After some wine at dinner - I finally learn the truth

MyBabeMaddie wrote: I'm so hurt - throughout my entire pregnancy my db would NOT touch me in a sexual way - we got into SOO many fights about it actually I would end up crying because he didn't want me... He said it was "because I don't want to hurt the baby" even though i had my Dr. explain that it was perfectly safe to DTD... Anyways, we went to his dad's house for dinner tonight, and, after a bottle of wine he admitted that it wasn't because he was afraid to hurt the baby, but that it was hard to get intimate with me cause he wasn't attracted to me because I got so big!!! I almost started to cry right then and there but I had to ask him if that was why he won't do it now... Ever since my stitches went away after 3 weeks postpartum I've been ready to get back into our "old routine" and he won't do it!!!!... he says its cause "the Dr. hasn't given me the go-ahead and he doesn't want my stitches to tear" (THEY'RE GONE!!) I just couldn't believe that it took 9 months and a bottle of wine for the truth to come out... I'm really hurt, I can't imagine being intimate with him anytime soon now that hes given me self-esteem problems... Sorry I know i'm rambling, I had a little too much wine tonight

mckayleesmom replied: This would be all the more reason to lose wieght and not give any if it was me...


I look at it this way....its HALF his fault that you got big. For petes sake...you had a kid.

ZandersMama replied: men! love to kick you when you are down. Kick his @**!

kit_kats_mom replied: My DH admitted the same thing after my first pregnancy. I still have little to no inclination to get intimate anymore. Everytime I do, I think of those words. I want to let it go so much but it cut me to the quick. I guess I'd always thought he was more "deep" than that and that looks didn't really matter that much to him. I was obviously wrong. I'm sorry

boyohboyohboy replied: I hope you are not losing the weight for him, I hope you are losing it for you, and you only lose what you need to, to feel good about yourself. I know its hard, but your DB is not so nice for saying that!

I cant imagine you are not as beautiful as you look in your pics here....
hang in there

gr33n3y3z replied: Any guy that can say those hurtful things to woman needs a swift kick in the @$$. Just a little reminder guys you had a lot to do with it.

What would happen next I wont say

I hope things get better for you and I agree do it for yourself and not for anyone else.

C&K*s Mommie replied: I am so sorry that when the truth finally came to light, that it hurt you to the core.

I agree, lose the weight for you, not for him.

luvmykids replied: I'm sure that was so painful to hear. I think a lot of us have that fantasy that they go "deeper" than that, that they'll want us no matter what just because they love us so much.

I hope, although it hurt to hear, you can find a way to feel good about yourself regardless of him. You are a wonderful mom, beautiful inside and out, and post pregnancy weight doesn't change any of the things that make you who you are.

my2monkeyboys replied: I agree with the above... if you lose weight you should do it for yourself. I'm also sorry that you had to find out the truth in such a way. However, we also have to see it from their point of view. What attracts them physically to someone doesn't really change just bc that person had a child, you know? If they liked skinny women or heavy women a year ago, chances are they still do. They still love you, but they are not necessarily attracted in the same way. Not including the fact that it probably freaks them all out at least a little bit to see us blow up the way we do, so quickly when we're pregnant.
Now, in saying that, I think it's an a-hole thing of him to say, and just as much of an a-hole thing for him to allow himself to act on. Even if he isn't all that attracted right now, he should still want to be intimate with you just because he loves you. You've already lost a great deal of weight so that should help him realize you're not going to just let yourself go (which I do not think is right for people to do... it's like they get married or whatever and figure I've got my man/woman, so I don't need to keep myself up anymore. That's just not fair to other person either.).
Anyway, I'd try not to let him bother you so much, and I'd try to talk to him about it. It may be more that seeing you have the baby affected him in ways that he may not even realize. I know a lot of men that have to work through different problems after babies. Hopefully this is something y'all can work through and you can remember what a beautiful person you are, with or without a little extra weight on you.
I hope this helps.

TheOaf66 replied:
I agree, hold out on him...get all dressed up in lingerie light candles and stuff and then when he climbs in bed, get up and blow the candles out and tell him to forget it, he had his chance before.

I am a guy and giving this advice because that is a poor poor excuse and if he is that shallow he doesn't deserve to get any

MyBabeMaddie replied: Aw thanks guys your comments made me feel much better! His dad bought me a membership to Bally's so I'm starting next week!

Boo&BugsMom replied: Wow...open mouth, insert foot. What the heck was he thinking? If my husband said anything like that, he probably wouldn't get any for the rest of his life! There would be no way I'd be able to get those words out of my head, as someone else pointed out.

hawkshoe replied: Okay, I have a different perspective here. Your husband did not tell you until now because he didn't want to hurt your feelings. Now that the pregnancy is over, he felt that he could tell you. While I am sure it still hurt you emotionally, he was being honest. My husband felt the same way and to tell you the truth, when I looked in the mirror when I was pregnant, I wasn't attracted to what I saw either. I appreciated his honesty. As for afterward, did your husband view the actual birth? Mine explained to me that seeing a baby come out of there was a hard image to erase and made it a bit more difficult for him to stay arroused. Thankfully he got over that pretty quickly.

CantWait replied: I'm so sorry. Men really are sensless sometimes.

my2monkeyboys replied:
That's what I was talking about earlier when I said "I'd try to talk to him about it. It may be more that seeing you have the baby affected him in ways that he may not even realize. I know a lot of men that have to work through different problems after babies."
I think you should talk to him about it, as soon as possible.

My2Beauties replied: What a complete *()&^)(&*^, my husband wouldn't have the stuff left to make babies after a comment like that

mom2my2cuties replied:
I was just thinking the same thing -

I am sorry you are having to deal with this on top of being a new mommy. That isn't right. I agree that you should hold out on him until he sincerly apologizes (and makes up for) that comment.