldn't have been doing...( read beer and drinks , no drugs here!)

MommyToAshley replied: I guess I differ from most of your opinions, but it's good to read some differing opinons.

Chores will be and are required, but I plan to give allowance (as stated in my other post) as a reward. When we were growing up, we were expected to do our chores and it was enforced, but I also looked forward to the allowance. My parents weren't very consistent with the allowance. (I did the chores whether I got the allowance or not) I didn't understand at the time, but I am sure it was because they couldn't afford it most of the time. I don't plan on giving Ashley a lot of money, but I think rewards, just like discipline, should be consistent.

I also think that giving them their own money will help to teach the value of money. I think that if you just give them money when they need to go somewhere or want to buy something, then they won't understand the meaning of earning their own money and choosing to spend it wisely.

I don't think that having money is the reason kids buy drugs or anything else that they shouldn't have at this age (or any age). Poor kids and rich kids alike do drugs and drink alcohol... I think it comes down to being involved in your child's life.. talking to them about these things, and more importantly, listening to them. Howerver, this is coming from someone who doesn't have a teen... yet.

luvbug00 replied: I see your point Dee Dee

but I was watched and my parents were involved in my life very much so but I still got out and about . alot of the things I did couldn't have been done without those finances.

Bee_Kay replied: I've never given allowance for things they should "rightfully" do. such as, clean their own rooms, help with dinner and put their own laundry away.

MommyToAshley replied:
I understand your point as well. And, I think we differ because we had different experiences growing up. I had access to money from allowances, from babysitting, and as soon as I turned 16 I found a job. I valued the money because I earned it myself. I never did drugs or drank... I was the designated driver for my friends who did drink. I knew people that did drugs, and if they didn't have access to the money for the drugs, then they found a way to get it (stealing, etc). So, I don't think that getting an allowance will make someone buy drugs. Parental involvement may not be the only factor... I think the friends that teens make have a biggest influence. But, I do think parental influence is a BIG factor. But as you just proved, not the only factor. (Sorry if this got off topic)

MommyToAshley replied:
Nicole, please don't think I am trying to debate you, because that is not the case. I am just curious to know your thoughts. How do you see this different from paying for good grades? I remember reading in another post that your son got $20 for each A (or something along those lines, sorry I don't remember the exact amount). My first thought, was "Wow, I will never pay for good grades." But, then I thought to myself that it is almost the same as an allowance. They are getting "rewarded" for doing a good job. It's just that, a reward. Still not sure I can bring myself to pay for good grades, but I will have to think through the whole thing more when the time comes.

Maddie&EthansMom replied:
ITA!

CantWait replied: I absolutely believe in paying my kids for taking trash out, doing dishes, vaccuming etc.... because my take on it, I didn't have children to do the dailey chores. Therefore if I'm going to ask them to do what I would normally do as a SAHM, or even as a working mother to help me and dad out then I'm going to pay them.

I won't however pay them to wipe up their mess, clean their room, put their toys or clothes away, or something that I would consider a responsability of either making a mess, or having your own space.

luvmykids replied: Chores are their way of contributing to the family and learning respect for their own property as well as the families.

However, in the case of my stepd who is 11, she was beginning to think money grows on trees and no amount of "talking" about it convinced her otherwise. We quite buying her things and give her an allowance instead, she now gets the picture of prioritizing, saving, impulse spending and being broke, etc.

I don't know what we'll do with the other three when they reach an appropriate age, but chores will not be a correlation to allowance.

FWIW, I had an allowance, and a generous one, and never did anything "illegit" with it! Not all kids who have cash get in trouble with it.

Maddie&EthansMom replied:
Again, ITA!

We didn't get an allowance growing up. We didn't do chores, either and my parents are not consistent in anything they do. All 3 of my brothers are drug addicts and have been for over 15 years. That is a choice they made. I, on the other hand have never touched a drug..not once. We were all raised in the same house, by the same rules and the same 2 parents. It's not my parents fault and has nothing to do with whether or not we got an allowance, JMO here.

I was also the designated driver, Dee Dee. I babysat when I could and when I turned 16 I got a job to pay for a car. That is when I learned the value of a dollar. Scotty and I have worked hard for every dime we have. Neither of us got allowances growing up.

So, I just think the choice is yours. Every child will turn out differently no matter what you do I guess.

mckayleesmom replied: I think that we will probably do the sticker reward system instead of cash until they are older...

kit_kats_mom replied:
Wow didn't realize there were such varied opinions on this subject. Interesting.

Marie, I am not trying to bash you or anything but as a hypothetical question. What happens when Anthony starts working at 16 and is still living under your roof. What if one day you say "Anthony, take out the garbage please" and he says "that's ok mom. you do it. I don't need to because I have enough money right now."?

When I was reading the book, that just really stuck a chord with me (probably since that is totally something that I would have done as a teen ) I think that everyone should have basic responsibilities when they live in a house and it should be tied to respect for the place that you hang your hat and for your parents. Not money.

Katherine is now clearing the table and wiping it and the chairs down and helping me load and unload the dishwasher. The praise that I heap on her is enough and I really am proud about her work ethic. She's also started to be more careful about throwing food on the floor or the table. LOL

kit_kats_mom replied:
That's what my mom did with me. Starting in 7th grade I received $30/week and that was to cover lunches (If I chose to not brown bag it) school supplies, clothes (she would buy the basics but anything extra I had to cover), personal care things like shampoo, soap etc, bus fare to and from school, video games, junk at the mini mart by the bus stop etc. I was to NEVER ask her for $. I learned really quick to balance my budget. The first week I thought I was rich and I blew it all on a movie and some tapes. I had to walk 2 miles to and from school all week. Hard lesson but boy howdy did I get it. LOL

MamaJAM replied: We definately don't believe in 'paying' the kids to do their chores...chores are part of being a family and everyone should do them.
We don't give our kids an allowance either though. We might start with DD next year when she starts high school - but I don't know. The kids get money for their b-days, some holidays and various stuff between (some from us...most from other family and friends) -- they are pretty good about saving up for stuff they want. We do deposit money throughout the year directly into their savings accounts -- I feel that is WAY more important than giving an allowance.

coasterqueen replied: I'm really glad this topic was brought up. Dh and I have really been discussing this issue and we both aren't sure what we feel is the right thing to do. Like I said before, the sticker chart is working for us so I don't think right now we'll change it. Right now Kylie LOVES to put a sticker on the chart for doing her foot exercises, picking up her clothes/toys, hanging up her coat and putting her shoes away, etc. I've never seen a kid get so excited about it. COURSE the sticker chart isn't working at keeping her in her bed at night.

I do feel that this age, IMO, is inappropriate to give them money for chores for sure. I just think they are too young to try to teach the value of money, but what do I know, I'm new to all this too.

I NEVER got an allowance growing up. My parents only bought the things I really needed and bought me school clothes at the start of a school year and it was like from KMart. If I wanted anything other than that I had to get it myself by getting a job. Chores were just a part of my life, just like they are apart of EVERYONE's life young and old. Parents don't get paid for doing their chores, right? So why should children IMO.

I like the idea of giving them an allowance of so much a week and use it for whatever but once it's gone it's gone - but no connected to chores. Course I think it will be many years before we do this. Dh and I aren't sure, we keep discussing it but can never decide what the right course of action is for our family.

Right now I'll just say their allowances ARE their savings.

CosmetologyMommy replied: I agree, that they should have stuff they have to do, like we have to make dinner and wash clothes. Who pays us lol. But extras, like collecting the trash, dusting etc and they get allowance. I never got allowance and never had chores....isn't that weird.....

3xmommy replied: I'm the same as most of you here... confused with allowance. Right now, we buy them each something on payday... normally just a small toy but if there's enough money and they've been good, we'll give into something bigger. Right now, we tell them that if they behave and do their chores, we will go do things on the weekends. Like last week we went to the park and they had a blast. So mabey money allowance can wait for mine.

Diane

CantWait replied:
I have to say, by then I won't expect him to help out, to take out the trash ect. I hope that by the time the kids turn 16 or whatever the case is that I would have taught them enough to know that helping out at home and lending a hand once in a while is a good thing and it will come naturally. That taking out the garbage is doing his mom a favour, and would be respected and appreciated by myself.

By the time they're 16, I'm sure our lives will be in every direction, and we'll not always be in the same place at the same time and doing a part of the cleaning will be something that will be expected because I'm sure a great deal of it will be theirs. Not to mention I don't mind doing a 16 year olds laundry if that 16 year old will do simple things like taking out the trash etc. Otherwise my boys can do their laundry and learn what responsibility is about in greater detail.

Brias3 replied: I never had an allowance as a kid but I never went without things either. To teach the value of a dollar, I would be allowed to earn money by doing extras around the house (outside of my regular chores). As I got older, I was also allowed to borrow money. The lesson came in when I had to pay back what I owed and then it became the issue of, "Well, do I REALLY need to borrow or should I save for something later on?" , etc. I think I will more than likely do the same with my kids. The way I grew up, I was never left out of things because I didn't have money for extras but I was never handed things on a silver platter either. In this day and age, it gets to be too much of the "we're rich, they're not" and vice versa. As Bill Cosby said (one of my favorites) in reference to a conversation with his son, "You're not rich, your mother and I are. You have nothing so far." LOL