AF 9 Years old! HELP, we've got lots of problems!
Kirstenmumof3 wrote: Not only is she moody, cranky and defiant! But she won't tell me when AF happens. And when I talked to her and explained to her that she needs to use the sanitary napkins (I searched Walmart for 20 minutes trying to find smaller ones) she won't wear them! I found her underwear, clothes and sheet all stained under her bed! The sanitary napkins were stuffed in her drawer, with the one I showed her how to put on (no it was not used)! I know she is embarrassed, but why won't she listen to me, talk to me, anything! I'm just so frustrated! She won't shower, her hair is a mess and I doubt that she is wearing her deoderant like she says she is. She won't let me wash her hair or even comb her hair. I'm not allowed to go in the bathroom anymore when she is showering. I still think she is too young to be washing herself. I've offered to buy some nice scented body wash for her, but I don't know if she would even use it! I'm not ready for this, this house is not ready for this! She is just so moody and B*TCHY all the time! I would talk to our Family Doctor about this, but I'm affraid that it might embarrass her more. I wrote an email to my Public Health nurse last week, but have not heard anything back from her. She is so disrespectful and so secrative lately! What am I going to do?
MomToMany replied: I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. I know when I was that age, I didn't want my mom to know anything that was going on in my life. My AF started at age 11 though. Maybe she just doesn't want to face the fact that she's growing up already? That's how I felt, too. I bathed everyday, but I hated wearing deodorant. My mom got me roll-on (ISH!). I finally told her that I wouldn't wear that kind because it was too slimey. She let me pick out the kind I wanted, then I started wearing it.
As for the pads, I tried hiding the fact that my periods started too. I didn't like the way they felt. So my mom got me thins instead of the bulky regulars.
I would try talking to her in a non-threatening way somewhere where she can't run away or hide. Maybe let her pick out the deodorant/body wash/pads herself?
Sorry I'm not much help. I got awhile before I have to deal with this.
momof2girls replied: I can relate to her, I started my . at 9 in 4th grade my mom had never told me anything since she thought I was too young I did not tell her for days for some reason I was just ashamed. I got a wonderful book for my dd that just turned 9 last year its a great book called The Care & Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls (American Girl Library (Paperback)) by Valorie Schaefer, Valorie Lee Schaefer, Norm Bendell
You can look and buy at amazon and im sure your local book store.
It explained AF, puberty, being clean, taking care of your hair and face I highly recommend it.
I gave it to Azaria and told her to read and come to me with any questions, and she did...
I hope you look into this, good luck
Kirstenmumof3 replied: Thank You both for your suggestions! We went shopping today and she picked out her body was and we got some more conditioner for her (I bought her Herbal Essence thinking she would love it, WRONG)! I looked around again for smaller sanitary napkins, but it was just NUTS and her friend was with us so I didn't want to embarrass her. I'm going to go to Amazon and order that book! THANK YOU!
Jamison'smama replied: She is not too old for a reward system--I worked with the parents of a 9 year old boy with similar problems and we came up with a chart sytem that outlined what needed to be done each day including showering (with soap) and using deodorant--his also included some daily home expectations but it could simply be a hygiene chart for her---kept in discreet place but only marked off by you---then a small reward for a week well done-- (renting a movie etc.) then as things get to be habits you either remove them from the chart or substitute other problem behavors---it worked for that child but it has to be very consistent and the first week you can allow for one or two forgetful moments Good luck--does anyone remember reading Are You There God, it's Me Margaret?? I think that's where I remember learning everything puberty related. 
momof2girls replied: The book series is really awesome for girls its so informative in a kid kind of way. Let me know how it goes I know my time is coming soon!
kimberley replied: (((hugs))) Kirsten. sorry you are dealing with this so soon poor girl is probably mortified. i know i was and i was almost 12yo when i got my first period. i am glad you made some progress with the hygiene. maybe you could talk to the doctor privately about the PMS. maybe he could prescribe something or have some suggestions. she doesn't have to know you asked. just try not to make a big deal out of it. my aunts almost threw a party when i got mine and i thought i would die of embarassment.
LOL that is too funny because that is the first thing i thought of when i was reading this post. that book taught me about puberty too. my mom didn't have "the talk" with me until i was thirteen
coasterqueen replied: Yikes! I wish I had some advice for you. I know I started mine in 6th or 7th grade. Can't remember which and not sure what age that equals out to be. But I remember not wanting my mother's help for anything. Maybe if you just let her be for a while she may come around on her own?
Hopefully she comes around soon.
momof2girls replied: Let me know when she gets the book and if she likes it, my dd loves it and I think its a great way to open up conversation
Kirstenmumof3 replied: I just want to say thank you to all of you again. This has been such a difficult few months for her and for me. It means a lot that I can come here and have all of your support.
MommyToAshley replied: Kirsten, sorry I missed this post. It must have been when I was MIA.
WOW -- 9 years old is very young to start AF. I started when I was 12 and that still seemed too young and I was embarrassed then.
How are things going now? Have you been able to talk to her about some of these things?
Kirstenmumof3 replied:
We did have another talk and we have come up with a plan for school. I have a little black make up bag and we are going to put a change of underwear, some sanitary napkins, a plastic bag and some tylenol in it. This way it's hidden, it's discret and no one has to know. I know that this is what is causing her the most fear, is everyone at school finding out. I told her that when AF happens again this month at lunch time she is to go to the washroom and change her pad. I told her just to put the soiled one in the plastic bag and just put it back in her make up bag. I will just clean everything out at the end of the day. Sorry if this is TMI for everyone. She seemed fine with this. And a little more relieved. I will keep you all updated on how everything is going.
Oh and I went to Chapters to find that book and they are out of stock so I am just going to order it online. But I think I'm going to go to the libray tomorrow and see if they have it there, this way she can read it now. But she will still have her own copy as a reference.
Thanks again everyone! You are all so wonderful, I don't know how I would have gotten through this without all of you.
momof2girls replied: Kristen Have you found the book yet? I was just wondering how things are going. ??? I know that this time is coming for me soon!
alice&arik replied: Oh poor girl! I got my period when I was 10, the summer before 4th grade. My sister had given me the little talk about it a few months before and I had no idea what she was talking about. But I soon got the picture. I hid it from my mom for over a year. I just used whatever my sisters had in the house, I don't think anyone knew I had it. But one day my mom asked if I needed anything from the store and I told her pads, she asked when I started getting my period and I said a year ago and she was so shocked and mad that I hadn't told her. But it was so embarrassing then, I didn't want anyone to know and I think I was the only one in my class who had there's for a year or so.
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