Actual Serious Trouble with Yound Child Behavior. - Contains curse-words, quoted, six yr old

3xmommy wrote: PLEASE tell me I am not alone.

I have three children. The younger two are pretty well behaved, still onery at times, but nothing too bad. (youngest likes to grab things from you and attempt to hide it before you can see... middle child, age four, mainly loves video games, coloring, reading, and computers) But now, my oldest, she's a different story and I can't figure out WHY. I have to know why. I won't be able to post everything about her behavior but I'll type up some of it.


My daughter is six years old and is a living terror! I can't see why she insists on being so mean considering myself and everyone around her (except her dad, he's too smart for it) basically kiss her little rump!

Latest example? Yesterday she got a hamster with a cage and all the works. Today she says she wants a puppy. I say no, you just now got your hamster. My six year old girl's reply? (curse words ahead)

"Shut up mo***** b-!". "If I can't have a puppy, I'll hurt myself!" and then "Mabey I'll just run away!".

And of course, when it comes to my younger two... they're not allowed to touch ANYTHING that belongs to her. Yesterday she wouldn't allow them to LOOK at her hamster. If they don't obey her, she will quite literally do her best to beat them up. (they are ages 3 and 4, one girl, one boy)

She calls everyone b-, mo******, loser, etc... and has now since beginning school, learned "talk to the finger cuz my hand don't give a darn!"... and she also learned how to flip me the bird.

I don't know what to do. I know, you're thinking "hello whacky... shrink!"... I can't AFFORD THAT.... God do I wish!!!

This isn't all of it of course, but my wrists are too tired to type anymore right this second... please tell me I am not alone, please. Her cursing? Not sure... but I am guessing at school. She hasn't learned those words from here.

Any suggestions on what to do...? I will be eternally grateful.


-M o m m y

CantWait replied: I'd say you're pretty much alone. Sounds to me as if your little one needs a serious can of SuperNanny/Nanny 911. You need to stop, "kiss her little rump!", you're #1 just going against dad, and #2 stop giving her everything she wants. This isn't because of school at all. Time to take that Hamster back to the pet store (it shouldn't be to late), take everything out of her room except for her mattress, and make her earn everything back one by one. No little girl should be using words like that, much less to her parents. Or is it only to you she speaks like this to? What kind of computer games and videogames is she allowed to play with? This really should be limited also. There's no need for a shrink here, just the persistence to want to change things. Good Luck.

mummy2girls replied:
I agree with marie!

You need to empty her room and just leave in there a bed with sheets and blankets and then have her earn everything one by one.

She is defenitley getting it from other places other than school. I have no idea what else to say as i have not gone through this at all.

PhiMuMommy replied: i don't think you are necessarily alone.. my cousins kid went thru a princess stage where it was her her her and if you didn't do what she said she'd throw fits and hold her breath till she passed out.. my nephew used to claw his face when he got mad.... the coincidence here? they were both the oldest. i think a lot of times the oldest gets more pressure to be "mommy's helper" instead of one of the kids. some of it probably did come from school but i would also look at babysitters, daycare, and friends that enter your household.. your friends. because school wouldn't entirely do it i'm sure... and you need to put your foot down...

cleaning out her room is great in theory but not everyone has a 4 car garage or huge attic to do that with .. what i would do is take away extras... tv, gameboy, game system, and definantly the hamster. give the hamster to the younger two and tell her she can't look at it. let her know she is not the boss you are and that she will learn to respect you.. if she continues to cuss send her to bed as soon as she does. no desserts, no snacks, no tv, no playing games or outside.. homework and bed.. ground her.

the thing of it is if you do not put your foot down now it'll be too late.but at the same time i do think it might be she FEELS older than the other kids. dont' set her apart so much.. insist she plays (nicely) with the others. try more FAMILY acitivities that include all of you and try to watch and make sure she isn't getting the brunt of what the others do .. as a younger sibling i know the words "watch your little sister" means i can do whatever i want and THEY get in trouble for it. try not to do that.. it really isn't fair.

push for her to use manners and to respect people but not to expect great things because she is older. but i would definantly sit on the mouth. next time she says i'll hurt myself.. say ok. but don't cry to me when you do. bandaids are inthe bathroom. if she says she'll runaway.. ask her where to? offer to pack her a bag. ask her if she wants a peanut butter sandwhich to go with it.. she's just trying to tick you off.. ad she is suceeding.. once you don't play into her game of "oh honey don't hurt yourself mommy is sorry here have the puppy too" then she'll get bored and stop with the stupid threats.

oh and one more thing.. if you were alone there wouldn't be shows like Nanny 911.. ok? so dont' think that... AT ALL.. but you do need to stop giving in and put your foot down because it sounds like your DD has no discipline ... or not enough.

hope this helps

3xmommy replied: My oldest doesn't do alot as far as recreation goes... other than play with her knick-knacks (rearranges them daily), plays Barbie with her cousin... watches only a few cartoons (tom and jerry, danny phantom, and avatar). I can't clean her bedroom... we have no bedrooms... we all sleep in the living room here on the couch, a fully reclining chair, and three beds. One thing I forgot to mention... is that if you spank her, scold her, say no... anything that may set her off, she hits and scratches. I have scars up and down both arms from her... that is how hard she scratches me. My main thing is that I'm little.

I am 5'2, 90lbs.

My daughter is 4'3, 76lbs.
My son is 4'1, 82lbs.
My youngest daughter is almost 4' and weighs in at 50lbs.
Ages in line here are 6, 4, and 3.

They are all hard to handle, especially my oldest... and she hurts me intensely. Even my son will headbutt me, kick, and hit. Do I spoil them with material things? I sure don't. I can't afford to. It is three people. Gammy, Pappy, and good old Uncle Charlie. Uncle Charlie gets paid every two weeks and will hand my oldest daughter $50 or $100 straight but he never gives the other two more than twenty, it's very odd. But all three of those amounts is too much. I've tried saying to not give them cash... but since we live no more than five footsteps away... it's hard to hide them on paydays.

I don't know. I'm just lost and to be perfectly honest, completely depressed.

-M o m m y

Alice replied: You're sleeping on couches, and someone is giving your daughter $50 and $100 bills? And you're buying her a hamster to reward her anti social behavior? And she seems to be teaching it to your son.

Call the school. Ask for some referrals for counseling. You need to put a stop to this-- all of it-- now!!! (Particularly before the Christmas season gets into full swing-- it probably won't bring out the best in your daughter.) If you can't afford it, either ask Uncle Charlie, or ask about free counseling. But do it on MOnday. This can't wait.

Boys r us replied: Edited b/c I just read your last response.


Any chance good old uncle charlie is doing anything unappropriate with your oldest daughter? Perhaps a reason for his monetary favortism and her violent behavior?

I think it sounds like your entire family could benefit from some counseling.

gr33n3y3z replied:
I was just thinking the samething while I read this whole post
before you say no think real hard it didnt have to be yesterday it could have been months ago.

I hope you get to the bottom of this real soon bc it sounds like your child is running your family and no way should that be happening.
Let us know how she is doing

(( hugs ))

PrairieMom replied: I would deffinately call her school and talk to someone who can help you or point you in the right direction. You HAVE to get help, becuase if you don't, the problems are just going to get worse.
If you are short on $, take some of the $100's and $50"s Uncle Charlie is giving her and apply it twards counsleing.

mummy2girls replied: may i ask why you all are sleeping in the living rooma nd there are no bedrooms?

moped replied:
Can I ask that as well???

C&K*s Mommie replied: ITA in parts with what everyone has said so far. Some of the members disagree on what should be done and I agree with a little bit of each. As far as your daughter putting her hand up and saying " talk to the finger cuz my hand don't give a darn...!" in another post back in May you mentioned that your neice has taught your daughter to say "talk to the hand..." It may be possible that she is picking up on other things somewhere else that are being repeated at your home.

Definetly think back into your recollection and try to figure out when your DD's behaviour became so flamboyant. Did it coincide with your brother giving her this money? I hate to point fingers at him, or anyone else for that matter, but things just are not right. She may be acting out because she is (1) the oldest, and she is jealous (you mentioned this too in another post) (2) she is starved for attention, or is rec'g the wrong kind or (3) she is learning very inappropiate behaviour somewhere and often. I do not meant to sound pompous but do whatever it takes to get her help. Check with local programs in your area that offer family counseling for free. Do you have a church? Check with them. If you do not, check anyways-- they will not turn you away. If all of you are living in one room- obviously times are tough (financially) but since you have computer access anyways start with a Google search for family counseling that is low cost or free. Check with your local DCF office, or try the United Ways 211 service they should be able to steer you in the right direction. Before I get off of my soapbox, I will say what I think everyone else has said DO SOMETHING! what?? WHATEVER IT TAKES! No money? TRY ANY & ALL AVENUES! Just do not give up on her, she seems to be crying out for attention or help!! As Dr.Phil would say... how long are you to do it? "UNTIL....!"


HTH!

CantWait replied: I'd also add that it seems as if your daughter needs a little space for herself. She seems to have to share an awful lot all of the time including her bedroom, or lack of bedroom space. This could be the reason she doesn't want her sibblings to see the hamster, because it's something that is all hers.

PhiMuMommy replied: i'm not sure where you live but i have gone through some very very very serious financial times quite like what you are describing.. i know it can be embarassing and painful to talk about in certain cases so if you would like someone to talk to (i may turn out to be a great source of info and help) then please feel free to email me anytime and i will try to help you out. i dont' have internet at home but i am able to check it frequently.. my email address is cb85@evansville.edu i hope to hear from you so i can share my expierience and hopefully help you with yours.

cat

My3LilMonkeys replied: I have never been through anything like that with kids so I can't offer much help - but as for your no bedrooms/no money situation, have you tried public assistance or low income housing? I know it can be embarrassing to ask for that sort of help, but it sounds like you could all use your own space. Public assistance offices can probably put you in touch with a good free or low cost counseling office also.

Good luck!

MM'sMama replied:
ITA
WOW honey good luck!

3xmommy replied: Hi again everyone... sorry it has taken so long for me to reply... things have been BUSY here... we've been working on getting heat up and running here, finally it is going and it is n.i.c.e!

As for my brother Charlie, I trust him with my daughter... but he's never alone with her anyway... noone ever is except her grandma and grandpa. Same with the other two.

And NO, I didn't reward her with a hamster. That mean little creature was bought by Granny and Charlie... Charlie also bought his daughter one. He's keen on all children, even the neighbor's... he wants all kids to be happy and since he has a good paycheck every two weeks, he shares it out.

I am going to talk to her teacher tomorrow after school and get some referrals... I can't handle the behavior anymore. When people meet my babies, I want them to think of how nice and behaved they are... I don't want them remembered as brats, kwim?

OH! And the reason we have no bedrooms? We've been remodelling in here a little at a time every week... unfortunately daddy got a little too happy and tore too much stuff out too quick... he counted his chickens before they hatched. But right now we're all comfy and warm so it'll be alright.

And I'm sure she'd like her room back and all... but I do my best to keep the other two away from her things. We bought her this wooden box to keep most of her "pretties" as she calls them... in... and hopefully soon the house will be all fixed up.

Again, thanks for your replies to my post... at least I know someone is listening.

Alice replied: Thanks for clarifying things... the way things were stated, I'm afraid we all read things into it that weren't there. I'm sorry if I led the pack!!

I still think that some referrals aren't a bad idea though. If this still has you unhappy several days after your original post, it's time to clear it up.

Take care, and let us know how things are going!