A little help Please :) - 2 issuse I am having
NEW2THIS wrote: Ok so I started dating a woman 5 months ago and things are going great. She has two kids that I care about alot and I am trying to help with a few issuses and figured I may be able to find so help online.
The son is 6 and is great every once in a while he will do something to get attention but thats pretty normal I think.
The daughter is 3 and here are the two issues I have with her. She poops her pants... She knows she has to go but will not go on the toilet. She says it hurts??? But she goes in the diaper/pull up like no problem. We cant take her places or have friends watch her cause she poops and its a mess at 3 yrs old. We have tried rewarding her, taking things away, having her watch her mom and she has gone a couple times but would rather just go in her pants...
The second issue is at bed time. The both sleep in seperate beds but in the same room.. We put them to bed in there own beds and A. he is either in her bed in the morning or B. she up all night saying shes scared and wants her brother or one of us to be in bed with her. if we do not do it she crys and wakes him up.. We ask her what she is scared of and she has no idea. I think she is playing games but not sure???? Thanks for any help Kevin
TheOaf66 replied: well first off welcome  on the first issue part of the problem is that she is still in diapers and pull ups...my son was the same way and finally we just had to let him go in his pants with underwear and he didn't like the way that felt so that solved that issue
the 2nd issue, I wouldn't worry to much about it...if they are consoling each other it may be so they can sleep, I would think they would grow out of it
moped replied: I think kids are great at playing games and knowing how to play the parents.......now if you truly think she is scared then amybe she is - I don't know....but I would doubt it.
About the pooping - I don't know because Jack will be 3 June 24 and is not trainined - we haven't started, that happens on June 26 - LOL
Those are tough ages - it is a learning curve for everyone!
luvmykids replied: Hi, and welcome to PC!
I don't have much advice on the potty issues, I know what you're describing isn't unheard of but I haven't been there so I'm no help.
As for the bedtime thing, it's hard to say...a lot of kids her age start having nightmares and such. I'm sure others will have better advice. Good luck, it sounds like you're really trying to help.
Crystalina replied: Nice to meet you!
Well my son pooped in a pull-up only until the last few months and he will be 4 in Aug. My daughter never had an issue and went right away. She will get it and you will be frusterated until she does. My son would go in the toilet one day (sometimes days at a time) and then just stop.  One day he did and never stopped so I think you gf's daughter will do the same.
As for the sleeping....has she always slept by herself or is this something she is just recently doing? I think that would have alot to do with it. If she always has and is only now having issues with sleep then maybe she wants the attention for another reason.
If she has only recently started sleeping by herself then this will continue for awhile but she will eventually get used to it. Just be consistant and hopefully little brother will sleep through it.
Crystalina replied:
Yep, we did the same thing. Evan was not allowed to wear a pull-up during the day (while we were @ home).
Kaitlin'smom replied: Hi and welcome
for the pooping isuues, if in pull-ups or dipers, it could be holding her back. I stopped the pull-ups when she was pee trained and went to undies 2 accidents was all it took, that and having her help clean up after the second one. I told her after the first one you do it again and you clean it up.
for the sleeping she might very well be afraid of something and have no idea what. My daughter is going thought this, she is older but is having a hard time sleeping by herself right now, it started after her recent growth sprut, I am not sure what it is but she tried to sleep in her room and ends up sleeping with me for a while, or waking up us often to tuck her back in, I am hoping its a phase, but I am unsure of whats goign on with her. We are tring some new things to see if it helps.
jcc64 replied: Hi and welcome-
I don't find her bedtime behavior abnormal or unaccceptable in any way. As kids imaginations ripen, so do their fears, even if they can't always accurately articulate their feelings. I think the fact that she is seeking out her sibling shows a certain amount of resourcefulness on her part, and I wouldn't discourage it. My 11 yo son will occasionally agree to sleep in my 4 yo daughter's room if she is having one of her "afraid" nights. That's what families are for, right, and besides, at least she's not trying to climb in YOUR bed!
About the pooping, a general rule of thumb- the more you make of it, the longer it will last. I know it's gross, I know it's frustrating, but you've got to be as non combative as possible. Punishments or shaming will only exacerbate the problem, in my opinion. Let her know what your expectations are in a non threatening way, but in the end, it's got to come from her. Saying it hurts could mean any number of things- from fears (very normal) to actual pain from constipation, fissures, etc. Try not to over-react- really, that's the worst thing you can do here.
Good luck.
Crystalina replied:
I agree with this. Towards the end when Evan would poop his pants I didn't even respond to it. No "I can't believe you did that.". No, "Where are you supposed to go ca-ca?". Nothing. I wanted to but I realized it wasn't helping and I would just clean him and not say a word. For one reason I was biting my lip  but because I really think bad or good, he was getting emotion from me. I showed no emotion at all and he stopped. 
tammyhopkins replied: Hello, sorry if this is repetitve didn't read all the posts.
My son is 3 and a half and up until a few weeks ago would not poop in the potty. He would do it once then go and hide and do it. We had him in underwear and it was messy to clean up. so what we did was take hin to Wal Mart and let him pick a toy that he really wanted and the only way to get that toy was if he pooped in the potty. Took about a week of looking at it and asking for it for him to figure that maybe he should just poop in the potty. He did but we had to take it away a few times and he only got it back when he pooped inthe potty.
Being scared they are 3 and start to make things up Josh did it and we got him a night light. He had to cry it out for 3 nights but now it is all good.
Farelle replied: Hi. I've been having some of the same popping issue with my 3 year old son too. He started out great and would ask to pee on the potty all day every time he needed to go. The potty part was slower going but he was trying. Now after 3 weeks we're at a standstill. I think the novelty of it has worn off and for now he's lost interest altogther (except when we are out and it's "fun" to go pee in a dirty bathroom  ) I have been frustrated with him but find that all my explaining, scolding and threatening are getting me nowhere. I have heard it's normal for them to take 1 step forward and then 2 steps back. I have been reading that sometimes as hard as it is we as parents need to just back off and like someone else said, just bite our tongues (much easier said than done)
I'm trying that for now.....I'll let you know if it helps!
As for the sleep issue, sorry not sure what to say about that. I'm sure I'll be asking the same thing when my boys reach that age. I would guess that as long as they're sleeping and not up all night it's ok once in a while..........?
Boo&BugsMom replied: The only thing I have to say is that is sounds like the 3 year old is playing games and knows what she is doing.  Kids are smart. For the pooping, I personally don't stand for illegitimate accidents, but that is just me. As for the sleeping, well, if it's not hurting anyone then don't worry about it. If mom doesn't want it to happen, then tell her simply not to let it happen. If she really is scared then get her a night light or a flashlight she can take to bed. She will outgrow it. Also, realize that children, when not getting enough attention, will do negative things to get attention if that is the only attention they get. Make sure she is getting enough positive one on one attention at home.  Good luck!
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